My Daughter Possibly on the Spectrum

[WereBear]

In the past two years, we have noticed a lack of empathy. If I am sick or injured, she tells me to stop being a baby and deal with it. When I cry in front of her, she is uncomfortable. She didn't cry at her grandpa's funeral.

...

She has never been s touchy-feely person. If you touch her without warning, she gets upset. She doesn't like hugging me, but she does hug my husband. She is very attached to our dog...

I don't see these facts going together. Does she hug your husband or her father? And she is "very attached to the dog" means she can bond and connect -- animals do count, and animals are popular for a reason: they don't give off confusing signals and don't expect fake responses in return.

Has anyone told her to "stop being a baby and deal with it"? This is far more likely to be the reason for her to say this to others, and try to do it herself, than a "lack of empathy." To many of us, it looks like there are "no social rules" because they are so contradictory and based on a confusing bunch of constantly changing circumstances. Many of us default to not showing any emotions because we never seem to pick the right one.

I gather she loves her father and her dog, and shows it? She has two long term friends? She manages well in school?

That sounds pretty darn good, to me.

 

[Furelise]

I think there’s a possibility. I grew up with my grandma telling EVERYONE I was autistic (I was raised by my grandparents, who had custody of me, just didn’t fully adopt me). When I would act out “Oh, she has autism”. Didn’t say hi? “Oh, she’s autistic”. Etc, etc. You get the point. It may turn out she is not autistic, which I can’t say if she is or not, because I am not a doctor. Maybe she’s just different, or unique. And embracing her differences (except for when it’s just purely bad behaviour, that’s different), will likely make you and her a lot happier. I would pursue an evaluation, because autistic or not, it may be a starting point for her to work on some problem behaviours. She doesn’t have to be autistic to work with a professional on the behaviours you’re describing. Just my two cents.

 

[Katleya]

What a wonderful post! I wish I had the ability to write like this. In my opinion this is a great example of exactly the sort of way we need to learn to communicate with parents who come here looking for help and guidance.

These are the parents who will be bringing up the next generation of Aspies, myself included. If we can teach, inform and educate them about autism and what it is like to be on the spectrum, our communities and individuals needs and difficulties, strengths and abilities etc, they should never feel the need to seek out extreme 'treatments' or abusive 'therapies' which many do out of ignorance or sheer desperation of what to do for the best!

Oh wow. Thank you, Starfire. Wow. I'm not really used to such encouraging words.
But you had some wonderful words as well, and very well summed up the situation and things we should aim for.

 

[Li Li]

I can only agree, love your child, seek help, and stop worrying what others are gonna think, I mean, who cares. It is not an embarrassment to be different