Social Issues at University

[Fridgemagnetman]

It has nothing to do with religion

How do you know?

As you are posting at length asking a question, there is clearly something you don't know...

If you do know.. what,then, is your point?

How are you confident to dismiss one thing and not another ,if you don't know?

Many aspects of prejudice I was not aware of were religious. I did not realise until much older.


Part of Asperger's is being blind to certain things... Social things.

It may be,in this case, more being "other"
Not from the south.
Ie the reaction could have been similar if you were from the north of England or Scottish.

 

[Mia]

Deleted both of my answers Realist, since you seem to know exactly what the issues are.

I'll also be sure not to reply to any of your so called questions again. Bella Pines said it best.

 

[55853]

How do you know?

As you are posting at length asking a question, there is clearly something you don't know...

If you do know.. what,then, is your point?

How are you confident to dismiss one thing and not another ,if you don't know?

Many aspects of prejudice I was not aware of were religious. I did not realise until much older.


Part of Asperger's is being blind to certain things... Social things.

It may be,in this case, more being "other"
Not from the south.
Ie the reaction could have been similar if you were from the north of England or Scottish.

Far fewer people in Northern Europe (wider definition) are religious than in the US, and those that are it's not to the same extent. I've never discussed religion with anyone in my life. I doubt more than a tiny minority of people would even internally question what @Realist's views are.

Some maps that illustrate how religion compares to the rest of the world:

Irreligion:

Importance:

There is far more information on this widely available online, but I'll end it here since this is not the politics and religion forum. My point being: I agree with @Realist - I don't think it is anything to do with religion.

 

[55853]

To carry on: I think it's to do with how people are socially. I have somehow managed to kind of get myself into a "clique" and I'll try to explain how, which I hope helps in some way.

have explained that I am isolated

I'd advise not to do this. It puts people in an awkward situation if you're openly negative. They don't know you well enough to say anything, really. I know it's said a lot, but stay positive with potential friends. They may not be inviting you because they see you as a "downer". You need to phrase it differently. I'd advise you to keep up with upcoming events, and ask these people if they're going. I think that'd be better received.

“oh this is hard isn’t it? Do you know how to do quesion 1, I am struggling” or “what do you think of the course ... is interesting?”

I think that comes into "students only say the bare minimum" - they're just trying to get on with it rather than have a conversation, so they're getting annoyed at you, I think. I'd advise you to look at what others are doing - if nobody else is talking, don't try to make smalltalk.

I message them about the work

I'm speculating here. One thing is that it could be they want to talk about other things. Another could be to do with what about the work you're messaging them. Are you asking questions on how to do things? If you are, they could be frustrated with that. I personally answer people's questions rather than ask my own.

no single person tried to find out who I was

You may not have looked open enough in terms of body language. Did you look in anyone's direction?

As you said, I do speak to “odd” people or foreigners because they’re open minded and not judgemental, but they’re still not friends or anyone I hang out with

Is it possible to develop these into friendships?

I am starting to become insecure and wreck my head over this

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to. With some minor changes to your social approach, you should be able to make friends. You don't seem odd or rude.

 

[Frostee]

How do you know?

As you are posting at length asking a question, there is clearly something you don't know...

If you do know.. what,then, is your point?

How are you confident to dismiss one thing and not another ,if you don't know?

Many aspects of prejudice I was not aware of were religious. I did not realise until much older.


Part of Asperger's is being blind to certain things... Social things.

It may be,in this case, more being "other"
Not from the south.
Ie the reaction could have been similar if you were from the north of England or Scottish.

Firstly, England is a secular country, and secondly, how do you know I am not a Protestant?

Anyway, maybe it is the fact that I am not English, I know they do make a big deal when I speak; 'wow somebody all the way from NI', like i've come 7000 miles. The English really do not travel far for University.

 

[Frostee]

To carry on: I think it's to do with how people are socially. I have somehow managed to kind of get myself into a "clique" and I'll try to explain how, which I hope helps in some way.


I'd advise not to do this. It puts people in an awkward situation if you're openly negative. They don't know you well enough to say anything, really. I know it's said a lot, but stay positive with potential friends. They may not be inviting you because they see you as a "downer". You need to phrase it differently. I'd advise you to keep up with upcoming events, and ask these people if they're going. I think that'd be better received.


I think that comes into "students only say the bare minimum" - they're just trying to get on with it rather than have a conversation, so they're getting annoyed at you, I think. I'd advise you to look at what others are doing - if nobody else is talking, don't try to make smalltalk.


