MAKING AND KEEPING FRIENDS WITH NT's

[Grumpy Cat]

As an NT, I've read lots of posts from Aspies who are in a quandary when it comes to friendships with NT's. For those Aspies who would like friendships, what would an NT friend have to do to make a solid friendship with you work?

 

[The Penguin]

You asked a good question. It hard for me to answer right now. I learned to accept I have Aspergers even though I don't get an official diagnostic until next year. But many people I grew up with including some that are professionals think I have it. I'm trying to figure out myself right now. How things stand right now, I learned the more someone interested following the norm the less I would be interested being around that person. It took me a long time to learn this. But now I know.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I learned the more someone interested following the norm the less I would be interested being around that person.

What does that mean?

 

[The Penguin]

Gossip, Reality TV, Social Media, Parities, Drinking, many things most people typical people do, the higher the concentration the person into those things the less interested I'm in that person. Partly cause all of those things don't interest me. Then the few things I like to do such as Lego is something people are normally not into for my age. So I consider myself different than the norm

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Gossip, Reality TV, Social Media, Parities, Drinking, many things most people typical people do, the higher the concentration the person into those things the less interested I'm in that person. Partly cause all of those things don't interest me. Then the few things I like to do such as Lego is something people are normally not into for my age. So I consider myself different than the norm

So to keep a friendship going with an NT, would you do something they liked to do if they would do something with you that you liked to do?

 

[The Penguin]

It depends. It some ways I starting to have less faith in friends NT or not. A few years ago I started to learn to enjoy myself alone. I watched a TV show called Alaska Railroad. Yes I know it a reality TV but I don't consider the show stupid like most other reality show. Anyhow, I learned on the show this person lives alone in a middle of no where. Person very happy. For myself, I learn I'm very happy when I'm out in nature. Maybe my life will be a hermit I don't know. Just need to see how the future folds for me.

 

[Maelstrom]

I hope you don't mind my two bits I am 1/2 aspie, my best friend is a life of the party, democrat, government enginear, head of his department. And I am a lousy tea party, bullets and boots, republican auspie. But we have learned to get along great, we go back and forth on science, politics, sailing whatever. It's kind of a little dance I try to remember not to push my views too hard and I ask him advice on life which evens things out a bit and makes him feel "you know as smart". I think that some times the best friends are your mirror oposite half. Maelstrom

 

[Grumpy Cat]

It depends. It some ways I starting to have less faith in friends NT or not. A few years ago I started to learn to enjoy myself alone. I watched a TV show called Alaska Railroad. Yes I know it a reality TV but I don't consider the show stupid like most other reality show. Anyhow, I learned on the show this person lives alone in a middle of no where. Person very happy. For myself, I learn I'm very happy when I'm out in nature. Maybe my life will be a hermit I don't know. Just need to see how the future folds for me.

I'm puzzled. You said that an NT that watched reality TV would lose your interest, but you're watching a reality show? Maybe the two of you could watch the same reality show together. Would that work?

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I hope you don't mind my two bits I am 1/2 aspie, my best friend is a life of the party, democrat, government enginear, head of his department. And I am a lousy tea party, bullets and boots, republican auspie. But we have learned to get along great, we go back and forth on science, politics, sailing whatever. It's kind of a little dance I try to remember not to push my views too hard and I ask him advice on life which evens things out a bit and makes him feel "you know as smart". I think that some times the best friends are your mirror oposite half. Maelstrom

Do you two like doing the same activities together or do you do something one likes one time then do something the other one likes?

 

[The Penguin]

Yeah depends. But in general I don't watch reality TV. Stuff like despite house wife(though it a woman show which make sense I would't like that show), 16 and pregnant, I just annoyed majority of the shows on the air is reality TV. I guess the thing with me, I don't accept how things are for the current times. I prefer things how they where in the 90's and prior. Though I know can't turn back the clock. Though I know this would't make sense to you but I consider myself a penguin than human. Penguin as of a very different person and a person loves the cold.

