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Some Of Us Are Not Made To Connect.

I don't mask much. I'm usually myself. I stopped masking years ago.
Masking is all I know how to cope with people, a survival thing I guess. People tend to me scare in general because of how overwhelmed I get these days, got to keep your guard up y’know?
 
I went to a wedding last weekend my niece was getting hitched, out of the blue my fellow AspIe brother showed up the rest of the family had not seen him at family functions for years. I guess their is limits to being alone. I was the only family member visiting him. I even told my sister, whose husband and her are on the spectrum if you do not visit we fall apart as a family.
 
Masking is all I know how to cope with people, a survival thing I guess. People tend to me scare in general because of how overwhelmed I get these days, got to keep your guard up y’know?
I masked a lot at school but that was because I was under pressure to be a good student. I started off on the wrong foot at school when I was 4, and it lead to bad consequences (won't go all into it now) and so after that I was kind of scared to be myself, so I just forced myself to sit still in class and be good. It was hard, which was why going to school made me so anxious.

Then as I got into my 20s the mask began to drop. So I'm just my normal, hyperactive, unintentional rule-breaker, anxious, emotional self when around people. But being around people doesn't require me to mask much anyway, it's the following of written rules and not stressing about stuff that is what I should mask but can't seem to any more.
 
I masked a lot at school but that was because I was under pressure to be a good student. I started off on the wrong foot at school when I was 4, and it lead to bad consequences (won't go all into it now) and so after that I was kind of scared to be myself, so I just forced myself to sit still in class and be good. It was hard, which was why going to school made me so anxious.

Then as I got into my 20s the mask began to drop. So I'm just my normal, hyperactive, unintentional rule-breaker, anxious, emotional self when around people. But being around people doesn't require me to mask much anyway, it's the following of written rules and not stressing about stuff that is what I should mask but can't seem to any more.
Even if you do mask, people will see you through you anyway (as I learnt the hard way). I was actually relatively popular at school towards the end of it, however trying to maintain so many friendships and potential relationships just made me implode, as a result a lot of people now hate me and/or ostracised me and I’m quite paranoid about remaining in my home town. I just wish they understood me or at least made attempts to, but it benefits them socially to bond over hate I guess. I still can’t fathom how people in this world are so cruel to one another.
 
Even if you do mask, people will see you through you anyway (as I learnt the hard way). I was actually relatively popular at school towards the end of it, however trying to maintain so many friendships and potential relationships just made me implode, as a result a lot of people now hate me and/or ostracised me and I’m quite paranoid about remaining in my home town. I just wish they understood me or at least made attempts to, but it benefits them socially to bond over hate I guess. I still can’t fathom how people in this world are so cruel to one another.
I think some autistics feel they have to mask, like some like to visibly stim (hand-flapping or rocking) but feel they can't do it at work so have to wait until they get home where they can "let it out". I've never been that type, as I don't rock of flap anyway, and I've never needed to "let it out", masking or not. When I got home from school as a kid I didn't need to be alone or anything. Of course I liked to watch my favourite children's TV shows when I got home from school, then after that I'd just play, usually with my siblings or I'd go out and play with other kids in the neighbourhood. It took no mental effort to socialise. What did take mental effort was behaving at school.
 
I think some autistics feel they have to mask, like some like to visibly stim (hand-flapping or rocking) but feel they can't do it at work so have to wait until they get home where they can "let it out". I've never been that type, as I don't rock of flap anyway, and I've never needed to "let it out", masking or not. When I got home from school as a kid I didn't need to be alone or anything. Of course I liked to watch my favourite children's TV shows when I got home from school, then after that I'd just play, usually with my siblings or I'd go out and play with other kids in the neighbourhood. It took no mental effort to socialise. What did take mental effort was behaving at school.
Fair enough, I suppose there is madness to the madness with autism eh?
 
I'm an 'atypical spectrumer'. More research should be done about it really. It used to be called Asperger's, or PDD-NOS, but since some genius had to scrap that I now don't know what I am.
 
