Relationship junk

[Gerald Wilgus]

I am an introvert. My mom thought l would never marry. It's amazing l meet anyone. Can't change who l am. Maybe men here can realize some woman are more shy than you are, we are just better at masking.

Thank you for saying that. Being shy and introverted I would notice shy girls that I would have liked to connect with, but my anxiety got in the way. Once I was working left stage in a theater production in college and noticed a woman on the crew who was nice and carried herself well. At the close and after striking the set I headed over to the party. There I was, sitting across from her as she demurely sipped her drink, alone. I left soon after and was so very disappointed in myself for not talking to her and and at least thanking her for her work. Then, several years later there was a cute, shy, animal caretaker at a research facility I worked at. I worked closely with the caretakers and developed a crush on her. One day a guy I thought of as a jerk came up to me to tell me that she was a good lay and I should ask her out. I was crestfallen that she would have sex with a guy like that and put her out of my mind.

That is why my advice to us ASD guys who are shy and with social anxiety is to think positively about women and do not overlook the shy ones. As I have pointed out, my spouse, being introverted and shy, felt used by men, so I am very happy that I gave her a choice.

And fer crissakes, relationships need care. Recognize that going in.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Great advice for some of the younger guys, here. Women are not an Alien species,
thier needs are similar but not exactly equal to yours.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

How true! @Ronald Zeeman . One barrier for shy guys who are inexperienced is the idea that all the women you meet will be more sexually experienced. I was anxious about that. But what I happily learned was that you may not be their first, but being attuned to them you can be the last lover they want.

 

[GBWest]

"Luck is the remnant of manipulation."

Anyway... I guess my last post failed to convey fully that there is nothing in my life. Oh wells.

 

[Kalinychta]

Well, if it’s any comfort, many of the people I know who have consistently gotten laid throughout their lives feel the same exact way you do, myself included.

 

[GBWest]

The contradiction just made my head explode.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

The contradiction just made my head explode.

What contradiction? Of course a good sex life is wonderful, but that is not the be all and end all of intimacy. There are times we just like to snuggle together. Selfish, mechanical, sex, does nothing for me, and many women I have heard from agree with that. In fact, women have told me that if that is all they get from a man, they feel used. I honestly believe that until I finally lost my virginity, I was not ready for sex. The difference was that until then I was not confident to be myself and allow a woman in my physical and emotional boundaries. Being vulnerable to another was critical to our enjoying each other.

If all you want is your V-card punched get yourself to Nana Plaza or Soi Cowboy in Bangkok. There are prostitutes and escorts (some quite beautiful) who for $$ will give you a GFE (Girl Friend Experience).

 

[GBWest]

I was saying that Kalinychta's post made my head explode.

Why does every one always recommend that I spend money I don't have to go half way around the world? It just emphasizes my point that it's so far away there's no point in reaching, thus the point of making this thread.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I was saying that Kalinychta's post made my head explode.

Why does every one always recommend that I spend money I don't have to go half way around the world? It just emphasizes my point that it's so far away there's no point in reaching, thus the point of making this thread.

So, what contradiction made your head explode . . . the fact that sex in itself doesn't save people from loneliness and actually having nothing of value? And, what are you doing socially and emotionally to make yourself attractive in your own town and engage with people who are accepting of us nonconformists? You write non-sequiturs and then are puzzled that we are not mind readers.

 

[GBWest]

Any one who thinks sex has no value should just go die in the woods. Nothing is more important or powerful than creating life.

And I've nothing but non-sequiturs. That's Asperger's for ya.

 

[grommet]

If I've not had a date or lost my virginity by 40, should I just go die some where?

Seriously. I can't stand it anymore.

There is more I want to say but I cannot tell if you are serious or joking. You seem to be making jokes but I think you mean what you are saying. Would you explain a little more?

 

[Aspychata]

Any one who thinks sex has no value should just go die in the woods. Nothing is more important or powerful than creating life.

And I've nothing but non-sequiturs. That's Asperger's for ya.

I agree. There are some men that take it to an art form. I am lucky to have met such a handsome guy. (Blush blush). And l believe he may be a spectrum guy.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Any one who thinks sex has no value should just go die in the woods. Nothing is more important or powerful than creating life.

Whoever said it has no value? And for humans it is much more. Ask yourself why humans and Bonobos are unique among primates and in the animal world to have hidden estrous. Sex and sexuality is used for more than procreation in hidden estrus. It is used for fun, for connection, and to cement relationships. I don't know where you got the medieval thought that it is only important for procreation.

For me, at least, I have no embarrassment in saying that the pleasure that I see my spouse experiencing with me is exciting and a wonderful way to show her that she is as desirable as the first time we made love. Age has limited us in some ways but sex is still a celebration of our togetherness.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I agree. There are some men that take it to an art form. I am lucky to have met such a handsome guy. (Blush blush). And l believe he may be a spectrum guy.

And I bet he thinks that he is a very lucky guy.

 

[GBWest]

Never said any one here should die. Stop putting words in my mouth just so you have an excuse to be offended.

Wilgus, your question in the post above the last one I made had a confusing question ("the fact that sex in itself doesn't save people from loneliness and actually having nothing of value?"), so I answered it that way. ALSO, did NOT say it is only important for procreation. And I don't know what bonobos or estrous are.

Why would I say more than non sequiturs when what little I already state is so twisted and misrepresented?

 

[tree]

Bonobo - Wikipedia

estrus | reproductive cycle

 

[grommet]

Never said any one here should die. Stop putting words in my mouth just so you have an excuse to be offended.

Wilgus, your question in the post above the last one I made had a confusing question ("the fact that sex in itself doesn't save people from loneliness and actually having nothing of value?"), so I answered it that way. ALSO, did NOT say it is only important for procreation. And I don't know what bonobos or estrous are.

Why would I say more than non sequiturs when what little I already state is so twisted and misrepresented?

Sorry. I will delete it.

 

[Nitro]

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Never said any one here should die. Stop putting words in my mouth just so you have an excuse to be offended.

Wilgus, your question in the post above the last one I made had a confusing question ("the fact that sex in itself doesn't save people from loneliness and actually having nothing of value?"), so I answered it that way. ALSO, did NOT say it is only important for procreation. And I don't know what bonobos or estrous are.

Why would I say more than non sequiturs when what little I already state is so twisted and misrepresented?

Your response is close to being a straw man argument by rephrasing. Here is what you said; "Nothing is more important or powerful than creating life." You use an absolute term, so let's deconstruct. You are saying that the creation of life is the ONLY important thing. Implying that sex is the way it happens. I will defend that it serves different functions.

Look up Bonobos. Unlike other Chimpanzees, their society is cooperative and they use sex as a glue that binds it together.

But , honestly, @GBWest, I would like to see you in a loving, intimate, relationship. I understand how the lack of such feels, after all my isolation created PTSD in me. I just hope that you will learn to like yourself and learn enough about being sufficiently social to recognize opportunities for a relationship with an accepting woman.

 

[GBWest]

There's no point in me saying anything anymore. I'll just stand here and let every one else talk for me.

And thread died. Awesome.