But I will give you some examples when I got along with NT's. When I was living in Toronto. I was around many people. But since I moved to Nova Scotia, I learn I can't connect well with the people here because they are different compare to other people in other parts of Canada. But the same thing applies for many couturiers. There just some people don't like certain areas of the country. Nova Scotia is one of them for me. But right now I not concern about friends. I'm concerned having a successful business so I can pay the bills.

 

[Kari Suttle]

As an NT, I've read lots of posts from Aspies who are in a quandary when it comes to friendships with NT's. For those Aspies who would like friendships, what would an NT friend have to do to make a solid friendship with you work?

...what do you mean by 'in a quandary'? I don't know what that word means. Eitherways, I've noticed an enduring pattern with the few real friends i've had in my short lifetime. They were all...different, i guess? Not too well liked or understood by everyone else. My one closest friend growing up, i considered her a sister to me. We always kept in contact be it by phone or email if we couldn't outright see each other for whatever reason. We both rarely liked the same things but we were fine with that, i'd listen to her talk about her interests just as she would with me. Personality wise we were very much alike so that probably contributed to it a lot, we were both the shy bookworm type growing up and she was just as nervous with people as me sometimes. I'm using past tense because we aren't friends anymore. I'm officially friendless.

 

[Maelstrom]

He goes to my church but we, are really not the same age and cirle. I did take him sailing with me a few times before I crunched my keel off Whidby? island in the San won strait. I help out some times at his house + visit. took care of his house this summer while his wife was dieing of cancer, friends for 6+ years.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Yeah depends. But in general I don't watch reality TV. Stuff like despite house wife(though it a woman show which make sense I would't like that show), 16 and pregnant, I just annoyed majority of the shows on the air is reality TV. I guess the thing with me, I don't accept how things are for the current times. I prefer things how they where in the 90's and prior. Though I know can't turn back the clock. Though I know this would't make sense to you but I consider myself a penguin than human. Penguin as of a very different person and a person loves the cold.

But I will give you some examples when I got along with NT's. When I was living in Toronto. I was around many people. But since I moved to Nova Scotia, I learn I can't connect well with the people here because they are different compare to other people in other parts of Canada. But the same thing applies for many couturiers. There just some people don't like certain areas of the country. Nova Scotia is one of them for me. But right now I not concern about friends. I'm concerned having a successful business so I can pay the bills.

Penguins are known to be very loyal to one other penguin (boy/girl). Maybe that's in the cards for you too!
But only after you get your own life situated first - that's very important.

 

[Ylva]

They would have to not be anal about people being straightforward or just saying things. I don't consider it a friendship when one person has to walk on eggshells around the other.

I'd do things they wanted within limits, and probably lose interest after a while if they refused to do thing with me that I wanted. (I.e. I'd go to a café with them, but not to a nightclub. They could refuse to go with me to movies I want to see or they could refuse to discuss books with me, but not both.)

 

[Grumpy Cat]

He goes to my church but we, are really not the same age and cirle. I did take him sailing with me a few times before I crunched my keel off Whidby? island in the San won strait. I help out some times at his house + visit. took care of his house this summer while his wife was dieing of cancer, friends for 6+ years.

Very interesting. You consider him a good friend then? How many times do you do things together? Who contacts the other first?
Does he know you're half Aspie? And you said you're not close in age - do you see him as a father figure or a friend?

(I know I ask a lot of questions)

 

[Grumpy Cat]

They would have to not be anal about people being straightforward or just saying things. I don't consider it a friendship when one person has to walk on eggshells around the other.

I'd do things they wanted within limits, and probably lose interest after a while if they refused to do thing with me that I wanted. (I.e. I'd go to a café with them, but not to a nightclub. They could refuse to go with me to movies I want to see or they could refuse to discuss books with me, but not both.)

All good points. I agree with everything you said.
Have you found any NT's who will do those things with you?