I'm an 'atypical spectrumer'. More research should be done about it really. It used to be called Asperger's, or PDD-NOS, but since some genius had to scrap that I now don't know what I am.
I get you, wish people just stuck with the well known terms. Autism is confusing for people as it is, the last thing we need to do is make it more so for people.
 
Yet if we said those same words to a person who was gender dysphoric it'd be 'transphobic' and 'disrespectful'. Never mind that some of us ND people are dysphoric about our brains.
So, putting things into the proper context, is what I said "autism-phobic" or "disrespectful"? Absolutely not. I'm living the experience like everyone else here. If there is any empathy to be expressed, it is from someone walking in similar shoes as others here. I've had a bit more time to process, adapt, play to my strengths, and accept things than some of our younger forum members. It was never easy. I struggled. I still struggle, because I cannot do things the same as everyone else. As I said, there are definite pros and cons. It's a different experience, as we all can relate to. I did put in terms of "It's highly individualized". I also warned of the harmful effects on our mental health in terms of ruminating about things we cannot change.

If there is any dysphoria to be felt as someone on the autism spectrum, it is within the context of not accepting our condition, trying to do things the ways others do things, and not "playing to our strengths." Hopefully, with time, experience, mistakes, and wisdom, we all learn to adapt and overcome. It wasn't until I was in my 50s.
 
They're not fine. The ability to connect with others affects the quality of your life.
Well and succinctly said. I was not fine. Years of loneliness. Years of crying myself to sleep at night (on those nights when I COULD sleep). Years of pounding my pillow in frustration. Years of suicide fixation. Years of trying to pretend I was someone I was not. Years of pretending I was living a fulfilling life while empty inside.

Yes, being unable to connect certainly affected my life. Only after being diagnosed could I understand why I was the way I am. I understand WHY, and I accept that is the way I am, and that it can never be fixed.

I still don't like it.
 
Well and succinctly said. I was not fine. Years of loneliness. Years of crying myself to sleep at night (on those nights when I COULD sleep). Years of pounding my pillow in frustration. Years of suicide fixation. Years of trying to pretend I was someone I was not. Years of pretending I was living a fulfilling life while empty inside.

Yes, being unable to connect certainly affected my life. Only after being diagnosed could I understand why I was the way I am. I understand WHY, and I accept that is the way I am, and that it can never be fixed.

I still don't like it.
Youch, hits closer to home than I like to admit…
 
I'm an 'atypical spectrumer'. More research should be done about it really. It used to be called Asperger's, or PDD-NOS, but since some genius had to scrap that I now don't know what I am.
I was originally diagnosed with Asperger's and PDD-NOS, just as the Never-Sufficiently-Cursed DSM-V came out. Now, I am considered ASD-1. I meet this criteria because I have lived many years without support or help. Yet, I am essentially socially non functional (a major criteria for autism diagnosis) even with help and support, which makes me ASD-3. So, which am I? 1 or 3? Do we strike an average and call it ASD-2? None of the "experts" seem to know. I am able to argue (in the logical or debate sense) to the point where they look like idiots, and admit they have no idea what to make of me. I don't keep a therapist very long.

Yes, more studies need to be done. When I first joined here, I made the point there is not just "A" spectrum, but we exist on multiple spectra. In geology, there is what is known as a QAPF diagram. It is used to define any igneous rock using five spectrum axis. Actually, there are six axis, but that results in a tetrahedron, and it is very difficult to locate a point in three dimensions on a sheet of paper. Autism seems to me to be more like this.
 
So, putting things into the proper context, is what I said "autism-phobic" or "disrespectful"?
No, but it's just what anyone would be named if someone went up to a gender dysphoric person and told them to "accept their gender and move on". The same respect should be made for people with autism who aren't happy in their own skin.
If there is any dysphoria to be felt as someone on the autism spectrum, it is within the context of not accepting our condition, trying to do things the ways others do things, and not "playing to our strengths." Hopefully, with time, experience, mistakes, and wisdom, we all learn to adapt and overcome. It wasn't until I was in my 50s.
Well hopefully in time I might grow to accept Asperger's but right now I still can't. I resent it for many reasons.
 
