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More socially isolated than ever before.

tree said:
I believe the idea is that if you participate in activities that you truly enjoy
with an attitude of making acquaintances based on friendliness, minus
the *OMG. Time is running out and I still don't have a GF* aura, it's more
likely that some natural friendships could develop.
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My older brother would give me flack for not getting girlfriends.
 
You certainly want friendship and truly knowing and accepting one another to be your foundation, per a relationship. Per one that turns romantic, it's even more important. I told my kids a time or two about this, and why. See, although romance turns physical and feelings, hormones and sex become part of the equation...it makes up barely a fraction of the time you two will spend together. More importantly in such a relationship will be if you can seriously tolerate just sitting next to each other, not even touching and even silently enjoying each other's company.

For me, especially, an example is that if I can't just sit with a gal in a theater and enjoy a movie together, and for that bit of time, it's perfectly enough and feels the best way comfortable...then there's going to be troubles way later on, if we stay together. Think of way older couples. I don't want to creep anyone out, but I don't think they're in the sack all day and night just getting it on, haha. All the times I stayed at grandma's house, the walls weren't knocking, if you know what I mean (thankfully so). No, they have a cerebral connection as a foundation, and that blends into an emotional connection and so on. They also were constantly jokingly picking at each other a lot, but that may not be so normal, haha. I feel like I picked up on what really matters, though. I tried hard to be such a person and pick such a partner, but it takes more than one person to have the same mindset and goals and ethics to make it work. So, as much as you alone have your worries and expectations and goals...it still has to align with your partner overall. It therefore proves you have to truly know each other in full.
 
Markness said:
My older brother would give me flack for not getting girlfriends.
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... "Would." As in past tense.

You really need to get over these things that happened to you literally years ago and quit using them as an excuse.

I'm not saying that you weren't bullied - but...as you have mentioned many, many times - you are 35 years old. It's time to move on.

You're in therapy. Talk to your therapist about this and move on.
 
What age was he when he was doing that?

Is this still a current behavior of his?
 
Markness said:
I still wish I could’ve proved him wrong but I feel like I never will.
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Just something to keep in mind though; just because that's been your experience up until now, that doesn't necessarily mean that's how it will always be. It's easy for our brains/minds to make that feel and seem very real, but it's not how things actually are.
 
Markness said:
I still wish I could’ve proved him wrong but I feel like I never will.
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Dragging the past with you is weighing you down.


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Neri said:
Just something to keep in mind though; just because that's been your experience up until now, that doesn't necessarily mean that's how it will always be. It's easy for our brains/minds to make that feel and seem very real, but it's not how things actually are.
Click to expand...
I just wonder why I still haven’t been able to form that special bond with someone at my age (35) and how much longer will I have to endure?
 
Markness said:
I just wonder why I still haven’t been able to form that special bond with someone at my age (35) and how much longer will I have to endure?
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It is very hard to be that lonely. I really do understand why you feel despair around being 35 and still single.
I was 37 when I met my love, although I had been in a (very abusive and quite pedophilic) relationship from the age of 16 prior to that. I was VERY lonely and unhappy in that relationship though. I'm not being hyperbolic when I say that it was actually killing me.

Might it be helpful to think about what you want and the sort of person you are looking for?

You are a unique individual and will require a similarly unique individual whose able to be compatible with you.

What do you like doing?
What sort of lifestyle and dreams do you have?
What are your interests?
What makes you feel a little more alive?

If you focus on YOU, being a kinder, more engaged and slightly more adventurous person, it could be a good start to lead you to being somewhere you might meet someone you could "hit it off" with.
 
Sorry to say but just give up. It's useless for me and you. The universe does not want us to ever be in a relationship.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Sorry to say but just give up. It's useless for me and you. The universe does not want us to ever be in a relationship.
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If "giving up" means focusing on being a more well, mentally well, more emotionally resilient person, then YES! Give up! Focus on things that make you feel ALIVE! Focus on doing things that make you feel better about yourself! Stop being attached to outcomes and start focusing on PROCESS. ALL of life is a process.
It might be a cliche, but it doesn't make this untrue ~ It's the JOURNEY that counts, not the destination.
Focus on becoming someone YOU like living with, because if you don't like yourself, or struggle to live with yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?
 
Cryptid said:
If this is true, then there is no sense in posting and re-posting your situation.
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I'm just saying with all my and @Markness bad luck with women I feel like giving up. The last woman I talked too showed me a picture of her boyfriend on her phone. How pathetic am I for that even thinking she was talking to me to get to know me. But with seeing couples everywhere that makes it impossible.
 
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