Not having a future

[John M]

I agree with WolfSpirit on this. I'm a mission driven person. I need to have a focus. When I focus on a thing I am fullfilled after a fashion. I'm still broken in some ways but I find purpose in things that benefit everyone in a general sense. Including me. A very simple example, I donate blood. I started donating blood as something of an internal joke. Doing good works has always been incredibly complicated for me. So, "what?! all I have to do is get stuck by needles and bleed a lot? Thats it? Well sign me up!" What I love about donating blood is that it has a positive effect on a random person. No judgement. Just a free (kinda) gift.

Because of the nature of my profession and the people I sometimes have to work with, doing good works can be very complex. Start with something simple. Once you accustom yourself to whatever good you do, no matter how minor it seems, build on that and do more. I spent a good hunk of my life trying to find myself. I think you did too. In some ways we're better off because of it and in some ways we're behind everyone else. Please focus on the positive you can do because of your life experience.

 

[SimonSays]

First off, it's a little hard to read that much bolded text, hard on the eyes and brain.

Apologies for the unintentional boldness. It did that when I pasted in the text. Changed it.

 

[Au Naturel]

Not having a future. Hmm... We don't have a choice in that. You have a future or you are dead.

You are probably saying that you don't have a future you like. Or maybe you are stressed over not knowing what the future will be. The key to the future is what you are doing in the present to improve it.

It gets better with age. You come to realize you have less and less future to worry about. The possibilities narrow down with the passage of time as more things become impossible due to physical disability, financial hardship or lack of remaining time. Eventually you will know exactly what the future holds and have no reason to worry.

Don't talk to me about not having a future.

 

[WolfSpirit]

I've been thinking about this more since you posted, and thought I should put this up as food for thought: my life looks very little like a conventional life usually does, and yet it makes me happy and meets my needs. It's not unusual for people in my life to try to push me and get me to add to it. I typically resist. I appreciate what I have, and how little pressure us put on me these days after decades of too much pressure. Occasionally, suggestions from the right person have me reconsidering things, or finding something that works for me thst adds to the "good" side of the ledger of things, but they are things I choose, in my own time.

Now, I don't drive, don't even know how, and have no interest in learning, I'm not financially self sufficient, I'm not, nor have I ever been, in a romantic relationship, I don't have kids, nor will I. I don't have a career, or even a job, and I've realized I'm done even trying for either. The whole subject is quite traumatic, I've recently realized. I don't own a home, and quite possibly never will. I rent. I realize I'm not what people typically consider "successful". I don't have a large circle of friends. In fact, I have very few. Only one I see in person on a regular basis. And a couple more casual ones I see when I happen to be in the bookstore they work in. (One I've started to develop an more significant one with through email due to COVID restrictions)

But what I do have is a life I like, enough money to meet my immediate needs, nobody putting pressure on me that I can't handle, a peace of mind I'm told very few have. Satisfaction with my place in the world. Recently, the motivation to become a little more involved in disability activism. I'm still figuring out what level I can manage and want. Taking it slow. And now I have my involvement in this site, and the feeling like I have something to contribute to the world after all, and a place and mechanism to do it!

Yes, I have my ups and downs, but so does everybody, and I'm told I handle mine better than most. That I'm proactive about dealing with them, which is so much more than most people. And I will admit, things do tend to ebb and flow better than they used to. Faster, with less severe of an impact on me. I find myself realizing "made it through another one", or "resolved that one" over and over again in the last couple years, and that underneath it all, I'm less disrupted or disturbed by it all once it's all over.

So, it's hard to complain, much.

 

[zurb]

The spiritual practices say one should live in the present,....

What do you mean by ‘The spiritual practices’? You write that as if all ‘spiritual practices’ are the same, but I suspect you’ve been into Eastern mysticism. Maybe you need to look at a religion that lives each day based on the solid foundation of the past, and that looks to a future hope?

