Yes and No @AtrapaAlmas. I mean yes when I am stressed "by certain things" and tired I may seem less approachable and avoid more, as I may be in at least a slightly worse mood, seem less fair in what I say, and I have less patience and I will shut down socially and in trying to assist others, but most of those things happen for NTs too, so who is to say they are Autistic traits when I do those things, and when intense emotions build, but then some typical instinct or overreaction must occur, and as I try not to be a masker for many things and so what others see in me thus is me at all times, but everyone has a right to not be perfect there and to express or act differently under severe duress.
How I may differ is that I never usually see things as black or white regardless of mood, energy and stress, unless that stress is very triggering and a huge pet peeve related and it is instinct to push back on like certain people who show that one sidedness by showing I can do that too to show them how it feels. But, even the rare times I do that, when I am really triggered there, I am aware those moments that the truth is more in the middle and that that is not me, as I have lots of understanding and objective abilities. But, if I feel those others do not see that,and let me be me, too, I may come across as more assertive and more one sided in ways, but guilt then makes me quickly return to that usual state.
For most things though, I do my best thinking under stress when not under that I overwhelmed mode,as I grew up having to think quickly, c!early and with balance under tons of stress when pain was all around and protection needed to occur. My introversion caused me to want to make sense of everything under stress and be one step ahead to not hurt more and have others hurt more, and to not let intense emotions, unexpected situations and mean persons determine my thoughts, feelings and actions at any moment. During those times, I saw the grays, and sifted out fact verses fiction.
The problem with this is, and I told you elsewhere, I learned to lump many feelings together during those lots of daily stressful moments, and this meant I no longer got pleasure from things nor too upset by things--most of the time. Although as a child I remember early on laughing and having fun, getting scared and having much anxiety-- the extremes-- but then over time that changed to more steady, even keel. And I am aware that I prefer deadlines for everything: projects, time to start and finish house stuff and errands,etc., but I can be self motivated regardless. It is not just because of a need for routine, but as stress usually motivates me too. In most cases I try to work through tiredness and stress, but if overwhelmed I shut down temporarily.
But, in those cases I can tell others generally why, saying certain things trigger me like if I either think I have too much responsibility here, less appreciation is shown for my needs or efforts, if I wondered how things could be better or different had I chosen other paths, and like if I feel frustrated I have to put certain needs or goals on hold. But, I have difficulty knowing if each was more sadness, anger, hopelessness or depression related. As well, I am not the type who runs away from relationships, when much stress is present, nor the type to not admits faults and mistakes I do, as I am my own worst critic, and I love disagreement to !earn new things, but I have my limits, so yeah, when tired or those things build inside, I drop that even keel and rational mindset some, either instinctively, or to see if this changes anything. That rarely works, so then I go to that safe place again, lowering my expectations and trying to shut down feelings.