I was originally diagnosed with Asperger's and PDD-NOS, just as the Never-Sufficiently-Cursed DSM-V came out. Now, I am considered ASD-1. I meet this criteria because I have lived many years without support or help. Yet, I am essentially socially non functional (a major criteria for autism diagnosis) even with help and support, which makes me ASD-3. So, which am I? 1 or 3? Do we strike an average and call it ASD-2? None of the "experts" seem to know. I am able to argue (in the logical or debate sense) to the point where they look like idiots, and admit they have no idea what to make of me. I don't keep a therapist very long.

Yes, more studies need to be done. When I first joined here, I made the point there is not just "A" spectrum, but we exist on multiple spectra. In geology, there is what is known as a QAPF diagram. It is used to define any igneous rock using five spectrum axis. Actually, there are six axis, but that results in a tetrahedron, and it is very difficult to locate a point in three dimensions on a sheet of paper. Autism seems to me to be more like this.
Generally ASD1 people are usually quirky but their symptoms don't really come across as obvious, whether they're masking or not.
I've met a few young ASD1 children in my life (not when I was a kid myself) and they all seemed chatty, articulate, made eye contact, etc, and I was surprised when a few years later I heard they've been diagnosed with Asperger's (or ASD1). I was like that too in early childhood; reached all my milestones at the average stages and was as articulate as my same-age peers.
My friend's nephew is 6 and was diagnosed with ASD2 when he was 3, because he has significant speech delays and other common autism symptoms.

Usually an ASD1 child can blend in with other children and most manage mainstream school for their whole school lives. They usually just come across as shy and anxious but seem interested in getting along with their classmates.
ASD2 and ASD3 usually have more obvious symptoms that get noticed in childhood (unless you're me, then you'll be the only female with ASD1 diagnosed so damn early in life but I'm just irritatingly an exception). Like with everything, there will always be exceptions, no matter where you are on the spectrum. But generally speaking, ASD1 is usually more complex and invisible, ASD2 can be complex and invisible in some areas but not others (more like a spiky profile), and ASD3 is more obvious. Or is ASD3 just like ASD1 and 2 but with intellectual disability as a co-morbid, making them more low-functioning than they would be? I'm not sure about that one. But I have met an ASD3 boy when I was a kid and even a blind man could see he was severely autistic. He was permanently non-verbal at 8 years old and would have intense meltdowns at loud noises, bright lights and smells, and even if other kids went near him. So I made sure to stay away from him. His meltdowns could last for hours, screaming in a corner with his hands over his ears. I was literally the opposite from that in every way.
 
No, but it's just what anyone would be named if someone went up to a gender dysphoric person and told them to "accept their gender and move on". The same respect should be made for people with autism who aren't happy in their own skin.

Well hopefully in time I might grow to accept Asperger's but right now I still can't. I resent it for many reasons.
Understood, but again, for context, a gender dysphoric person has options (transition surgeries, hormone therapies, etc.) that someone on the autism spectrum does not. In the context of autism, if you aren't happy in your own skin, as many of us are not, there isn't much else to do but to stop the unhealthy rumination and be the best version of you that you can be. It's not about a lack of respect. I totally respect the situation, but it's not helpful to dwell on these things as its not productive nor healthy.

There's a lot of things in my life and my professional career that I simply cannot do. It frustrates the Hell out of me some days. All the missed opportunities, the professional advancement, the relationships with my family, etc. I am not expecting anyone to like it. I don't like it, but I can't change certain things. I can adapt and do things differently, even if it means me making mistakes and not "maturing" socially and professionally like others. I have to accept and move on, and if there are obstacles along the way, and there will be, my mind set is to simply try to sidestep them or run them over, but I'm not going to get all depressed and angry if I can't do something, as it serves no purpose. No good comes of it. I've done the best with what I have, and that's all anyone can expect out of ourselves.
 
