Problems with Neighbors

[JDartistic]

Has anyone else had a history of neighbors who end up bullying you?

At first, I thought it was just really bad luck that I kept getting into stupid situations with my neighbors, usually ending with screaming matches and nasty emails, but now that I'm older and moved yet again to a new area, the "bad neighbor problem" has occurred once again & now I think it's ME! Could it be me????

Seriously, I think it's me! I know I can't be that unlucky to always have a bad neighbor, right?

What happens is always the same: a neighbor does something that freaks me out, and then I respond in an inappropriate way.

Here's my theory: some people "recognize" intuitively when you're autistic, and they attack you, also in an inappropriate way. from what I can tell, I bring out the "inner bully" in some people.

Here's my recent situation: I moved to the waterfront on Chesapeake. Love it, b/c I am on the water and surrounded by a wildlife conservation area - that is, NATURE! and nature makes me happy and content, so all was well... Until my neighbor approached me and said he was going to "shoot the doe" that I've been feeding b/c it was "eating his flowers." He said that "because I'm feeding her, the whole neighborhood is overrun with deer."

This isn't true! I found this HURT doe in my yard over the winter - she was shot but survived all winter precisely b/c I put out apples, nuts and seed for her when she visited at night - she went from being majorly thin and sickly with an awful wound on her side, to now being healthy with a totally healed wound - and I firmly believe she survived b/c of my care that helped her heal...

Anyway, I was taken aback and told him to "knock it off, that there were literally HERDS of deer that roam the neighborhood and it's not just one doe!" (which is true!), and that "you shouldn't live in a wildlife conservation area IF you don't like wildlife!"

This guy then literally got 2 inches from my face and screamed at me, "GET THE (expletive) OUT OF HERE NOW!" and it felt like a PHYSICAL THREAT b/c he was inches from my face and screaming like a maniac. I then said (like an idiot, but I just blurted it out), "You're scaring me!" And then he & his wife thought that was so funny and literally roared with laughter. Now, every time I walk by his house, no matter who is there, everyone laughs at me! Worse, he's a popular guy, and now my other neighbors won't talk to me anymore!

Gesh. My last place I lived in, I got into a terrible feud with the condo board president. It escalated so bad, he would send me threatening emails (and he'd cc'd everyone in the building!) about what an "aggressive and terrible" person I was. Everyone stopped talking to me there, too.

It's like everywhere I go, I'm a Pariah. I've lived my entire life in total isolation.

I was thinking about moving again, but I just moved to my house, and to be honest, I can't afford to keep moving! In my lifetime, I've lived in over 10 places - and every time you move, you lose more $$$ in closing costs, so I just can't afford to do it anymore. But then again, how do I ever resolve this? I just want to be safe and comfortable in my home with a kind community who periodically checks in, to make sure you're okay - like, you know, a community of good neighbors!

Honestly, I'm so overwhelmed. I try very hard to ignore them, but I long for a community and actually had it until this incident took place... Now, I find myself hiding in my house every weekend, b/c I can't stand the "snickering" of my neighbors and the daggers I get from this guy across the street. It's awful. I'm a woman out here on my own, and that's hard enough, but to be hated, too... Ugh.

Anyway - wanted to vent cuz I'm also wondering if this is something that happens to others. I really do think, at least in my life, that I've drawn out the "bully" in many people I meet. I have a string of similar situations - and they are always physically threatening, just like when I was bullied as a kid. It's like I've never grown up! I'm still being bullied! but this time, by strangers!

 

[pax]

Nothing you've written here has convinced me that you are the problem.

If you were a 20 something , 6 foot 2 male of average to large build, and you wailed that Rocky Redneck was scaring you : that unfortunately might give a community of rednecks cause to laugh . A woman living on their own - Nup.

These people sound like a separate subspecies.

 

[Ambi]

Has anyone else had a history of neighbors who end up bullying you?

At first, I thought it was just really bad luck that I kept getting into stupid situations with my neighbors, usually ending with screaming matches and nasty emails, but now that I'm older and moved yet again to a new area, the "bad neighbor problem" has occurred once again & now I think it's ME! Could it be me????

Seriously, I think it's me! I know I can't be that unlucky to always have a bad neighbor, right?

What happens is always the same: a neighbor does something that freaks me out, and then I respond in an inappropriate way.

Here's my theory: some people "recognize" intuitively when you're autistic, and they attack you, also in an inappropriate way. from what I can tell, I bring out the "inner bully" in some people.

