Socially Awkward Experiences...

[Spiller]

What can you do?

In my, albeit extremely limited experience, avoid those that chase you as they aren't after honor and respect, just money!

 

[Maelstrom]

I tend to agree, all tho there maybe a few sweet aggressive girls, I think even tho it goes against our grain as aspie guys, we may fair better if we make a effort to ask out more of the shyer girls, there may be more hidden diamonds in that pool.

And now I'll get even more hate mail...

 

[metalminx24]

I think that may be the point I was trying to make- it's confusing, constantly changing and pot luck!

Whatever the case, I think everyone deserves someone to love and to be loved, and I'll pretend luck exists long enough to wish you both, Mael and Spiller, lots and lots of it [emoji4]

 

[DogwoodTree]

So feeling confident in myself makes all the difference now, right?

Well, actually, not so far.

Yeah I agree...I think that's more a gimmick than anything. Yes, as you said, it can help you feel better about yourself. And that might help you become a healthier person (which is a good thing), which tends to attract healthier people (which is a very good thing...IF you can find them). But in the end, people choose who they like or don't like based on a huge variety of factors, not just whether you like yourself already or not.

I like my inner-world-self well enough. But that doesn't make me a fun person to be around. So most people don't seek out spending time with me, except in very limited amounts (which is fine with me), or for their own purposes (which is becoming more and more repulsive). My DH and kids are pretty much the only people I can relax some with, and even them...it's more that we're all used to each other, more or less, and have adapted to each other some. My DH is a very committed and loyal person, or I'm not sure he would still be hanging around me.

I wish I could find a girl who thought that like you DogwoodTree ,so far the girls rule seems to be I can use any stupid trick I want to get my way and you the guy will get all the blame for the wreckage.

Thinking this way...choosing to honor people...cultivating a culture of honor...makes for a good start, but that doesn't make me the "ideal girl" by any means. My weaknesses are just as disruptive, only in very different ways, than this type of person you described. My conclusion...we've all got crap in our personalities. You just gotta find someone whose crap is a little more compatible with your own combination of strengths and weaknesses. I hope you can find that person for you.

 

[Maelstrom]

"metalminx24, post: 255338, member: 13736"]I think that may be the point I was trying to make- it's confusing, constantly changing and pot luck!

Whatever the case, I think everyone deserves someone to love and to be loved, and I'll pretend luck exists long enough to wish you both, Mael and Spiller, lots and lots of it [emoji4]

Thank you metalminx24 ,Yes I need LOTS and lots and lots of luck...... Actually at my age with my looks and clean life style I'm likely prime beef. I just don't get around to asking out the ladies enough...and the ones who throw themselves at me so far haven't turned out to be the best sort.

So in a way it is my own fault for not trying harder to chase down a classy lady.. BAD! Mael! ..

The best things in life always seem to require more work...love likely is no exception.

 

[Kirsty]

In case anyone's wondering, Cupboardy was my old user name before I changed it. LOL

 

[Spiller]

Hey Kirsty, I wondered where Cupboardy had gone

 

[DC1346]

I wonder if I will ever accept that I have Asperger.
I hate that I can't get any words out from my mouth in groups. It's so difficult and all I want is to be like the others.. Yes social. How do you learn to accept it?

I was compensating for Asperger's long before I ever realized that I HAD Asperger's.

How did I cope?

1) I aligned my career with my interests. I have an interest in all things culinary, so I'm a Culinary Arts instructor. I like teaching because I can structure my classroom environment. The school day is scheduled and with training, experience, knowledge of school and district policy, and the use of a progressive management plan, I have no problem with students. Students who don't want to participate appropriately become the Dean's problem if they disrupt my class.

2) I also pursued activities that align with my interests. In the past I have volunteered at a local food bank. I am currently seeing if I can volunteer with the local Salvation Army because I've heard that they run food trucks and I think that chefing in a food truck would be a hoot! It's really much easier to talk to people with whom you share common interests. I am clueless at parties and hate being dragged to them because I don't know most of the people there and have no idea what their interests even are. I much prefer volunteer activities.

3) I have developed scripts to help me do my job ... everything from greetings and mutual introductions to ... well ... I've rarely gotten beyond greetings and introductions because I'm so work oriented that I don't visit with most of my colleagues. The lounge is so far away from my room that it's not worth the walk to eat in the faculty lounge ... and since I teach Culinary Arts, my kitchen has my lunch, beverages, and everything else I need.

I basically talk to people as I need to, to do my job but otherwise keep to myself. I don't socialize.

It helps that I'm a reclusive introvert, so I really have no interest in socializing if I don't have to.

4) Time and experience help. This is my 26th year in the classroom and unless I tell someone I'm autistic, most of them don't know. I can "fake" normalcy but of course am not normal. With this being said, I appreciated receiving a medical diagnosis because knowledge is power and knowing why I am the way I am has given me a lot of ah-hah moments .... but in the end, nothing has really changed. I'm still the person I was before the diagnosis. The only real difference is now I'm better informed.