 

[Aspychata]

It seems we have a future of struggling, maybe it seems a tad more overwhelming. Because it's human nature to compare ourselves to others and think they have it easier. But the pandemic has leveled the playing field. l use to feel a tab displaced but l see that everyone now suffers from disruption in their life, not just me. So with this insight, l do have more compassion for people's burdens and the future we all face. So thru chaos, l feel a little better and l am working towards a more secure future.

 

[SimonSays]

What do you mean by ‘The spiritual practices’? You write that as if all ‘spiritual practices’ are the same, but I suspect you’ve been into Eastern mysticism.

Perhaps I could've phrased it better. 'Certain' spiritual practices talk about living in the present because, and this is a fundamental truth, there is only here and now.

There is a big difference between a spiritual practice and a religion. I let go of my ancestral religion a long time ago as it focusses on the traditions of the past and struggles to accept a more modern approach. I practice many of the eastern mystical ideas because in my experience they make sense. Doesn't mean life is going to be easy though. In fact if anything it can be harder.

 

[SusanLR]

It gets better with age. You come to realize you have less and less future to worry about. The possibilities narrow down with the passage of time as more things become impossible due to physical disability, financial hardship or lack of remaining time. Eventually you will know exactly what the future holds and have no reason to worry.

When you realise this is when it feels like there is no future.
Life went by with good times and hardships, but, there was a feeling of continuity and contentment
in the simple ways of everyday life.
Then you start losing things that made life feel whole and like yourself.
You may lose a loved one, friends, your support system, health suddenly makes things you enjoyed
doing impossible, and money may become an issue in how to even survive.
That is when you realise the life you knew is in the past, the present isn't good, and knowing things
are downhill in front of you, creates something like a vacuum.

Spiritual to me means how the universe turns and what makes it. It is not a religion, nor does it
give me the contentment that some can find in teachings or a book.
I envy those who know that feeling from a belief.
But, when the natural facts are 1. Your body is becoming more unable to do everyday things.
2. You don't have enough money to provide living or a place to live due to the way the world works.
Got the dough? You've a place to go. Got no stash? A kick in the A$$.[/QUOTE]

 

[John M]

Perhaps I could've phrased it better. 'Certain' spiritual practices talk about living in the present because, and this is a fundamental truth, there is only here and now.

There is a big difference between a spiritual practice and a religion. I let go of my ancestral religion a long time ago as it focusses on the traditions of the past and struggles to accept a more modern approach. I practice many of the eastern mystical ideas because in my experience they make sense. Doesn't mean life is going to be easy though. In fact if anything it can be harder.

If you prefer eastern mysticism then I recommend the Witter Bynner translation of Lao Tzu's 'The Way of Life.' My perception is that all religious traditions seek after their own fashion to reunited the mind with the spirit. Lao Tzu turns religion inside out and instead provides instructions for the spirit on how best to manage its mind.

 

[SimonSays]

My perception is that all religious traditions seek after their own fashion to reunited the mind with the spirit.

I suppose that is true, after a fashion. The original intention is there. I don't like how things have turned out. The corruption and cruelty in the Catholic church (priests and nuns in Ireland especially) is difficult to stomach. It is too rich, too bloated, nothing like the original church.

The words of Lao Tzu are a good choice. Thank you. But to be honest, it is not different ideas that are needed. It is the silence. It is peace of mind. It is letting go. It is acts of loving kindness. Service. Connection.
Meditation centres me in the present, but I am living in a hostile environment. Dealing with constant anxiety and stress for months. It manifests in ways that mess with me. I could do with a break.

 

[Booknerd515]

I have been depressed for a time; it can feel like that. Sometimes when I feel like that it won't feel like being depressed but just emotionally strained, anxious, or overwhelmed. I know what that feels like.

It will get better than this eventually even though the time it takes to reach that point may be a while. I'm a very determined person-always have been. I like existing even though actually living (or feeling as if there is a future for years later) can be very difficult to do.

