My Reaction To Surprises.

[Christian T]

Secret Admirer? How did you arrive at that conclusion from what I wrote?

It's in the same general area, because in the movies people always get surprise gifts from "your secret admirer" and it always leads to a sticky situation. It's just the sort of thing I envision when I think of surprises, anonymous gifts, or "random acts of kindness" as you said, and my own reaction to your questions, that's all.

 

[Gomendosi]

Ahhh yes, you are indeed correct, a sticky situation to be sure!

Well, it would seem that I have not the eloquence others possess and so am not quite able to word myself correctly to be fully understood, it could be that when I was a child with an extensive vocabulary I thought myself far more clever than I am and so while I knew a lot of big words I lacked the wisdom to choose them carefully and properly understand their meanings, not often realising that by saying one thing I would infer another, and so I may have alienated myself from the very people that could teach me the moderation and temperance I was missing.

Indeed, it may not have helped that people gave me praise on my ability that I was ill equipped to put into balance and I therefore may have gotten ahead of myself to the point that now I just assume people will comprehend immediately what is behind my words.

Christian T, you appear to be quiet subtle about the way you say some things so maybe I will watch you closely from now on, yes ; ]

 

[rolo]

Kelly -thanks for the belated birthday greetings-I get what you are saying about gifts-maybe on a logical level the person who wanted to give you dibs on the cookery course just thought of you as you lived nearby to course-but she was not really a friend and I can understand the idea of feeling indebted to someone. That can weigh heavy at times. Also you never know what kind of stuff might be written about you on facebook by someone you hardly know. If you are comfortable with your decision then that is what matters. I also think the alarms at supermarkets are going to get me every single time-its an irrational fear but it never seems to go away.

 

[Soup]

Supermarket alarms make me nuts too. Sometimes they go off for nothing, sometimes several people are leaving at the same time & the alarm sounds. All 3-4 people get stopped & searched. I know that stores have to be careful because there is so much shop-lifting, so many kleptos & sometimes, too, people just make an honest mistake & forget something in the basket or beneath it. Millions upon millions are lost by stores annually & WE end up paying as they raise prices to compensate for those losses.

However...these alarms are so sensitive sometimes that someone's cane, wheelchair or pacemaker gets them going. Also, when one goes off, everyone stops & stares to see who the thief is. For an Aspie getting stared at is bad enough: being tagged as a thief is horrible. Clearly, something needs to be done to better this system!

As for Facebook gossip, several people have committed suicide & even murder because of trash talk (cyber-bullying) on Facebook. The internet allows cowardly sorts to hide their face behind an Avatar then do terrible hurtful things they'd NEVER have the guts to do if they had to actually face someone. I use Avatars to protect my privacy. So do you guys. Others are using them the way an armed robber uses a balaclava. If Facebook becomes a problem for you, close your acct or change your name to something unconnected to your real name, let a few trusted people know & delete all toxic people.

 

[Geordie]

Happy Birthday to Rolo. Though it's belated.

We don't like surprises. But we like pleasant stuff that come to us.

If we have, say, $350 million or so from lottery wins, then will it 'wow', or, to some people, a 'NO!'

To me, it's more of the latter, because with wins come harassment

'You won so can you give me $$$???'

Similar pleasant surprises may also kind of 'hurt'.

 

[Kelly]

If we have, say, $350 million or so from lottery wins, then will it 'wow', or, to some people, a 'NO!'

To me, it's more of the latter, because with wins come harassment

'You won so can you give me $$$???'

That's why if I ever won the lottery I would not say how much, I would say I won 'some' money, so if I won 100 million I'd say I won 10 and then divide that amount between my family. I actually have every last detail worked out for if that ever happened, I'd buy alot of property and rent it out to family, friends of the family etc and make it clear that all my 'cash' went into the properties thus avoiding the awkward 'can you lend me X amount'.

Sometimes I'm sure my mum thinks we are rich, numerous occasions she's asked to lend money off us, I've had "Have you got ?1000 you can lend me?", "I don't suppose you've got a few thousand going spare have you?"...this sort of thing is said in a completely serious manner and everytime I laugh and say "what the hell do you think we are a bank with a neverending supply of cash, I have maybe ?50 I can lend you, what do you even need that amount for?!" (it's always for debts, I did my bailing her out financially when I was a teen, not doing it again!)

 

[rolo]

Thanks for belated birthday Geordie-its seems that the majority of aspies I have been in contact with i.e those on this site, are more graceful than our neurotypical friends out there- A few kind words and a little bit of thought can really make someones day! I would'nt tell them its my birthday as you get the kind of look that says "what do you want, a medal"!! Problem with winning money especially the lottery is they take your picture and then all a sudden these so called long lost friends turn up-everyone wants a bit of the pie. I am not materialistic in the least-I have some rediculously wealthy family with houses in the millions and I live in social housing-the problem with suddenly getting large amounts of money is the Gollum effect,my preciousssss!

 

[Geordie]

Yeah, my photo will be published. And when the newspapers ask me about my thoughts and feelings, I'll just say,

Lots of people won lottery and lost it all. Much as I want to share my job and happiness to my friends, I always live by the principles:

- I do not think I have more money than you
- I do not think I can bring you more friends
- But whenever I am here, I can spend time with you.

Now I may have money, but money can be gone if one is not careful.

So I will still live like before, I will be my old frugal self.

Maybe with a little more money, I can start to put these money into my bank account, I can start to buy my favourite clothes from the United States (e.g. NFL jerseys, Pro Club T-shirts), plus the usual New Era hats, black Dickies and white Nike Air Forces I see in my favourite clothing store. Maybe I can treat my friends in my writer club a pizza or barbeque treat. Maybe I can live in the City, closer to work. Maybe I can finally buy that Monthly Pass to take unlimited rides in public transport.

But other than these, I have the tendency to over-plan, to minimise unhappy unexpected effects of surprises.

 

[Christian T]

Geordie and Kelly, and anyone else out there, do you ever have a small "what if" moment that then turns into a thorough, extensive plan for that situation, however unlikely it may be? For instance, if I ever meet the actress Claire Danes, I know exactly what I'd say to her.

 

[Christian T]

Ahhh yes, you are indeed correct, a sticky situation to be sure!

Well, it would seem that I have not the eloquence others possess and so am not quite able to word myself correctly to be fully understood, it could be that when I was a child with an extensive vocabulary I thought myself far more clever than I am and so while I knew a lot of big words I lacked the wisdom to choose them carefully and properly understand their meanings, not often realising that by saying one thing I would infer another, and so I may have alienated myself from the very people that could teach me the moderation and temperance I was missing.

Indeed, it may not have helped that people gave me praise on my ability that I was ill equipped to put into balance and I therefore may have gotten ahead of myself to the point that now I just assume people will comprehend immediately what is behind my words.

Christian T, you appear to be quiet subtle about the way you say some things so maybe I will watch you closely from now on, yes ; ]

The ; ] for you indicates sarcasm, doesn't it? Could you maybe just explain your point as it mean it, if you think it's worth it? I'm afraid I'm just not following you on this point for some reason. Was the whole thing sarcastic, or just that one last line? I'm so confused! I always over think things, it's one of my aspie traits! Sorry!

 

[Geordie]

Geordie and Kelly, and anyone else out there, do you ever have a small "what if" moment that then turns into a thorough, extensive plan for that situation, however unlikely it may be?

Yes. I had already thought of what I should talk about to a wide range of people, including:

Kevin Federline (on his style, his dances, and his dreams as an ex-dancer)
LeBron James (on his favourite team to beat/win in NBA)
Julia Gillard (on NDIS and public school education)
Tony Abbot (on immigration)
Aspies Central users (Aspies Central, of course)

 

[Kelly]

Geordie and Kelly, and anyone else out there, do you ever have a small "what if" moment that then turns into a thorough, extensive plan for that situation, however unlikely it may be? For instance, if I ever meet the actress Claire Danes, I know exactly what I'd say to her.

Yes, I have plans for alot of things. Random stuff like bumping into people I don't like, I don't really care about celebrities so it would be very much the same as having an awkward conversation with any other human being. I have extensive plans for things like people dying, the house catching fire, my books being published, getting my husband's book more well known, writing a letter to my mother in law, what I'm going to say during the meeting with my daughter's new teacher, the next trip we take up north, zombie apocalypse(I went over that one last night when trying to get to sleep because of a few news stories about a supposed outbreak of zombie - like incidents), my husband collapsing at the wheel, the snakes escaping....I could go on and on. I mentally plan most of my life (and prepare for anything) and as a result not a whole lot gets done but when it does it gets done right(to my standards).

Edit - Oh and when we are going places like to the local zoo I have a thorough plan on what I will be doing should the tigers escape, or going to theme parks stuff like rides breaking down halfway through etc. Even the simplest of things like being in a car I go over my accident plans and in my head play out every possible gory accident, various problems such as seatbelts being stuck, being impaled by something, who would I get out of the car first etc etc...there is alot going on in my head ALL the time.

