Problems with Neighbors

[Ylva]

I don't think it's legal for him to shoot on your property anyway. Don't tell him that, it will just antagonise him. Report his threats instead. Record them, even. On your phone, on paper. If he tries to destroy the evidence that is itself a felony.

 

[Acorn_Elf]

In my neighborhood there's this lady (not sure where she lives) who I have never met that likes to move my upstairs neighbors trashcan directly behind my car. Not sure why she does it, but she stops her car In the middle of the street and hobbles her way up my drive way to move the trashcan behind my car. I watched her through the window each time she does it. I'm afraid to confront her because she might be off her rocker.

 

[Ylva]

Maybe you could leave a herring under her porch?

 

[Full Steam]

Has anyone else had a history of neighbors who end up bullying you?

At first, I thought it was just really bad luck that I kept getting into stupid situations with my neighbors, usually ending with screaming matches and nasty emails, but now that I'm older and moved yet again to a new area, the "bad neighbor problem" has occurred once again & now I think it's ME! Could it be me????

Seriously, I think it's me! I know I can't be that unlucky to always have a bad neighbor, right?

What happens is always the same: a neighbor does something that freaks me out, and then I respond in an inappropriate way.

Here's my theory: some people "recognize" intuitively when you're autistic, and they attack you, also in an inappropriate way. from what I can tell, I bring out the "inner bully" in some people.

Here's my recent situation: I moved to the waterfront on Chesapeake. Love it, b/c I am on the water and surrounded by a wildlife conservation area - that is, NATURE! and nature makes me happy and content, so all was well... Until my neighbor approached me and said he was going to "shoot the doe" that I've been feeding b/c it was "eating his flowers." He said that "because I'm feeding her, the whole neighborhood is overrun with deer."

This isn't true! I found this HURT doe in my yard over the winter - she was shot but survived all winter precisely b/c I put out apples, nuts and seed for her when she visited at night - she went from being majorly thin and sickly with an awful wound on her side, to now being healthy with a totally healed wound - and I firmly believe she survived b/c of my care that helped her heal...

Anyway, I was taken aback and told him to "knock it off, that there were literally HERDS of deer that roam the neighborhood and it's not just one doe!" (which is true!), and that "you shouldn't live in a wildlife conservation area IF you don't like wildlife!"

This guy then literally got 2 inches from my face and screamed at me, "GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE NOW!" and it felt like a PHYSICAL THREAT b/c he was inches from my face and screaming like a maniac. I then said (like an idiot, but I just blurted it out), "You're scaring me!" And then he & his wife thought that was so f****ing funny and literally roared with laughter. Now, every time I walk by his house, no matter who is there, everyone laughs at me! Worse, he's a popular guy, and now my other neighbors won't talk to me anymore!

Gesh. My last place I lived in, I got into a terrible feud with the condo board president. It escalated so bad, he would send me threatening emails (and he'd cc'd everyone in the building!) about what an "aggressive and terrible" person I was. Everyone stopped talking to me there, too.

It's like everywhere I go, I'm a Pariah. I've lived my entire life in total isolation.

I was thinking about moving again, but I just moved to my house, and to be honest, I can't afford to keep moving! In my lifetime, I've lived in over 10 places - and every time you move, you lose more $$$ in closing costs, so I just can't afford to do it anymore. But then again, how do I ever resolve this? I just want to be safe and comfortable in my home with a kind community who periodically checks in, to make sure you're okay - like, you know, a community of good neighbors!

Honestly, I'm so overwhelmed. I try very hard to ignore them, but I long for a community and actually had it until this incident took place... Now, I find myself hiding in my house every weekend, b/c I can't stand the "snickering" of my neighbors and the daggers I get from this guy across the street. It's awful. I'm a woman out here on my own, and that's hard enough, but to be hated, too... Ugh.

Anyway - wanted to vent cuz I'm also wondering if this is something that happens to others. I really do think, at least in my life, that I've drawn out the "bully" in many people I meet. I have a string of similar situations - and they are always physically threatening, just like when I was bullied as a kid. It's like I've never grown up! I'm still being bullied! but this time, by strangers!

What a set of dicks.

There are some ****, wastes of skin out there and I think you've maybe just been unlucky, or maybe your area has a higher than normal arsehole ratio?

It's definitely not you, and I'd have fed that deer too, and being a large 6' 3 male I suspect your neighbour would have been silent.

Bullies are pathetic, contemptible cowards.

 

[Momo]

They don't sound like the best of people. Perhaps if it escalates any more call the police, they should not be making you feel uncomfortable. And under no circumstances is it okay that these people are treating you this way. I hope it gets better.

 

[Full Steam]

A dog might be a good idea.

I have no experience living around people with guns, and I don't ever want to.

 

[Full Steam]

In my neighborhood there's this lady (not sure where she lives) who I have never met that likes to move my upstairs neighbors trashcan directly behind my car. Not sure why she does it, but she stops her car In the middle of the street and hobbles her way up my drive way to move the trashcan behind my car. I watched her through the window each time she does it. I'm afraid to confront her because she might be off her rocker.

