• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Small Talk (How much does it bother you?)

I do let them chat on there own and occasionally say a few words here and there. They usually change the subject anyway however it is still not as bad or as annoying as when my parents and Grandmother do it.
 
Yes, small talk is tedious and boring. I think that there are 3 reasons:

1. People who have nothing in common with each other forced into social situations where they feel the need to make conversation for the sake of politeness. Family members, for example.

2. People who meet each other for the fist time need to get the measure of each other and are gathering information to form a general picture of that person.

3. Needing to form alliances or friendships and social connections by means of exchanging ememes and other non-verbal signals, but through a verbal context.

My idea of torture would be to be locked in a room with Commander Hutchinson:
 
Hate it NO good at it HECK NO i try to learn and do as best i can tho :confused:
 
Last edited:
Progster said:
Yes, small talk is tedious and boring. I think that there are 3 reasons:

1. People who have nothing in common with each other forced into social situations where they feel the need to make conversation for the sake of politeness. Family members, for example.

2. People who meet each other for the fist time need to get the measure of each other and are gathering information to form a general picture of that person.

3. Needing to form alliances or friendships and social connections by means of exchanging ememes and other non-verbal signals, but through a verbal context.

My idea of torture would be to be locked in a room with Commander Hutchinson:
Click to expand...

I just realised that THIS is EXACTLY how I manage small talk. I wrote myself a small talk program into my internal database too!
 
I don't like the personal questions which many non Aspergers people ask. Really reminds me of job interviews whats next what are you doing in 5 years? I might not even be around or the world might end what a stupid question.

Ask me about the latest smartphone's, science fiction science fact the latest technology news. Really only Aspies ask those questions.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Really these past 3 weeks attending church social events although getting out of the house is great I hate small talk. Really it is so stressful.

Why do people ask questions like this.
  • Hi I am "there name" okay that's fine.
  • Where do you grow up? "little personal buddy"
  • Do you live in the area how did you get here?
  • What's your job what do you do for a living? "again real personal and dumb"
  • How did you find our "service here? Okay fine until they bring up dumb questions like
  • What do you do with the rest of your day?
Really after those too me "stupid questions" I feel like I am going to pass out. However I do answer them not rude to the best of my abilitys.

Now talking to my young Asperger second cousin no problems no stupid questions right away chatting about Star Trek, music, the universe and technology.
Click to expand...
Small talk is a way of opening a conversation to see if the other person has anything interesting to offer.

It's not a dig into your personal life, and you have the right and ability to choose what you are willing to share and what you want kept private.

If you find it exhausting, then say nothing and ignore what that other person is saying.
Eventually, they will lose interest with you and move along, most likely with the impression that you are either rude, or unfriendly.
 
I reply with fine I am not working want to work at home I lived in Brooklyn my entire life "they like that answer". However bringing up tech at the social gathering the woman said that she don't know how to use it. I said that I can learn how to use a new peace of tech right away.

It seems that many non Aspergers people don't care or know about technology, star trek science. They all use iPhones "which I hate the lockdown OS" which you can't customize i am an Android user where I have my phone tweaked the way I like it.

But like my cousins Dom Aspergers son we can talk about it easily.

I am never rude to strangers I say thank you all the time however my family I am rude often when inturrupted by old grudges.
 
Last edited:
Most of the parts of small talk mentioned aren't ones I have that much of a problem with. It's the fact that almost everyone asks the exact same questions. What do you do for work, do you like it, and literally everyone has the same exact comments in response to me being a pianist. It's hive-mind level.
 
This is why I almost always wear headphones. I don't even have to have music on (although often I do). I just wear it so nobody comes to make small talk with me.
 
Fino said:
Most of the parts of small talk mentioned aren't ones I have that much of a problem with. It's the fact that almost everyone asks the exact same questions. What do you do for work, do you like it, and literally everyone has the same exact comments in response to me being a pianist. It's hive-mind level.
Click to expand...
It's lack of imagination. They're following a set script.
 
Scripting is not a method used solely by NTs.
And not exclusive to ASD, either.

Following a script can be positive, furthering skill development, or negative,
disruptive and limiting independence or interaction.

It is a coping behavior.
 
I use small talk to get a sense of what kind of person this may be. They may have interests similar to mine and then we could talk more about it and maybe be friends.
I used to worry about how to end a conversation, but now i can usually just say,Oh I gotta go, bye! When done with a friendly voice it doesnt come off as rude.
Then when i get back home i have to lay down for a while.
 
I do some small talk at the social gathering problem is I notice that many people there are not tech savvy or anything. So we chat a bit about American and International holidays as holidays interest me but it is brief then when they start to talk about nothing again I tune out unless they say something to me or something they say only in a full group setting not a side group says something and usually when they look at me.

But to conclude I did not realize after not socializing for nearly an decade how much I despise small talk. No wonder I liked being alone at school and other social events although I also hated to be alone too.
 
Okay so this is how an typical social worked for me of course when I was young and did not know what I had I though I was stupid and weird.
  1. Me and a few new people in a small group like social.
  2. No one knows anyone.
  3. Someone or me might talk to get started.
  4. I get into the conversation and comment a few times too.
  5. They start to talk more among themselves.
  6. They continue to talk among themselves more.
  7. I end up sitting there saying nothing.
  8. Then leave while they forum new friendships.
  9. Go home empty.
 
I have recently started a new job, I'm three months into my six months initial training. There are 25 people in my training group and they are aged between 21 and 54.

I tried to use it as a fresh start, engage in conversation and build relationships but already bored.

Unless they are talking about work I'm just not interested.

Should I give it another go? Does anyone have any tips?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom