So, I think I'm autistic and I need some input

[SplooshDmg]

Hello everyone, a little upfront about myself. I had a crisis about four years ago and just absolutely fell apart. I was so depressed and stressed out from just trying to keep it together, that I had resorted to alcohol and became a pretty serious substance abuser. My family and I were in the process of trying to move into a different house, and between trying to work, and also raise a toddler at the time, I just absolutely finally fell apart. My psychiatrist at the time was leaning toward a diagnosis of BPD, but she wasn't the type to put it on paper because she just didn't feel it would benefit me in any way. She also thought I exhibited a lot of autistic mannerisms, but she just couldn't be certain with the possible comorbidities at the time. She unfortunately took a job at a different clinic, and I feel I lost all progress due to that. I have read some stuff online that it seems autism and BPD can go hand in hand just due to a lot of undiagnosed autistic people really struggling, and the damage it can do to them mentally. However, now I'm healthy and I've been sober for four years, and I'm just trying to get to the bottom of it all.

I've just always felt different. People picked on me when I was a kid. I've just always preferred to do solo activities like gaming. I have never enjoyed reading fiction, but I'll read a Wikipedia page about WWII for hours. I'm married, and really that's the only social interaction I really have. I don't hang out with friends, and my wife and I tend to just enjoy our own things, though we will do them in close proximity of one another. I've never liked to make eye contact as it makes me uncomfortable. I also basically have the same routine every single day. To a point that I've mentioned to people how odd my weekends off are, because I'm not going to work those days. I typically just do chores between the 9-5 hours until it's time to sit down.

My friends' parents always complained about me when I was in high school because they said I talked too much. I can really only make friends if they share similar interests as me, because I otherwise just don't even know what to talk about. I've in the past been one to tell someone what I really thought about a Christmas gift I didn't like, because I guess I just didn't know better. My wife's grandmother would try to give me random things and I'd just say, "Oh, that's okay, I don't need that." Which apparently upset her, and I just didn't understand why. I wear the same jeans and shirts every day, in varying colors. I've just always found clothing I like and buy enough of the same thing to wear them all the time.

Crowds cause me to panic, I will just drive right past a crowded restaurant and find one that is less busy, because the thought of sitting in a noisy crowded restaurant is dreadful. I think I may have some odd motor skills, because people in high school bullied me so bad about the way I would run, that I almost failed PE because I eventually just refused to participate. I can't hardly catch a ball, so I just never liked doing those things because it just created a new opportunity for people to make fun of me. I have pretty crazy anxiety and I do things like check the locks four times before bed. I just pace between the front and backdoor tugging on the handles to make sure they won't open. I don't even liked playing games online with people, because that's just more social interaction than I want. The list goes on and on. I really don't want to seek a formal diagnosis, just due to the cost and my healthcare coverage stinks. I know I'm pretty much for sure some type of neuro divergent because the psychiatrist I was seeing said so, she just couldn't quite pin it down at the time, due to me just still being such a mess.

So, I've just sort of over the years had this whole BPD thing hanging over my head, and thinking, "I feel healthy, when do I get to feel the way I think other people feel?" Because I just don't. I'd tell you my wife loves me, because she's put up with my rigidness and utter inflexibility for thirteen years now. I'm basically scared to go on vacation because of the change, even short trips out of town after a day just emotionally exhaust me. I've tried to go to college, and I just panic so much because I have to work as well, and the thought of not having my alone time at night to rest and relax just doesn't seem doable, because I'm afraid of coming unraveled like I did four years ago. I had a professor announce on the first day that we'd be doing a group project, and I just got up and left and never went back. I don't feel like I'm qualified to say that I'm absolutely on the spectrum, but I really, really think I am. My wife does as well, and she is fine to acknowledge it and accept it as is. However, the self-diagnosis isn't for other people, it's for myself and my family.

I see signs in my daughter already, and I don't want her to grow up the way I did. I believe my father may be an undiagnosed autistic, as he struggled a lot in life as well and meets a lot of the diagnosis. So, it may just run in the family and never have been noticed, but that's a whole different story. I just want to get to the bottom of who I am and understand better. My family is very accepting of my neurodivergence, and I just feel if I can understand me better, I can understand them better. So, anyone's thoughts would be appreciated, I feel I've given this a lot of thought, but I just don't feel appropriate advertising to people that I'm autistic when I don't have a formal diagnosis. I just think my prior diagnosis of BPD really gives a lot more credence to the fact that I probably am autistic, and we just didn't know at that time.

