Not a nice person

[Judge]

You say I'm misunderstanding what you posted, and yet you're the one constantly saying "Neurotypicals do X" and "Aspies do Y." Explain that.

It's no secret that both neurological states have different traits and behaviors regarding communication.

However I'm not suggesting advocating polarizing such differences in an overtly confrontational way. I'm just saying everyone deserves the same degree of tolerance. That said, I think this thread reflects people not receiving the degree of tolerance and understanding they should be entitled to.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

I found this thread interesting. When I describe myself as "not a nice person," (not something I say often, but I mean it when I say it) I get openly disbelieved--in part because I'm trying to remind someone who's interested in knowing me that just because they haven't found me irritating doesn't mean I'm comfortable...I'm working harder than they think to conform, and I am in fact micromanaging my own kindness and on guard.

The positive good I can be to others is about where my focus is. It's not the default mode, it's the paying attention mode--
and I can appear nice in that mode because I'm treating emotions like data, with known relationships and associations, and the social dynamics like a chessboard or Go. The other person has become a Special Interest, and gets the care special interests get.

"Nice"--to reference Ste11ares's post--really does seem, to me, to be about "not rocking the boat." Maybe I should watch the video.

 

[watersprite]

I analyze myself as well as others as best I am able. To me the balance of energy needs to be towards kindness, tolerance, which is the softening of the sharpness of barriers to moving forward. Whether it is myself or someone else. Life is short. There really isn't time for everything, so choices have to be made.
When I am kind to my self I can be to my chosen others. And to all else I try to exhibit common sense respect and simple good manners.This makes me feel safer when out and about too.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I think the word "nice" is given different meanings by different people.
That's the thing about language; words are sounds that mean what we decide they mean. Now, people have to agree upon the meaning of a word, otherwise communication is impossible, but we aren't too good at that; often many many people will consider a word to have one meaning, and many others will consider a word to have a slightly different meaning. Neither group is right, neither is wrong. What the word means depends on who's using it.
This does make communication more difficult.

 

[Beverly]

We can be frustrating, aggravating creatures to NTs, that's just how it is but, you know well they can be equally frustrating and aggravating to us, and to each other at times too. One important thing any therapist will tell you is that for you own well being,you have to learn when to say "no."

As for the things you mentioned, I will give a neighbor a ride, help someone with cooking or music or, animal if they ask for my help. I don't go out of my way or seek out people to help in the areas I know well but if they ask, I help them as best I can. I won't sacrifice taking care of my family or home and, with the rising costs of gasoline, rides are not free unless it's an emergency.

I prefer to be self sufficient and, I assume other do as well so, I allow them to solve their own problems unless they ask for my help.