There are times I feel like an idiot.

[grommet]

Grommet, About 30 years ago ...

I know it is hard. I'm not saying you have to do it. Because no one knows what is really going on inside you, your abilities and the doctors you see. But from "knowing you" on the forum, I see someone who has great abilities and good understandings of many things and those make a good basis for learning more and achieving more of the kind of life you would like to have.

Thank you. I do not have the heart (an expression) any more to do it. I want to face my life now without doctors. IF just someone had believed me I might feel different but I explain about autism and they never understand so the healthcare system is not for me.

I think you understand about people having things go on inside them and their lives and it is not easy to see from the outside but my heart is broken too many times finding out no one will help me. They will help me if I stay quiet or pretend to be NT. But it is not enough help and it hurts me so much to not be who I really am.

I saw the orthopedic surgeon about my shoulders but I do not know what he said. Months ago. He said some very important things I did hear but I got lost quickly. I am missing important information and I do not know what to do but that is it. I cannot ask anyone any more. I cannot take it. The world will not try to understand and I give up because I have to, I cannot take the disappointment any more.

I do not understand it because in an autism meeting if someone said something about themselves everyone instantly accepted it. People were believed and things were able to move quickly. If someone said they could not eat something, no one ever asked them why, to justify it, to prove it or told them to change and get over it. All those things hurt so much. People just listened and said okay. This would happen when after the meeting the group decided on what restaurant to eat it. If someone said they could not eat there, that restaurant stopped being an option immediately. No one go made of blamed the person. They told us a fact. It was binary. Move to next.

For me NT's are awful. I am saying for my experience with them, not that they are bad people, not saying that at all. I can never make myself understood with them. They have tricked me, teased me, beat me up, yelled at me. I was yelled at and embarrassed in front of everyone at a store by an employee who imagined I had affronted her somehow. She was on the ramp I needed to enter and was stacking products. This is simple for me. I cannot pass, I will wait. I waited. After a while she saw me, realized I had been there waiting and got enraged, calling me names out loud, accusing me of "toxic anger", it went on and on. She shouted across the store to another employee to humiliate me.

I do not speak. I had not said anything, moved any part of my body, I had not made an expression or a noise. I just waited out of logic. I could not pass, I must wait until she clears the area, then I will shop. And it was a disaster.

I cannot take it anymore. I will stay home. If someone never meets me they will never be able to accuse me of anything. they will never be mad at me because they never met me, they do not know I exist. No one will ever say I was standing too close, looked at them funny, stole something, look suspicious, was too close to their girlfriend. No more accusations ever. I am staying home.

Doing nothing but what I thought was reasonable on the ramp at that store became a nightmare. I got in trouble in public anyway. I cannot do better than my best. I have nothing else. I stay home.

 

[Outsider]

I had several discussions with my friend’s psychiatrist for the purpose of choosing better medications for him. I didn’t understand everything that she told me because I am not familiar with the terminology. I could have asked her to clarify the presentation (I always do this if time permits)) but there was a time limit, she was expecting the next patient, so I pretended that I understood everything.

Often NTs pretend that they have a good mental grasp of a conversation just to avoid been seen as stupid or wrap up a useless conversation, etc. Sometimes a speaker has difficulty of presenting a topic (not everyone is eloquent) so, to save him from embarrassment my fellow NTs pretend that they understand him

Of course, we, the NTs, don’t blame ourselves for a communication failure for obvious reasons.

Autistic people tend to be hard on themselves because they erroneously assumed that NTs always understand each other, and they want to emulate us. But this is a recipe for developing low self-esteem with all undesirable consequences.

This is my advice – don’t blame yourselves for having a difficulty to gain a full understanding of other persons’ speech because this may not always be possible due to external circumstances that have nothing to do with autism.

 

[Ken]

No worries. If you think you are stupid, then you can't really be stupid.
Here is a link that gives a very logical reason why:

 

[grommet]

No worries. If you think you are stupid, then you can't really be stupid.
Here is a link that gives a very logical reason why:

I did not understand that but I think you were being nice and trying to make me feel better, thank you.

 

[Ken]

I did not understand that but I think you were being nice and trying to make me feel better, thank you.

What I get from it is that if you know that you did something wrong or know that you misunderstand something, then you are not an idiot, because you are aware of making a error - even if you don't understand the error.
There are many people who make mistakes and misunderstandings but are not at all aware and go through life always believing they are right about everything. Those are the true idiots.

