Need some help

[AloneNotLonely]

Thirdly, victims of abusers most certainly do not like or seek abusive treatment. Most would willingly escape if they knew how. Abusers are skilled in obscuring psychological and physical escape routes.

Fourthly, victims ultimately become conditioned to the abuse they suffer, and their behaviours and responses are conditioned too. This is part of the controlling influence of the abuser, and the hold they have over them.

Yes, any competent psychologist would be very adept at making up nonsense to explain why you are such a poor victim and why you absolutely need a psychologist in order to "heal".

"obscuring escape routes" and "controlling influence". Come on dude. If you aren't chained to a radiator or in a cage, you can leave. And then we are not talking about abusive relationships but kidnapping.

Just break up. Problem solved. But these types of people don't break up. "My girlfriend smashed my phone but I won't break up with her because I love her" "My boyfriend sits on my couch all day and calls me stupid, but I know he loves me". If you want to put up with that crap that's fine, but don't call yourself a victim. The only thing you are a victim of in those cases are your own carnal desires that you can't seem to control. I had a girlfriend that decided to hit me twice, she was really cute but I never saw her again after the second time since she ignored my first warning. Can't even say she was "abusive" because I got rid of her before you could call it abuse. That's how you handle it.

 

[AO1501]

Yes, any competent psychologist would be very adept at making up nonsense to explain why you are such a poor victim and why you absolutely need a psychologist in order to "heal".

"obscuring escape routes" and "controlling influence". Come on dude. If you aren't chained to a radiator or in a cage, you can leave. And then we are not talking about abusive relationships but kidnapping.

Just break up. Problem solved. But these types of people don't break up. "My girlfriend smashed my phone but I won't break up with her because I love her" "My boyfriend sits on my couch all day and calls me stupid, but I know he loves me". If you want to put up with that crap that's fine, but don't call yourself a victim. The only thing you are a victim of in those cases are your own carnal desires that you can't seem to control. I had a girlfriend that decided to hit me twice, she was really cute but I never saw her again after the second time since she ignored my first warning. Can't even say she was "abusive" because I got rid of her before you could call it abuse. That's how you handle it.

Not worth a response.

 

[pamelaperejil]

Finally, what your post is doing is simply blaming victims for the abuse they suffer, and then accusing them of looking for a free ride afterwards. 'Distasteful' doesn't do it justice.

I disagree with every point you just made, but I'll focus on this one.

If someone has an abusive relationship... it sucks, but eventually they wise up and move on, if they're healthy. When someone has a lifelong history of toxic relationships, it means they're ignoring red flags, not learning from their mistakes. Which means that they played a part in victimizing themselves. Of course that doesn't mean their partner is blameless, but it does mean they neglected to use good judgement. It's not "victim blaming" to point that out, in fact, hopefully, it's empowering. It reinforces that a person has some control over their life, and that they're not just at the mercy of the bad people of the world.

 

[OkRad]

I am sorry things happened like this. She must have been thinking things and not communicating them. That is sad because you needed to know what was going on.

I don't have any answers but I hope you can find healing and peace. You are only 43. That is not too old. You do have much to offer. Just because one person did not think so does not means others feel the same.

You deserve someone who will understand and like your differences and not yank you around and want you near when it's convenient.

I don't know why she just split like that. But it was not fair to you.

keep us posted on how you are doing. I just wanted to add my voice to say I hope it gets better.

 

[DCA]

Not sure she fully knew herself but yes I think the communication could be better. I'm always up front that I need good communication. I do know she ran into a couple of my autistic traits & was annoyed? with them. Something she didn't mention before. So that's the first time since I started exploring this that I was able to match up that feedback with what I learned about myself so far.