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Things that sabotaged me in terms of romance and more

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Tony Ramirez said:
Being a women is not that great. I am glad God made me a man.

Actually talking to women they have it hard. Have to keep up with appearance. More anxiety because they are more judged for their looks. I thought women I talked to looked beautiful but they said they got kicked out were lonely and thought of themselves as ugly when I thought they looked like goddess.

Then they have to deal with periods and child birth and being predated by men. But men can reproduce late in life. Yeah women have it easy. Try being friends with one and talking to one IRL.
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i never thought you would say something like that, its a well known fact that lots of people have the mentality that dating or getting into a relationship has normally always been easier for women, obviously. Throughout my life, i was often never proud that God made me a guy, mainly because of my lifelong resentment of men having to make the first move and initiate with a woman.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
i never thought you would say something like that, its a well known fact that lots of people have the mentality that dating or getting into a relationship has normally always been easier for women, obviously. Throughout my life, i was often never proud that God made me a guy, mainly because of my lifelong resentment of men having to make the first move and initiate with a woman.
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Have you actually talked to women. I have these past few days. Had real deep conversations. I know. Yes it may be easier they said that, but it's also easier for them to get hurt and abused even physically hence the trust issues. Yes I heard it right out of there voices face to face
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Have you actually talked to women. I have these past few days. Had real deep conversations. I know. Yes it may be easier they said that, but it's also easier for them to get hurt and abused even physically hence the trust issues. Yes I heard it right out of there voices face to face
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You've changed a lot over the past couple of days or so ( in a positive way). Thank you for having the courage to stand up for us on the forum. It is not unnoticed or unappreciated.
 
tree said:
@Markness
The title indicates a review of events and attitudes
that you believed to have been impediments to
forming relationships, for you.

You aren't finding much assistance in the replies?

What sort of replies might be useful to you?
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I wonder if it’s possible to either catch up or have more chances to learn the social skills required for romance.
 
Markness said:
I wonder if it’s possible to either catch up or have more chances to learn the social skills required for romance.
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I believe people have been assuring you of that for several years,
on this forum. The point is to keep at the process. And, to stop
dwelling in the realm of non-rational evaluations of events.
 
Markness said:
I wonder if it’s possible to either catch up or have more chances to learn the social skills required for romance.
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I think people like us can't learn them. We can watch those useless videos which BTW are horrible and a waste of time and the articles can get you arrested.

Really you have to just go out there and just keep socializing yes it burns the hell out of us I have major Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and anxiety but I keep joining new groups.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
i never thought you would say something like that, its a well known fact that lots of people have the mentality that dating or getting into a relationship has normally always been easier for women, obviously. Throughout my life, i was often never proud that God made me a guy, mainly because of my lifelong resentment of men having to make the first move and initiate with a woman.
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The issue is not which gender has it easier. You're stuck in a loop. The issue is how to help Tony meet someone to form a lasting relationship with, either as a friend or a romantic partner.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
I think people like us can't learn them. We can watch those useless videos which BTW are horrible and a waste of time and the articles can get you arrested.

Really you have to just go out there and just keep socializing yes it burns the hell out of us I have major Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and anxiety but I keep joining new groups.
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I don’t think we can become an expert. We can learn what to do and what not to do, to interact successfully with the majority of people. We can keep learning rules and processes to deal with additional types of personalities. But if we don’t have it naturally, we will always be lacking. Because no matter how much you learn, everyone is different.

My dad is like this. He’s never used the autism word, and likely wouldn’t accept it, but I’m pretty certain he’s on the spectrum. He has severe social anxiety too. But he didn’t want to pound steel for the rest of his life, so he wanted to be a traveling salesman and build a retirement. He became very outgoing but it’s a forced act, he told me this. He can roll through the motions and get along with most people, but everyone I have dated couldn’t stand him because they could tell he was fake.

I think the best thing to hope for is finding people who accept us, either because they understand us, or because they are like us. Such as Tony’s recent encounter. Or a lot of us on this forum.
 
Zain said:
I don't want to derail his thread further. I just have an issue with what you said. Nothing to do with the thread's maker.
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So you're saying marking it "Funny" wasn't meant to be of any use to the OP,
just an expression of your point of view.
 
tree said:
So you're saying marking it "Funny" wasn't meant to be of any use to the OP,
just an expression of your point of view.
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Yes, exactly. Since I'm using an emote to directly react to Mary's comment, not anything else.
 
Zain said:
Yes, exactly. Since I'm using an emote to directly react to Mary's comment, not anything else.
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Her comment is "your qualities of friendship and kindness, that tells me what an excellent partner you will make for some lucky woman. You're a good man. "

What's funny about that?
 
Mary Terry said:
Please PM me to explain what issue you have with what I said. I'm really curious.
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I don't think I can. A lot of my posts are deleted without me being told why so I'm not sure what is bannable or not. I'd love to, but free discussion is not allowed here.
 
Markness said:
I wonder if it’s possible to either catch up or have more chances to learn the social skills required for romance.
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It's certainly possible to improve your social skills. But ...

* It's a lot of work. Perhaps as much as learning a new language.
* You'll need to identify your weakness/deficiencies in this area. This sounds easy but it's not.
* I don't know if there are classes for this. There certainly weren't when I was working on it.

And there's something you also need to face up to: there's no "magic wand" for romance.

"NT standard" social skills are necessary (in almost every case) to avoid instant rejection. But that's just a pre-requisite for making a real connection.
 
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