Here's my recent situation: I moved to the waterfront on Chesapeake. Love it, b/c I am on the water and surrounded by a wildlife conservation area - that is, NATURE! and nature makes me happy and content, so all was well... Until my neighbor approached me and said he was going to "shoot the doe" that I've been feeding b/c it was "eating his flowers." He said that "because I'm feeding her, the whole neighborhood is overrun with deer."

This isn't true! I found this HURT doe in my yard over the winter - she was shot but survived all winter precisely b/c I put out apples, nuts and seed for her when she visited at night - she went from being majorly thin and sickly with an awful wound on her side, to now being healthy with a totally healed wound - and I firmly believe she survived b/c of my care that helped her heal...

Anyway, I was taken aback and told him to "knock it off, that there were literally HERDS of deer that roam the neighborhood and it's not just one doe!" (which is true!), and that "you shouldn't live in a wildlife conservation area IF you don't like wildlife!"

This guy then literally got 2 inches from my face and screamed at me, "GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE NOW!" and it felt like a PHYSICAL THREAT b/c he was inches from my face and screaming like a maniac. I then said (like an idiot, but I just blurted it out), "You're scaring me!" And then he & his wife thought that was so f****ing funny and literally roared with laughter. Now, every time I walk by his house, no matter who is there, everyone laughs at me! Worse, he's a popular guy, and now my other neighbors won't talk to me anymore!

Gesh. My last place I lived in, I got into a terrible feud with the condo board president. It escalated so bad, he would send me threatening emails (and he'd cc'd everyone in the building!) about what an "aggressive and terrible" person I was. Everyone stopped talking to me there, too.

It's like everywhere I go, I'm a Pariah. I've lived my entire life in total isolation.

I was thinking about moving again, but I just moved to my house, and to be honest, I can't afford to keep moving! In my lifetime, I've lived in over 10 places - and every time you move, you lose more $$$ in closing costs, so I just can't afford to do it anymore. But then again, how do I ever resolve this? I just want to be safe and comfortable in my home with a kind community who periodically checks in, to make sure you're okay - like, you know, a community of good neighbors!

Honestly, I'm so overwhelmed. I try very hard to ignore them, but I long for a community and actually had it until this incident took place... Now, I find myself hiding in my house every weekend, b/c I can't stand the "snickering" of my neighbors and the daggers I get from this guy across the street. It's awful. I'm a woman out here on my own, and that's hard enough, but to be hated, too... Ugh.

Anyway - wanted to vent cuz I'm also wondering if this is something that happens to others. I really do think, at least in my life, that I've drawn out the "bully" in many people I meet. I have a string of similar situations - and they are always physically threatening, just like when I was bullied as a kid. It's like I've never grown up! I'm still being bullied! but this time, by strangers!

I have never had a problem with neighbors bullying me - I try not to have much to do with my neighbors, just a polite smile/hello if I see them. That is terrible - if anyone should move, it's them - if it is a wildlife preserve, then surely it is ILLEGAL for them to shoot the deer - is there someone you can report it to? Or if that person threatens you again, is there some way to file a report with the police? I'm not sure how/if you can do all of that, but I don't think you should get bullied out of there by some violent weirdo.

Also, most people would not be able to tell I was an Aspie, but bullies do single me out. That one couple may just be horrible bullies - is there a neighborhood association you can report it to? I do think if people can tell you are different/weaker/vulnerable, they can naturally start stepping all over you, and the worst ones will bully like you've mentioned. It is a HORRIBLE aspect of NT nature, imho.

 

[JDartistic]

It's nice getting another perspective. Thank you.

I had another neighbor tell me the guy is known as a 'mean drunk' but it still doesn't make it any easier in dealing with him - & his goonies. He has parties every weekend where they all just drink themselves into screaming fools. It's just that the whole 'hood is Redneck & everyone thinks it's funny...except me, I guess. Ugh.

Re the doe, I keep feeding her. She's beautiful & I won't let them bully me to stop. The area is protected against hunting so he couldn't legally shoot the deer, but it was just so mean spirited, I got really upset.

 

[Mia]

Seems like your neighbor is a bullying creep. I'm in Canada and if this happened to me, I would file a police report, concerning the incident, it's direct intimidation and threatening behavior. Then I'd likely retaliate in some way, when one of my neighbors had really loud drunken parties and kept setting off fireworks, I got tired of calling the police.

