Spectrum and pornography

[tducey]

I think there are certain people who like porn regardless of their condition. I think watching too much of it would be a concern so it might be a good idea to ask him about it.

 

[Schism]

This is EXACTLY why teens shouldn't be on the forum!

What the Hell? This Forum is for Everyone.
I am perfectly happy to talk about anything & everything to anyone & anything. It's my choice to post, read and/or respond.
If you don't like it, don't go there. Don't judge!

I have no interest in the Original post or topic btw. Just this response riles me.

 

[Major Tom]

This is EXACTLY why teens shouldn't be on the forum!

Should we ban them from the internet too? Porn is just a click away for free... Just the mention of pornography is a reason teens shouldn't be allowed here? Give me a break...

To the original poster: I know plenty of NT's that are addicted to porn, so I do not believe that it's a spectrum limited thing. Sure we can get hyper-focused on things, but that doesn't mean that he's focusing on pornography because he's autistic. I myself watch it, but not everywhere, all the time. Only when I'm alone and need a release so to speak.

 

[Bolletje]

Dr. Freud is wondering if you intended to rephrase that.

I'm guessing you meant "addition". Not so?

Ha, you are absolutely right.

 

[Bellacat]

If it were me I'd be straightforward and ask him about it. Try to open a non-judgemental, purely inquisitive conversation and see how he responds.

If you keep things like this in your head or speculate about them with other people and don't actually open a discussion with him about it, they will fester and cause problems in one way or another. It will affect the way you think and feel about him, which will influence your behaviour, and that will impact your relationship whether you're conscious of it or not. Get things out in the open and clear them up as soon as possible. It's just part of the natural process to find out if you're a good match. If the conversation goes really poorly then it's probably a sign you're not super great together. If you're looking for a serious relationship, it's important to be able to communicate with your partner about anything, especially the "awkward" stuff.

 

[Aspychata]

If it were me I'd be straightforward and ask him about it. Try to open a non-judgemental, purely inquisitive conversation and see how he responds.

If you keep things like this in your head or speculate about them with other people and don't actually open a discussion with him about it, they will fester and cause problems in one way or another. It will affect the way you think and feel about him, which will influence your behaviour, and that will impact your relationship whether you're conscious of it or not. Get things out in the open and clear them up as soon as possible. It's just part of the natural process to find out if you're a good match. If the conversation goes really poorly then it's probably a sign you're not super great together. If you're looking for a serious relationship, it's important to be able to communicate with your partner about anything, especially the "awkward" stuff.

Good points.

 

[Raggamuffin]

There's a book called Your Brain On Porn thats worth a read. Goes into the psychological and physiological changes that occur with frequent porn use. As with any addiction, your neurons begin to hard wire in the reward centre of your brain and you start craving and needing more and more. Soon enough a vicious circle is created. Especially with high speed Internet, the human brain isn't equipped to deal with seeing that many prospective "mates" or sexual partners that you see when you scroll through websites with thousands of sex scenes. It's an overload and can easily become an addiction with some very real consequences including increased anxiety, depression amongst others.

Well worth a read.

Ed

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

I like watching porn. It’s not a substitute for real life intercourse, but it’s a pleasant visual experience for me and it’s an addiction to my sex life. However, I only watch it for the purpose of sexual gratification as sort of a masturbatory aid. Watching erotica during other activities would just be distracting to me, and frankly rather pointless.

i watch very little of it,but i use it for stimming.

 

[Au Naturel]

I think people who have porn in the background are using it as a kind of elevator music. It keeps them slightly stimulated, just enough to produce some endorphins. And what is wrong with that?

Whether or not porn or sexuality or just simple nudity is good or evil or disgusting or happy are all things you learn. You often learn them very early in life. Some aspies simply don't absorb any message about it despite presumably powerful influences to the contrary. (I know I didn't.) They see other people reacting but they don't have a reaction themselves and don't internalize the reactions around them. Other aspies get traumatized by their experiences and incorporate it as a kind of PTSD.

I grew up in an extremely puritanical environment. Yet I have loved to wander about naked since my earliest memories in kindergarten. Probably Asperger related. Until I moved to California as an adult, I just stayed in the closet about it. Not "pornographic" in any way but the same principle applies.

Some people are aromantic and unsexual in general and have zero interest in such things. Others take a specific political perspective relating to the oppression of sex workers or specifically the objectification/victimization of female sex workers. Or mount a religious objection. That is just as true of those on the spectrum as those not on it.

Just because one is on the spectrum does not mean all traits should be interpreted as spectrum-related.

 

[Au Naturel]

I would not put any faith in that book. Porn does not stimulate any of the primary systems for sexual arousal. There is no touch, no taste, no smell, and no pheromones. The visual is a poor imitation of the real thing. The audio is both hilarious and atrocious. Most importantly, there is no interaction, no repeated cycles of action and response. It is just another genre of film, like action/adventure or rom-com but requiring no thought or empathy. My own anecdotal experience indicates that people who watch a lot of porn eventually get bored with it.

There are a small percentage of people who are obsessed with porn, just as there is a small percentage of people obsessed with gambling or smoking pot. (Not addicted. That would be a misuse of the word, even if the apparent effect is similar.) I'm inclined to think there is both a genetic and a psychological component to being vulnerable to pathological levels of obsession. Most people encounter the same stimuli repeatedly and walk away unscathed.

 

[Au Naturel]

This is EXACTLY why teens shouldn't be on the forum!

Do you imagine that teens don't watch porn, don't masturbate, don't fantasize about sex?. People, especially boys, on the spectrum masturbate far more often than boys not on the spectrum.

 

[Joel's Hear]

I stumbled across a cache of old Playboys in my Grandma's attic when I was 14. I learned the necessary anatomy and have not looked at porn since. I was always really thrown off by videos to the point of repulsion. Just couldn't even go there.

The reason my wife broke up with the last boyfriend she had before me was she stumbled across a gross cache of pictures on his computer, of girls he actually knew, in lots of weird graphic positions. Homemade porn. She said it seems like sometimes people want a creepy story in their head rather than something real out in front of them. He got the ax that day.

And to me, there is only one thing that really gets me going: scent. Pheromones. Sweat. Ain't never seen a scratch and sniff porno. Also, someone with a genuinely friendly voice. No fakeness. A fire in the eyes.

To conclude, I'm autistic and don't ever watch porn (I don't care at all what anyone else does in their spare time, though--I'm not saying because of that I'm perfect--it's just not where I'm at).

 

[Mindf'Elle'ness]

Dear All,

I am new to the forum and this is my second thread. To make it short (I have problem with that , I will try to not go into too much details. I am seeing a guy (since few weeks), with self-diagnosed ASD and I am trying to understand the reasons of some of his behaviour.

Just to make it clear, I know guys watch porn (not only guys to be fair) and some of them watch a lot. No issue with that. My question is - he is very open about watching it as well, and watching a lot.

What is different, he is doing it during random tasks, like e.g. cooking (not videos then, but just photos). My understanding of watching porn is that you do that when you are relaxed and put your full attention to it. It seems like pornography plays significant role in his daily routine and the reasoning for it is more complex that I would normally associate with it.

Am I overthinking it or is there a special connection between him having spectrum and being so much "connected" to the pornography. Is it the same connection as with video games?

Please share your opinion and thank you very much in advance for it.

My experience...I met a guy recently on a dating site who said he was a diagnosed aspie (as opposed to self-diagnosed). He seemed friendly, interesting and we were messaging back and forth for a week or two when the subject of kink sites came up. To make a long story short, turns out he masturbates EVERY day, gets stoned and watches porn. He used to work but he doesn't any more..unless you count being an artist as work. I noticed as time went on that he wouldn't even ask me out for a coffee...just wanted to talk porn and message forever. I realized that he thought about sex all day long. It was gross. If aspies can get fixated, I would say he was and his was a very destructive fixation. I don't know enough aspie guys to know if fixation is common and then if porn is a common thread amongst the fixators. (Does this make sense).
I wouldn't give in to ummm...help him out and he certainly couldn't get over himself enough to actually date a decent human being so we lost touch.
I would say, tell him that he can do whatever floats his boat when he's alone, but you are uncomfortable seeing those images knowing how preoccupied (and weird) it is for him to display it so openly. It would be insensitive and disrespectful of him to expect you to lump it.
Don't give in just to keep him happy, because it will leave you with a silent resentment that will come out at some point over something probably unrelated and you'll wonder 'hey, why did I get so mad about (fill in the blank)'

 

[Au Naturel]

It is funny about the masturbation thing. I have a study in my files somewhere about this very issue. People diagnosed with Asperger's masturbate far more often than those who aren't. Guys especially. A fair number report multiple times daily. These patents were a spectrum of Aspergers so if you just looked at the younger guys with higher testosterone levels, you'd probably see even more of a trend.

When I was a kid, well, daily and multiple times daily sounds about right. (Hope that wasn't TMI!) And by itself it is perfectly fine. I think sex was ever-present in my mind but hormones and a lack of any other outlet also had a lot to do with it. I never got into porn. It was boring. Online sex talk is boring too. But "sexting" and "chatturbation" have an appeal to some people and I can easily see a lonely guy getting obsessed with it.

I can think of a lot of reasons why that would be so. That same study indicates that diagnosed folks on the upper spectrun tend to have almost no sex life. (Intercourse in the "never" or "once a year" categories.) Yet we live in a sex-drenched world. Hormones build up and guys get desperate. Along with all the other social deficits, the "How to meet and convince a girl to have sex." lesson is missing. Another missing lesson is, "How to have a relationship with a girl without bringing up sex in every communication despite your raging obsession."

