trouble with recognizing people

[trustinnerwisdom]

I am new to exploring my Aspie side. I am wondering if this problem is autistic, or just my problem. I don't remember people from one setting to the next. Frequently, when I see someone that I "should know" my only thought is that they "look vaguely familiar" and a feeling tone--do I seem to like them or not like them. And that is it! I have had many, many embarrasing episodes of this. If the person isn't in their context (like a work colleague), I don't know who they are. Under stress, I will forget people even in context. Do other people have this problem?

I tell the people around me to give me a longer hug when we meet and their vibe connect me to who they are. instead of an outer version (face/hair/body movement), I for sure need an inner version (emotions/ feelings/ connection/ memories).

Exactly as I recognise that I normally read inner social codes instead of the normal outer social codes. Which makes everything often very uncomfortable for both of us to begin with (when meeting new normal people).

I realised that it doesn’t come naturally to use face expressions, body languages and outer signals equal, equal as for them it doesn’t come naturally to use their inner signals.

The most embarrassing moment was when one of my daughters’ had been a week with another family, and I couldn’t see her in the school yard (she was 7 years then). She wore that families clothes and hair style. And acted differently on top of that.
It wasn’t before she rushed to me and hugged me, I knew she was mine. Very scary moment, never expected that to happen!
That was the day I become truly aware.

 

[eg3210]

Tldr: let coworkers or people who seem like they would be friends that you have facial recognition issues and that you might not recognize them sometimes, or it might take a while to learn their name, but your not being rude or ignoring them! Has been life changing for me

This is how I first identified my autism. I was looking into my face blindness or facial recognition issues. And saw so many links to autism. One paper actually suggested that the inability to recognize faces could possibly be the cause of social issues in autism, so definitely an issue in the community.
Personally I think of it as biggest issue most debilitating one. It has prevented or ended a number of relationships and caused a great deal of stress. I now just tell everyone (who seems significant, not literally everyone) that I have this issue, and how to react. And it has helped so much! When someone bumps into me somewhere and acts like I should know them instead of crippling dread I just explain that I don't recognize faces that I probably mentioned that to them and most of them are actually kinda interested or even exited (strange but that's how I see it) and say something like oh yeah you said that... we used to work together here remember we did this or that and then I can often place them and actually connect with them on some level. Sometimes I still don't know but I can either fake it if I want or just realize they were some one time aquantance and not have to worry all day I maybe insulted my mother-in-law or boss or whatever.
Also at work I tell everyone, and then when I don't know them the next time I see then or can't come up with their name when I'm stressed I just reminded them of my issue, with a half hearted apology and it kinda puts the onous on them to be polite about it and it really does work most of the time.
And for making friends I still have big issues, but if I see someone and connect I explicitly tell them at the end about the face issue and say I probably won't recognize them but if they want to connect to just say hi and mention that they are the person who do X or whatever, then kinda joke or if you don't want to meet me again, just say nothing and I'll be a stranger
Sorry long and poorly written I get excited about my own personal "fix" and have to head to work so can't proof read it well, but since I just started being super open with this it has helped so much.

 

[Jumpinbare]

It seems like anytime I am involved with a group, there will be 2 or 3 people who have the same basic features: similar build, same hair color, etc. And even if I interact with them for YEARS, I still have to glance at their nametag (if present), or some external cue before uttering their name. I have used the excuse of putting their name in my phone contacts, but that only works once.

 

[uneven]

I understand this and have had a tough time remembering faces since I can remember
I don't exactly know the cause, but I know especially when in groups or just more than one person it can be very disorienting, almost like all the faces squish together and I can't figure out which one belongs to who. Also, it seems like I remember voices better than faces, and things among people go by very quickly so it's difficult to leave a conversation remembering a face that goes with it. Along with social anxiety. All of these things happening at once and whamo, I've spoken to someone (or more likely they've spoken to me), but I won't remember what they look like afterwards. Once, I didn't recognize my work supervisor when I saw her out of context. This woman comes up to me and is talk talking and I had no idea who she was! Errrrg.

This issue with your work supervisor happens to me all of the time. It is excruciatingly embarrassing, and makes me look like I don't care or I don't like the person. It is impossible to explain, because it doesn't make sense to NTs.

 

[Lunt]

The problem of face recognition difficulties is very common in my life. It takes me longer to remember what other people look like.

For people I know well, identifying people by their voice and their attitude toward me is my most common method. For people who are unfamiliar, if I were to remember them, I would constantly analyze in my head the way they spoke and their possible personalities to form a rough model. This means I have a hard time remembering strangers who output insufficient information.

