My aspie bf

[Katie andrews]

Guess I was lucky you offer a poetry on request service

Enjoy your day

Have a nice day too!! Dropping my baby to school and have to catch some sleep..i work night shift..

 

[Katie andrews]

Guess I was lucky you offer a poetry on request service

Enjoy your day

You too

 

[JDShredds]

Katie, tread carefully. I walked the same "forgiveness" line for years. It wasn't a smart choice. If he was going to change, he would have by now. And if he loved you and was committed, he would drop her. No, what's happening is he's trying to have his cake and eat it too. And it doesn't matter if its platonic or not. Not at this point.

Did he or did he not cheat before? Because if he did, as far as I'm concerned he permanently lost the privilege to have opposite sex friendships - or at the very least have those friendships without you present. Certainly no meeting 1 on 1. No amount of "platonic" rationalizing fixes it. And if his therapist says anything contrary to what I said, the therapist is culpable in the situation. Any therapist worth their salt knows this.

If you insist on giving it any more chances (not advised, but its your life), this is about firm boundary setting. If you aren't comfortable with it, you have to negotiate firmly on your own behalf and not give in to your fear of being alone. The only way to get your way is to be actually willing to leave him. Threatening to leave and then taking him back quickly only weakens the relationship, and he'll never believe you'll actually leave.

Which, mind you, I strongly encourage you to consider (leaving). Saying "life is too short" as an excuse to stay with someone who is repeatedly abusing your trust shows you are operating out of fear and not love. Ask me how I know.

No matter the road life takes you, I wish you well.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Then you are going to head for heartbreak, being so obssessed for a relationship, desperate and dependent. You abandoned your self as a child and need psychotherapy (loads of help online) to get back in touch with your 'little me' and find the love you are desperate for inside yourself. Then you will be able to relate healthily.

I did not abandon me, my mother did, and prior gfs, many left or cheated on me because I did not give them enough attention or was interesting, so trying to stay interesting and it does not work she's not worth my time, had attachment issues before but must let go, if I love her must let her go if she loves me shell come back, however done waiting I'll find a new partner.

 

[Katie andrews]

My aspie boyfriend..

Sometimes i cant handle his diversity of opinion, crazy intellect, odd reaction to light and sound, his desire to mate with you to anoint the connection and love to protect you, his over protective nature, his unpredictable explosive aptitude, has delight for fine food and wine, his exploratory nature, his curiosity to question everything, his seemingly contradictory distracted character, has fear of crowded places, blunt reaction to strangers, the way his eyes peer into me, his examining expression when i ask a personal question, has a need to sit in a dark and silent room for hours, absolute honesty at all times, constant solution finding, an exceptional intellectual response to all inquiries, the want to please you always, sometimes uncontrollable violent outbursts when life becomes too much, career focus, money savvy, lack of fear, always open to new challenges, constant need for routine, forever throwing his arms around you to know your there, to know your someone to honour every day, to obsess over every subject and thought, to never fully understand boundaries unless through trial and error, to understand his utter feeling of guilt when it all goes wrong, his utter obsession to fix problems he may have created, constant desire for education and knowledge, sometimed makes me clueless and confused if he loves me genuinely, things that you cant make him to do if he doesnt wanna do it...odd sleeping hours..the tendency of slipping away and be quiet when confronted about an issue or a problem. (sigh) I am so confused..

 

[Mary Lyn]

I did not abandon me, my mother did, and prior gfs, many left or cheated on me because I did not give them enough attention or was interesting, so trying to stay interesting and it does not work she's not worth my time, had attachment issues before but must let go, if I love her must let her go if she loves me shell come back, however done waiting I'll find a new partner.

Any child that is abused and abandoned emotionally or otherwise, is unable to support their inner being and spot red flags in future relationships and ends up having the history repeated. If you do not have strong boundaries and know how to avoid the red flags then you have abandoned your inner being and that is not a criticism - it is a fact - read psychology.

Until you do this work in healing you will continue to repeat history. You need to be healthy psychologically to be emotionally there for someone else and pick people who will love you in return. You are being unrealistic sorry.

 

[Fino]

Any child that is abused and abandoned emotionally or otherwise, is unable to support their inner being and spot red flags in future relationships and ends up having the history repeated. If you do not have strong boundaries and know how to avoid the red flags then you have abandoned your inner being and that is not a criticism - it is a fact - read psychology.

Until you do this work in healing you will continue to repeat history. You need to be healthy psychologically to be emotionally there for someone else and pick people who will love you in return. You are being unrealistic sorry.

Now why the heck are ya going 'round talking about me like I can't see it?

 

[AspieOtaku]

Any child that is abused and abandoned emotionally or otherwise, is unable to support their inner being and spot red flags in future relationships and ends up having the history repeated. If you do not have strong boundaries and know how to avoid the red flags then you have abandoned your inner being and that is not a criticism - it is a fact - read psychology.

Until you do this work in healing you will continue to repeat history. You need to be healthy psychologically to be emotionally there for someone else and pick people who will love you in return. You are being unrealistic sorry.

I'll see a psychologist, I notice my patterns, over affection to the point it drains energy and they need their space, the neediness I easily become codependent of an abusive relationship, survived one she took advantage of that. As for the overly affectionate part, have this stray cat who was abandoned by his owners, he's a sweet cat and I give him attention however he gets too affectionate I put him down he follows me and meows outside my door to pet him, I'm starting to realize I am no different than the cat.

 

[Mary Lyn]

@AspieOtaku

You need some education in trauma first as not all psychologists will be able to help you. Will try to get some links later today.

 

[AspieOtaku]

@AspieOtaku

You need some education in trauma first as not all psychologists will be able to help you. Will try to get some links later today.