Hide in the trash can and burst out when she tries to move it.

Won't do that again!

 

[Judge]

Not that its any kind of consolation, but becoming self-aware of my autism has allowed me to put my own intolerance to others in better perspective. It really doesn't take much to aggravate me in comparison to my NT neighbors. A dynamic that never changes.

Meaning it's me who has to somehow adapt or move. I'm just too sensitive to noise and disturbances outside my own home and control. And yes, at times it's agonizing.

 

[WereBear]

This is why I have my doubts on Darwin's theories. If all of them applied, surely those guys who mix stupid with alcohol and fireworks on a boat would have already blown off their hands or heads and fallen into the bay by now, wouldn't they?

They have usually reproduced by then.

I would start building a file on them, notating each incident, and talk to the police. You can even (since he threatened you) ask for an Order of Protection which means he cannot approach you or your property.

You have to be proactive as much as you can because only a show of force, from somewhere, will make him stop making you a target. Check on the stalking and harassment laws in your area.

I would hate to see you driven from your home.

 

[WereBear]

You could also hire an actor.

Some big guy who go over there and have him explain that someone close to him is all upset about his behavior and now that he's out of jail, he's coming around to see that his friend isn't bothered anymore.

 

[LogicalMind]

Find out on the internet when you have spare time, about basic aspects of state law in terms of harassment, bullying, deer hunting... and also post on some legal forums for your state and also some legal free advice places...legal aid etc.

Whenever they do something, recite article codes of the legal system, in a calm or emotionless manner, and that you have notified close contacts of his harassment and bullying, and his criminal intimidation to resort coercively to resort to violence against you... the important part would be not to slander him by speaking about him excplicitly by name or any form of inderect identification to anyone...but to seek legally acceptable ways to report anything... so for forums dont use his name, but if he ever threatens you illegally again... make a report at the police station, as well as phone/email legal aid of some sort... I guarantee you that in the USA there are many opportunities for assistance out there, alot of them free... it will take time to research but you can find it... the most important part in all of this, is not the deers life (we all die, and get transformed...) but the fact that the man in question is coercing you with implications of violence to your physical person...

Remember this...we all die and live again...but not all of humanity obeys the laws... therefore we need to gain a passion to understand the laws, make friendship/social connections to reinforce the laws...and above all else, courage, self-control, peace...

If he ever does hurt you...go straight to police... if he ever threatens go straight to police... but remember to research how this is supposed to be done... and although it is good to love the deers... remember...there is a life for them after this world... this world is not the only one... and that logic at the end of the universe, will judge/justify all existence...

Have courage, but do not fight back with your body...fight back with logic, peace of mind, law, truth, wisdom, and reporting him via acceptable means

Thank you for your story...it means alot to me that you are going through this...but I have faith that you can succeed in your tribulations in life...and that victory will be yours...do not loose heart, but believe in yourself, and spend time studying laws when you can, and gaining contacts at local law enforcement

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

This could be an example of taking things literally.
(Its a given that this neighbour is an idiot)

He cou,d have said hed kill it with no intention of killing. Often things like this are saying things just for the sake of it.

No meaning attached.

Like when my neighbojr said he'd shoot me. I just said make it quick.

He had no intention of doing it.

The guy knows hes in a reserve and he has flowers.

So i would err on the side of you over reacting. Easier to look to yourself than make things worse by following some other comments here.

As you said, these problems follow you... get back to thinking about that a bit.

Some things said would mind a 'normal' up

 

[Streetwise]

IVE got

This could be an example of taking things literally.
(Its a given that this neighbour is an idiot)

He cou,d have said hed kill it with no intention of killing. Often things like this are saying things just for the sake of it.

No meaning attached.

Like when my neighbojr said he'd shoot me. I just said make it quick.

He had no intention of doing it.

The guy knows hes in a reserve and he has flowers.

So i would err on the side of you over reacting. Easier to look to yourself than make things worse by following some other comments here.

As you said, these problems follow you... get back to thinking about that a bit.

Some things said would mind a 'normal' up

IVE got to say you are not a lone woman and you were not there when it happened
your attitude is wrong its the type of attitude that says just walk passed as someone is being assaulted

 

[isthisreallife]

I think this is the best thing I've ever read. That prank was genius!

Seems like your neighbor is a bullying creep. I'm in Canada and if this happened to me, I would file a police report, concerning the incident, it's direct intimidation and threatening behavior. Then I'd likely retaliate in some way, when one of my neighbors had really loud drunken parties and kept setting off fireworks, I got tired of calling the police.

After these parties the following day it would be really quiet as they slept most of the day away. I bought ten really loud electronic (battery-run) clocks that beeped. I set them for five o'clock in the morning, in increments of fifteen minutes apart, about three hours after they had gone to bed mainly comatose. I hid them in the bushes around their house, on their veranda, even threw two on their veranda roof. Then I went to bed and got up at five. It was fun to see these people running around looking for the beeping alarm clocks. It took them hours to find them all. I got my revenge and I feel good about it. (My justification for doing this; If it was okay for them to wake me up with their noise, then it was all-right for me to do the same to them). They never knew it was me.

