Problems with Neighbors

[Mia]

Think the thing that Aspies have, is intelligence. When dealing with someone like the poster did, she used that intelligence. It might take awhile to decide how to deal with people, or not engage them all. But I have to admit I laughed a lot at the bunch of hung-over morons in their underwear, searching for those clocks.

 

[JDartistic]

Maybe you could leave a herring under her porch?

What's funny is that the Osprey in my 'hood actually DO often drop their half-eaten fish in your yard - seriously, that happened to someone next door and they thought the neighbors were sending him a message, but it turned out the Ospreys drop critters on the beach all the time. LOL

 

[Questella]

I think one of our neighbors has been dropping dog **** in our bushes out front. It stinks super super bad out in front of our place I can't even go out there and I have no idea who it would be. We are literately the only ones here that don't have large, violent dogs. I hate dogs and I hate people I swear. The flies are insane now as well as all the dog **** all over the neighbor hood that never gets picked up has become a fly haven. Flies are gross. Dogs are gross. People are gross. We need an ASD community or town away from all these people.

 

[JDartistic]

This could be an example of taking things literally.
(Its a given that this neighbour is an idiot)

He cou,d have said hed kill it with no intention of killing. Often things like this are saying things just for the sake of it.

No meaning attached.

Like when my neighbojr said he'd shoot me. I just said make it quick.

He had no intention of doing it.

The guy knows hes in a reserve and he has flowers.

So i would err on the side of you over reacting. Easier to look to yourself than make things worse by following some other comments here.

As you said, these problems follow you... get back to thinking about that a bit.

Some things said would mind a 'normal' up

I think you're right - it is me taking everything literally. I've always had that problem... :-(

 

[JDartistic]

IVE got
IVE got to say you are not a lone woman and you were not there when it happened
your attitude is wrong its the type of attitude that says just walk passed as someone is being assaulted

I do take things literally, though. On the other hand, I also agree that he took advantage of me being a woman alone - I doubt he would have screamed at a guy the way he did at me. It was a definite intimidation tactic. He made it very clear that he doesn't like me and wants me gone.

 

[JDartistic]

Oh, right, the inner predator thing…

I believe all humans have one to some varying degree. It has something to do with our natural instinct for power. There's a certain type of person that goes after disabled people, and several other types of people that let them for reasons of their own. They will stand by and watch or they will hurry past or they will cheer for the bully or support him in other ways.

NOT your fault. Not at all. It's not that they can't stop themselves, it's just that they don't want to.

I know this is true. Not to get depressed or anything, but I've been raped twice, and over the years, I've had some close calls with violence that scared me to death - I firmly believe that some people prey on us. I've often said that I must have "victim" written on my forehead. The good news is that I'm older now and I've learned to recognize AND to stay away from the violent types - like this guy next door. I just know he's trouble, which is why I'm probably going to move when I can...

 

[Grandmother B]

Has anyone else had a history of neighbors who end up bullying you?

At first, I thought it was just really bad luck that I kept getting into stupid situations with my neighbors, usually ending with screaming matches and nasty emails, but now that I'm older and moved yet again to a new area, the "bad neighbor problem" has occurred once again & now I think it's ME! Could it be me????

Seriously, I think it's me! I know I can't be that unlucky to always have a bad neighbor, right?

What happens is always the same: a neighbor does something that freaks me out, and then I respond in an inappropriate way.

Here's my theory: some people "recognize" intuitively when you're autistic, and they attack you, also in an inappropriate way. from what I can tell, I bring out the "inner bully" in some people.

Here's my recent situation: I moved to the waterfront on Chesapeake. Love it, b/c I am on the water and surrounded by a wildlife conservation area - that is, NATURE! and nature makes me happy and content, so all was well... Until my neighbor approached me and said he was going to "shoot the doe" that I've been feeding b/c it was "eating his flowers." He said that "because I'm feeding her, the whole neighborhood is overrun with deer."

This isn't true! I found this HURT doe in my yard over the winter - she was shot but survived all winter precisely b/c I put out apples, nuts and seed for her when she visited at night - she went from being majorly thin and sickly with an awful wound on her side, to now being healthy with a totally healed wound - and I firmly believe she survived b/c of my care that helped her heal...

Anyway, I was taken aback and told him to "knock it off, that there were literally HERDS of deer that roam the neighborhood and it's not just one doe!" (which is true!), and that "you shouldn't live in a wildlife conservation area IF you don't like wildlife!"

