Well, Bieber won't be involved unless he chooses to do a donation or volunteer. I won't turn him away but, he's far form being on my list of liked or respected people.
As for the others, think a bit younger for the most part. I'm the grandma of the herd I've got on board so far, well okay just a few years older than most of their mothers but still. LOL
And stop with the star struck, behind all that makeup, glitz and one heck of a publicity team, all of us are just people, NT, ASD, anxiety, depression, diabetes, hypertension, cancer, you name it, it plagues us just as much as it does the rest of the world. Despite images to the contrary, we deal with the same crap everyone else does. Being famous doesn't make you life perfect, doesn't even solve your financial problems unless you've got a really good accountant and, enough self control not to go hog wild with it early on or, blow it too fast when you retire.
We're just people with really good publicists is all. You would not believe the stuff we hide LOL. We're supposed to look like we have perfect, easy lives with the occasional bump here ant there, just to keep us from looking too aloof and above it all, keep us a bit relatable, yeah well, we are a lot more relatable than we appear and, not always in a good way. Mostly our lives have more bumps, drama and problems than the less well known average people.
A lot of that is because we can't make our problems known, we can't seek help outside our inner circles, we can't take a week off just because we need to, we can't let emotional problems or mental health issues show, we can't flip out and have a panic attack when we get swarmed by fans. You think we don't go through all of that internally? We do and, I'm sure you can imagine how difficult it is to smile, chit chat, pose for selfies and, sign autographs on everything from paper to intimate body parts when your in the middle of a panic attack.
Yeah that happens and we do it. We also get on that stage or set and do our job even in the face of battling cancer, having to run off to throw up every ten minutes, with a fever of 104, drugged up to cover the symptoms of a cold, hopped up on pain pills because doing what we do hurts when we have an injury or arthritis or something.
You can be sick and not hide it, imagine having to do ten hours of the most strenuous work you can imagine when you are so sick you can barely get yourself to the bathroom - we do it and, have to look perfect while we do it.
Yes there are a lot of good things about it all and we do get to take amazing holidays, meet fascinating people, be at the hottest places, wear the latest designer fashions, get a nip and a tuck here and there whenever we need it, etc... but, we pay for it with more than just money, we pay with out minds and bodies, pushing both well beyond our limits and, when you do that, it doesn't matter who you are, it does at least some small amount of irreparable damage.
My hearing and joints are paying now and, mentally the wind down takes longer and longer every time I do it, every tour is more exhausting and draining than the last one, I gain new permanent aches and pains, I add a few more internal meltdowns that I had to cover and, one or two destroyed hotel rooms or bus interiors to my memory bank. That's the price I'm willing to pay to do what I do and have what I have and, the number one reason for it is that this world has no idea how to accommodate ASD nor any real understanding of what living with ASD is like. It will change, if it kills me in the attempt to make that change begin to happen, so be it. I chose to pay the price long ago, and if paying a bit more for a few more years helps, then I've done the best I can with what I have been given in this world.
I love being on stage, love that energy and, I live for it but, five minutes before I go on, I'm ready to rip the whole set apart and trash the dressing rooms. My brain has yet to stop screaming in terror at the thought of having a hundred thousand people or more, if it's broadcast watching and listening to me. I've just learned how to override that voice in my head and get out there and rock, doesn't stop the internal stuff going on but, I know once I hit that first note and, the crowd screams, then goes silent for a moment, then ramps it up and shakes the stadium, it's all okay, I'm back in my element, then that rush like none other hits and, there's that energy backand forth between me and the audience that you have to experience to understand and, I'd pay the pirce a thousand times over for that.
I plan to video a lot of the behind the scenes stuff and, not hide what I'm going though internally, it's time the world get a closer look at what ASD does to us when we are under pressure and, what we have to do to cope and, put on the maskes we wear. Sure it's more or less than I do depending on the individual and the situation but, because of the lack of understanding, awareness and accomodations, we all have to do it sometimes to one degree or another. Telling the world doesn't seem to be working, maybe showing them will.
I'm not going to be the only one, my partner who has come very close to a few on stage meltdowns will be taking the cameras off stage with himself too and, going over some videos that are out there of him performing in a shutdown and, an audition meltdown that his agent at the time recorded. All in an effort to help show people what we go through and, how to recognize when we need space or help but can't ask for it because our brain won't allow us to reach out or tell them to get away from us or, we have to keep going because our livelihood, place in out home, grade in class, whatever depends on us not completely shutting down and not loosing it in a meltdown.
It's pretty amazing to watch that shutdown performance, everyone remarked that something was wrong when it was live but, no one knew what was wrong, just that their idol wasn't himself up there that night. Pretty rough end of a tour for him, he'd lost a lot of weight, began letting his appearance go a bit more than he should have and, such leading up to that night. major meltdown as soon as he got off the stage, in a private jet that was flying him to a video shoot in the next state. No sleep for three days, because of that and, still he had to do the video. People questiond if it was drugs, a mental breakdown, had somone in his family died again (that happened the previous year and he lost it a bit on stage then.) Was management being too ahrd on him, were he and his fiancé breaking up? they dug hard for reasons but, no one ever knew the truth, ASD won that weekend but he had to do his job anyway. I've been working with him on the commentary for tat video and, it's an eye opener, even for me to hear what he was going through internally as he was performing and shooting the video doing exit interviews, cuddling up with fans for pictures, doing what he does with his brain rebelling in a major way over it all.