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Sex

Seladon said:
Frrrrr. Am bi myself in terms of attraction/orientation, but 15 years of hearing similar horror stories from many other women about the common experiences when bedding a man of BV/UTIs, body-shaming, consent issues, deception, double-dipping, laziness, poor hygiene, one-sided pleasure (for him, not her), scary extreme knk out of nowhere as standard (thanks for nothing, free adult content online), degradation and abuse...nope, no thank you Sir, I'll stick to women or myself. It's fine, I prefer being around them non-sexually as well, so everyone wins.
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I'm not surprised to hear that.
You have very strong views.
 
Spoonboy said:
Its hard for Autistic people to find sex.The solution to that is Autistic people could pair up with each other.
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I think you have better success if you do because we are in a better place to understand each other.

However, autistic women tend to find a partner more easily because they seem to blend into the community's idea of what a woman "should" be, hence the lower number of diagnosed autistic women, I have read.
Maybe things are changing. <shrug>
 
Jonn said:
I think you have better success if you do because we are in a better place to understand each other.

However, autistic women tend to find a partner more easily because they seem to blend into the community's idea of what a woman "should" be, hence the lower number of diagnosed autistic women, I have read.
Maybe things are changing. <shrug>

BTW, on that other website I would be crucified for saying this. lol
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It does seem that more autistic women are in relationships than autistic men. Most autistic women won't admit to this though.
Also I think more autistic women are parents than autistic men.
I used to be lonely and single in my early 20s, and I thought I'd never get into a relationship. Then my husband asked me out 10 years ago, when I was 24, and we've been lovingly together ever since. He was my first true love and serious relationship, yet I seemed to know exactly what to do. Despite my self-loathing and resentment of my brain, I still seem to have a lot of love in me to give, and it feels so great to have a man to take all my love out on.

I'm not bragging or trying to make anyone here feel bad for being single or anything, I swear. I'm just saying how it is. I guess romantic relationships are easy for me but I don't seem to have many friends, never have done. I think it comes from NT women in general being more shallow than NT men, with both friendships and relationships. Even online I seem to have more male friends than female friends, and I seem to clash with a lot of females online. I don't clash with females offline but I have often been socially rejected by them.
 
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Nothing at all animal about the human sex drive. It is unique to humans. Though you can find similar elements if you look through enough other primates, no other creature has anything like it in combination. That's not counting all the cultural modifications we put to it.
 
Alexej said:
sorry to ask - but what does this mean? It's not language I am familiar with
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Double dipping in this context means that you are enjoying (having sex with) more than one person in the same time interval.
In other contexts, it generally means that your benefitting from two (or more) events with the implication that it's at least slightly immoral that you're doing so.

In younger generation dating, at least in the US and I believe much of Europe and Canada as well, it is acceptable to date multiple people at the same time. You could state to the person at the beginning that they need to focus only on you, but then if they want to consider someone else, they would have to break up with you immediately. For most people including myself, if you want more exclusive dating from the beginning, I will be trying to be very picky about what I'm looking for in the person I am with. Even more so than if I have multiple options, I can let things flow more naturally, personally.
 
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It's so important not to feel shame about having sex and wanting lots of it. There's also no shame in not wanting it. Shame causes so many problems - sexual and otherwise.
 
Alexej said:
sorry to ask - but what does this mean? It's not language I am familiar
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See above^^

There's also a euphemistic meaning that I won't repeat, it's ymmv and it's not what I meant anyway.

Misty Avich said:
I think it comes from NT women in general being more shallow than NT men, with both friendships and relationships. Even online I seem to have more male friends than female friends, and I seem to clash with a lot of females online. I don't clash with females offline but I have often been socially rejected by them.
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Sorry to hear you've experienced painful rejections, Misty. Those can leave a lasting mark, right? It's understandable you'd feel inclined to give up on same-sex friendship.

With respect to your lived experience, which is valid and real: this really isn't true for all autistic women, and what's more neither autistic women nor NT women are necessarily 'more shallow' than men. The perception of how shallow or profound a person or group is depends on how willing you are to go deep with them, and also whether a trust and camaraderie is there between you and the other parties---perhaps building that trust and camaraderie is where you've found obstacles?