This guy then literally got 2 inches from my face and screamed at me, "GET THE (expletive) OUT OF HERE NOW!" and it felt like a PHYSICAL THREAT b/c he was inches from my face and screaming like a maniac. I then said (like an idiot, but I just blurted it out), "You're scaring me!" And then he & his wife thought that was so funny and literally roared with laughter. Now, every time I walk by his house, no matter who is there, everyone laughs at me! Worse, he's a popular guy, and now my other neighbors won't talk to me anymore!

Gesh. My last place I lived in, I got into a terrible feud with the condo board president. It escalated so bad, he would send me threatening emails (and he'd cc'd everyone in the building!) about what an "aggressive and terrible" person I was. Everyone stopped talking to me there, too.

It's like everywhere I go, I'm a Pariah. I've lived my entire life in total isolation.

I was thinking about moving again, but I just moved to my house, and to be honest, I can't afford to keep moving! In my lifetime, I've lived in over 10 places - and every time you move, you lose more $$$ in closing costs, so I just can't afford to do it anymore. But then again, how do I ever resolve this? I just want to be safe and comfortable in my home with a kind community who periodically checks in, to make sure you're okay - like, you know, a community of good neighbors!

Honestly, I'm so overwhelmed. I try very hard to ignore them, but I long for a community and actually had it until this incident took place... Now, I find myself hiding in my house every weekend, b/c I can't stand the "snickering" of my neighbors and the daggers I get from this guy across the street. It's awful. I'm a woman out here on my own, and that's hard enough, but to be hated, too... Ugh.

Anyway - wanted to vent cuz I'm also wondering if this is something that happens to others. I really do think, at least in my life, that I've drawn out the "bully" in many people I meet. I have a string of similar situations - and they are always physically threatening, just like when I was bullied as a kid. It's like I've never grown up! I'm still being bullied! but this time, by strangers!

You need to report this to the police. It has nothing to do with your autism. This person is a bully and wold probably be breaking the law by shooting in the neighborhood. At least they could watch him. And next time he says something ugly to you just walk away. Let the cops handle it. If he does shoot the doe, it would be illegal (probably out of season, using a firearm in a neighborhood, cruelty to animals, etc.) Most of the time if bullies can't get a rise out of you, they give up after awhile. Prayers for you to be able to get the cops on your side and live peacefully from now on!

 

[Mia]

The good news is that I'm older now and I've learned to recognize AND to stay away from the violent types - like this guy next door. I just know he's trouble, which is why I'm probably going to move when I can...

So have I stayed away from people who seem well, unstable. Add alcohol and drugs to the mix and it's amplified. If I had encountered this myself, I likely would have warned him off, with a baseball bat. Yet you have to know when to push, and intimidate cowards, and it's not always easy to know.

It might be a good idea if you can, to carry mace or a stun gun when out. I think they are legal to carry in the states.

One of the things I've considered in the past, with a pretty nasty neighbor in another house that my family sold was to sell the house to a local motorcycle gang. One of their members was looking for a home. It didn't happen, but it would have been some justice.

 

[Katleya]

Mia, between the alarm clock prank and the possible local motorcycle gang moving next door, I have to say I really like your sense of justice (or sweet, sweet revenge).

 

[Mia]

Mia, between the alarm clock prank and the possible local motorcycle gang moving next door, I have to say I really like your sense of justice (or sweet, sweet revenge).

Became so frustrated of being 'acted upon' by people and the things they do, that take away from my own enjoyment of life. Felt helpless and had some nasty neighbors over the years, especially in the city. But one of the things I know, is that some people can be stupidly cruel. Most people that I've had as neighbors have been really good people. But the awful ones stand out. And they made my life miserable. They 'took' things away from me, which they had no right to. I finally got tired of being pushed around.
Peaceable enjoyment is written into the charter of rights and freedoms. So rather than get angry and overreact, my intellect is my best weapon. It's something every Aspie can do.

 

[Katleya]

That's very inspiring!
Don't get bitter; get creative. I like that.

 

[abby normal]

the only way I was able to avoid bad neighbors is to move so far out in the country that my nearest neighbor is several hundred feet away. I don't associate with anybody in the neighborhood, with very few exceptions.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

In our opinion, the only good neighbor is no neighbor. We do not need the Jones competing with the Smith's and all that other drama. Life is too short thinking about other people next door or seeing other people next door.

We do not need that entertainment, and are not needy of others. The odds are strongly against having that ideal neighbor, anyway, and even if they were great, the average neighbor can move every seven years, and some awful neighbor move in.