I'm speculating here. One thing is that it could be they want to talk about other things. Another could be to do with what about the work you're messaging them. Are you asking questions on how to do things? If you are, they could be frustrated with that. I personally answer people's questions rather than ask my own.


You may not have looked open enough in terms of body language. Did you look in anyone's direction?


Is it possible to develop these into friendships?


I know it's easier said than done, but try not to. With some minor changes to your social approach, you should be able to make friends. You don't seem odd or rude.

They really do, i've been going to this group since the start. So if they don't know me now, they're never going to know me; not that they tried a whole lot.

If I can't talk to people in class, please explain how I am going to ever get to know them, since I will never see them anywhere else? No one sees me as a downer because no one talks to me.

This is the whole point of this thread; why does no one ever, ever approach me?

 

[55853]

They really do, i've been going to this group since the start. So if they don't know me now, they're never going to know me; not that they tried a whole lot.

There's different levels of "knowing". They may recognise your face, know your name, and a bit of your background, but that's different to knowing someone personally to the extent you talk about more personal problems and feelings. How much do you know about them?

If I can't talk to people in class, please explain how I am going to ever get to know them, since I will never see them anywhere else? No one sees me as a downer because no one talks to me.

Before class? In breaks? On Facebook (or any social media)?

This is the whole point of this thread; why does no one ever, ever approach me?

Could be many things. They could be aware of you, but not want to approach you. But there's also that they may think you don't want approaching. Or they may not even be aware of you.

How are you showing you want to be approached? How are you approaching others?

 

[Frostee]

I don't approach anyone, they are socially cold/indifferent towards me. It is a different culture, at home this would not have happened. People at home are openly friendly and curious.

 

[55853]

I don't approach anyone, they are socially cold/indifferent towards me. It is a different culture, at home this would not have happened. People at home are openly friendly and curious.

In that case, they read you as being socially cold/indifferent towards them and so think you don't want approaching, if they're even aware you exist. You're not at home, so if you want approaching, you've got to show people that by making more "effort" (I'm not sure on the best word).

 

[Frostee]

I just told you they don't show any interest towards me.

 

[55853]

I just told you they don't show any interest towards me.

And you also told me that you don't show any interest towards them. Unlike at home, that's not an invitation to be approached. You want to be approached, you need to show interest towards others. They may not be looking for friends, but that doesn't mean they won't be receptive to the possibility of a new friend. But you are looking for friends so you need to let them know that (indirectly).

 

[Mary Anne]

They really do, i've been going to this group since the start. So if they don't know me now, they're never going to know me; not that they tried a whole lot.

If I can't talk to people in class, please explain how I am going to ever get to know them, since I will never see them anywhere else? No one sees me as a downer because no one talks to me.

This is the whole point of this thread; why does no one ever, ever approach me?

Why have you not even acknowledged what I or Bella Pines suggested?
It’s like you ignored us....which is the very issue you are experiencing in YOUR life. YOU know how it feels to be unacknowledged at university, yet you do it too.

You are quick to be “irritated.” (You mentioned this)
Can you see how these things are off putting? I see that Mia has left the thread in exasperation. In a very short time you manage to “irritate” others here. You are not open to suggestions, yet you keep asking for them. There is no magical quick fix solution to your problems.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Far fewer people in Northern Europe (wider definition) are religious than in the US, and those that are it's not to the same extent. I've never discussed religion with anyone in my life. I doubt more than a tiny minority of people would even internally question what @Realist's views are.

Some maps that illustrate how religion compares to the rest of the world:

Irreligion:

Importance:

There is far more information on this widely available online, but I'll end it here since this is not the politics and religion forum. My point being: I agree with @Realist - I don't think it is anything to do with religion.

I don't disagree that it may not be to do with religion.

But I do disagree with your mental process that constructed that view.
You used general statistics to support a view which is based on more specific circumstances.
Also it could be seen as a leading question. It is one that is very easy to say no to. It does not provide insight into the more complex identities people have socislly.
Still much more dependant on religion than one would think,initially.
You seem to have no knowledge of any specific circumstances which can affect relationships between Irish and English either protestant or Catholic. In particular northern Irish.
An identity that is not necessarily represented by church attendance and certainly not your statistics.
People,at that age, can carry on the social prejudices of their parents and represent that subconsiously.
Lots more reasons.

