GrownupGirl
Tempermental Artist
I've seen those in the section for really weird items on ebay. The warmers, I mean.
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Post something Weird or Random
- Thread starter IContainMultitudes
- Start date
AGXStarseed
Well-Known Member
I've seen those in the section for really weird items on ebay. The warmers, I mean.
I've seen them at RED5/Menkind - a shop in my hometown.
GrownupGirl
Tempermental Artist
I think the nose warmer is really a gag gift. I don't know if my brother's nose gets that cold in the winter, but it would make a funny Christmas gag gift. It might make an even funnier birthday gift, because his birthday is in July. Maybe it will keep his nose from getting sunburned.
Butter Knife User's Manual
Congratulations on the purchase of your very own butter knife! I'm sure your ready to start spreading ultra-processed commerial products all over your toast and muffins but before you do please keep one thing in mind, improper handling of your butter knife can lead to serious damage to the knife and most importantly, to you. That's why it's important to carefully review this manual and follow the safety guidelines contained herein.
General Safety / Proper Use and Handling
Always keep your butter knife inside a closed drawer or other container when not in use. If you inhabit a living space with another individual who hasn't read this manual or been certified to use a butter knife then its strongly recommended you lock said container.
If you own a butter knife then you should seriously consider investing in rugged leather gloves, a leather apron and safety glasses and don this apparel before opening you cutlery drawer. Even if you're certified, it never hurts to be extra safe and wear your personal protective equipment.
Always keep a first aid kit next to your cutlery drawer. Check to see that it's well stocked on a regular basis.
When using a butter knife, always grasp it firmly by the handle.
A butter knife is not a replacement for a screwdriver, crowbar or toothpick.
While it's perfectly understandable that you'll want your butter knife with you everywhere you go, never attempt to smuggle a butter knife through airport security. Follow standard airport protocols for transfering restricted items onto an airplane.
Never use a butter knife to try and dig out a gnat that flew into your ear and got stuck in earwax.
Always keep your ears clean if you own a butter knife. You may wish to put some Q-tips in your first aid kit and clean your ears before opening your cutlery drawer.
Never try to unclug your sinuses by sticking a butter knife up your nose. Try blowing your nose instead.
Make sure you have a box of tissues near your cutlery drawer.
Never bring a butter knife to a gun fight, unless you also have a gun and wish to butter your victory scones when the fightings done.
Electrical Safety
Never touch electricity with a butter knife, that's bad. This includes sticking it in a toaster, an eletrical socket, or reaching up with it to touch that low hanging power line. It's also improper to hold a butter knife upright on the top of you head and then run around outside during a lightning storm.
Thinking about poking that electric eel with your butter knife because it looks all slimy and you don't want to touch the thing with your hand? WELL THINK AGAIN!!! It'll shock you!
Hmmmm, sticking your butter knife in the toaster might be bad but maybe you can stick it in the microwave for a few seconds so it warms up enough to cut through that stick of butter? NO, DON'T DO IT!!! It'll explode!
Oops, it look like an exceptionally large dragon-fly got caught inside the bug zapper you hung outside your patio. Maybe you should use your butter knife to flick it out since it looks so gross and your in-laws are coming over for a cookout? WRONG!!! You'll be the one that gets zapped!
That police officer is pointing a taser at you because you're running around outside during a lightning storm holding a butter knife upright on the top of your head and refuse to obey his verbal commands. Maybe you should charge at him as fast as you can? NO WAY!!! You'll get tased then the local prosecuting attorney will be the one that charges you!
Oh No! You've been incarcerated for terrible crimes and now you're going to get the electric chair! Maybe you should shape your butterknife into a shiv and try to escape prison? INCORRECT!!! That would void the warranty!
Congratulations on the purchase of your very own butter knife! I'm sure your ready to start spreading ultra-processed commerial products all over your toast and muffins but before you do please keep one thing in mind, improper handling of your butter knife can lead to serious damage to the knife and most importantly, to you. That's why it's important to carefully review this manual and follow the safety guidelines contained herein.
General Safety / Proper Use and Handling
Always keep your butter knife inside a closed drawer or other container when not in use. If you inhabit a living space with another individual who hasn't read this manual or been certified to use a butter knife then its strongly recommended you lock said container.
If you own a butter knife then you should seriously consider investing in rugged leather gloves, a leather apron and safety glasses and don this apparel before opening you cutlery drawer. Even if you're certified, it never hurts to be extra safe and wear your personal protective equipment.
Always keep a first aid kit next to your cutlery drawer. Check to see that it's well stocked on a regular basis.
When using a butter knife, always grasp it firmly by the handle.
A butter knife is not a replacement for a screwdriver, crowbar or toothpick.
While it's perfectly understandable that you'll want your butter knife with you everywhere you go, never attempt to smuggle a butter knife through airport security. Follow standard airport protocols for transfering restricted items onto an airplane.
Never use a butter knife to try and dig out a gnat that flew into your ear and got stuck in earwax.
Always keep your ears clean if you own a butter knife. You may wish to put some Q-tips in your first aid kit and clean your ears before opening your cutlery drawer.
Never try to unclug your sinuses by sticking a butter knife up your nose. Try blowing your nose instead.
Make sure you have a box of tissues near your cutlery drawer.
Never bring a butter knife to a gun fight, unless you also have a gun and wish to butter your victory scones when the fightings done.
Electrical Safety
Never touch electricity with a butter knife, that's bad. This includes sticking it in a toaster, an eletrical socket, or reaching up with it to touch that low hanging power line. It's also improper to hold a butter knife upright on the top of you head and then run around outside during a lightning storm.
Thinking about poking that electric eel with your butter knife because it looks all slimy and you don't want to touch the thing with your hand? WELL THINK AGAIN!!! It'll shock you!
Hmmmm, sticking your butter knife in the toaster might be bad but maybe you can stick it in the microwave for a few seconds so it warms up enough to cut through that stick of butter? NO, DON'T DO IT!!! It'll explode!
Oops, it look like an exceptionally large dragon-fly got caught inside the bug zapper you hung outside your patio. Maybe you should use your butter knife to flick it out since it looks so gross and your in-laws are coming over for a cookout? WRONG!!! You'll be the one that gets zapped!
That police officer is pointing a taser at you because you're running around outside during a lightning storm holding a butter knife upright on the top of your head and refuse to obey his verbal commands. Maybe you should charge at him as fast as you can? NO WAY!!! You'll get tased then the local prosecuting attorney will be the one that charges you!
Oh No! You've been incarcerated for terrible crimes and now you're going to get the electric chair! Maybe you should shape your butterknife into a shiv and try to escape prison? INCORRECT!!! That would void the warranty!
From the rocket fields of the Academy .....
To the far flung stars of outer space
We are space cadets training to be
Ready for dangers we may face.
We are space cadets
and we are proud to say
our fight for right will never cease.
Like a cosmic ray, we light the way,
For Inter-planet peace!
Up in the sky, rocketing past,
Higher than high, faster than fast,
Out into space, into the sun
Look at her go when we give her the gun
From the rocket fields of the Academy .....
That tune sounds similar to "I Wanna Hippopotamus for Christmas," which is said to be lifted from "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts" (weird in its own right).
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