The smallest things that I may never have paid attention to in the past as much may make more of a difference than they used to. Good food, being less tense, even taking walks outside make a difference for me mentally. Do whatever helps you feel better.

 

[SimonSays]

Good food, being less tense, even taking walks outside make a difference for me mentally. Do whatever helps you feel better.

Yes. As the weather finally warms up a bit, it is easier to be outside longer. I miss it a lot. Where I currently am does not have what I call 'outside' though. For me, outside is near the sea, not far from the woods, around ancient, sacred places. That is outside. That would be lovely to be in my future. I can't hold it though. I imagine for a moment, and then must let it go again. I cannot decide. Cannot insist. The Universe knows what I need. I must let it show me.

 

[SimonSays]

I think I see my problem. Too much time to dwell on what are essentially fears. I'm not in the best state of mind, a bit low for a bit too long, not having any fun, not doing anything interesting, not even talking (except virtually), and not being mindful enough to catch repetitive negative thoughts about my situation so find myself spiralling. The problem is those thoughts are valid, but they make me feel like a victim as I don’t feel I can change things and need to put up with how it is right now. So I do get it, I just don’t like it. I'm not used to feeling like this for as long as I have been.

So, rather than have them rattle around, keeping me low, by writing them down and sharing them here, I get them out and get them heard. That helps. Thank you.

As far as the future is concerned, I don't have one outside of possibilities that I can't see being available in my near future so can't dwell on without losing presence. Kind of a catch 22 really.

And because in a low state it is easy to act out of anxiety anyway, which I don't want to do, I can't even be sure that those ideas are right for me either. So life might be protecting me and I don't even know it. It is why I HAVE to live in the present as best I can where at least there is a chance that something can appear not yet imagined.

 

[John M]

I think I see my problem. Too much time to dwell on what are essentially fears. I'm not in the best state of mind, a bit low for a bit too long, not having any fun, not doing anything interesting, not even talking (except virtually), and not being mindful enough to catch repetitive negative thoughts about my situation so find myself spiralling. The problem is those thoughts are valid, but they make me feel like a victim as I don’t feel I can change things and need to put up with how it is right now. So I do get it, I just don’t like it. I'm not used to feeling like this for as long as I have been.

So, rather than have them rattle around, keeping me low, by writing them down and sharing them here, I get them out and get them heard. That helps. Thank you.

As far as the future is concerned, I don't have one outside of possibilities that I can't see being available in my near future so can't dwell on without losing presence. Kind of a catch 22 really.

And because in a low state it is easy to act out of anxiety anyway, which I don't want to do, I can't even be sure that those ideas are right for me either. So life might be protecting me and I don't even know it. It is why I HAVE to live in the present as best I can where at least there is a chance that something can appear not yet imagined.

This may sounds a little odd but, have you considered government work? I work in local government. I don't make much money but I'm close enough to the taxpayer that I can see when something the government does works and when it doesn't so can make corrections if needed. If you're desire is to serve others then be a servant. I am and have no problem with it.

There have been times in my career when people at higher levels of government think they 'get the big picture'. That isn't always the case though, especially when there's a lot of institutional distance between a person and their decisions (i.e. they don't have to see their mistakes). I always deal with these cases the same way - I forceably take that persons hand and press it down on the broken glass that is the reality they create until they accept their mistakes. Perhaps that's something you might be good at? For good government, it's something that's unfortunately sometimes required. Just a suggestion...

 

[Gift2humanity]

I struggle with the idea of not having a future. My spiritual practice brings me into the present, there is only here and now and anything else is either an imagination, a fear, or a memory; the only thing that exists is this moment. And yet not having a future, not having an idea where I'm heading, is not always easy to accept.

I would like to have a future. The future brings hope and possibility, maybe even excitement, and while some futures still require walking slowly towards them, having one seems to be important.