5) Enlist peer support. If you have a friend, have your friend help ease you into various social situations.

6) Practice helps. See comments #2 and #5. As the old adage goes, practice makes perfect or better yet, practice breeds familiarity.

 

[Bruce Stern]

Has anyone worked with a communication coach/specialist? I'm curious. I have very little practical experience but it seems a lot of this can be taught. It would seem with practice, baby steps and accumulation of small victories these situations could become much less stressful. I'm examining my interactions and I've certainly created 'work-arounds' but they've had varying levels of success. If I was doing great on my own I doubt I'd be posting here I think I'd benefit from objective guidance from someone who's skilled in this area and going to start working with one in the near future. Anything I'm awkward with I'm uncomfortable with.

I've had patients with PTSD, anxiety, insomnia make incredible gains if they work at things like meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy but they have to do assignments/homework and practice things like meditation. This also applies to physical conditions like diabetes and hypertension.

I have read two wildly differing accounts, that from Temple where she talks about limiting her social choices including the choice of celibacy because of the way she's wired. I contrast that with Sean Barron (in the same book, Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships) who repeatedly discusses 'curing' his autism. Could they both have valid experiences?

 

[paloftoon]

I had a social awkward moment a number of Tuesdays ago where there is this one regular gamer who seemed to have a lot in common with me in terms of the kind of board games he liked, and he was in to anime too. I tried to have a conversation with him while he was finishing up a game that I was not involved in. It went real awkward. So awkward that even though I helped him put stuff away, he started to scoot downstairs to the area to possibly buy games. I did NOT follow him down. One of his friends start talking to me and telling me how it was "pointless" to go to other board game meetups because he just needs to find people he cliques with, and then just stays with them the entire time. The problem with this is that you close off other people and don't open yourself to new, exciting experiences and potential treasures. Of course, he may have been saying this as a way to indicate how awkward I am.

Yesterday, I went to the board game store with a friend, and then when my friend took a cell phone call, and right before I started another game, I went to ask the one regular gamer if he has the game Paperback with him. He did not, and one of his friends proceeded to ask him what was going on, and he answered that I was just asking him about if he had Paperback or not. So awkward. So my social awkwardness of friendship was taken the wrong way completely.

Maybe they thought I was going to grope him inappropriately or something, or maybe they're prejudiced against LGBTQI people. Who knows. It was awkward for me to hear that kind of response. I knew it was a response to me, but I was too much in coughed up mode to even think that deep at that time about how I was being treated by that group of 2 people.

Slim pickings at this store. Thank god there are a lot of other ones. I probably should re-invest my time in other ways. Still frustrating to know that I am viewed like this. Things like that sometimes pass around even if it can just be a misunderstanding. Life goes on, right?

 

[paloftoon]

Why can't more people understand this?

 

[paloftoon]

The whole idea that I get socially awkward with one person by mistake, and then it gets taken out of proportion with another individual playing on the defensive asking across a big game room what I'm asking that person, as if he thinks I'm going to do something physical to him. So weird, unnatural. What a nasty clique. So much for trying to be friends with either one of these individuals Might even decide not to go to that store for a long time or not often either, or leave early.

 

[Vindicator Phoenix]

I can think of one that befell me, in high school. Preliminarily, I'll admit that I sometimes use a risky conversation strategy, to compensate for my slow processing speed. I repeat what the other person said, particularly during a farewell or greeting. It often works. For example, if someone says, "Hello," I could reply with, "Hello." It works... in that situation.

In high school, I enjoyed drama class. I tended to make people laugh, by integrating my unique humor into my performances.

Shockingly, a pretty girl approached me, after class. I hardly knew her, at all, and in this large class of 30-40 students, she tended to blend into the crowd, which I found mundane. She told me that I was funny, before saying, "I like your personality." How did I reply? "Oh, uh, I like your personality, too." Yikes! She never approached me again. This awkward experience was once one of my bad memories. Now, I laugh at it! What a blunder it was!

Has anyone ever seen a meme type called, "Socially Awesome Awkward Penguin," in which a seemingly-successful social experience backfires? My experience suits it perfectly, and I just made a meme about it, by adding my captions. Click the spoiler, to see it!

Spoiler: My Meme

I'm glad I can laugh about this today! I once lost sleep, over it.

 

[Tom]

One summer night me and a friend were going to a party. It was in Levittown Long Island, in one of the first (maybe the first) planned suburban developments ever built. Every street looked the same and every house nearly identical. Of course I got the wrong house and bounded in the door into the living room to find a random grandma and grandpa sitting there. They had been watching televison but now were motionless staring at us. One of us said 'I don't think this is Joe's house' and then we both ran out laughing.