After these parties the following day it would be really quiet as they slept most of the day away. I bought ten really loud electronic (battery-run) clocks that beeped. I set them for five o'clock in the morning, in increments of fifteen minutes apart, about three hours after they had gone to bed mainly comatose. I hid them in the bushes around their house, on their veranda, even threw two on their veranda roof. Then I went to bed and got up at five. It was fun to see these people running around looking for the beeping alarm clocks. It took them hours to find them all. I got my revenge and I feel good about it. (My justification for doing this; If it was okay for them to wake me up with their noise, then it was all-right for me to do the same to them). They never knew it was me.

My suggestion would be to encourage wildlife like skunks to populate their property. Raccoons too, and anything else, by feeding them. Open garbage cans on their property might work. A really big dog would be good too. I would also laugh at them when I see them.

Another thing that's just occurred that you could do. Is to call the police if any of them drive home drunk.

 

[JDartistic]

If you look closely, you can see her bullet scar. She's so beautiful...

 

[JDartistic]

Seems like your neighbor is a bullying creep. I'm in Canada and if this happened to me, I would file a police report, concerning the incident, it's direct intimidation and threatening behavior. Then I'd likely retaliate in some way, when one of my neighbors had really loud drunken parties and kept setting off fireworks, I got tired of calling the police.

After these parties the following day it would be really quiet as they slept most of the day away. I bought ten really loud electronic clocks that beeped. I set them for five o'clock in the morning, in increments of fifteen minutes apart, about three hours after they had gone to bed mainly comatose. I hid them in the bushes around their house, on their veranda, even threw two on their veranda roof. Then I went to bed and got up at five. It was fun to see these people running around looking for the beeping alarm clocks. It took them hours to find them all. I got my revenge and I feel good about it.

My suggestion would be to encourage wildlife like skunks to populate their property. Raccoons too, and anything else, by feeding them. Open garbage cans on their property might work. A really big dog would be good too. I would also laugh at them when I see them.

That's funny! Thanks for the chuckle. And that's exactly them - they drink heavily & not only set off fireworks but they all have those boat fog horns in a can that they blast after midnight. They think it's hilarious but it's so obnoxious, not to mention their loud music every night.

Love the alarm clock ideas. The only thing about that is that these guys all have guns! I am scared of them - no idea what a drunk fool will do, so I stay far away. Sucks tho that I dont leave my house on weekends. I'm hoping it will all blow over w time.

 

[Katleya]

I don't think it's you. Your neighbors seem like they're bullies, and I would be so scared knowing that because they have a gun (I get scared easily), since I don't trust people who don't value the life of an animal to use common sense over violence while dealing with humans.

I think the advice above of reporting the incident seems solid, but it's probably something you need to be tactful about so that he doesn't hurt you. Sadly, you can't do much about mean, violent people, I think.
In terms of being repeatedly bullied by your neighbors everywhere, there may be things that you can do about it, I'm just not sure which, but maybe something in your reaction either fuels their fire or make them sense you as the perfect prey. (I'm the serial victim of work bullies, and while I know that I don't provoke the bullying, surely there must be something I'm not doing to keep them at bay, so that they at least leave me alone. I'm working on that, but I haven't found how not to be bullied yet. I feel there's definitely a parallel that can be made with your situation).

 

[Katleya]

That's funny! Thanks for the chuckle. And that's exactly them - they drink heavily & not only set off fireworks but they all have those boat fog horns in a can that they blast after midnight. They think it's hilarious but it's so obnoxious, not to mention their loud music every night.

This is why I have my doubts on Darwin's theories. If all of them applied, surely those guys who mix stupid with alcohol and fireworks on a boat would have already blown off their hands or heads and fallen into the bay by now, wouldn't they?

 

[Mia]

I agree, it's better to be careful with jerks. Everyone where I am has guns too, although they are mainly hunting rifles that they use once a year. I've noticed in the years that I've lived where I do, that the parties have ended earlier and there are fewer of them. After awhile that kind of lifestyle catches up on you, and I've seen the neighbor get fatter and older pretty quickly. He now has a big gut and is quieter and I've learned to prepare for the noise and idiocy by closing windows and wearing earplugs.

Go figure, live in a nice quiet place, surrounded by forests and noisy jerks for neighbors. It's as if they are afraid of peace and quiet and have to make noise to feel alive.

