Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?
A: Because she could not control her pupils...!
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Share good puns and jokes.
- Thread starter Mads
- Start date
Vera: "Hey, Sis, I found a bunch of little paper rods in Tyler's room, they were full of some kinda grassy looking stuff?"
Aloe: "Oh, that's something called Delta 8. It's a special medicine that helps people like him relax and stay calm."
Vera: "Oh, that's so cool! Hey, where is he, anyway?"
Aloe: "Er, well, a few minutes ago, he was wrapped up with me, then when I woke him up he said something about a ga--"
Me, suddenly and inexplicably appearing out of nowhere: "GUYS!! YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE THIS!!"
Aloe: "Whoa, easy, buddy! What is it?"
Me: "I just discovered backwards electricity!"
Vera: "H-..wh--..how do you even--"
(Cut to me launching DOOM on the computer, but DoomGuy starts at the exit, monsters start already dead then immediately get up as shotgun shells fly out of their corpses and back into the shotgun, and music and sound effects are played backwards; Aloe and Vera both look very confused, Vera looking slightly terrified.)
Aloe: "....Ty, are you sure you haven't had a little too much?"
Me: ".emit eht lla siht od I, yrrow t'nod hO"
Aloe: "Oh, that's something called Delta 8. It's a special medicine that helps people like him relax and stay calm."
Vera: "Oh, that's so cool! Hey, where is he, anyway?"
Aloe: "Er, well, a few minutes ago, he was wrapped up with me, then when I woke him up he said something about a ga--"
Me, suddenly and inexplicably appearing out of nowhere: "GUYS!! YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE THIS!!"
Aloe: "Whoa, easy, buddy! What is it?"
Me: "I just discovered backwards electricity!"
Vera: "H-..wh--..how do you even--"
(Cut to me launching DOOM on the computer, but DoomGuy starts at the exit, monsters start already dead then immediately get up as shotgun shells fly out of their corpses and back into the shotgun, and music and sound effects are played backwards; Aloe and Vera both look very confused, Vera looking slightly terrified.)
Aloe: "....Ty, are you sure you haven't had a little too much?"
Me: ".emit eht lla siht od I, yrrow t'nod hO"
To get to the other side.
That’s offensive! Go scrub your brain out with soap right now!
I have decided to name my printer Bob Marley, because it keeps on jammin'
Nerd Season
A truck driver, hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers, stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door that says, "COMPUTER NERDS NOT ALLOWED - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!" He enters and sits down.
The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, and says that he smells kind of nerdy. He then asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver explains to him that he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender serves him a beer and says, "OK, truck drivers aren't nerds."
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in wearing a pair of glasses with tape around the middle, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt that is at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that.
The bartender replied, "Don't worry. The computer nerds are in season because they are overpopulating Silicon Valley. You don't even need a license."
So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads for the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the road. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, snatching up all of the computers. The scavengers are comprised of engineers, accountants and programmers - computer geeks. Each of them wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.
He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, killing several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought computer nerds were in season."
"Well, sure," says the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em!"
A truck driver, hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers, stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door that says, "COMPUTER NERDS NOT ALLOWED - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!" He enters and sits down.
The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, and says that he smells kind of nerdy. He then asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver explains to him that he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender serves him a beer and says, "OK, truck drivers aren't nerds."
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in wearing a pair of glasses with tape around the middle, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt that is at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that.
The bartender replied, "Don't worry. The computer nerds are in season because they are overpopulating Silicon Valley. You don't even need a license."
So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads for the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the road. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, snatching up all of the computers. The scavengers are comprised of engineers, accountants and programmers - computer geeks. Each of them wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.
He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, killing several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought computer nerds were in season."
"Well, sure," says the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em!"
Last edited:
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