I haven't had a future for a long time. I have simply got on with being in the present, doing the things that one needs to do. Daily stuff, mundane stuff, ensuring I have somewhere to live. And now I have those things, those habits, rhythms and routines in place, now what?

Were we not in a global pandemic, and the freedom to move about still existed, there were ideas that I wanted to explore and probably would have. It wasn't easy to accept I could not choose any of them.

And so all I have is this moment. Am I okay in it? Yes. It's as simple as I can make it. It has what I need. It's not perfect. I can't control what other people do and I've chosen to live around other people who are essentially quite different to me. They have their own ways of doing things and I know I would not choose to live around people who did things those ways if I had another choice. And I don't really see that I do.

So I have to accept it as it is. Wanting it to be different doesn't change the fact that it is the way it is. And through acceptance there is peace to be found. I’m struggling to accept the situation because there is a nagging, niggling, urging, remembering, that this is not all there is. This is not where I end up and have to stay even if the consistency of familiarity is something I do really need in my life.

It is often easier to remain living in a situation that is not preferable because it is familiar, than to take another leap of faith into the unknown and attempt to find familiarity there. We all have to be somewhere. And if I can't be in the present then I can't be at peace. If I can't find contentedness in this moment which moment can I?

And it is because there is so little to do except distract, remember, think, and I have the time to look at things, to go deep, to write about them, to share them here. And sometimes I receive responses that help. That make me feel like I am not alone. I am understood as there are people who have experienced similar things.

But most people don't live like I do, at least not in my experience. Perhaps there are more here because we are more similar in many ways.

Have you ever felt like you did not have a future? How did you deal with it?

Were are you able to accept the present and be patient?

It would be interesting to hear your perspective on this, because round and round I go, and I realise I'm only talking to myself. And that's why I write. Maybe somebody knows what I'm talking about.

I felt I had nothing to offer the world until I discovered too late that I do have lots.

The pandemic is restricting things, I wonder, can you sell your art online.

I find it hard to come to terms with the errors I have made and the negative consequences they have made for others, in the future.

I obsess about a dark future. I see a lot of potential in you, artistic, spiritual, well read, well travelled, rich inner world and spiritual gifts.

I feel the pandemic is an excuse for the deep state to carry out unsavoury acts yet I cannot prove it as mainstream media keep it hidden and I don’t want to assume conspiracy theorists are right as they often have whacko ideas which turn out wrong and they have their own agendas.

It sounds as if your travelling spirit is missing physically exploring places. Can you go for days out in nature while sticking to the guidelines?

From what I read you do not live alone, I don’t know if I am correct. Maybe explore the idea of living alone, unless you are with a family who you love.

I see you as highly spiritual and feel confident that you will find answers if you go within and ask the cosmos what your next move should be. Your subconscious will tell you, as you know, it does not work temporally, you have faith that the right turn will show up for you, perhaps in the most unexpected of ways.

You seem to have made wise choices and as your post says, you have looked deeply and got responses and despite COVID I think you will get responses this time, if restrictions persist and you cannot physically go where you want I feel your intuition will show you spiritually and emotionally that you can still “move” in different ways, amidst these restrictions.

 

[Gift2humanity]

It just does my head in right now, as if I ought to keep at it. I know so much has to do with the lockdown, and yet life must go on. It's one thing to have no ideas, but another to have no way to make them happen. Living in the present is frustrating.

I’m not sure what you think of Eckharte Tolle, I don’t know much about him but his books talk a lot about the now and how to make the best of it. I am unsure if he is a new age though. Does your art relax you?
Put an intention out into the cosmos to find a positive place for you amidst this pandemic and you won’t get what you want but you will get what you need.

 

[SimonSays]

I felt I had nothing to offer the world until I discovered too late that I do have lots.

Why is it too late?

The pandemic is restricting things, I wonder, can you sell your art online.

Thank you. I'm sure I could. They are unique.