My suggestion would be to encourage wildlife like skunks to populate their property. Raccoons too, and anything else, by feeding them. Open garbage cans on their property might work. A really big dog would be good too. I would also laugh at them when I see them.

Another thing that's just occurred that you could do. Is to call the police if any of them drive home drunk.

 

[Mia]

I think this is the best thing I've ever read. That prank was genius!

Thanks. I considered it for some time before I did it, years. They woke me up so much I finally developed the plan. Bought the clocks one at a time, different stores, over several years. Handled them only with neoprene gloves. Crept around like a ninja dressed in a black hoodie, black pants, with mud on my face. It was fun and justifiable.

 

[Ylva]

Oh, right, the inner predator thing…

I believe all humans have one to some varying degree. It has something to do with our natural instinct for power. There's a certain type of person that goes after disabled people, and several other types of people that let them for reasons of their own. They will stand by and watch or they will hurry past or they will cheer for the bully or support him in other ways.

NOT your fault. Not at all. It's not that they can't stop themselves, it's just that they don't want to.

 

[Kirsty]

I considered it for some time before I did it, years. They woke me up so much I finally developed the plan. Bought the clocks one at a time, different stores, over several years.

Genius plan, I agree. It's kind of a shame it took you all those years, though. I hope you come up with other plans like this to give them as much grief as they had done to you!

 

[JamesBon92007]

After these parties the following day it would be really quiet as they slept most of the day away. I bought ten really loud electronic (battery-run) clocks that beeped. I set them for five o'clock in the morning, in increments of fifteen minutes apart, about three hours after they had gone to bed mainly comatose. I hid them in the bushes around their house, on their veranda, even threw two on their veranda roof. Then I went to bed and got up at five. It was fun to see these people running around looking for the beeping alarm clocks. It took them hours to find them all. I got my revenge and I feel good about it. (My justification for doing this; If it was okay for them to wake me up with their noise, then it was all-right for me to do the same to them). They never knew it was me.

You are my hero! I've never had a hero before.

 

[Questella]

My theory is stay away from the people that happen to live near you. No good can come of it. My worst fear would be them getting to know my schedule and breaking in when I wasn't there.

If they shot the deer out of hunting season you can totally report that. I don't know much about hunting laws but you do need to be in season and need a license. You can't just go around shooting animals. If they think it's a big enough problem they need to call animal control (who will probably laugh at them). Your neighbor sounds really sick. >:

If you move again get over the need to get to know and be friendly with your neighbors, maybe try to find a meet-up for these needs. :<

 

[Katleya]

Not that its any kind of consolation, but becoming self-aware of my autism has allowed me to put my own intolerance to others in better perspective. It really doesn't take much to aggravate me in comparison to my NT neighbors. A dynamic that never changes.

Meaning it's me who has to somehow adapt or move. I'm just too sensitive to noise and disturbances outside my own home and control. And yes, at times it's agonizing.

I was made to realize something like that just last week.
New neighbors have moved upstairs, and as everyone else in the building, they have hardwood floor. And every night, I could hear them traipsing around, just above my head. I understand they might have insomnia, but I was extremely upset that they would drag me in that hell along with them. So it lasted for about 10 days, until last week end when I just had had enough. I was exhausted, so obviously very, very irritated. It was about 1:30 a.m., and they started dragging furniture on the floor.
I haven't left the apartment on my own in 6 months, I was in my pajamas, but I got up and went upstairs. Rang once, heard them move, nobody gets the door. So I rang again, and this is probably the Aspie not handling the sensory overload too well, but this time I kept my finger on the doorbell until they came to get the door.
So this lady opens the door, I explain the situation, and she immediately explains that she had just seen a mouse, and she was terrified, and she was trying to find it. Oh. I hadn't thought of that. So I'm feeling a little bad already that I rang the bell like that, right? But then she did the most unexpected thing: she not only apologized, but offered me tea. At freaking 01:30 a.m. And she wouldn't take no for an answer. So she makes the tea, brings out all kinds of sweets, makes crepes with honey, and I'm here in my PJs sitting on this lady's couch drinking tea, when just 20 mn ago I felt like ripping her head off.
The get together ended at 03:00 a.m. when my boyfriend, who had been frantically looking for me for an hour and was about to report that I was missing (unusual for someone who can barely walk), heard my loud laughter.
They're much more careful about the noise now (meanwhile, I'm still embarrassed for my overreaction).

Long story short: sometimes, we are aggravated indeed, and much more easily so because of our low threshold. And sometimes, the offenders aren't actually that bad, and discussing the issue can solve it.
Of course, none of that applies to that jerk who wants to shoot your rescue doe.

Edit: I wrote "a mice". I couldn't leave it like that, staring me in the face >°.°<