Ok, I'm going t ask this question, but very reluctant.

[AspieChris]

Thank you for this. Very very insightful, just as all of you have been. I don’t want to play games. I texted him last night and it was very nice.

As a man living with Asperger’s and being completely lost in the minefield of relationships, I can say that for me there is nothing sexier that a woman who just says what she wants. I have dated some….. less than attractive women. Always because she was upfront from the beginning with what she wanted. From the first conversation, all the way to the bedroom. Somehow it greatly reduces stress around my fear of “getting it wrong” and she instantly becomes the most beautiful person in the world.
(Eventually they always got bored or frustrated with me and I’m expected to read her mind. Then we fight, and she gets really ugly) But as long as she’s not scaring or scarring me, I’m not even interested in other women.

One more thing…. as long as he’s not a sociopath, try not to read between the lines. We don’t have invisible motives. I have been accused of plenty of horrible things that simply weren’t true. Cheating, stealing, lying, gaslighting, etc. It’s simply not in my nature and I genuinely cannot understand why a person who claims to love me could think such horrible things. I understand that my actions, if they came from a NT guy, would be signs of something hidden and sinister. But if I cheated on my wife, the guilt of the deception would eat me alive and I would need to come clean. If you’re not sure what he means when he says or doesn’t say something… anything… just ask as calmly as you can. If you’re angry then wait until you have time to cool down. We tend to only have two responses: brutal honesty and completely shut down. And a fake smile when you’re really angry won’t work. Being near to any person who is angry is like being next to a house on fire: we feel the heat as if it were our own bodies on fire. It triggers either extreme aggression or a complete shut down. Neither one is helpful in a stressful situation.

 

[mylife2023]

As a man living with Asperger’s and being completely lost in the minefield of relationships, I can say that for me there is nothing sexier that a woman who just says what she wants. I have dated some….. less than attractive women. Always because she was upfront from the beginning with what she wanted. From the first conversation, all the way to the bedroom. Somehow it greatly reduces stress around my fear of “getting it wrong” and she instantly becomes the most beautiful person in the world.
(Eventually they always got bored or frustrated with me and I’m expected to read her mind. Then we fight, and she gets really ugly) But as long as she’s not scaring or scarring me, I’m not even interested in other women.

One more thing…. as long as he’s not a sociopath, try not to read between the lines. We don’t have invisible motives. I have been accused of plenty of horrible things that simply weren’t true. Cheating, stealing, lying, gaslighting, etc. It’s simply not in my nature and I genuinely cannot understand why a person who claims to love me could think such horrible things. I understand that my actions, if they came from a NT guy, would be signs of something hidden and sinister. But if I cheated on my wife, the guilt of the deception would eat me alive and I would need to come clean. If you’re not sure what he means when he says or doesn’t say something… anything… just ask as calmly as you can. If you’re angry then wait until you have time to cool down. We tend to only have two responses: brutal honesty and completely shut down. And a fake smile when you’re really angry won’t work. Being near to any person who is angry is like being next to a house on fire: we feel the heat as if it were our own bodies on fire. It triggers either extreme aggression or a complete shut down. Neither one is helpful in a stressful situation.

Thank you for this.... very very much.

 

[Judge]

We don’t have invisible motives. I have been accused of plenty of horrible things that simply weren’t true. Cheating, stealing, lying, gaslighting, etc. It’s simply not in my nature and I genuinely cannot understand why a person who claims to love me could think such horrible things.

Would you expect a 98.2% neurotypical majority to bother to consider the differences of a 1.8% neurodiverse minority, or simply default to their own manner of thinking?

* There are a very few who will want to understand us and succeed.
* A few more will want to understand us and fail.
* Leaving the vast majority to default to expecting or demanding that we conform to their way of thinking.

A dynamic exacerbated by a society steeped in a righteous belief of majority rule.

 

[AspieChris]

Would you expect a 98.2% neurotypical majority to bother to consider the differences of a 1.8% neurodiverse minority, or simply default to their own manner of thinking?

* There are a very few who will want to understand us and succeed.
* A few more will want to understand us and fail.
* Leaving the vast majority to default to expecting or demanding that we conform to their way of thinking.

A dynamic exacerbated by a society steeped in a righteous belief of majority rule.

You’re absolutely correct and I don’t expect special treatment because I’m different. I think it does show how ignorant the majority can be.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Would you expect a 98.2% neurotypical majority to bother to consider the differences of a 1.8% neurodiverse minority, or simply default to their own manner of thinking?

* There are a very few who will want to understand us and succeed.
* A few more will want to understand us and fail.
* Leaving the vast majority to default to expecting or demanding that we conform to their way of thinking.

A dynamic exacerbated by a society steeped in a righteous belief of majority rule.

This is a very helpful post to remember.