I find it hard to come to terms with the errors I have made and the negative consequences they have made for others, in the future.

That makes me feel sad. Do you want to say more?

I see a lot of potential in you, artistic, spiritual, well read, well travelled, rich inner world and spiritual gifts

. I appreciate you saying that

I feel the pandemic is an excuse for the deep state to carry out unsavoury acts yet I cannot prove it as mainstream media keep it hidden and I don’t want to assume conspiracy theorists are right as they often have whacko ideas which turn out wrong and they have their own agendas.

I agree.

It sounds as if your travelling spirit is missing physically exploring places. Can you go for days out in nature while sticking to the guidelines?

The only thing stopping me has been the weather.

From what I read you do not live alone, I don’t know if I am correct. Maybe explore the idea of living alone.

I am sharing a house with people I don't know. I would like to live alone. The pandemic is interfering with that right now.

I see you as highly spiritual and feel confident that you will find answers if you go within and ask the cosmos what your next move should be. Your subconscious will tell you, as you know, it does not work temporally, you have faith that the right turn will show up for you, perhaps in the most unexpected of ways.

Thank you. I like how you put that.

You seem to have made wise choices and as your post says, you have looked deeply and got responses and despite COVID I think you will get responses this time, if restrictions persist and you cannot physically go where you want I feel your intuition will show you spiritually and emotionally that you can still “move” in different ways, amidst these restrictions.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I think I see my problem. Too much time to dwell on what are essentially fears. I'm not in the best state of mind, a bit low for a bit too long, not having any fun, not doing anything interesting, not even talking (except virtually), and not being mindful enough to catch repetitive negative thoughts about my situation so find myself spiralling. The problem is those thoughts are valid, but they make me feel like a victim as I don’t feel I can change things and need to put up with how it is right now. So I do get it, I just don’t like it. I'm not used to feeling like this for as long as I have been.

So, rather than have them rattle around, keeping me low, by writing them down and sharing them here, I get them out and get them heard. That helps. Thank you.

As far as the future is concerned, I don't have one outside of possibilities that I can't see being available in my near future so can't dwell on without losing presence. Kind of a catch 22 really.

And because in a low state it is easy to act out of anxiety anyway, which I don't want to do, I can't even be sure that those ideas are right for me either. So life might be protecting me and I don't even know it. It is why I HAVE to live in the present as best I can where at least there is a chance that something can appear not yet imagined.

The sound like very wise profound words, you sound, amidst your depression, that you are counselling yourself, and I am confident you will get what you need to carry on the goodness that you have brought to the earth so far.

 

[SimonSays]

I’m not sure what you think of Eckharte Tolle, I don’t know much about him but his books talk a lot about the now and how to make the best of it. I am unsure if he is a new age though.

I love Eckhart! Listening to him especially while on his long retreats talking to people. So peaceful.

Does your art relax you?

Oh yes. Making mandalas is perhaps the most relaxing because it requires deep focus and presence. I haven't been able to create art like that for several months. I miss it.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Why is it too late?

Because the past impacts the future and I feel trapped, sorry to be vague, no insult to you, talking about it could bring on a violent meltdown.

Thank you. I'm sure I could. They are unique.

I have Only seen your avatar and it shows incredible talent I would love to see more.

That makes me feel sad. Do you want to say more?

Sorry you are highly Empathic I am really sorry to make you feel sad. [/quote]

I appreciate you saying that

It’s true.

I agree.

I had a feeling that you do not take this pandemic at face value, I am confident if you can stay positive that you will find a direction even if stood still, in the pandemic if that makes sense.

The only thing stopping me has been the weather.

we are now approaching spring and hopefully the worst of the winter is behind us, there lies a bit of hope.

I am sharing a house with people I don't know. I would like to live alone. The pandemic is interfering with that right now.

The pandemic should not stop you moving. Estate agents are still in business and there are people moving house.

Thank you. I like how you put that.

You are very welcome.