Relationship junk

[tree]

@GBWest
And thread died. Awesome.


I think that's a result of you indicating that you no
longer wished to engage with anyone replying to
the thread.

Spoiler

 

[chameleonov]

Yeah, it is a difficult journey being completely alone for the rest of our life.
And the whole virginity thing, it seems to be a HUGE problem for the rest of the world than it is for the virgins. Both men and women think you're some pathetic weirdo if you haven't got laid by the time you're 25, let alone 40. I've met some of these people who make a big deal out of it and spread the "rumor" around their workplace or whatever. Like it's a competition to have sex before anyone in your class when you're a teen, especially among males.

Btw, don't look for relationship advice on the internet, it's always the same "love yourself", "get a job", "change clothes", "show confidence" crap. If you want real advice you need to hire some REAL professional who knows what autism is and can help you appropriately, and it's probably not gonna help long term anyway. Having someone on an internet forum tell you how much you need a job, when they don't realize that a job will not help us autistics understand body language or unwritten social rules any better. We're still gonna be standing there looking like a dolt in front of a woman even if she is interested.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

We're still gonna be standing there looking like a dolt in front of a woman even if she is interested.

So true. Those of us growing up when autism was rarely diagnosed had it in spades, especially when intelligent. Everybody thought my social and sexual isolation was a choice and no assistance was ever provided. I had to claw my way out of that hole by reading and practicing one step at a time.

 

[GBWest]

@chameleonov, there is no force on this planet that will get me to visit a therapist or specialist/professional anymore, much less talk to them about anything of import. I already tried 12, and none of them would listen to me, just argue.

@tree, what I meant by that post was that every one seems to just be putting words in my mouth and thinking I'm saying things that I'm actually not, thus, I don't need to talk since I'm not the one being acknowledged. For example...

@Gerald Wilgus.... Ugh... "nothing is more..." does not equal "only." I don't wish to have a semantic debate here.

 

[tree]

@GBWest

While I can't possibly know what it's like to be you,
I do have some ideas regarding myself.

When I see that someone is not understanding what
I am saying, I try to figure out what the source of the
misunderstanding is.

I can see that if a person rarely believed the message
was adequately grasped by others, further attempts
would seem fruitless.

 

[GBWest]

@GBWest
While I can't possibly know what it's like to be you...

First off, don't ever say this again. Because it's essentially saying there's no point in communicating with other human beings. Effectively that no information exchange will ever allow one to comprehend another, to any degree. As well as stating that philosophy, history, anthropology, psychology, and various other studies don't actually exist and that it's all made up. Not being mean, just saying that statements like this are intentionally designed to keep people alienated from one another so that hatred and anger ferment. It's similar to how the word "bourgeois" is intentionally left undefined so it can be applied to everyone. It's a phrase forced into cultural popularity these past few decades with the goal of keeping people separated. In fact, that it is uttered with zero hesitation is genuinely terrifying to me.

But I ramble... And speaking of rambling...

Secondly, it's not that the message was inadequately grasped. Rather, the message was... Hmm... Ignored. Not even misinterpreted. Asexuality, prostitution, and topics completely irrelevant to the question posed were the dominating responses, which heavily shifted the conversation far away from my intended query.

I understand that conversations, at least those worth paying attention to, are organic and grow and spread wildly in any number of directions. Yet hearing for the multi-thousandths time "pay for it," "it's not important, but I wouldn't give it up," or "go without," is maddening. Not to mention so many others ego-stroking themselves about their pasts.

No, I don't expect every one to be mind-readers. I understand better than most how little information is truly transmitted between two people interacting, and how much of what remains is garbled. But this is also a place that has routinely shown me that it is best to remain as anonymous as possible. I wish not to digress into complaining about this site or the people on it, yet experience shows that I should reveal as little about myself as possible. Which in turn means "non sequiturs" and philosophical platitudes over the real meat of any issue. I answer questions fully when I can, but so few were asked, and I was blamed for it, reinforcing the previous two sentences.

I guess I'll poke around the creation of the thread. Obviously, I value sex, and everything that comes with it (yes, even the stupid stuff like dumb chocolates, flowers, fights/arguments, etc), highly enough to... Well, one can see the title and first post. Having died before (it's complicated, yet true), I feel the full effects of the pressure of time, and feel very limited in what I am able to do. There are literally no people in my life right now except my parents. I've never had friends. I'm not going to use those dumb dating apps for the phone and I don't know how to install them anyway. I have no money to go down the street, much less Bangkok. There are no clubs. There are no activities.

Do I think that it'll solve many of my problems? Yes. To use a semi-weird analogy, a horse that's been trained to lose will never put in any effort to win. A horse that wins once will give a crap on the next race. And yes, they do train horses to lose. As well as people.

Am I resentful of women, and to an extent, gay guys? Yeppers. But not nearly as much as I might come off as. I understand fully that every one is different, and different things happen in life, etc. I believe very strongly in the First Amendment and free markets, which means I very strongly believe that every one should live how they want, so long as they hurt no others. Which means, yes, I'm resentful, but I generally don't actually hold it against any one. My mind is clear of thought when I meet some one, because I spent considerable time training myself to be that way on purpose. Too much Star Wars? Ehh, not enough.

The source of misunderstanding can be found in many places. English is one of the worst languages to communicate through the written form in, because intonation and body posture/language and facial expressions radically modify any and every English sentence. We all the know the joke of lovingly telling your dog how you're going to chop him up and eat him, then screaming at him how much you love him. Emphasis on joke, just in case. Anyway... Assumptions were made, questions were not asked, and fear dominated; information could not flow.

tl:dr : I've spent a whole lot time thinking about this, and I'm deadly serious about it. But tree is right. If the message never seems to be received, the sender tends to give up.

 

[tree]

@GBWest
Because it's essentially saying there's no point in communicating with other human beings. Effectively that no information exchange will ever allow one to comprehend another, to any degree.

When I said I can't possibly know what it's like to be you,
what I was trying to say, but failed in the attempt, was that I have not ever been you.

It is possible to communicate with other human beings, although there is the possibility
of the communication being imperfect. In which case, it would be necessary, to
attempt clarification.


I answer questions fully when I can, but so few were asked

What sort of questions did you want them to ask you?