I relate to the cat but understand my needyness and being a people pleaser they say can be detrimental as well as drain energy of others, just hope I don't have to take more benzos, was prescribed for depression.May take notes from reptiles they are used to being left on their own to fend for themselves, no love no nurturing just instinct to survive, be tough and live I can do that but don't want to be too cold, made a few girls cry in that mode simply because I told them I don't trust them, trying to find the middle, maybe take some oxytocin suppressants when I finally feel safe my brain releases large amounts, its different from casual fun though.Otherwise I must switch back to cold rejection mode, better than be clingy and needy, wanting to please and weak, harden up be cold, let nobody in my heart and reject her, love does not exist, I'm no longer scared of dying alone, I'll be a hermit screw everything.

 

[Mary Lyn]

@AspieOtaku

Psychologists give psychotherapy not medications, as a rule. There are many sources of help for complex post traumatic stress disorder from psychologists online. Here is one I was looking at today:

 

[Mary Lyn]

Here is another one:

 

[AspieOtaku]

@AspieOtaku

Psychologists give psychotherapy not medications, as a rule. There are many sources of help for complex post traumatic stress disorder from psychologists online. Here is one I was looking at today:

That's good, I hate medications, I'm always sleepy and don't know who I am.

 

[Mary Lyn]

@ AspieOtaku

I have just bought this book and it is good.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00EV407GI/ref=pe_385721_48721101_TE_M1DP

 

[AspieOtaku]

@ AspieOtaku

I have just bought this book and it is good.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00EV407GI/ref=pe_385721_48721101_TE_M1DP

I'll have to check that book out, the title alone kinda describes me, I get so needy I attract abusive, controlling people and out of desperation I become codepenant and try to stay in the relationship even though I'm unhappy just to avoid being alone, viscious cycle.I'll try my best not to be needy, but I do want to be wanted, appreciated and loved, hope to be wanted.

 

[AspieOtaku]

I'm a people pleaser, not good at saying no, a habit I need to change, *sigh*.

 

[Gr82bk8]

Hi everyone! I am an NT currently in a long term relationship with someone on the spectrum. He is high functioning, very smart, very creative and sweet. He is also an artist and into home remodelling and a very good chess player. We have been thru a lot in the past years. Oir source of arguments and fights is his ex for 5 years/best friend. They are still close and would occasionally meet up for coffee or drinks. I am trying to understand and dont hinder into their friendship but it is destroying me inside coz im am very jealous of her. I just dont understand why they could remain as friends and he thought it is not a big deal but i try to make him understand that him spending time with her just crushes my heart to its core. His bestfriend/ ex doesnt even like me as well sothe feeling ia mutual. I cant understand why he can have keep her as a friend but im not allowed to talk to my ex nor jave a male friend. I am just so frustrated and hurting..

 

[paloftoon]

It's okay to talk with him again when you are ready.
It's healthy that he is trying to get a therapist involved too and sharing that with you.
Big pluses in my book and totally acceptable.
Especially because of the cheating, once at least one of you is in a committed relationship, it is not okay for the other person to be alone with an ex (or maybe even anyone of the opposite sex) without you there.

I think it would be totally mature of you both to be able to build to platonic again.
You don't strike me as someone okay with fun or being in an open relationship. So, those possibilities aren't worth discussing either except that those are things that you are not into. If I'm wrong, let me know otherwise and I can offer different possible scenarios to consider.

I think the best way to deal with this situation is to be direct 1-1 or to say these things when it's you, him, and the therapist:

1. One hard, fast rule that is important for you is that if you want to consider more to be with this person, that any ex (or anyone of the opposite sex for anything not purely for professional reasons, you must be around for in-person.)

2. If he is in a group of people that is okay as long as there is at least one other male in the group and in public places only for social purposes. If you don't feel he would be able to follow that, then don't consider a relationship again with this person.

 

[BraidedPony]

I would not be OK with a BF that has some kind of strong attachment with someone else. Actually, I wouldn’t want him to have a strong attachment to me if it required a psychologist to explain it.
There are a lot of nice and interesting guys out there, so why not go out and find one?

 

[All-Rounder]

It's okay to talk with him again when you are ready.
It's healthy that he is trying to get a therapist involved too and sharing that with you.
Big pluses in my book and totally acceptable.
Especially because of the cheating, once at least one of you is in a committed relationship, it is not okay for the other person to be alone with an ex (or maybe even anyone of the opposite sex) without you there.

I think it would be totally mature of you both to be able to build to platonic again.
You don't strike me as someone okay with fun or being in an open relationship. So, those possibilities aren't worth discussing either except that those are things that you are not into. If I'm wrong, let me know otherwise and I can offer different possible scenarios to consider.

I think the best way to deal with this situation is to be direct 1-1 or to say these things when it's you, him, and the therapist:

1. One hard, fast rule that is important for you is that if you want to consider more to be with this person, that any ex (or anyone of the opposite sex for anything not purely for professional reasons, you must be around for in-person.)

2. If he is in a group of people that is okay as long as there is at least one other male in the group and in public places only for social purposes. If you don't feel he would be able to follow that, then don't consider a relationship again with this person.

It might be futile to try to build platonic, I have experienced severe problems with keeping platonic even if it was clear to me that it wasn't a good relationship, the only way to escape when I was so desperately seeking love and attracted to him so much was to break all contact and keep reminding myself i have to not return to the person, but at that point Original Poster must be self-assured its not a healthy relationship and he is not actually going to change even if he tries to, and that she owes him nothing. Which for me was nearly impossible to do without knowledge and outside help, but also real proof he was cheating on me which i wasn't able to get myself, but my friend did.