So I started to post about autism on a homeschooling forum...

[Anarkitty]

This is just to vent, though of course any comments are welcome and appreciated.

So I started to post about autism on a homeschooling forum. But I'm not sure I want to.

First, there were the misunderstandings. One woman said that she thinks she's probably autistic, but she's never had any trouble from it, so why do all of these children need to be diagnosed? Answer: If she's never had any trouble from it, maybe she's not actually autistic--at least, that does not seem to be a common theme among autistic people.

Then there were the NT women that make me run from almost everyone gathering of NT women I've ever seen. Scare quotes galore while talking about autism "awareness" and "tolerance" and accommodations. The attitude seemed to be that all people need this. And while this may be true, I find the attitude that we don't have any more problems than NTs do in the world just a little ignorant. Read a book, lady!

And then there were a few voices of reason--mostly from autistic women.

And I realized that I'm comfortable here, and that briefly led me to believe that I could participate on a regular forum again--it would probably be good for business. But the reality is that I don't like most of those women. Too many of them are mean, and I don't think the extra money would be worth the unhappiness that participating there would cause me.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

This is just to vent, though of course any comments are welcome and appreciated.

So I started to post about autism on a homeschooling forum. But I'm not sure I want to.

First, there were the misunderstandings. One woman said that she thinks she's probably autistic, but she's never had any trouble from it, so why do all of these children need to be diagnosed? Answer: If she's never had any trouble from it, maybe she's not actually autistic--at least, that does not seem to be a common theme among autistic people.

Then there were the NT women that make me run from almost everyone gathering of NT women I've ever seen. Scare quotes galore while talking about autism "awareness" and "tolerance" and accommodations. The attitude seemed to be that all people need this. And while this may be true, I find the attitude that we don't have any more problems than NTs do in the world just a little ignorant. Read a book, lady!

And then there were a few voices of reason--mostly from autistic women.

And I realized that I'm comfortable here, and that briefly led me to believe that I could participate on a regular forum again--it would probably be good for business. But the reality is that I don't like most of those women. Too many of them are mean, and I don't think the extra money would be worth the unhappiness that participating there would cause me.

Like most groups - everybody talking,nothing getting said.
Pretending they know what they're talking about.
Measuring out their heartbeats till they drop and can end the pretense.

This post was sponsored by happy valley

 

[Anarkitty]

@Fridgemagnetman, your posts mostly make me laugh.

I actually found myself insulted at the number of posts that talked about how kind and good autistic people are. I wanted to say, "Hey! We can be ass holes, too!"

 

[Anarkitty]

I'm only self-diagnosed, which I consider perfectly valid after educating ourselves on the topic. So I wanted to make it clear that I didn't have a problem with the one woman saying that she's probably autistic. But I did have a problem with her then assuming that most children don't actually need to be diagnosed because, after all, he's never had any problems.

 

[Fino]

Do you find that people on homeschooling forums are often elitists?

 

[Fino]

I'm only self-diagnosed, which I consider perfectly valid after educating ourselves on the topic. So I wanted to make it clear that I didn't have a problem with the one woman saying that she's probably autistic. But I did have a problem with her then assuming that most children don't actually need to be diagnosed because, after all, he's never had any problems.

"Never had any problems" and "autistic" are diametrically opposed. Isn't Autism, self-diagnosed or professional, discovered through an analysis of problems?

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

But I did have a problem with her then assuming that most children don't actually need to be diagnosed because, after all, he's never had any problems.

Generalisation 101.

"I was really anxious about going to the party, but I went and had a really good time. So if I can do it, you can too."

That kind of thing.

It's actually the birth of "handbag autism."

It started with handbag dogs. Those really small dogs that rich,often famous, people carry everywhere to show off.

Then bipolar became the handbag dog of celebrity. After i made a joke about it becoming 'fashionable' ages ago.

Now we get handbag autism. Where lots of idiots will start claiming they're a bit autistic because they once counted up to 5.

I wanted to say, "Hey! We can be ass holes, too!"

there's a message in that sentence for me. I'm sure of it

 

[Progster]

Then bipolar became the handbag dog of celebrity. After i made a joke about it becoming 'fashionable' ages ago.

Also happens a lot with OCD, too. People checking that they locked their door or wanting to wash their hands and then exclaiming, "oh, that's so OCD!". Trivialising a medical condition that can actually be very debilitating and hard to live with. A social statement. Reduced to an ememe, whose actual meaning has been lost.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Also happens a lot with OCD, too. People checking that they locked their door or wanting to wash their hands and then exclaiming, "oh, that's so OCD!". Trivialising a medical condition that can actually be very debilitating and hard to live with. A social statement. Reduced to an ememe, whose actual meaning has been lost.

In a way, once it gets to that point. Perhaps it is easier to understand.

Although I think autism can be more complex,for autistic or none. It is just that being autistic there is more of a motive to understand it.
Ememes being a good idea to start as a foundation to frame the difference in thought between social communicators and literal ones.

 

[Kevin1968]

"Never had any problems" and "autistic" are diametrically opposed. Isn't Autism, self-diagnosed or professional, discovered through an analysis of problems?

Not sure about diametrically opposed, but perhaps they have been fortunate not to have had too many issues, "Never" is an extreme word. On reflection I have had many issues throughout my life that I overcame and some problems that I didn't even realise I had until they were pointed out to me, the frustrating thing about some of them are that I don't really understand what I do wrong, just that others tell me.
Also I used to think that everyone had the same issues and just hid them better.