 

[Christian T]

Yes, I have plans for alot of things. Random stuff like bumping into people I don't like, I don't really care about celebrities so it would be very much the same as having an awkward conversation with any other human being. I have extensive plans for things like people dying, the house catching fire, my books being published, getting my husband's book more well known, writing a letter to my mother in law, what I'm going to say during the meeting with my daughter's new teacher, the next trip we take up north, zombie apocalypse(I went over that one last night when trying to get to sleep because of a few news stories about a supposed outbreak of zombie - like incidents), my husband collapsing at the wheel, the snakes escaping....I could go on and on. I mentally plan most of my life (and prepare for anything) and as a result not a whole lot gets done but when it does it gets done right(to my standards).

Edit - Oh and when we are going places like to the local zoo I have a thorough plan on what I will be doing should the tigers escape, or going to theme parks stuff like rides breaking down halfway through etc. Even the simplest of things like being in a car I go over my accident plans and in my head play out every possible gory accident, various problems such as seatbelts being stuck, being impaled by something, who would I get out of the car first etc etc...there is alot going on in my head ALL the time.

That is quite extraordinary. I have to say that a lot of my scenarios are not disasters or emergencies, and I don't create evacuation plans, I think I more just script the whole sequence of events in my head. A lot of these are also done for me when I'm trying to get to sleep, in fact. With no stimulus other than my own thoughts, that is when I brain is at its most active and willing to come up with profound ideas.

It's funny that you mention rides breaking down halfway through, because I was at Luna Park yesterday and saw eight very unfortunate thrill-seekers get stuck on the top level of a roller-coaster. They must have been there for at least an hour, because all the safety features and rigging was electronic, and the cherry picker couldn't make it through the network of poles to reach them. Still, their ride resumed as soon as it was fixed.

 

[Gomendosi]

The ; ] for you indicates sarcasm, doesn't it? Could you maybe just explain your point as it mean it, if you think it's worth it? I'm afraid I'm just not following you on this point for some reason. Was the whole thing sarcastic, or just that one last line? I'm so confused! I always over think things, it's one of my aspie traits! Sorry!

Here are some of the rules of the forum I feel are applicable under the circumstances;

Insulting or personal attacks on other members is prohibited.
Do not attempt to "flame", "troll" or bait other members into arguments.
Stalking and/or harassing another member is not allowed.

In this thread I have tried to explain myself five separate times and in as many different ways and yet you do still not understand?
I think we should both move on and I believe its best we don?t interact in future.
To that end, I would consider it a personal favour if you would be so good as to not (mis)quote me or even respond to my posts in future.
Thank you for you understanding ; ]

 

[Kelly]

That is quite extraordinary. I have to say that a lot of my scenarios are not disasters or emergencies, and I don't create evacuation plans, I think I more just script the whole sequence of events in my head. A lot of these are also done for me when I'm trying to get to sleep, in fact. With no stimulus other than my own thoughts, that is when I brain is at its most active and willing to come up with profound ideas.

Oh I play out everything, every conversation I need to have, everywhere I'm going, it's a way to prepare myself. At night in bed if I can't get to sleep I play out movies, TV series or books in my head but change the parts I find annoying or add new characters or take some away or just change things up a bit.

 

[Soup]

Thank goodness I'd used the 'play out my responses' strategy this morning! I knew the wrought iron guys were coming in today to install a balcony so I thought of a few possible scenarios & prepared a few lines. These were typical interaction with working guys-type lines & a couple in case they caught me by surprise.

When the guy came to the door, my husband happened to answer. I thought that there were only 2 guys here. When the rain began pounding, I went upstairs to ensure that the windows on that side of the house were closed. When I went to close the patio doors off of our bedroom, there was a 3rd man up there right on the balcony!!! AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHH!!! A strange funny little bald man was staring in at me. I remembered my line & gesture. I put a hand to my chest & said, "Sorry we startled each other!" did my Mona Lisa polite little smile, shut the door & got the heck out of there as fast as I could go without running. It was like he'd popped out of thin air! Weird.

Sometimes a surprise is more like a shock. Rather than grabbing my head & shrieking like a Banshee, this rehearsed response worked like a charm & spared us both from having a heart attack.

 

[Christian T]

Very nice work, Soup. It really is like learning the choreography to a ritualistic dance, isn't it?

 

[Soup]

Very much so; or learning one's role in a play. I bet many of the finest actors are Aspies. After all, we get plenty of practise!

 

[Christian T]

Very much so; or learning one's role in a play. I bet many of the finest actors are Aspies. After all, we get plenty of practise!

I love acting, and I'm told I'm very good at it, so yes, I suppose some of them would be. Although I think some might lack that natural flair and chemistry. Do you know of any aspie actors, or does anyone else?

 

[Kelly]

Do you know of any aspie actors, or does anyone else?

Dan Aykroyd