Non-verbal ?

[Mary Terry]

My therapist doesn't understand my speech problems. I tried to explain. Why is it so hard to understand? Why is audism so deeply ingrained in people's minds? He couldn't believe that a lot of the time I can't speak. That how, you do speak now, you can speak. Yeah... now, here. Key words.

It gives me insight to read what you're saying. My nephew is physically able to speak with a lot of struggle and difficulty, but he can't put words together in a sentence or a question. He knows what the words mean but he can't just pull them out of his mind and put them together in verbal speech or even in writing. It's like the neural pathway between his mouth and his mind is missing a connection or something.

 

[vergil96]

He knows what the words mean but he can't just pull them out of his mind and put them together in verbal speech or even in writing.

I'm good at writing, but I can relate to not being able to put words in order very often. I end up saying them in the wrong order or in an ungrammatical manner a lot of the time. Skipping verbs, prepositions, and other parts of speech. I mean, I know the grammar. Given time for it and room for thought. Speaking is a skill like any other, it takes a lot of factors to develop fluency in practice, not theory.

It's like the neural pathway between his mouth and his mind is missing a connection or something.

Like I said, it takes time and a lot of factors to develop fluency. For me what makes it difficult is too low exposure to speech, because I can't hear it a lot of the time and got used to relying on visual cues. Or the patchy way I compose speech reflects the patchy way in which I hear it.

 

[vergil96]

I don't know if you also have this problem, but I feel very omitted. Lkke when you go somewhere with someone and e.g. the salesperson talk with the person who is with you just because you don't hear well and are slow to respond. As if you were a burden and devoid of agency. Not listened to. Assumed you don't have anything to say, because you find it hard to summon up what you have to say, because you can lag with a response. Pushed around instead of included and asked or listened to whether you actually want something or not.

 

[Outdated]

I don't know if you also have this problem, but I feel very omitted. Lkke when you go somewhere with someone and e.g. the salesperson talk with the person who is with you just because you don't hear well and are slow to respond. As if you were a burden and devoid of agency. Not listened to. Assumed you don't have anything to say, because you find it hard to summon up what you have to say, because you can lag with a response. Pushed around instead of included and asked or listened to whether you actually want something or not.

It was opposite for me, especially as a teenager. It was always me that got pushed to the front to do all the talking because I was quick thinking and smooth tongued and usually managed to be likeable at the same time. Others quickly noticed that if it was me that talked to the cops we always got let off with a warning or a caution to be more careful in future. Whenever any of the others opened their mouths they always got in to trouble.

 

[vergil96]

Almost done with A1+A2 sign language course (online). Hell yeah!

 

[daniegirl6224]

Just watched Makayla’s Voice on Netflix. It is a short documentary about a non-verbal autistic girl. I found it absolutely beautiful. I would love to hear more about the experiences from those who are non-verbal in this group if anyone wants to share, I want to understand more

 

[Judge]

Tough question to consider in my own case. Though there was a period in my life where I shut down to a point where I barely spoke to anyone for a while.

Though in general I think how much I'm willing to speak is often relative to my comfort zone with people. That if I don't feel it, I'm far less inclined to say much at all.

Getting a job where I had to communicate with clients over the phone ultimately brought me out of my "shell" at a time when I needed just that. One of those "sink or swim" scenarios where I did manage to "swim". Or at least not drown!

 

[daniegirl6224]

This may come across as ignorant, and if it is, I apologize. I do not mean this in a bad way, I am just trying to understand. For non-verbal autistic individuals, do they all understand spoken language that they hear? Or do some not understand spoken language they hear? Thank you

 

[Judge]

This may come across as ignorant, and if it is, I apologize. I do not mean this in a bad way, I am just trying to understand. For non-verbal autistic individuals, do they all understand spoken language that they hear? Or do some not understand spoken language they hear? Thank you

A good question, especially in terms of whether or not it involves mentally processing what is said, versus not adequately hearing what was said. Two very different considerations.

And yet in the case of autism, I sometimes wonder if they can be "intertwined" ? And then there's also a question of what pathologically or not promotes one to be non-verbal. A choice, or a neurological limitation?

And one last possible factor- the aging process, and whether or not that also comes into this equation.

Lots to consider. Not an ignorant question at all, IMO.

 

[daniegirl6224]

A good question, especially in terms of whether or not it involves mentally processing what is said, versus not adequately hearing what was said. Two very different considerations.

And yet in the case of autism, I sometimes wonder if they can be "intertwined" ? And then there's also a question of what pathologically or not promotes one to be non-verbal. A choice, or a neurological limitation?

And one last possible factor- the aging process, and whether or not that also comes into this equation.

Lots to consider. Not an ignorant question at all, IMO.

Thank you @Judge! Yes I would love to better understand all of this If anyone has experience or knowledge on this, please speak up

 

[Outdated]

If anyone has experience or knowledge on this, please speak up

Non verbal people, please speak up.

Sorry, couldn't help myself.

 

[Judge]

Thank you @Judge! Yes I would love to better understand all of this If anyone has experience or knowledge on this, please speak up

I can only say that in my own case, I was able to break my own silence. Like coming out of a deep fog, or like a shutdown. Though I know for others it can be an indefinite and troubling issue.

I suppose the need to be employed forced me out of my own shell whether I wanted it or not.
Necessity being the mother of invention...

 

[Outdated]

My only experience is as a small child and I think it was more deliberate than because of any neural limitations. I went nonverbal at school bit still talked plenty at home. I still get mild brain freeze when people try to use stand over tactics with me but that only lasts an instant and my response is usually memorable.