Sometimes I think it's good to remember people this way, because I remember their characteristics that are harder to change, which is more accurate. But sometimes it also caused inconvenience to me. For example, my former classmates and teachers thought I was deliberately ignoring them because I obviously saw them but didn't say hello to them.

 

[Boogs]

Well, yes, in medicine, "mild" usually means that something doesn't semd you to the hospital or impair you in a very obvious way... not that it's mild in the common sesne or doesn't make life difficult and unpleasant.

There are also people who don't recognize even their close relatives and close friends, that would be the more severe form? Or have trouble feeling they look at a face frequently. (I sometimes feel this way like a face isn't a face, that it's no different than anything else, but it's not frequent, the "this is a face, this is a person" mechanism seems to not fire off)


Yes, obviously.


I'm sorry, I failed to understand the context of this question. Personally, I would want to be as accurate as possible with medical or psychological descriptions and I wouldn't rely on common sense in describing that sort of things. I wouldn't also "label" myself as in, treat it as another psychological fun fact, not as something that determines who I am or that I think is especially disabling and I need to explain it to others or very unique - I get the impression that a lot of people have trouble recognizing others.

'pologies, been offline a while, and may have forgotten some of the context here, and have memory issues so have lost the context myself! (doh! - but this tends to happen within seconds sometimes - sorry, not trying to wriggle out of anything, I just can't work out what I was on about (I'm certain it made sense at the time)).

Assume I was off my tits! I usually do.

 

[GrownupGirl]

It's names I have trouble remembering. It's so embarrassing when I meet someone I haven't seen since I was a teenager at least, and they always remember my name but I don't remember theirs at all. I read that this is a symptom of dyscalculia.

 

[undertheradar]

My problem is kind of different than that... I think that I recognize everybody... Except I don't really recognize them I just think I do It's kind of strange

 

[Boogs]

My problem is kind of different than that... I think that I recognize everybody... Except I don't really recognize them I just think I do It's kind of strange

I believe that this, at least in some cases, is known as: Anomic Aphasia - (word retrieval disfunction).
Or that's what it sounds like to me from your description. I know little about it, but the word may provide something to search on to see if it matches what you experience?
I certainly have major problems with that, I have a pretty good vocabulary in the areas of my interests, but frequently struggle to remember words I know exist and what their meaning is. Even after all those decades it still frustrates and annoys. But I haven't really looked into Aphasia myself yet, Anomic or not.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I was diagnosed with Anomic Aphasia, also called Anomia. I have found it ironic that, so far, I have not had difficulty recalling the word anomia itself, because it is the names of things (nouns) that are typically difficult to recall. I literally couldn't remember my own name once in my teens, and that was really scary. I had to mentally go through where I was, why I was there, who was supposed to be there, and pull my name out of the resulting list!

 

[Judge]

I want to say that I had such an issues in the past. However in the present I interact with far fewer faces now as a retired person who lives a rather reclusive life in general. Apparently not an issue for me any more.

 

[MR TV]

Yes, i've had this happen. It can interfere with my dating life. i met a woman named Karen in San Francisco and got her phone number. Then i went back down to LA where i was living and we started talking. She seemed like she was very intersted in me. Then, i was at a club in LA and i saw her and she came over and said hi to me and i didn't know who she was or what to say. So, then she got mad and broke off the relationship. She was in a different context. If we had agreed to meet somewhere in San Francisco of LA i probably would have recognized her, but because she showed up in an unexpected context, i failed to recognize her and she dumped me. Autism presents a lot of problems in the dating world and it can be very hard to get laid if you have autism. i had one idea. You could make facial recognition flash cards. You could take a copy of People magazine and cut out a bunch of pictures of celbrities and glue them on cardboard cards. then, write the name of the celebrity on the back of each card. Then you shuffle the cards and hold up a picture of a celebrity face and try to gues the name of the celebrity based on the face. Check your accuracy by looking at the back of the card. Do all the cards and check your score. You could keep practicing with celebrity flash cards until you got better and better at recognizing faces.

 

[Outdated]

I literally couldn't remember my own name once in my teens, and that was really scary. I had to mentally go through where I was, why I was there, who was supposed to be there, and pull my name out of the resulting list!

I had a similar experience once when I was in my 30s and it's one of the scariest things that ever happened to me.

Instant amnesia. I was sitting in the drivers seat of a car, stopped at a red light and my right hand indicator was on. I had absolutely no idea of who I was or where I was or why I was there. I had travelled a bit and I couldn't even think what city I was in, in hindsight I don't know why I didn't look at other car's number plates but my mind wasn't working too well at the time.