 

[Grumpy Cat]

...what do you mean by 'in a quandary'? I don't know what that word means. Eitherways, I've noticed an enduring pattern with the few real friends i've had in my short lifetime. They were all...different, i guess? Not too well liked or understood by everyone else. My one closest friend growing up, i considered her a sister to me. We always kept in contact be it by phone or email if we couldn't outright see each other for whatever reason. We both rarely liked the same things but we were fine with that, i'd listen to her talk about her interests just as she would with me. Personality wise we were very much alike so that probably contributed to it a lot, we were both the shy bookworm type growing up and she was just as nervous with people as me sometimes. I'm using past tense because we aren't friends anymore. I'm officially friendless.

I mean Aspies don't understand why they can't find friends or keep friendships going. There are Aspies that say they are very lonely and want friends but can't seem to make friends.
What happened with you and your friend?
How often did you usually talk to each other?

 

[Maelstrom]

Hi Kari Glad you liked my note Hope my watch list joke didn't scare you, I'm real heavy into the dark matter stuff kind of a hobby obsesion. On the friend thing I used to be a wall flower but now I just put everything on the table (auspie) I'm wierd and proud of it. It thins the herd quick, you find out who can handle it and who can't, saves time. Even with out going (nt)s I usually have to make the first move a warm hello, handshake, chat them up for a few minuets about their cows, crops, job whatever, if the situation permits some times I live dangerously and do the ha ha Jenifer Aniston,(Friends tv sh), pat on the arm or shoulder. Usualy works if I don't talk too long and a little contact carefully done buys lots of points...lots! Maelstrom years to learn this tho.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Hi Kari Glad you liked my note Hope my watch list joke didn't scare you, I'm real heavy into the dark matter stuff kind of a hobby obsesion. On the friend thing I used to be a wall flower but now I just put everything on the table (auspie) I'm wierd and proud of it. It thins the herd quick, you find out who can handle it and who can't, saves time. Even with out going (nt)s I usually have to make the first move a warm hello, handshake, chat them up for a few minuets about their cows, crops, job whatever, if the situation permits some times I live dangerously and do the ha ha Jenifer Aniston,(Friends tv sh), pat on the arm or shoulder. Usualy works if I don't talk too long and a little contact carefully done buys lots of points...lots! Maelstrom years to learn this tho.

Wow! You said you're half Aspie and half NT?
So does that work for you?

 

[Kari Suttle]

I mean Aspies don't understand why they can't find friends or keep friendships going. There are Aspies that say they are very lonely and want friends but can't seem to make friends.
What happened with you and your friend?
How often did you usually talk to each other?

Ah okay. That'd be me down to a 't'. As for me and my friend we would talk fairly often. Depending on the age, it might be several times a week calling each other and visiting or just emailing once or twice a week. **** went on but we kept in contact often irregardles. As for what happened, my friend and me'd been arguing off and on...she'd suddenly get upset with me for simply telling her about my latest favorite thing, for example. Which she'd asked about. Like it wasn't a normal thing, we always shared what we were into with each other. That's what started it, i started to get really unsure about talking to her. Always second guessing if she was just asking to be polite and was just grudgingly listening to me. Then she got a boyfriend and had family issues going on and just dropped me a month or so later with no word at all. 3/4 a year later she contacts me and explains herself - i'd had no clue why she'd abandoned me up until this point - and i gave her a chance. We'd been friends since we were both little kids, i figured she deserved at least that even if i wasn't sure how i felt about it. But it didn't pan out. I just couldn't trust her the same. Not after her getting mad at me for simply being myself several times and then randomly stopping talking to me. Yet of course when i asked about her boyfriend she could talk about him, even had a trip planned to go visit him. I admit i'm the one that cut her off; it just didn't feel right anymore. I couldn't trust her like i used to despite her wanting me to, she betrayed that. Which is sad cause she was the only true friend i ever had.