 

[Greatshield17]

Welcome, it does sound like you struggle with a lot of things an Autistic person would struggle with; have you tried the AQ test?: Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ)

We've had a discussion on self-diagnosis here. There may be others threads on this as well.

I see signs in my daughter already, and I don't want her to grow up the way I did.

I also worry a lot about my future children, I worry about them struggling with things I've struggled with, as well inheriting my own negative traits in general; though I still hope and pray to have them one day.

 

[Rodafina]

I can really only make friends if they share similar interests as me, because I otherwise just don't even know what to talk about.

You can literally search for conversations by interest here… okay, so there is moderate consensus that the search function on the forum doesn’t actually work that well, but you can always ask us. My point is I have found the most unique and interesting conversations happening here… Things that I have wanted to talk about elsewhere with people, but never could find other humans to discuss these things with. Interestingly, here, people are frequently talking about those things I wish to discuss. Hopefully, you can find that here too.

For example, I am fascinated by bridges and saw other people posting threads about different types of architecture. So, I started a thread about it… I’m about to go post a few things over there now, actually.

Bridges

I see signs in my daughter already, and I don't want her to grow up the way I did. I believe my father may be an undiagnosed autistic, as he struggled a lot in life as well and meets a lot of the diagnosis.

You are so right to think about how autism travels in families; it seems many people here have seen and understand this pattern. As a young girl who is very likely autistic, growing up in the 80s without a clue what was going on, I honor your quest into understanding for your daughter.

Doing what you can to make her life more manageable is so awesome, especially if you and she both share autistic traits. As a young girl with very strong autistic traits, I needed my dad and thankfully he was there for me, and he was like me, too. He didn’t understand anything about autism or me for that matter, but he was there for me and he experiences life as I do and that is important to me.

Welcome.

 

[Outdated]

So much of what you have written describes me. My mother always said I could talk under water with a mouthful of marbles. I believe my father was also autistic but we didn't know anything about that sort of thing back in those days.

I play a lot of video games but never online, I don't want people talking to me. I was lucky enough to learn at an early age that when you're depressed alcohol is really not your friend, but with large volumes of alcohol I became a social butterfly.

Just reading through people's conversations on this forum should give you a little comfort and maybe help you understand a bit more about yourself. And don't be shy to talk to people here, we can all relate and talking about things in here feels normal instead of weird.

 

[1ForAll]

Welcome! From what you said so far, I see more the Autism and not the BPD. I mean, the narrow hyperfocuses of interest (gaming, historical stuff), the introversion, the routines/difficulties with change, the lack of eye contact, being factual/blunt, the motor skill issues (fine or gross), Autistic signs and symptoms passed down, etc. The talking a lot for topics of interest can be Autistic as well.

So, based on what you said, I feel you are certainly in the right place to explore more about Autism and to relate there, and to ask any additional questions, make comments and/or to get support. Some others here have stated less signs and symptoms you have shared and still suspect Autism for them. I feel we often are just as much as experts as most non-specialty doctors, in researching and in determining what we could have, as we know ourselves the best and are often into the details there, and with more motivations there to figure things out quicker!

Don't wait until you get a diagnosis thus to suspect a condition in you, as our (family's) experiences have shown most non-specialists would be in no hurry to diagnose there or have much ability or desire there to diagnose that, for whatever reason.

 

[SplooshDmg]

Welcome, it does sound like you struggle with a lot of things an Autistic person would struggle with; have you tried the AQ test?: Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ)

We've had a discussion on self-diagnosis here. There may be others threads on this as well.

I also worry a lot about my future children, I worry about them struggling with things I've struggled with, as well inheriting my own negative traits in general; though I still hope and pray to have them one day.

I have done the AQ test, several times actually. I have examined the questions pretty throughly, and the first time I did it I scored a 39. I have taken it several times, and of course I have tried to be a little flexible with the strongly agree/disagree with questions that I might feel less certain about as far as agreeing strongly or slightly. Pretty much in no earnest scenario do I think I could score less than the 32 needed to be suspect of autism. So this is part of what got me really thinking about all of this.

I love my daughter, and even though the infant/toddler years were very hard for me, I wouldn't change it for anything. My wife just really wanted a child, and I knew it would be difficult, but I couldn't deny her that. My daughter is six now, so we can experience the joy of playing Minecraft together, and it's truly just a joy. I hope you one day you're own wish will be fulfilled.

 

[SplooshDmg]

So much of what you have written describes me. My mother always said I could talk under water with a mouthful of marbles. I believe my father was also autistic but we didn't know anything about that sort of thing back in those days.

I play a lot of video games but never online, I don't want people talking to me. I was lucky enough to learn at an early age that when you're depressed alcohol is really not your friend, but with large volumes of alcohol I became a social butterfly.

Just reading through people's conversations on this forum should give you a little comfort and maybe help you understand a bit more about yourself. And don't be shy to talk to people here, we can all relate and talking about things in here feels normal instead of weird.

I used to play WoW when I was in high school, and I just loved collecting things. My friends would try to get me to raid and run dungeons, and it just causes me so much stress and I never really realized what it was that made it so difficult for me. It just was never really enjoyable. I love RPG games like Elder Scrolls and Xenoblade Chronicles because of course I love the deep skill systems and lore, there's just so much fun to be had learning about all of it. That's what I love about games. Movies can't hold my shirt attention span, but I love games because it keeps my hands and brain busy, and I get enjoyable stories and characters.

Alcohol is not my friend, and I'm so glad to be free of it. I got really interested in craft beer, because I've always had an interest in coffee, and I got super interested in different roasts and beans. So I eventually got interested in what were other interesting beverages. So I wound up managing a liquor store (because I was an encyclopedia of unlimited booze knowledge), and just built up this crazy craft beer selection with of course zealous study of product catalogues. But beers got too ingrained in my routine. It just turned into a routine ritual and eventually it turned into an actual dependency because I was so stressed out from running that store when I'd get home. But if I got lubed up enough I could be social at a party, but I typically just wound up being obnoxious more than anything.

 

[SplooshDmg]

Welcome! From what you said so far, I see more the Autism and not the BPD. I mean, the narrow hyperfocuses of interest (gaming, historical stuff), the introversion, the routines/difficulties with change, the lack of eye contact, being factual/blunt, the motor skill issues (fine or gross), Autistic signs and symptoms passed down, etc. The talking a lot for topics of interest can be Autistic as well.

So, based on what you said, I feel you are certainly in the right place to explore more about Autism and to relate there, and to ask any additional questions, make comments and/or to get support. Some others here have stated less signs and symptoms you have shared and still suspect Autism for them. I feel we often are just as much as experts as most non-specialty doctors, in researching and in determining what we could have, as we know ourselves the best and are often into the details there, and with more motivations there to figure things out quicker!

Don't wait until you get a diagnosis thus to suspect a condition in you, as our (family's) experiences have shown most non-specialists would be in no hurry to diagnose there or have much ability or desire there to diagnose that, for whatever reason.

Appreciate your feedback. I have really studied this, and I do think at the time I was really distressed and probably did show signs of BPD. But a lot has changed since then, I really miss that doctor. She was just way too good.

What's weird is, my wife was diagnosed with Crohn's this year. She struggled for ages with gastrointestinal discomfort and I did the homework and told her she probably had Crohn's. She saw this quack and they gave her some medication for IBS, and everything got worse. I told her to stop taking it, and she wouldn't listen. Finally, she went to a new doctor, they recommended her for a colonoscopy, she has Crohn's. I was right the entire time. I also got really ill about six years ago and went to the walk-in clinic. I told them I needed to get tested for mononucleosis. They looked at me like that was oddly specific. But they took me back and tested me, boom, I had mono. No I wasn't kissing anyone with mono. Lol. But they were baffled how I knew it was mono.

But yeah, I'm not sure if I even want to go the full diagnosis for myself. My old doctor always told me, "I only know what you tell me". So basically I just need to pay a specialist to listen to me tell them what I already know, then slap a certified autistic seal of approval on me. I basically have been on my own since I was 16, just being from a wreck of a home. So I've managed to learn a lot and function well enough to work a decent job. I've sort of just arrived at the point of, if I'm autistic, that's who I am. That's a big part of me, and just finding that comfort of finally knowing who you are. It's kinda scary, but comforting in a way. Your whole life just makes sense in one sentence. "You're autistic."