 

[Pariah Dog]

This post about made my stomach churn as I lived in a trashy neighbourhood for 8 years that is like what you describe. A mobile home park, I lived beside a crystal meth user and his dirtbag family and the random string of bottom dwellers that would frequant. Same partying and such like you describe, and many neighbors looked up to him. Cops couldn't do anything and didn't care and I suspect an affirmative action element to the situation further tying their hands (this is Cananda). The more of a low life scum bag you are the higher your social status in this town it seemed. This scum bag was also under the land lords protection. Well I don't live there anymore. I left my psycho ex who made me stay there due to imagined money problems. In her mind having $120,000 in the bank is not enough to get out of the ghetto.

It would be harder for a woman alone I'm sure. But you can't ever back down to bullies. They WILL target you 10 times out of 10 if they think you are week or even just different. I managed to scare the hell out of my meth smoking neighbor and got the message across if would not back down to him if my life depended on it. A saving grace is that by day he would put on a facade about being a good person and try to convince anyone he could, so there was an image to worry about.

I had trouble with some other less threatening bottom dwellers. They back right down when you stand up to them, halariously cowardly.

You will probably have to move I'm sorry to say. In the end it's a fight you can't win. It will consume all your life and sanity. I also used to not want to go outside. Though if you had bad neighbors that many times it's hard to speculate.

 

[Ambi]

It's nice getting another perspective. Thank you.

I had another neighbor tell me the guy is known as a 'mean drunk' but it still doesn't make it any easier in dealing with him - & his goonies. He has parties every weekend where they all just drink themselves into screaming fools. It's just that the whole 'hood is Redneck & everyone thinks it's funny...except me, I guess. Ugh.

Re the doe, I keep feeding her. She's beautiful & I won't let them bully me to stop. The area is protected against hunting so he couldn't legally shoot the deer, but it was just so mean spirited, I got really upset.

Oh no.... I would get depressed living somewhere like that. That sounds like it is just the culture there, so imho you will always be uncomfortable to an extent :-(

 

[Ambi]

If you look closely, you can see her bullet scar. She's so beautiful...View attachment 35430

I love her!

 

[Pariah Dog]

I just wanted to add that even if you win against one of those losers it's generally a hollow victory if you spent a massive amount of time and energy getting there. If it's still the same trashy neighbourhood it's likely not the end of your problems.

 

[Streetwise]

do you know of a police officer in your area that has concern for the mentally ill as that person would be the best
i have one what i do is report to the police what has happened so IVE got a record of the incident
and he tried to help me but like you i know the people are rednecks so its useless the police wont be there 24 hours a day or for as long as there is trouble DONT stay in the house at the weekend just be cold learning to be cold may lead you to being calm DONT look over at their house DONT turn and look at them if they are outside
cut them off it drives them nuts they are acting like spoiled children
make it plain you will always be who you are set boundaries IM not saying your life will be one whit easier it takes time

Has anyone else had a history of neighbors who end up bullying you?

At first, I thought it was just really bad luck that I kept getting into stupid situations with my neighbors, usually ending with screaming matches and nasty emails, but now that I'm older and moved yet again to a new area, the "bad neighbor problem" has occurred once again & now I think it's ME! Could it be me????

Seriously, I think it's me! I know I can't be that unlucky to always have a bad neighbor, right?

What happens is always the same: a neighbor does something that freaks me out, and then I respond in an inappropriate way.

Here's my theory: some people "recognize" intuitively when you're autistic, and they attack you, also in an inappropriate way. from what I can tell, I bring out the "inner bully" in some people.

Here's my recent situation: I moved to the waterfront on Chesapeake. Love it, b/c I am on the water and surrounded by a wildlife conservation area - that is, NATURE! and nature makes me happy and content, so all was well... Until my neighbor approached me and said he was going to "shoot the doe" that I've been feeding b/c it was "eating his flowers." He said that "because I'm feeding her, the whole neighborhood is overrun with deer."

This isn't true! I found this HURT doe in my yard over the winter - she was shot but survived all winter precisely b/c I put out apples, nuts and seed for her when she visited at night - she went from being majorly thin and sickly with an awful wound on her side, to now being healthy with a totally healed wound - and I firmly believe she survived b/c of my care that helped her heal...

Anyway, I was taken aback and told him to "knock it off, that there were literally HERDS of deer that roam the neighborhood and it's not just one doe!" (which is true!), and that "you shouldn't live in a wildlife conservation area IF you don't like wildlife!"

This guy then literally got 2 inches from my face and screamed at me, "GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE NOW!" and it felt like a PHYSICAL THREAT b/c he was inches from my face and screaming like a maniac. I then said (like an idiot, but I just blurted it out), "You're scaring me!" And then he & his wife thought that was so f****ing funny and literally roared with laughter. Now, every time I walk by his house, no matter who is there, everyone laughs at me! Worse, he's a popular guy, and now my other neighbors won't talk to me anymore!

