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Obsessions that are a little immature?

Suzette said:
When I was growing up abuse and neglect made me quite isolated. Not figuratively, but litterally isolated. I never did horrible things to people but I do remember thinking that there wasn't much point in being nice because "damned if you do, damned if you don't". My niceness was used against me to bully and tease me even as I was admonished if I wasn't nice and polite. It wasn't until I was an adult that I understood that what had been missing in those yucky years was kindness. I value kindness above all else!
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I’m sorry you were treated like that :( I was too… I also went through a period of being really mad at the world. But now I know that when people are hurting they need compassion.
You can talk to me about those experiences if you need someone to vent to. I think you already know this, but I really respect and value your opinions and advice! And I hope no one who is currently in your life is treating you like that… I had to learn to cut ties with a lot of people, and it was hard :(

I will admit that it’s hard not to lose my cool with certain people though, I’m not a saint :confused: But I try to just let it go. I don’t want to make anyone feel the way I did growing up, and I don’t want to start an unnecessary argument with anyone that would just make both sides feel worse.

Admittedly I do need to get better at standing my ground though. I usually flee from conflict and keep blaming myself for why the other person is mad :(

But to get back to the point, yes, I also value kindness above all else :)
 
@crewlucaa_ , Did you ever meet anyone who made you feel like you were the more important person in the room and the emanated warmth, love and wisdom? I want to be like that. :)
 
@crewlucaa_ , @Suzette , as a child I was told that I was always friendly and kind and had a strong sense of justice. What I remember is my concern for others being used to take advantage of me, sometimes making me the object of cruel jests. I became ashamed of myself and withdrew sometimes, going along to get along. A mistake. I ended up socially avoidant in HS and college. Those years were damaging to my self concept, yet I look back, and while disturbing, I like how I have overcome that to develop an enjoyable life thanks to the care and acceptance of my spouse and friends. All those experiences have made me more social, but with new people, I'll still trust, but verify.
 
Toilet humor. Farts and poop. In those respects my mind is stuck in adolescent mode. It's perfect right now because I have adolescent boy children and I'm on their level with that. They will grow out of it. I won't.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
@crewlucaa_ , @Suzette , as a child I was told that I was always friendly and kind and had a strong sense of justice. What I remember is my concern for others being used to take advantage of me, sometimes making me the object of cruel jests. I became ashamed of myself and withdrew sometimes, going along to get along. A mistake. I ended up socially avoidant in HS and college. Those years were damaging to my self concept, yet I look back, and while disturbing, I like how I have overcome that to develop an enjoyable life thanks to the care and acceptance of my spouse and friends. All those experiences have made me more social, but with new people, I'll still trust, but verify.
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It's so hard to find good people who you can trust, especially in those puberty years. It seems like a lot of developmentally diverse individuals get left behind in those years.
 
Equals Tuesday said:
It's so hard to find good people who you can trust, especially in those puberty years. It seems like a lot of developmentally diverse individuals get left behind in those years.
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My interests kept me going, especially as I developed better social and emotional maturity. Once I was living independently, I took the time to dig deeper into those interests and enjoy them, using that as a springboard to belong to activity groups that allowed further social practice. That was so valuable to escape the cage of loneliness I was in. While my self image and body image was damaged by being a virgin much later than most, I now recognize that I was not ready for sex. My interests drove a confidence in myself that let me mature to the point that I could share myself with another which created a nice first experience (and she has said, these 44 years later, that she really fell for me when, unlike other men, I was concerned for her pleasure.)

So, I credit my interests, even if seen as a little immature, as being responsible for helping me be a better person.
 
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