More socially isolated than ever before.

[Tony Ramirez]

The first time was due to being the only person in their 20’s at the event. Everyone else was 40+ and I felt like I couldn’t join in. I was also disappointed there were no female members.

The second time was disappointing because I felt like I had nothing to show in regards to personal success because everyone else was surpassing me in terms of career as well as having a romantic relationship.

Been there both times thanks and that was from non ASD events. So annoying it is. I know.

 

[Markness]

I am told to stop seeking a relationship if I want one to happen but I don’t see how not looking for one will make one happen for me.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I am told to stop seeking a relationship if I want one to happen but I don’t see how not looking for one will make one happen for me.

Same here. I don't believe that dribble either.

 

[Hypnalis]

It isn't the "not looking" part that matters. It's "letting go" so you can get rid of the factors that hold you back.

After that's sorted, you'll still have to do most of the work - along with almost every other single men in a similar positions.

 

[tree]

I am told to stop seeking a relationship if I want one to happen but I don’t see how not looking for one will make one happen for me.

I believe the idea is that if you participate in activities that you truly enjoy
with an attitude of making acquaintances based on friendliness, minus
the *OMG. Time is running out and I still don't have a GF* aura, it's more
likely that some natural friendships could develop.

 

[Judge]

Same here. I don't believe that dribble either.

Much like having a paranormal experience, unless you actually have one there's no reason to believe why it might happen. However in my own case such a thing did in fact happen. A good friend I knew knocked on the door in the middle of the night and left hours later as my girlfriend. I'll spare you the details...

I never regarded it as "dribble", but I did consider it to be a "freak occurrence". One of those once-in-a-lifetime events I couldn't explain, but in fact happened. Though ironically in hindsight I think it was some of my autistic traits and behaviors that attracted her to me in the first place.

Weird things like this CAN happen, but of course there are no guarantees. Though I suppose for anyone who insists this cannot happen, for them it won't happen, largely as a "self-fulfilled prophecy". Which can be a very real social dynamic for much of anyone. That if and when one closes their mind to something, others will sense it as well and act accordingly.

Nothing sadder than a lonely person projecting "BACK OFF" when they seek something so contrary. I know, I've done that inadvertently as well.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I believe the idea is that if you participate in activities that you truly enjoy
with an attitude of making acquaintances based on friendliness

I done that and all it's bought me were couples, married and taken women as friends and single woman who won't give me the time of day which made me more miserable.

 

[tree]

I done that and all it's bought me were couples as friends and single woman who won't give me the time of day which made me more miserable.

It sounds like you weren't really enjoying the activities,
didn't have real fun with the people. You were treating
them and the activity as a means to an ends.

When the expected end (getting a gf) didn't happen,
you called it a waste of time.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

It sounds like you weren't really enjoying the activities,
didn't have real fun with the people. You were treating
them and the activity as a means to an ends.

When the expected end (getting a gf) didn't happen,
you called it a waste of time.

Everyone keeps telling me that. I am so confused that I am losing interest in activities like yoga now. I have not been going five days a week. My morning yoga teacher gave me a tough talk about this same thing after figuring out. Also losing interest in the gym. You also know the disaster of the park. Church is also getting irritated now too after four half years but my married friends keep pushing me to stay and not give up, single girls don't give a crap.

 

[Judge]

Everyone keeps telling me that. I am so confused that I am losing interest in activities like yoga now. I have not been going five days a week after my morning yoga teacher gave me a tough talk about this same thing after figuring out. Also losing interest in the gym. You also know the disaster of the park. Church is also getting irritated now too after four half years.

You need to give yourself a real break and find some leisure activities not associated with finding a girlfriend.
All my hobbies have on thing in common. They can be done and enjoyed by me alone. By design....

Do something that gives you pleasure, outside of the want of companionship. It will make those lonely times go faster....and perhaps foster better mental health for you.

-From one person living in relative isolation to another.

 

[Masked Man]

Tony if things are making you this miserable you should step back for a while and surround yourself with things that can soothe you. You are trying too hard to solve what you perceive as a problem. While perseverance is usually something that is a good thing, it's clearly not mentally healthy for you.

I really don't have a term for this but what helps me is being maternal with myself. Best way I can explain it is I treat myself the way a warm parent would treat a child who is ill. I allow myself to have a day off where I can drink hot cocoa, or warm milk, or chicken soup. I drink 7Up and watch game shows or funny videos on You Tube. Or I do something that brings me even a small amount of happiness for just that short amount of time.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Tony Ramirez

There's nothing confusing or random about what happens to you in you interactions with other people.,
Nor about which groups or individuals maintain contact, and which don't.

Similarly there's nothing strange about the results of your following only the "surface" part of the advice you're given, and not achieving the results you want.

The common denominator is you of course.

I've already told you in different ways why this happens - there's a common thread in your attitudes and behavior.

I'm on the simpler (and a bit simplistic) "realistic expectations and realistic plans" now because you've never really paid attention to anything I said here.

BTW IRL I'd be long gone: I lack the motivation(s) your church and your therapist have. Not because I don't want you to progress in life, but because you refuse to change in the ways that matter.

People in general are happy to interact with someone who's working on their problems, and putting an effort into self-development.
Negating "happy", "working on" and "putting an effort into" is also produces a true statement.

 

[Markness]

I believe the idea is that if you participate in activities that you truly enjoy
with an attitude of making acquaintances based on friendliness, minus
the *OMG. Time is running out and I still don't have a GF* aura, it's more
likely that some natural friendships could develop.

I struggle even when it comes to making platonic friendships.

 

[tree]

Do you ever really enjoy anything that you do?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I struggle even when it comes to making platonic friendships.

I think it's where you live. It's sounds like there are some real mean people in Texas. Here in Brooklyn they are actually nicer. I know you are stuck where you are.

 

[Cryptid]

Same here. I don't believe that dribble either.

The actual word you were looking for was 'drivel', not 'dribble'.

In any case, the message we are trying to get through to you and Markness is to not necessarily stop trying to get a girlfriend, but to stop trying so hard. That is, you should first put more effort into making yourselves attractive and interesting to women than into just meeting them and chatting them up.

The way you both seem to be going about it now is like a pair of clueless dudes looking for work as restaurant chefs when they should first focus on learning how to cook.

 

[Masked Man]

The actual word you were looking for was 'drivel', not 'dribble'.

Thank you for saying this. It pains me to see this word misused so often.

 

[Markness]

Do you ever really enjoy anything that you do?

There are times that I do. It just isn’t easy to achieve those moments.

 

[tree]

What's standing in the way of you experiencing enjoyable moments?

 

[Markness]

What's standing in the way of you experiencing enjoyable moments?

I keep getting reminders of why I am behind socially and time is slipping past me.