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome, it sounds like you have come to the right place! It sounds like you got to a point where there was too much that was stressful going on, and you got burn out. You worked through it, and it does sound like now you are through that time of stress, you may benefit from finding out more about autism and how it's relevant for you. I self diagnosed because it made sense to me to explain some aspects of myself that I worked on a lot but never changed. I fitted the profile in some core ways.

Sorry to hear you went through difficult times, you have emerged into better times now and that's great. I hope you enjoy it here and find it useful and supportive.

 

[SplooshDmg]

Hi and welcome, it sounds like you have come to the right place! It sounds like you got to a point where there was too much that was stressful going on, and you got burn out. You worked through it, and it does sound like now you are through that time of stress, you may benefit from finding out more about autism and how it's relevant for you. I self diagnosed because it made sense to me to explain some aspects of myself that I worked on a lot but never changed. I fitted the profile in some core ways.

Sorry to hear you went through difficult times, you have emerged into better times now and that's great. I hope you enjoy it here and find it useful and supportive.

Yeah, I really think it might have been full blown burnout. I just fell apart. Quit my job all of a sudden, had to have my aunt come pick me up at the store I was quitting mid shift, then I got home and freaked out so bad my wife had to take me to the hospital. When it was all said and done, I was so depressed that I was basically just bed ridden. I just couldn't function for basically months after that. The doctor I was seeing at the time was giving me different mood stabilizers and stuff, and those just made me feel awful. I appreciate your kind sentiment, and I agree, this seems like the right place for me.

 

[Greatshield17]

I love my daughter, and even though the infant/toddler years were very hard for me, I wouldn't change it for anything. My wife just really wanted a child, and I knew it would be difficult, but I couldn't deny her that. My daughter is six now, so we can experience the joy of playing Minecraft together, and it's truly just a joy. I hope you one day you're own wish will be fulfilled.

Thanks, I really appreciate this. I hope and pray for your daughter's wellbeing, glad you two are getting along.

 

[Suzanne]

Your description fits so well with ASD ( as it is referred to these days - Autism spectrum disorder).

I laughed at the part saying that you wear the same things; just in varying colours, because hey, that is me too. Don't go into fashion either. Find it pretty ridiculous, because what looks good on one, does not look good on another and thus, I always go for things that I know I feel good in.

I seeked a formal diagnosis, simply solve the mystery: am I or am I not? And it does help enormously, because on the outside, I look "normal", but due to that formal diagnosis, I am accepted as being on the spectrum. No questions demanded.

I do tend to tell people that I am on the spectrum and printed up and made myself some cards of identification and tried it out the other day and it was rather a unique experience. Ah, ok, you are on the spectrum. Which helps me to be more me.

 

[SplooshDmg]

Your description fits so well with ASD ( as it is referred to these days - Autism spectrum disorder).

I laughed at the part saying that you wear the same things; just in varying colours, because hey, that is me too. Don't go into fashion either. Find it pretty ridiculous, because what looks good on one, does not look good on another and thus, I always go for things that I know I feel good in.

I seeked a formal diagnosis, simply solve the mystery: am I or am I not? And it does help enormously, because on the outside, I look "normal", but due to that formal diagnosis, I am accepted as being on the spectrum. No questions demanded.

I do tend to tell people that I am on the spectrum and printed up and made myself some cards of identification and tried it out the other day and it was rather a unique experience. Ah, ok, you are on the spectrum. Which helps me to be more me.

Appreciate the feedback. Yeah, I am very heavily considering a diagnosis. It just causes me some distress thinking about it because the process seems very inconsistent, and almost just entirely depends on what specialist you manage to see. It seems like a lot of autism resources around here where I live are pretty limited, and a lot of places just currently not accepting new patients. So, I guess right now I'm trying to stay motivated and try, but so much of this seems very disjointed and is causing me frustration. I will conjure up the gumption to do it, then make the call, and they can't see anyone new, and I'm back to square one. However, I also have a lot of anxiety about the fact that I may end up with a quack doctor and just end up wasting both my time and money.

 

[Suzanne]

Appreciate the feedback. Yeah, I am very heavily considering a diagnosis. It just causes me some distress thinking about it because the process seems very inconsistent, and almost just entirely depends on what specialist you manage to see. It seems like a lot of autism resources around here where I live are pretty limited, and a lot of places just currently not accepting new patients. So, I guess right now I'm trying to stay motivated and try, but so much of this seems very disjointed and is causing me frustration. I will conjure up the gumption to do it, then make the call, and they can't see anyone new, and I'm back to square one. However, I also have a lot of anxiety about the fact that I may end up with a quack doctor and just end up wasting both my time and money.

I live in France ( not French) and here they do not recognise Aspergers and do not even recognise females being on the spectrum, so, even though I got a referral pretty quick and after two visits to a neuro therapist, she said that I got a typical aspie score and then said she was transferring all the data to the expert in Autism, but there is usually a long waiting list and even she was surprised with how quick he saw me; like within two weeks of the referral and I believe strongly my God, helped me, because I got a diagnosis very fast, despite the odds against me.

Here, in France, apparently they are lagging behind many countries with this issue. However, I was thoroughly tested and when sometimes I wonder if a misdiagnosis occurred ( because I cannot believe that for once, something I believed actually came true), I remind myself of the intensive testing I went through.

 

[Greatshield17]

Appreciate the feedback. Yeah, I am very heavily considering a diagnosis. It just causes me some distress thinking about it because the process seems very inconsistent, and almost just entirely depends on what specialist you manage to see. It seems like a lot of autism resources around here where I live are pretty limited, and a lot of places just currently not accepting new patients. So, I guess right now I'm trying to stay motivated and try, but so much of this seems very disjointed and is causing me frustration. I will conjure up the gumption to do it, then make the call, and they can't see anyone new, and I'm back to square one. However, I also have a lot of anxiety about the fact that I may end up with a quack doctor and just end up wasting both my time and money.

The presence of Level-3 Autism causes issues in this area, mainly because Level-3 Autism is so different from Level-1 Autism. For the majority, because they assume that Autism is bad, and Level-3 Autism is so debilitating and difficult for those who have it, they come to assume Level-3 Autism is "true Autism," and that we Level-1 Autistic people aren't even Autistic; especially when many of us say that we're happy and comfortable with being who we are. Additionally, parents of Level-3 Autistic children will often view and accuse us of taking resources that their Level-3 Autistic children need, and thus advocate hard for their to be a lot of barriers to us getting resources we need; Disneyland has actually censored the use of the Autistic Infinity Symbol, as they fear it will upset parents of Level-3 Autistic kids.

I live in France ( not French) and here they do not recognise Aspergers and do not even recognise females being on the spectrum, so, even though I got a referral pretty quick and after two visits to a neuro therapist, she said that I got a typical aspie score and then said she was transferring all the data to the expert in Autism, but there is usually a long waiting list and even she was surprised with how quick he saw me; like within two weeks of the referral and I believe strongly my God, helped me, because I got a diagnosis very fast, despite the odds against me.

Here, in France, apparently they are lagging behind many countries with this issue. However, I was thoroughly tested and when sometimes I wonder if a misdiagnosis occurred ( because I cannot believe that for once, something I believed actually came true), I remind myself of the intensive testing I went through.

I really hope and pray Chile is not like this, Lord-willing the fact that its source of economic income is mining and thus, has a high number of engineers live there; will mean that there may be more Autistic people living and thus a better awareness and understanding of Autistic people there, rather than elsewhere in Latin America.

 

[SplooshDmg]

I live in France ( not French) and here they do not recognise Aspergers and do not even recognise females being on the spectrum, so, even though I got a referral pretty quick and after two visits to a neuro therapist, she said that I got a typical aspie score and then said she was transferring all the data to the expert in Autism, but there is usually a long waiting list and even she was surprised with how quick he saw me; like within two weeks of the referral and I believe strongly my God, helped me, because I got a diagnosis very fast, despite the odds against me.

Here, in France, apparently they are lagging behind many countries with this issue. However, I was thoroughly tested and when sometimes I wonder if a misdiagnosis occurred ( because I cannot believe that for once, something I believed actually came true), I remind myself of the intensive testing I went through.