So, we found a great place without neighbors nearby, and out of view. Out of sight, out of mind. Out of sound, out of mind. If they cannot see us and hear us, and we cannot see them and hear them, life is peaceful. They do what they want. We do what we want. And nobody complaining. That is the perfect neighbor.

 

[Mia]

"The wheels of justice turn slowly, but grind exceedingly fine."

Some 1,600 years ago the Greek philosopher Sextus Empiricus wrote: 'The mills of the gods grind slowly, but they grind small.'

I now understand this quote, but didn't for many years.

 

[JamesBon92007]

I think one of our neighbors has been dropping dog **** in our bushes out front. It stinks super super bad out in front of our place I can't even go out there and I have no idea who it would be. We are literately the only ones here that don't have large, violent dogs. I hate dogs and I hate people I swear. The flies are insane now as well as all the dog **** all over the neighbor hood that never gets picked up has become a fly haven. Flies are gross. Dogs are gross. People are gross. We need an ASD community or town away from all these people.

A separate ASD community sounds like a wonderful idea however I think I'm not alone in wanting a dog section. We could have a no dog section too. No flies would suit me just fine

 

[Questella]

A separate ASD community sounds like a wonderful idea however I think I'm not alone in wanting a dog section. We could have a no dog section too. No flies would suit me just fine

The dogs wouldn't be so bad if the people that had them weren't such assholes.

They don't clean up after them. They don't keep them leashed. I can't count how many times some ****ing dog came and chased me down in my own yard. My son as well. I wish I had the balls to shoot the bastards for real. Dog **** is literately everywhere.

 

[JDartistic]

The dogs wouldn't be so bad if the people that had them weren't such assholes.

They don't clean up after them. They don't keep them leashed. I can't count how many times some ****ing dog came and chased me down in my own yard. My son as well. I wish I had the balls to shoot the bastards for real. Dog **** is literately everywhere.

Don't shoot the dogs! It's the owners that are irresponsible, not the innocent animals.

You could get a fence, btw. That would stop the dogs from entering your yard... Granted, I know that's expensive, and I'm sorry that some dog owners are such Sh-heads (pun intended). We have that issue too, in my hood.

Here's what someone did in my 'hood in response to the pooh left in their yard - they simply threw ALL the pooh in the middle of the street! So every time someone drove or walked by, they would ask, WHY IS THERE POOH IN THE STREET? and he would respond, BC I DON'T WANT IT IN MY YARD! Interestingly enough, within a few days, no more pooh!!!

Anyway, there are ways to combat this...just know it's NOT the dog that's wrong...

 

[Katleya]

If I were certain it was the neighbors placing the poop (rather than the dog going there), I'd plant some nettle there. That rash would cure most people from playing dirty tricks on you.

As for the community, yeah, sometimes I wish there were even buildings made for us, with better soundproofing and things like that... but there isn't even a support group in this (major) city, so a girl can always dream.

 

[Questella]

Don't shoot the dogs! It's the owners that are irresponsible, not the innocent animals.

You could get a fence, btw. That would stop the dogs from entering your yard... Granted, I know that's expensive, and I'm sorry that some dog owners are such Sh-heads (pun intended). We have that issue too, in my hood.

Here's what someone did in my 'hood in response to the pooh left in their yard - they simply threw ALL the pooh in the middle of the street! So every time someone drove or walked by, they would ask, WHY IS THERE POOH IN THE STREET? and he would respond, BC I DON'T WANT IT IN MY YARD! Interestingly enough, within a few days, no more pooh!!!

Anyway, there are ways to combat this...just know it's NOT the dog that's wrong...

I'm not the one to shoot any animal. Too much hippie in me. And fences are banned in our neighborhood. I totally wish I could just put up a fence. >: I did take one *****'s dog's **** that she let **** in my yard and straight dump it in her driveway right in front of her and told her to keep her nasty, ******* dog out of my yard. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have a dude to intermediate with these people for me. Everyday I live here I hate dogs more and more.

 

[Ylva]

If you think it's the dogs, can you use, like, plastic toy beartraps (no teeth!) or a recording of a machine gun set to play when the cross a certain invisible line? Dogs are fast learners. Your neighbors might be another story, but mayb you can rig some sort of water trap for them, with a hose soaking them if they cross that invisble line. Or if you can think of something less Home Alone-y, like filming your backyard and reporting it, or posting it online.

The invisible line could be a trip wire. You could put an automatic waterpistol (I hope those exist) in each bush set to spray when things are dumped there. The sky is not the limit, cuz we been to Mars.