The light turned green and I turned right in to heavy traffic. It took about 15 or 20 minutes of total confusion before I ended up on the West Gate bridge and it was something I recognised, I was in Melbourne. From there the rest of my memory came back, I had just finished work for the afternoon and was now headed in the wrong direction to go home. I never understood what happened there or any reason for it, it was just a normal day like any other. I'm very happy that it never happened again.

 

[vergil96]

I just can't summon words quite frequently. All the spatial information or mathematical abilities are pretty much always fine. So I wouldn't get lost or anything, but I'd be at a loss asked to say something. Words just isn't how my mind operates.

 

[Jumpinbare]

It took about 15 or 20 minutes of total confusion before I ended up on the West Gate bridge and it was something I recognised, I was in Melbourne. From there the rest of my memory came back, I had just finished work for the afternoon and was now headed in the wrong direction to go home. I never understood what happened there or any reason for it, it was just a normal day like any other. I'm very happy that it never happened again.

I wish I could say that. I lost track of the number of times I was commuting home (never on the way TO work), and suddenly didn't recognize where I was until I came to enough of a major intersection to recognize the name, at which point I realized I had made the opposite turn coming off the interstate. Then of course I have frequently simply driven past my destination, only to wonder how I missed it as I turn around.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

My wife had her hair done in a perm once normally long blond. went to family reunion her own mother did not recognize her. One Of those things sometimes I do not recognize her in a crowd has that long hair European blond look.

 

[Boogs]

I had a similar experience once when I was in my 30s and it's one of the scariest things that ever happened to me.

Instant amnesia. I was sitting in the drivers seat of a car, stopped at a red light and my right hand indicator was on. I had absolutely no idea of who I was or where I was or why I was there. I had travelled a bit and I couldn't even think what city I was in, in hindsight I don't know why I didn't look at other car's number plates but my mind wasn't working too well at the time.

The light turned green and I turned right in to heavy traffic. It took about 15 or 20 minutes of total confusion before I ended up on the West Gate bridge and it was something I recognised, I was in Melbourne. From there the rest of my memory came back, I had just finished work for the afternoon and was now headed in the wrong direction to go home. I never understood what happened there or any reason for it, it was just a normal day like any other. I'm very happy that it never happened again.

That sounds a bit familiar.
I often have short periods of .amnesia' but these are much more sudden blanks, usually in the middle of saying or doing something, but mostly they don't last long, and if with people I bluff it out (gawd knows what they think of me though! ) until it clicks back on again, but occasionally I suddenly lose it when driving, and suddenly realise I don't know where I am (beyond the rough area like a county) or even what direction I'm going in, and I just have to keep driving until I suddenly start to recognise the surroundings and road again. Disconcerting but not dangerous, control is fine, and I'm usedit now so doesn't upsetso much, I know it'll come back, and almost always before I'd have taken a wrong turn (signposts often help jog the memory back into gear).
I suspect, having Severely Disabled Autobiographic Memory, I'm just so used to not remembering things in all kinds of ways, it's pretty much just normalised, beyond very gradually getting worse with age.

 

[Boogs]

Yes, i've had this happen. It can interfere with my dating life. i met a woman named Karen in San Francisco and got her phone number. Then i went back down to LA where i was living and we started talking. She seemed like she was very intersted in me. Then, i was at a club in LA and i saw her and she came over and said hi to me and i didn't know who she was or what to say. So, then she got mad and broke off the relationship. She was in a different context. If we had agreed to meet somewhere in San Francisco of LA i probably would have recognized her, but because she showed up in an unexpected context, i failed to recognize her and she dumped me. Autism presents a lot of problems in the dating world and it can be very hard to get laid if you have autism. i had one idea. You could make facial recognition flash cards. You could take a copy of People magazine and cut out a bunch of pictures of celbrities and glue them on cardboard cards. then, write the name of the celebrity on the back of each card. Then you shuffle the cards and hold up a picture of a celebrity face and try to gues the name of the celebrity based on the face. Check your accuracy by looking at the back of the card. Do all the cards and check your score. You could keep practicing with celebrity flash cards until you got better and better at recognizing faces.

Sounds like a permanent blind date may do the trick?

 

[Boogs]

My wife had her hair done in a perm once normally long blond. went to family reunion her own mother did not recognize her. One Of those things sometimes I do not recognize her in a crowd has that long hair European blond look.

My 'wife' issues included never noticing she'd had anything changed - hair style, clothes, whatever. I'd rarely be able to remember she'd an appointment with hairdressers, and couldn't remember/picture what she looked like before, so couldn't tell she'd changed at all! Boy! Did I suffer for that!

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

My wife dyes her hair on occasion, too many fake blonde now her turn to be fake, red, purple, black only issue I never notice .