Gesh. My last place I lived in, I got into a terrible feud with the condo board president. It escalated so bad, he would send me threatening emails (and he'd cc'd everyone in the building!) about what an "aggressive and terrible" person I was. Everyone stopped talking to me there, too.

It's like everywhere I go, I'm a Pariah. I've lived my entire life in total isolation.

I was thinking about moving again, but I just moved to my house, and to be honest, I can't afford to keep moving! In my lifetime, I've lived in over 10 places - and every time you move, you lose more $$$ in closing costs, so I just can't afford to do it anymore. But then again, how do I ever resolve this? I just want to be safe and comfortable in my home with a kind community who periodically checks in, to make sure you're okay - like, you know, a community of good neighbors!

Honestly, I'm so overwhelmed. I try very hard to ignore them, but I long for a community and actually had it until this incident took place... Now, I find myself hiding in my house every weekend, b/c I can't stand the "snickering" of my neighbors and the daggers I get from this guy across the street. It's awful. I'm a woman out here on my own, and that's hard enough, but to be hated, too... Ugh.

Anyway - wanted to vent cuz I'm also wondering if this is something that happens to others. I really do think, at least in my life, that I've drawn out the "bully" in many people I meet. I have a string of similar situations - and they are always physically threatening, just like when I was bullied as a kid. It's like I've never grown up! I'm still being bullied! but this time, by strangers!

 

[OlLiE]

i had a recent discussion about my need for quiet and noisy neighbours with my shrink. After a couple of intake talks to get to know me he gave me what i thought was a sensible way of looking at things.

At the end of the day, no matter how boorish, uneducated, inconsiderate, noisy and selfish many other people are, trying to educate or change them is a pointless exercise which will most likely exhaust me and change very little.

He described life as a number of values from which i would need to choose, if i choose 'i must live in nature in a neighbourhood with other NT people', then you have to accept the other people that are there. Whether you are objectively right in your views or not will not actually help you get where you want to be. I tend to get quite righteous when i am right and someone else is wrong but won't do as they should. Again, it just wears me out and changes very little, so what's the point? He ultimately told me choose which 'values' i was willing to compromise on and which one's i cannot compromise on.

If you want a quiet neighbourhood in nature, don't live in a neighbourhood of NT's, they are living there because they like the outdoors, and will likely be noisy and a burden to you outside.

Concretely, before renting or buying in a building or neighbourhood, talk to a few of the neighbours.

 

[Streetwise]

children does that count and one woman
children throw things at my door or window

 

[Ylva]

Same. None of my neighbors will talk to me, but the closest two are at least not hostile. I ignore everyone now.

 

[Adora]

That is horrible the neighbour is just a bully and a coward,to answer your question about neighbors yes I have had one that wasn't pleasant but he did something to me that I still have issues talking about but let just say that I believe there are some people who uses people's vulnerabilities to prey on them.

 

[JamesBon92007]

While I'm not agreeing with the Neanderthals who's community you moved into it has been my experience that feeding wild animals can lead to them change their behavior however I have also read many comments from people who live in deer areas that have problems with them regardless of whether or not anyone is feeding them. Personally I would have done the same thing that you did, nurse it back to health.

I too tend to end up living next door or across the street from inconsiderate idiots. Fortunately, at the moment all of those people in my neighborhood have either been evicted, are in jail, or are dead due to drug-related causes. I think there are just a lot of them and chances are you will end up near to some. I also think that most people are very nice and considerate but are just not as noticeable. We just had a couple from down the street over for dinner and they brought us a big basket of home-grown tomatoes which we will share with our next-door neighbor who's dogs we walk every evening. You just gotta find those folks.

My girlfriend recently noticed (after taking a realistic look instead of remembering how it used to be) that there were MANY homes in the neighborhood that were overgrown with weeds, in bad need of repairs, junk cars that have been on the driveway for over a decade, and other forms of neglect. She placed some friendly brochures on the windshields of the cars at the offending homes that explain what is not only required by local laws but also some good reasons for keeping up your property. Within a few weeks the changes were miraculous! No more 3 foot tall weeds, no more junk cars, people mowing their lawns, no more holes in stucco, houses being painted.... The pride in the neighborhood has been restored! I'd even bet that property values have increased considerably.