 

[Kevin1968]

I'm only self-diagnosed, which I consider perfectly valid after educating ourselves on the topic. So I wanted to make it clear that I didn't have a problem with the one woman saying that she's probably autistic. But I did have a problem with her then assuming that most children don't actually need to be diagnosed because, after all, he's never had any problems.

I agree it is one thing to self-diagnose as an adult with perhaps limited gains to be achieved by having a proper diagnosis, but in the case of children a diagnosis is vital to ensure they receive appropriate therapy/counselling etc., that might help them overcome or at least deal with some of the more negative aspects of whatever condition they might actually have.

 

[Pats]

Where the problem probably lies is that these particular NT women are not able to see the part of the world that doesn't relate to them. They want to be seen as knowing everything they need to know and they DO know everything they need to know. But with us, it doesn't stop there. We understand each other, whether we experience the same thing or not because we know how traumatic the things are that we DO experience. For them to get even a hint they would have to turn the volume up.

Maybe reading books would be helpful. You might consider quoting out of books in order to teach. Or post the picture of the brain difference in NT and autism to enlighten them.

But I know what you're saying about being comfortable on this forum so you think other forums might be the same. I'd say they are not. And for one thing, this forum has some really great moderators that watch and make sure we are protected from harsh words of others, while other forums don't.

 

[BraidedPony]

It isnt worth the money.
There may be a less painful way for you to help autistic children.
You dont need the aggravation of dealing with those people.

 

[Mary Terry]

If we don't teach people about autism, then they will never learn. This is an opportunity for you to educate them. Of course, if it is too stressful for you to do so, then just drop the topic with them.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

If we don't teach people about autism, then they will never learn. This is an opportunity for you to educate them. Of course, if it is too stressful for you to do so, then just drop the topic with them.

Often they are not receptive to learning.
They only say they are.
It's not necessarily a simple thing to ''get'

Nor is it a simple thing to explain


Not many have the patience.

 

[Mary Terry]

Often they are not receptive to learning.
They only say they are.
It's not necessarily a simple thing to ''get'

Nor is it a simple thing to explain


Not many have the patience.

I totally agree. But I don't think autism should be thrown in the "too hard to learn" bucket. If we don't make the effort to at least try to educate them, then there will be no progress, no compassion, no anything to help people with ASD. If possible, please advocate for yourself and others who may lack your articulate, insightful abilities! People can and do learn.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I totally agree. But I don't think autism should be thrown in the "too hard to learn" bucket. If we don't make the effort to at least try to educate them, then there will be no progress, no compassion, no anything to help people with ASD. If possible, please advocate for yourself and others who may lack your articulate, insightful abilities! People can and do learn.

Fair point

 

[Tom]

I've found discussing autism somewhat like discussing religion. So I normally don't bring it up on a open (NT) forum.

 

[Anarkitty]

I love you guys. And I'm not even drinking!

Do you find that people on homeschooling forums are often elitists?

Sometimes. Depends on the group. I know homeschool moms who are high school dropouts, PhDs, former school teachers, and everything in between. We're a really mixed bag these days. So yeah, some elitists as well.

But I've also seen homeschoolers get called elitists just for caring about giving their children the best education possible. And to a large extent, for many people who choose private or public school, the choice of others to homeschool feels like a critique of their own choices. Sometimes, it's just another battle in the mommy-wars. And if you don't know what that is, be grateful. (It's mostly about NT women being angry that other moms make different decisions than them or daring to have a different opinion. If it was the title of a movie, I'd call it Mean-Girls: The Middle-Aged Years.)

there's a message in that sentence for me. I'm sure of it

LOL! Nope, actually not. I am blunt enough to just state it outright if I felt that way.

Thanks for the "handbag autism" definition and (@Progster) the comparison to OCD since I'm actually familiar with that phenomenon. My husband tried to explain this to me, but I hadn't actually seen anyone claim autism in that way. I thought he just meant that many people, like me, who haven't been diagnosed by a professional weren't being believed.

I have said in the past that I have "OCD tendencies" because compulsions. I stopped because I worried that I was trivializing OCD because I can fight the compulsions sometimes. Now I realize that they're legit compulsions, and even if I'm not OCD, I do have some OCD tendencies. Life is weird.

I told my husband one night, "Every once in a while I feel rebellious and think, 'Screw it. I'm putting on my left sock first.' But then I don't."

 

[Anarkitty]

It isnt worth the money.
There may be a less painful way for you to help autistic children.
You dont need the aggravation of dealing with those people.

I have an email newsletter, and I'm writing a few posts on invisible disabilities so that I can discuss this some. I know I let myself get too upset when people are jerks to me on forums. Going there and reading posts reminded me why I stopped posting there. If I post at all, I don't think I can stay there long.

If we don't teach people about autism, then they will never learn. This is an opportunity for you to educate them. Of course, if it is too stressful for you to do so, then just drop the topic with them.

Also my thought. There are a few autistic women who are posting in the discussion, but they're not actually arguing. I argue, and I generally make good, logical arguments.

OTOH, the last time I posted on that forum, I ended up arguing with one guy there who posted the most emotional statements to support his points, and I started naming his logical fallacies in each post he made. So sometimes, I'm an ass when I argue.

I've found discussing autism somewhat like discussing religion. So I normally don't bring it up on a open (NT) forum.

Yeah, I get that comparison a little too well. It's ironic how nasty religious discussions can go.