Sad little autist

[Neri]

I just got out of a 14 year relationship with another autistic guy, after a 21 year/offspring relationship with one, who was vastly my senior. Both ended up being very abusive to me. The first one from very early on, the second we had a lot of sweet loving times but alcohol got the best of him. I'm sad. I live in a homeless shelter now, but a women's one. I don't trust myself to get in another relationship now, but, it's early days of freshly broken up. My heart area hurts. It's harder to end this one around the actual relationship because we had some good times, lots of them, as opposed to the first one where the hard part was leaving some of my children. That broke my heart as well. It's a painful feeling in the heart region, and while I know it will heal, right now it hurts a lot.

 

[Outdated]

What if you can find some things to keep your mind busy? Give it a rest from all of that. The Melbourne Arts Festival (now called Rising) kicks off in June, if you wanted to get involved with that in some way now would be a good time to make enquiries.

RISING: Melbourne 04 — 15 June 2025

There's also a lot of amateur theatre groups in Melbourne, maybe something like that might interest you.

https://www.onlymelbourne.com.au/melbourne-theatre-companies

 

[Aspychata]

This hurts so much to read. Leaving one's children is a lot of grief to work thru. Hoping you can be strong, and continue forward. Any organizations that can try to help with housing?

 

[Outdated]

Any organizations that can try to help with housing?

Here the homeless shelters and the government subsidised social housing are all part of the one system. Now that she has a place in a shelter her name is on a list waiting for a place of her own to become available. I'm not sure how long the waiting list is in Melbourne but I'd lay bets that it's a lot shorter than Sydney or Brisbane. In Adelaide it took me 3 months to get in to a shelter but after that it was only 1 month before I got my own place.

They don't just shove you in an empty unit either, they furnish it for you and give you everything you need to make a fresh start, bed, fridge, washing machine, lounge suite, bedding, kitchen appliances, cutlery and crockery, everything. It's all second hand but all in good condition.

 

[Neri]

This hurts so much to read. Leaving one's children is a lot of grief to work thru. Hoping you can be strong, and continue forward. Any organizations that can try to help with housing?

I have my kid's back in my life, but there is damage there, especially with my middle children who were in their early and mid teens at the time. We are working through that though. Yes, the grief and guilt of leaving them was extreme. I had a very difficult choise as my health was really giving out by staying and I knew I wouldn't have survived much longer had I stayed. I can't say I've healed all the trauma residuals from that time.

This recent breakup really adds a lot more to address; thirty five years of being treated pretty terribly, in the long run, but autistic men, who like me, had traumatic pasts and social/emotional deficits that aren't too treatable without a lot of applying oneself to the social-emotional side of things, which let's face it, isn't the strong point of a lot of blokes, in general, let alone neurospicy ones.

I'm very burnt from guys who want me for those kinds of reasons now. I need time to heal, time to process, time to grieve.

 

[Neri]

What if you can find some things to keep your mind busy? Give it a rest from all of that. The Melbourne Arts Festival (now called Rising) kicks off in June, if you wanted to get involved with that in some way now would be a good time to make enquiries.

RISING: Melbourne 04 — 15 June 2025

There's also a lot of amateur theatre groups in Melbourne, maybe something like that might interest you.

https://www.onlymelbourne.com.au/melbourne-theatre-companies

I've started a ndis funded entry to music industry program. And may yet join a drama group and art class.I'm also practising yoga.I went to a spiritual festival two weekends ago, and afro brazilizn drumming two nights ago. And I'm off to a shamanic journey group session this saturday.

 

[Jonn]

I'm very burnt from guys who want me for those kinds of reasons now. I need time to heal, time to process, time to grieve.

Agreed.

Emotional stability is vital for making good choices.

 

[Jonn]

I've started a ndis funded entry to music industry program. And may yet join a drama group and art class.I'm also practising yoga.I went to a spiritual festival two weekends ago, and afro brazilizn drumming two nights ago. And I'm off to a shamanic journey group session this saturday.

Sounds great.
Good distractions.

I have thought about getting into transcendental meditation, but unfortunately, I think my ADHD is so severe, that to date, I have found it impossible.
These days, I simply try and focus on my breathing to reduce the continuous thinking.
The trouble is, I enjoy exploring thought-patterns, and the intrusive thoughts aren't destructive.

Much of this is caused by caffeine abuse, so I guess this is something to address sooner rather than later.
Poor sleep eventually leads to a greater downfall.

How are your sleep patterns?

 

[Aspychata]

Not sure l would label that distractions, more towards the healing path, and focusing on oneself. This helps with processing thru emotional trauma.

 

[Rodafina]

@Neri
I’m sorry to hear about this heartache you are feeling. It’s wonderful to hear that you are staying busy with things that interest and inspire you.

Do you have anyone, either a professional or family/friend that you can talk to about all of this? It sounds like quite a lot for one woman to process alone no matter how strong you are.

I suppose sometimes, you can be doing all the right things, but it just takes a long time to recover from the kind of trauma you have experienced. I will be wishing that you find true support, resilience, hope, and healing.

 

[Jonn]

Not sure l would label that distractions, more towards the healing path, and focusing on oneself. This helps with processing thru emotional trauma.

Distractions do help me when tragedy hits.
When I lose one of my K9 kids, as an example, I travel to places that I haven't been to, and engage in new activities as a distraction.
This allows for a natural healing process on a subconscious level, for me.

Time allows for renewal in part through REM sleep.
It is important because during REM sleep, our subconscious/unconscious helps with sorting out emotional distress.

Actually, it is well-known that REM sleep plays a pivotal role in the processing of salient and emotional waking-life experiences, strongly contributing to the emotional memory consolidation.

The Functional Role of Dreaming in Emotional Processes - PMC

 

[Neri]

@Neri
I’m sorry to hear about this heartache you are feeling. It’s wonderful to hear that you are staying busy with things that interest and inspire you.

Do you have anyone, either a professional or family/friend that you can talk to about all of this? It sounds like quite a lot for one woman to process alone no matter how strong you are.

I suppose sometimes, you can be doing all the right things, but it just takes a long time to recover from the kind of trauma you have experienced. I will be wishing that you find true support, resilience, hope, and healing.

There is lots, of stuff for me to "unpack". I had a zoom appointment with a counsellor I was seeing earlier this year, today. I was seeing her during my last relationship and she opened my eyes to how unhealthy and controlling my ex waa being toward me, as it's been my whole life I've been bullied, coerced and expolited. Anyway, I ran out of most of my sessions with her months ago and was too busy being homeless but left this one, and one more session to T up more funded sessions. She is helping me find someone down here.
And I have a mental health appointment tomorrow, referred by my gp. So I'll see how that goes. I'm not sure what capacity this person has, but I'll know more tomorrow.

 

[Neri]

Distractions do help me when tragedy hits.
When I lose one of my K9 kids, as an example, I travel to places that I haven't been to, and engage in new activities as a distraction.
This allows for a natural healing process on a subconscious level, for me.

Time allows for renewal in part through REM sleep.
It is important because during REM sleep, our subconscious/unconscious helps with sorting out emotional distress.


The Functional Role of Dreaming in Emotional Processes - PMC

I've been sleeping and distracting myself this afternoon. Watching a mindless mini series on youtube.

 

[Neri]

Sounds great.
Good distractions.

I have thought about getting into transcendental meditation, but unfortunately, I think my ADHD is so severe, that to date, I have found it impossible.
These days, I simply try and focus on my breathing to reduce the continuous thinking.
The trouble is, I enjoy exploring thought-patterns, and the intrusive thoughts aren't destructive.

Much of this is caused by caffeine abuse, so I guess this is something to address sooner rather than later.
Poor sleep eventually leads to a greater downfall.

How are your sleep patterns?