 

[Angular Chap]

I would love to hear more about the experiences from those who are non-verbal in this group if anyone wants to share, I want to understand more

So this can be a complex topic with a huge amount of variation, but here is my own personal experience so far and I’ll try not to info dump:

I never even considered I was non-verbal, but during my diagnosis the clinician confirmed it, so I’ve been considering the specifics for a while.

I discovered 2 types of communication: expressive and receptive.

Expressive communication is approaching other people.

Receptive communication is being approached by others. This is where I have most of my problems and I go non-verbal.

It appears that my expressive communication is quite good. I do have my share of issues like any autistic person, but I have a much easier time.

My receptive communication is...pretty bad. If someone approaches me or calls me about something outside my job, then I’m lost and don’t know what to say or do. Sometimes I’m alright with direct questions, but often I just don’t know how to react. So I go non-verbal.

This may come across as ignorant, and if it is, I apologize. I do not mean this in a bad way, I am just trying to understand. For non-verbal autistic individuals, do they all understand spoken language that they hear? Or do some not understand spoken language they hear? Thank you

So for me, I understand the words and the meanings of the words just fine, but I need a lot more time to process things and I also often just don’t know how to respond. So I just...go blank and shut down.

In short, I go non-verbal during receptive communication, because I don’t know what to do, because I’m autistic.

Also, don’t worry about coming across as ignorant. Asking questions to try to understand something is the exact opposite of ignorance!

 

[daniegirl6224]

So this can be a complex topic with a huge amount of variation, but here is my own personal experience so far and I’ll try not to info dump:

I never even considered I was non-verbal, but during my diagnosis the clinician confirmed it, so I’ve been considering the specifics for a while.

I discovered 2 types of communication: expressive and receptive.

Expressive communication is approaching other people.

Receptive communication is being approached by others. This is where I have most of my problems and I go non-verbal.

It appears that my expressive communication is quite good. I do have my share of issues like any autistic person, but I have a much easier time.

My receptive communication is...pretty bad. If someone approaches me or calls me about something outside my job, then I’m lost and don’t know what to say or do. Sometimes I’m alright with direct questions, but often I just don’t know how to react. So I go non-verbal.


So for me, I understand the words and the meanings of the words just fine, but I need a lot more time to process things and I also often just don’t know how to respond. So I just...go blank and shut down.

In short, I go non-verbal during receptive communication, because I don’t know what to do, because I’m autistic.

Also, don’t worry about coming across as ignorant. Asking questions to try to understand something is the exact opposite of ignorance!

Your explanation helped me understand your experience so much better! Thank you! The receptive versus expressive communication difference are very interesting.
Thank you so much for understanding and not thinking that I’m being ignorant

 

[daniegirl6224]

I can only say that in my own case, I was able to break my own silence. Like coming out of a deep fog, or like a shutdown. Though I know for others it can be an indefinite and troubling issue.

I suppose the need to be employed forced me out of my own shell whether I wanted it or not.
Necessity being the mother of invention...

How long did your silence last roughly? Was it in all situations?

Interesting to compare it to shutdowns! I basically cannot talk during shutdowns or meltdowns. I understand what others are saying and I want to respond, but I basically cannot make words come out of my mouth. I wonder if this is similar to what some non-verbal autistic individuals experience

 

[daniegirl6224]

Non verbal people, please speak up.

Sorry, couldn't help myself.

Hahahaha oh no I can’t believe I did that sorry

 

[Judge]

How long did your silence last roughly? Was it in all situations?

Not all situations. When and where I had some kind of comfort zone in my closest social circle I was able to verbalize. But when it came to people I didn't know or know well, that could be difficult at times.

Interesting to compare it to shutdowns! I basically cannot talk during shutdowns or meltdowns. I understand what others are saying and I want to respond, but I basically cannot make words come out of my mouth. I wonder if this is similar to what some non-verbal autistic individuals experience

I can only say that in my own case, if I'm under stress of any kind for any reason, it serves a "barrier" of sorts in attempting to both perceive what people are saying to me, and being able to respond. Which makes me wonder if two-way communication between only two persons can constitute a form of multitasking.

My point being that for any number of us, that multitasking can be very difficult for us. I can do a number of functions at the same time, as long as it doesn't include having any two-way conversations with another person or persons. But if I have to converse with them, my ability to multitask goes south almost instantly.

 

[Outdated]

Hahahaha oh no I can’t believe I did that sorry

It's all good, the more serious a topic the more we need a little comic relief.

What @Angular Chap said about the two different types of communication makes a lot of sense to me, and perhaps that's how I manage to step around the issue. I do get brain freeze at certain times, my brain just locks up and I'm unable to even think of words let alone speak them, but then almost instantly I get angry for being put in that position. So what I'm doing is jumping from receptive communication to (very) expressive communication.

 

[daniegirl6224]

It's all good, the more serious a topic the more we need a little comic relief.

What @Angular Chap said about the two different types of communication makes a lot of sense to me, and perhaps that's how I manage to step around the issue. I do get brain freeze at certain times, my brain just locks up and I'm unable to even think of words let alone speak them, but then almost instantly I get angry for being put in that position. So what I'm doing is jumping from receptive communication to (very) expressive communication.

This made me realize that in difficult interactions, I basically cannot speak. This happens during interactions with my sister and dad specifically. During the last hard interaction with my sister which resulted in me basically being unable to speak, she told me that she needed space from me. I didn’t did anything wrong, it was all because of lack of understanding on her end and my inability to speak under the stressful interaction. Our relationship has not been the same since she still does not know about my autism, and I am debating whether to tell her. I just feel judged by her a lot. Sorry this response is kinda unrelated. Feels good to share it somewhere. Thank you for listening.