 

[grommet]

What I get from it is that if you know that you did something wrong or know that you misunderstand something, then you are not an idiot, because you are aware of making a error - even if you don't understand the error.
There are many people who make mistakes and misunderstandings but are not at all aware and go through life always believing they are right about everything. Those are the true idiots.

Thank you for explaining. I do not think I am like that.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Thank you. I do not have the heart (an expression) any more to do it. I want to face my life now without doctors. IF just someone had believed me I might feel different but I explain about autism and they never understand so the healthcare system is not for me.

I think you understand about people having things go on inside them and their lives and it is not easy to see from the outside but my heart is broken too many times finding out no one will help me. They will help me if I stay quiet or pretend to be NT. But it is not enough help and it hurts me so much to not be who I really am.

I saw the orthopedic surgeon about my shoulders but I do not know what he said. Months ago. He said some very important things I did hear but I got lost quickly. I am missing important information and I do not know what to do but that is it. I cannot ask anyone any more. I cannot take it. The world will not try to understand and I give up because I have to, I cannot take the disappointment any more.

I do not understand it because in an autism meeting if someone said something about themselves everyone instantly accepted it. People were believed and things were able to move quickly. If someone said they could not eat something, no one ever asked them why, to justify it, to prove it or told them to change and get over it. All those things hurt so much. People just listened and said okay. This would happen when after the meeting the group decided on what restaurant to eat it. If someone said they could not eat there, that restaurant stopped being an option immediately. No one go made of blamed the person. They told us a fact. It was binary. Move to next.

For me NT's are awful. I am saying for my experience with them, not that they are bad people, not saying that at all. I can never make myself understood with them. They have tricked me, teased me, beat me up, yelled at me. I was yelled at and embarrassed in front of everyone at a store by an employee who imagined I had affronted her somehow. She was on the ramp I needed to enter and was stacking products. This is simple for me. I cannot pass, I will wait. I waited. After a while she saw me, realized I had been there waiting and got enraged, calling me names out loud, accusing me of "toxic anger", it went on and on. She shouted across the store to another employee to humiliate me.

I do not speak. I had not said anything, moved any part of my body, I had not made an expression or a noise. I just waited out of logic. I could not pass, I must wait until she clears the area, then I will shop. And it was a disaster.

I cannot take it anymore. I will stay home. If someone never meets me they will never be able to accuse me of anything. they will never be mad at me because they never met me, they do not know I exist. No one will ever say I was standing too close, looked at them funny, stole something, look suspicious, was too close to their girlfriend. No more accusations ever. I am staying home.

Doing nothing but what I thought was reasonable on the ramp at that store became a nightmare. I got in trouble in public anyway. I cannot do better than my best. I have nothing else. I stay home.

I am so sorry you’ve had all these disastrous experiences.

I have sometimes felt the same as you, in wanting to stay home where it is safe because human interactions have caused me pain. But not as intensely nor for as long.

I would wish for you a heart that is whole and strong again.

 

[grommet]

I am so sorry you’ve had all these disastrous experiences.

I have sometimes felt the same as you, in wanting to stay home where it is safe because human interactions have caused me pain. But not as intensely nor for as long.

I would wish for you a heart that is whole and strong again.

Thank you, that would be nice. I found my people when I went to in-person autism meetings. That healed my heart a lot. I found out I was normal, there were people like me. I was just different from the people that had been around me. In the meetings there were total strangers who were exactly like me and the best part was the understanding. I wish every autistic person could feel it, have the experience of being in a room with people and being understood the first time. For the first time no explanations. It is like language working for the first time.

Seeing other autistic people being treated well healed my heart more too. Someone would say something and it was understood and no one tried to make the explain or feel bad. People could talk about anything, some problem they had with something and nobody made fun or told them to change. Seeing an autistic person accepted is amazing. I had never seen or even imagined it before. I have a wonderful imagination, I can imagine whole stories and adventures with details. I never imagined seeing people like me being treated well. It had never happened in front of me.

We are okay. We are normal. With each other we can see that. We do see the world in the right way, it is just different than the majority who are NT not us. I know this is true because autistic strangers understand each other so perfectly. Our thinking is alike.

 

[Ken]

Thank you, that would be nice. I found my people when I went to in-person autism meetings. That healed my heart a lot. I found out I was normal, there were people like me. I was just different from the people that had been around me. In the meetings there were total strangers who were exactly like me and the best part was the understanding. I wish every autistic person could feel it, have the experience of being in a room with people and being understood the first time. For the first time no explanations. It is like language working for the first time.

Seeing other autistic people being treated well healed my heart more too. Someone would say something and it was understood and no one tried to make the explain or feel bad. People could talk about anything, some problem they had with something and nobody made fun or told them to change. Seeing an autistic person accepted is amazing. I had never seen or even imagined it before. I have a wonderful imagination, I can imagine whole stories and adventures with details. I never imagined seeing people like me being treated well. It had never happened in front of me.

We are okay. We are normal. With each other we can see that. We do see the world in the right way, it is just different than the majority who are NT not us. I know this is true because autistic strangers understand each other so perfectly. Our thinking is alike.

What you just said is exactly what I'm talking about! Thank You!! Actually, the term for that is Umwelt.

Thank you for explaining. I do not think I am like that.

No, you are absolutely not like that!

 

[Outsider]

What I get from it is that if you know that you did something wrong or know that you misunderstand something, then you are not an idiot, because you are aware of making a error - even if you don't understand the error.
There are many people who make mistakes and misunderstandings but are not at all aware and go through life always believing they are right about everything. Those are the true idiots.

Buddha said something like this, "If a person thinks that he's a fool, then he's not a fool anymore".

 

[RemyZee]

Thank you very much. No one ever talked to me about a language processing problem. " listening to spaghetti." That is it! Sorry for the exclamation point, they sound like shouting to me but you understand and that is exciting to me. It is like spaghetti. I know there are words but I cannot see any of them. Sometimes I notice a few but not with any meaning, just that I recognize them. I wish I could get help, an interpreter or social worker when I have meetings like when I saw a doctor recently and I still do not know what he told me and I think it was important.

But when I was there and started explaining to him I am autistic and I think literally so expressions confuse me, I saw the doctor get frustrated and look down on me, like I was exaggerating or making it up. His posture changed, he made a sound with his breath, I know the sound means someone is annoyed and he stopped me talking about it. That was not fair I think. But I did not want him mad at me so I did stop and it has been months and I do not know what he said. Every doctor or medical person I talk to acts that way. So I am lost, I cannot ask anyone for help. I wish I could get a medical social worker, if that is a thing.

I thought about asking if someone here would help interpret for me, maybe I could put my phone on speaker and they could hear the doctor and tell me what they meant.

Thank you for writing me.

It's so hard because you wind up with huge gaps in what you understand about a social situation because you're missing so much of what's happening. I've gotten to where even when I can't understand the words in a conversation it's like I can feel the energy of it. I know it sounds esoteric. But learning about language processing disorder was a huge help because there are actually things that can be done about it and techniques for dealing with it. But it is definitely a relief to have an online community: so much more e comfortable than chit chat

 

[grommet]

It's so hard because you wind up with huge gaps in what you understand about a social situation because you're missing so much of what's happening. I've gotten to where even when I can't understand the words in a conversation it's like I can feel the energy of it. I know it sounds esoteric. But learning about language processing disorder was a huge help because there are actually things that can be done about it and techniques for dealing with it. But it is definitely a relief to have an online community: so much more e comfortable than chit chat

What can be done about it?

 

[RemyZee]

What can be done about it?

Communicate through chat and text; use closed captioning when using media; hearing devices; letting people know you might not understand what they are saying and you might have to ask them to repeat themselves but you're still listening and you need to communicate by writing; don't look people in the eyes (it's very distracting, almost a guarantee that you'll miss what someone is saying), for me anyway; but definitely technology definitely can help.

 

[grommet]

Communicate through chat and text; use closed captioning when using media; hearing devices;

Reading text is almost as confusing for me. I see the letters as letters, not meaning something, then I think about it and start to feel words and try to make sense that way. I never really understand what I read.

letting people know you might not understand what they are saying and you might have to ask them to repeat themselves but you're still listening and you need to communicate by writing; don't look people in the eyes (it's very distracting, almost a guarantee that you'll miss what someone is saying), for me anyway; but definitely technology definitely can help.

If I look someone in the eyes it is about the same comprehension for me. I am overwhelmed noticing they are in the room, my brain just freezes processing that. Then speaking is too much, my brain has not finished accepting that they are there. I do not know how strange that is to hear for other people but it is me. I am in the room, dealing with that, then the overwhelming .. that people are there and I have to process that then there is talking and it is hopeless then. I am mostly processing that I am next to another person and they are giving off so much information and I am overwhelmed. Them talking too is too much.

I do not know why but if I have someone there to translate for me, I can understand them It makes no sense but I cannot hear what the person speaking is saying, I mean I cannot see any words, just a wall coming at me. It is noise. But when my ex girlfriend would then tell me what that person said, I understood. Maybe because I had more time, I do not know.