It may be that the OP comes across as unfriendly and doesn't know why - as yet.
Lots of reasons.

 

[Mary Anne]

They really do, i've been going to this group since the start. So if they don't know me now, they're never going to know me; not that they tried a whole lot.

If I can't talk to people in class, please explain how I am going to ever get to know them, since I will never see them anywhere else? No one sees me as a downer because no one talks to me.

This is the whole point of this thread; why does no one ever, ever approach me?

Because you never approached them openly, friendly, with positive radiance, warmth, and or humor. You keep talking about you, you, you. Everything is about you. People can immediately pick up on self centered narcissism.

It’s not your accent, nor where you are from. You stereotyped the southerners badly, and that makes you sound like you think you are better than them. People are very sensitive to that. If you dress different, and carry yourself as a snobby upper class “diva,” they will pick up on that too. Like it’s all been said previously, there are hundreds of signals you are putting out there. We cannot see them online- you need to be observed by people who see you daily.

 

[Judge]

I don't approach anyone, they are socially cold/indifferent towards me. It is a different culture, at home this would not have happened. People at home are openly friendly and curious.

That's when it becomes incumbent upon you to "push yourself" socially. Admittedly never a simple thing for many of us on the spectrum to do, but there are times when it's the only thing one can do as the proverbial "new guy".

Frankly I don't even see this as any kind of social dynamic indicative of a neurological divide. That you are simply one person from a different place and culture among many from a different culture. So it is you who must make the first move and not scoff at them for not doing the same.

And above all to keep trying, no matter how many times you may fail. Don't look for fairness or equality in this social dynamic, because you simply won't find it. The onus being on you- not them.

 

[Mary Lyn]

I don't approach anyone, they are socially cold/indifferent towards me. It is a different culture, at home this would not have happened. People at home are openly friendly and curious.

Realist, you are right and the culture is very different - even in the north east of England it is nothing like as friendly as NI.

You will have to get through your disappointment as it is obviously showing, and adjust to the new culture.

 

[Frostee]

That's when it becomes incumbent upon you to "push yourself" socially. Admittedly never a simple thing for many of us on the spectrum to do, but there are times when it's the only thing one can do as the proverbial "new guy".

Frankly I don't even see this as any kind of social dynamic indicative of a neurological divide. That you are simply one person from a different place and culture among many from a different culture. So it is you who must make the first move and not scoff at them for not doing the same.

And above all to keep trying, no matter how many times you may fail. Don't look for fairness or equality in this social dynamic, because you simply won't find it. The onus being on you- not them.

you need to put your words into English that I can understand

 

[Judge]

you need to put your words into English that I can understand

LOL. Pardon my autism.

YOU have to make the first step in approaching others. Don't expect them to approach you. It may not seem fair, but that's just the way it is. With no guarantee of success, either way. Aspie or not.

 

[Juliettaa]

People can immediately pick up on self centered narcissism.

That's harsh.

I just told you they don't show any interest towards me.

You have three choices left then. You either a) push yourself forward as Judge suggested, or b) you just accept that this is how it going to be, or c) you leave and enrol at a different university that is not in the south of England, a place that's known for the absence of community spirit and friendliness (I'm not saying that's how it is, just how it's known).

For what it's worth Realist, I know NI very, very well. I understand your expectations based on what you're used to back home. But you're not going to find that in the SE of England. NI is unique in its community feel, going out of your way to help others and to look out for each other is commonplace. If you're basing your expectations of SE England on home, you're aiming for the impossible.

 

[Frostee]

Yes, Julietta. I am from a rural area in Northern NI, people here are extremely friendly, the other day I was in the store and did not have enough change; a woman gave me one pound, small but would never happen in SE. I have tried to help people in SE, for example, dropping something, and shouted them, only to be ignored.

I am afraid I DO find people there to be rude. They are inward looking and individualistic, it is obviously not a good fit for me.

As I said, it is fairly easy for me to socialise with people here, if need be, people come to me. With the Southern English, I have to put in a lot of effort, infact I often feel that I have to run after them to actually get anywhere i.e it will take an incredibly long time for the friendship to get to the level that it would here, years almost. They just do not have the same approach to socialising at all. It is all about keeping their emotions in check. I do struggle with that.

I would want to socialise and meet people, being from NI I am not used to their way of socialising and do not know what the best approach is. I do not know how they meet new people there, with the whole 'keep to yourself' attitude.