I'm in a less urban part of the US, and I'd tell you mental health care here is pretty hard to get, because a lot of insurers won't even cover it. When I had what I think was my full-blown burnout, I just wound up saddled with thousands of dollars of medical dept from hospital/doctor visits, because the insurers covered nothing related to mental health. I really feel like a lot of the material I've read sort of only encourages seeking a diagnosis as an adult if you are having significant issues, which I'm not really anymore. In the US the diagnosis really only seems to serve much purpose if you need special accommodations to work, or are disabled enough to qualify for disability income, which even that is a struggle to get. The US is pretty harsh in a lot of aspects. I'm perhaps overthinking it; I'm just trying to weigh the emotional value of the diagnosis against the actual practical value of a diagnosis, and I'm just not sure those things line up in reality. I'm just very conflicted as I am seeing both sides of it here.

 

[SplooshDmg]

The presence of Level-3 Autism causes issues in this area, mainly because Level-3 Autism is so different from Level-1 Autism. For the majority, because they assume that Autism is bad, and Level-3 Autism is so debilitating and difficult for those who have it, they come to assume Level-3 Autism is "true Autism," and that we Level-1 Autistic people aren't even Autistic; especially when many of us say that we're happy and comfortable with being who we are. Additionally, parents of Level-3 Autistic children will often view and accuse us of taking resources that their Level-3 Autistic children need, and thus advocate hard for their to be a lot of barriers to us getting resources we need; Disneyland has actually censored the use of the Autistic Infinity Symbol, as they fear it will upset parents of Level-3 Autistic kids.


I really hope and pray Chile is not like this, Lord-willing the fact that its source of economic income is mining and thus, has a high number of engineers live there; will mean that there may be more Autistic people living and thus a better awareness and understanding of Autistic people there, rather than elsewhere in Latin America.

I have a cousin on my mom's side that had level 3 autism, and some other complications, but she was severely disabled. She was 36 when she died, but she essentially had the mind of a small child. I had told my brother that I think I might be autistic, and he just completely dismissed it. People where I am just have absolutely no understanding of it. They think to have Asperger's you just have to be some sort of sideshow weirdo, or you can solve a Rubic's cube with your eyes closed. Which I feel is in part because of a lot of the unfair stereotyping of ND people in the media, and if you don't meet that criteria people will basically just entirely dismiss your claims because you otherwise just look normal to them.

 

[Aspychata]

My mom blew me off when l mentioned l felt l may be ND. However last time l was at her place, l felt there might be a little mouse door opening and she was more understanding. She definitely is autistic. But my friend who stayed with her said she is rather controlling. Which was very difficult for me growing up. It was only her way. There was no other way.

Great to read your posts. By engaging and talking about this, it becomes less taboo and easier for us to accept, this is who we are. Now that is established, how can we help those around us suffering thru and needing to understand themselves? Then the Autism Forums comes into focus so much clearer.

 

[SplooshDmg]

My mom blew me off when l mentioned l felt l may be ND. However last time l was at her place, l felt there might be a little mouse door opening and she was more understanding. She definitely is autistic. But my friend who stayed with her said she is rather controlling. Which was very difficult for me growing up. It was only her way. There was no other way.

Great to read your posts. By engaging and talking about this, it becomes less taboo and easier for us to accept, this is who we are. Now that is established, how can we help those around us suffering thru and needing to understand themselves? Then the Autism Forums comes into focus so much clearer.

I'm pretty fortunate that a lot of my family seems to accept/agree that I probably am autistic. My mother went as far as to voluntarily apologize to me, and just said she never knew. But I'd tell you I was very controlling until I started recovery after my total breakdown. I think it's hard because NT people see the ND's and want to fix us, when in hindsight, we are just sitting around wondering how we fix all these normal people, because we also don't understand their behavior.

I think a lot of ND/Aspie people are just very passionate about their beliefs, often because we spend excessive amounts of time researching things. Therefore, I think we feel justified to try to force our ways because we feel we have evidence to support it. I am a teetotal minimalist. I don't understand why everyone else isn't. I basically have the clothes on my back, and my special interests are computers and cooking. So that's really all I own is tech devices and cooking gadgets. I could put my very personal belonging all in my Ford Fiesta and have room to spare. It really just took me falling apart to finally realize that something about me is just different. Now that I'm aware, I'm just trying to learn all the cues and behaviors and counteract them as they're happening.

 

[Aspychata]

I come from a base of learning. I like to understand other people's viewpoints which are shaped by many different things.

But that is a great statement of just wanting to fix all the NT people. That made me laugh. Thank you.