Understood, but again, for context, a gender dysphoric person has options (transition surgeries, hormone therapies, etc.) that someone on the autism spectrum does not. In the context of autism, if you aren't happy in your own skin, as many of us are not, there isn't much else to do but to stop the unhealthy rumination and be the best version of you that you can be. It's not about a lack of respect. I totally respect the situation, but it's not helpful to dwell on these things as its not productive nor healthy.
Well there should be medication for autism invented. Why is autism so damn untreatable? It's not fair.
There's a lot of things in my life and my professional career that I simply cannot do. It frustrates the Hell out of me some days. All the missed opportunities, the professional advancement, the relationships with my family, etc. I am not expecting anyone to like it. I don't like it, but I can't change certain things. I can adapt and do things differently, even if it means me making mistakes and not "maturing" socially and professionally like others. I have to accept and move on, and if there are obstacles along the way, and there will be, my mind set is to simply try to sidestep them or run them over, but I'm not going to get all depressed and angry if I can't do something, as it serves no purpose. No good comes of it. I've done the best with what I have, and that's all anyone can expect out of ourselves.
Emotions serve no purpose, but it's like going to a funeral and telling people not to cry because crying won't bring their loved one back. Very true but it still doesn't stop us from feeling that emotion about the situation and acting on it. So it's the same with those of us who hate their autism. Sometimes we get days where we just resent it so much, while other days we do manage to live with it and carry on with our lives.

My mum died 3 years ago from cancer. It's something I will never be able to get over and move on from. Yes I do carry on with my life but sometimes I get a few days where I'm just grieving for her so badly that I just melt down. Will it bring her back? No. Is it still okay to grieve? Yes, no matter how illogical or irrational it may sound.
Same with autism. I get on with my life and live day by day, feeling thankful that I don't entirely lack social skills, but then I get days where I feel really resentful and start grieving for the person I could have been, or should have been even. And I think I should have been NT, being so everyone else in my immediate family are NTs. It just brings it home. I'm like "but why me?" And it brings anger. In fact if I think about it too deeply, the fact that I won the genetic lottery, it could spiral me into a deep depression again, so I better not lol. Yes it isn't helpful for me to be this way but after all the crap ASD as brought me in my life I just treat it as an enemy.

Then there's the niggling thought in the back of my head that keeps torturing me with the thought that my mum would still be alive today if it weren't for my horrible ASD. Apparently stress causes cancer, and I brought my mum more stress in the past than all my cousins did their parents, and my mum was the only one in the family to have got cancer. Coincidence?
 
My autism has never bothered me, stunned my career a bit enjoying life took life as i came oblivious to what the spectrum was or that I was on it no comorbidities my blood type has caused more issues in my life then being autistic does. My wife being NT is enough for me.
 
The ability to connect with others affects the quality of your life.

Yes lack of an ability to connect is a disability and probably up there as reason no 1 for our reduced life expectancy. I also don't think it's strictly an NT vs ND incompatibility problem. My ND wider family don't connect either, with fairly disastrous results.
 
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Understood, but again, for context, a gender dysphoric person has options (transition surgeries, hormone therapies, etc.) that someone on the autism spectrum does not. In the context of autism, if you aren't happy in your own skin, as many of us are not, there isn't much else to do but to stop the unhealthy rumination and be the best version of you that you can be.
Can you be ADHD and autistic?


ADHD and autism frequently co-occur. Many people with one of the two diagnoses show elevated traits of both ADHD and autism. Common experiences for ADHD and autism include sensory differences, intense focus on specific interests, rejection sensitivity, executive dysfunction, sleep issues and emotional dysregulation.

Most ppl on the spectrum have comorbidities.
An estimated 70% have ADHD, and 80% have executive dysfunction.

Personally speaking, I consider those two comorbidities an integral aspect of being on the spectrum because of the frequency.

Both can be mitigated.
 

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