My sleep patterns aren't the best. I haven't slept a solid night sleep in longer than I can remember. I've taken to afternoon naps to make up for the lack of night time sleeping.

 

[Outdated]

I've started a ndis funded entry to music industry program. And may yet join a drama group and art class.I'm also practising yoga.I went to a spiritual festival two weekends ago, and afro brazilizn drumming two nights ago. And I'm off to a shamanic journey group session this saturday.

That's excellent, and it's good to hear that you're not just sitting around and letting misery swallow you. I hope you get to meet lots of nice people that help restore a little of your faith in humanity.

 

[Aspychata]

That makes a lot of sense @Jonn . I can distract myself right into denial of any issue l am afraid.

 

[Neri]

Sounds great.
Good distractions.

I have thought about getting into transcendental meditation, but unfortunately, I think my ADHD is so severe, that to date, I have found it impossible.
These days, I simply try and focus on my breathing to reduce the continuous thinking.
The trouble is, I enjoy exploring thought-patterns, and the intrusive thoughts aren't destructive.

Much of this is caused by caffeine abuse, so I guess this is something to address sooner rather than later.
Poor sleep eventually leads to a greater downfall.

How are your sleep patterns?

My ADHD makes sitting meditation very, very difficult, on the whole; which is why I gravitate toward more active meditative activities like drumming, singing, walking, dancing, yoga practise, that sort of thing. I also listen to affirmations, guided meditations and hypnosis and psy trance for same reasons. Just sitting in nature and listening to birds, trees in wind and the sound of water is also lovely.

 

[Neri]

This is me not sleeping well at night. I usual wake at around 1.30 after going to sleep at 11.30 and struggle to get back for hours. If I'm lucky, it's later like 3 or 4. 30. Earlier; that was it, for months I would be up from then on, but since my getting stuck rough sleeping at Sydney Central station for 2 nights 3 or so weeks ago, I've moved into the really tired phase of my cycle and I fall back asleep and even sleep in to around 9 sometimes.

I spent hours distracting myself with youtube and had a couple of text conversations. The result of which, I'm meeting up with my also-struggling, neuodivergent teenage, newly-come-out youngest trans daughter (I now have two trans daughters; one twenty six, the other nineteen) who currently refers to themselves as a "shut-in".

I actually have more trans women friends than any other minority or otherwise. Which is why my kiddo came out to me around four weeks ago now. They said they planned to just start transitioning and wait for ne to notice but I have a trans woman bestie so they told me instead. I'm an old hand at being used to that now, seeing as I already have an older trans daughter now. Youngest identifies as trans non binary and is ok with any and all pronouns.

 

[Neri]

It feels so good to come back to this community! I feel like I've come home, to my village!

 

[Outdated]

This is me not sleeping well at night. I usual wake at around 1.30 after going to sleep at 11.30 and struggle to get back for hours. If I'm lucky, it's later like 3 or 4. 30. Earlier; that was it, for months I would be up from then on, but since my getting stuck rough sleeping at Sydney Central station for 2 nights 3 or so weeks ago, I've moved into the really tired phase of my cycle and I fall back asleep and even sleep in to around 9 sometimes.

My sleep cycle's a bit like that too. I used to have a very regimented sleep pattern and I'd sleep for 8 or 9 hours every night, then a doctor talked me in to trying some SSRIs. It's taken 3 years so far and I still don't have a regular sleep pattern again.

I'm starting to sleep 8 or 9 hours straight more often again now but there's also lots of times when I'll just wake up after 3 hours and I'm wide awake and it's not even worth trying to go back to sleep.

Once I got my own place saving money was a lot easier and I bought myself a little car just a few months back. That's making life so much better for me. If I'm awake at odd hours like tonight I'll jump in the car and go for a drive to somewhere out in the country. No firm plans, just drive. If I get tired I'll turn around and come home again, if not then once the sun comes up I'll do the tourist thing and take a few photos. I like driving in the early hours of the morning when there's no other cars on the road, I can take my time.