I have had clashes and rejections and painful misunderstandings with both sexes, some leaving lasting hurt. A couple of girls have broken my heart. However, in my case I've felt more inclined to keep trying with them and instead give up on men, because I don't find relationships with them as rewarding nor forgiving--men imo are more likely (often, though not always) to misconstrue in bad faith, socially punish, bully, intellectualise/shut down emotionally, and make threats, which I want no part of. Even still, I couldn't make the sweeping statement that they're all shallow by default. I just don't want to deep it with them, and that's fine.
 
tree said:
https://www.biotechniques.com/neuroscience/10x_sptl_so_no-we-dont-have-a-lizard-brain/
https://public.wsu.edu/~taflinge/socsex.html
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I will have to view the article later, but:
"We will have to agree to disagree." :cool:

To be clear, the "reptilian brain" is a metaphor referring to the section of the brain that deals with more basic functions.
The neocortex, on the other hand, involves higher functioning thought processes incorporating such things as ethics/morality, etc.

Sexual lust involves our animalistic side, whereas Platonic Love transcends that instinctual behaviour/tendency.

BTW, Humans are animals.
Just a different sort of animal.

The Beast has spoken. :cool:
 
So you prefer to engage in discussion without the
burden of information? ("have to view the article later")

I don't think 'we' will be agreeing to disagree.

It looks to me as if you posted a reply for the sake of
visible engagement and the content therein is mere filler.
 
tree said:
So you prefer to engage in discussion without the
burden of information? ("have to view the article later")
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Yes, but that is unusual for me.

The reason I didn't read the article is simple:
"Not enough spoons."
I was mentally tired.
Still am.

tree said:
I don't think 'we' will be agreeing to disagree.

It looks to me as if you posted a reply for the sake of
visible engagement and the content therein is mere filler.
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Not really.
I simply presented my POV with no expectation that we will agree.
But I will consider my options if I feel more energized. :cool:
 
REMINDER

OP's stated topic is:

"Its hard for Autistic people to find sex.The solution to that is Autistic people could pair up with each other."

Further replies should be directed toward that topic.
 
In terms of autistic people specifically pairing up with each other, while it's definitely possible and there have been some real life examples, I think in general it's difficult. I mean dating is difficult regardless of if you're NT or not. NTs have to be okay with each others' quirks- while they will be more likely to be able to understand why each other is the way each other is more, the quirks may conflict with each other and just not be compatible. I've definitely been attracted to many gay NTs that either didn't like my appearance, I didn't like theirs, and/ or we just weren't compatible. I don't try to limit myself to NT or non-NT.

There is no "magic pill".

If you're open to casualness, I suggest learning about safe practices, but this would be one way to be able to have sex.
If you're open to dating anyone no matter how old they are, such as 77 or 92, then I'm sure there are people in the elderly age range who would like be happy to have sex with you. Just find a private space and ask. If you live alone, offer to take them to your place.
 
i am opening to dating another woman with autism, on the spectrum, however, its just a matter of having a very early discussion to find out if we are sexually compatible with each other, but at the same time, respecting each others boundaries and to make sure we don't waste each others time.
 
Misty Avich said:
It does seem that more autistic women are in relationships than autistic men. Most autistic women won't admit to this though.
Also I think more autistic women are parents than autistic men.
I used to be lonely and single in my early 20s, and I thought I'd never get into a relationship. Then my husband asked me out 10 years ago, when I was 24, and we've been lovingly together ever since. He was my first true love and serious relationship, yet I seemed to know exactly what to do. Despite my self-loathing and resentment of my brain, I still seem to have a lot of love in me to give, and it feels so great to have a man to take all my love out on.

I'm not bragging or trying to make anyone here feel bad for being single or anything, I swear. I'm just saying how it is. I guess romantic relationships are easy for me but I don't seem to have many friends, never have done. I think it comes from NT women in general being more shallow than NT men, with both friendships and relationships. Even online I seem to have more male friends than female friends, and I seem to clash with a lot of females online. I don't clash with females offline but I have often been socially rejected by them.
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it should be obvious as to why autistic women won't have difficulty getting into a relationship as much as an autistic man will
 
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