Aspies don't have the normal number of physical and social outlets most neurotypical people do. They also may not absorb the "masturbation is nasty" message that is subtle but pervasive. Aspies do get obsessed about things and sex is a real easy one to get obsessed about. We also often have poor filters and can get a little crazy on a topic we are obsessed with.

So, yeah, it is common in the male Aspie population.

 

[Vindiesel]

Porn: most what I have heard about is negative in regards to consumption, brain dopamine offsets and such. They never talk about the positives of exploring your limitation sexually and learning the vast palate of peoples sexual interest to see if they coincide with yours. Health class in high-school at-least during my time (graduated 2004) they just taught you the mechanisms of it not the implications of how to go about it. A mother or father will never sit a teenager down and explain specific sexual *how to* or how to have sex conversations with others and the biggest one consent. So in this day and age we research about everything and porn is a tool under the right understanding to explore your own sexual interest and find new ideas.

Porn is terrible if: You use it daily or profusely to compensate for boredom or other non-sexually derived issues (depression, anxiety), do not care to obtain a intimate partner and or it causes you physical issues with your sexual partner. An adolescent that thinks these are NOT actors and are real perceivable outcomes and ALL men/women want to be treated this way without consent.

So in retrospect porn can be a tool in intermittent moderation, but not a supplement for other issues entirely.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Your Brain on Porn is a book worth reading.

I'd say the risk is people are being exposed to it from a much younger age, and that distorts people's ideas about what sex is/should be.

Having seen porn for 20 odd years I'd suggest it's not that helpful as being a tool for research purposes. Bad acting, aggressive males, problematic themes in modern porn, and potential for users to be desensitised etc.

Moderation is certainly key with pornography consumption. But I would argue that in intimate situations you do what feels right, rather than trying to mimic what you see in pornography. Between the bad acting and some of the biggest studios in the industry having a tendency to make quite frantic and aggressive scenes - I think it's sending out a terrible message to people. Especially younger people who might not know any different.

I think porn lacks any soul or passion. Therein lies a huge problem. Sex has to have meaning, and pornography is a gross distortion of what sex should be.

Ed

 

[Au Naturel]

Your Brain on Porn is a book worth reading.

I'd say the risk is people are being exposed to it from a much younger age, and that distorts people's ideas about what sex is/should be.

Having seen porn for 20 odd years I'd suggest it's not that helpful as being a tool for research purposes. Bad acting, aggressive males, problematic themes in modern porn, and potential for users to be desensitised etc.

Moderation is certainly key with pornography consumption. But I would argue that in intimate situations you do what feels right, rather than trying to mimic what you see in pornography. Between the bad acting and some of the biggest studios in the industry having a tendency to make quite frantic and aggressive scenes - I think it's sending out a terrible message to people. Especially younger people who might not know any different.

I think porn lacks any soul or passion. Therein lies a huge problem. Sex has to have meaning, and pornography is a gross distortion of what sex should be.

Ed

My biggest issue with porn is that it is unrealistic. It sets up outlandish expectations. What you see in porn is a completely artificial construct. Yet people think that's how it is supposed to happen and are uhappy when it doesn't. 90% of sex is psychological; the physical act is just icing on the cake and isn't even necessary for a satisfying experience. Porn is absent the psychology or the long buildup before anything happens.

Doesn't even have to be porn, it could be any commercially packaged sexy person. People compare themselves to what they see and either despair of being desirable or become desperate to mimic what they see. Nobody should be knocking themselves because they don't measure up or trying to redesign themselves to look like a centerfold. Body positivity matters.

 

[WiffingWaffles]

Seeing such a touchy subject here,...
lemme ask something here, anyone here know anything about Ryona?

(I heard about on a doujinshi site.)

 

[Jeff T]

I'm curious about this fella............watching porn while cooking or other tasks is, different!
If he's a nice, thoughtful guy, the porn aspect wouldn't be a deal-killer. If my wife or girlfriend was into porn, it would offer another way to understand what their preferences are without awkward questions.

 

[Au Naturel]

Seeing such a touchy subject here,...
lemme ask something here, anyone here know anything about Ryona?

(I heard about on a doujinshi site.)

That's a really sensitive subject. Hentai, where the female protagonist is sexually abused. (There is a parallel genre for abusing males, gyaku-ryona.) Uninteresting to me, but it floats some people's boats. Japan has all kinds of tropes specific to its culture, and I don't know if America has an exactly identical genre. According to Wikipedia:

The term is contrasted with sexual sadism and rape pornography, in that ryona is a voyeuristic fantasy fetish, a romanticized subgenre aimed at a female target demographic and are almost always of non-explicit sexual nature.

The question is whether or not wanting to read about such means you want to actually be/do such. Would you think it cool IRL? There isn't always a connection between what one fantasizes about and what actually wants.