Unexpected Effect of Asperger's Diagnosis

[OkRad]

This supports my own assessment of our condition. I have begun to think of it more as spiritual as opposed to physical or mental in nature. My thoughts are that we (people) are in fact spiritual beings, here to learn lessons that can only be learned in physical form. Our true nature is one of consciousness and unconditional love, and we belong to the place where we all transition to upon the conclusion of our time here. Our birth here is our 'death' there and our 'death' here is our 'rebirth' there. What I think sets us apart from NT's is that our subconscious may maintain a 'memory' of the next realm, a place that is not physical in nature and thus thinking is speaking, no bodies, so no body language or subtle cues to know, no temptations or need for physical resources are present there so everyone focuses on spiritual growth and wisdom; thus a basis for our pursuit of interests to such a high degree. This may also explain that 'glass wall' many of us feel between ourselves and others, as we are still slightly connected to the next realm. My thoughts are that NT's are more subconsciously removed spiritually, and thus find connection easier with each other in this realm. I strongly believe that we are more evolved spiritually.

This is very interesting. I do feel more spiritual in the sense that my body is a torment all the time. It never stops with the food or insomnia or stomach or migraines. It just never stops.

I don't know how to make it better. I am religious and I suppose that helps, but it certainly has not made me stop thinking about suicide . I mean it HAS at times, but other times my religion has hurt me because I was targeted.

It is confusing but I think you may be onto something because if NOTHING EVER SHOWS UP, like we are the healthist F-ed up people ever seen by a doctor in their whole lives, well, WTF is wrong with us???

EXASPERATED!

 

[midlife aspie]

This is very interesting. I do feel more spiritual in the sense that my body is a torment all the time. It never stops with the food or insomnia or stomach or migraines. It just never stops.

I don't know how to make it better. I am religious and I suppose that helps, but it certainly has not made me stop thinking about suicide . I mean it HAS at times, but other times my religion has hurt me because I was targeted.

It is confusing but I think you may be onto something because if NOTHING EVER SHOWS UP, like we are the healthist F-ed up people ever seen by a doctor in their whole lives, well, WTF is wrong with us???

EXASPERATED!

Don't be! I have found that religions are largely man made. The Creator is SO misunderstood! It is very common for people to be misled.

 

[Ylva]

I feel the same ! I have been diagnosed last year, and since then when I tell acquaintances that I am Asperger, they reply that "I look normal" . I think that for NT's it should be kind of a compliment? But at the same time as you said, they absolutely do NOT realise how much efforts it requires.

Here is how you test whether it's intended as a compliment: reply, "you too!"

 

[Caitie33]

I pretty much don't have any social life and don't even get along with my own family that well. I still can't figure out what it is that people like us do that repels people so much. I'm not rude or conceited. I know total assholes who have way more friends than I do. Whether I ever really understand it or not it is still reality and knowing for sure just makes it more permanent. It feels like I have the disease of social rejection and it's terminal. I feel like just giving up all the time. I doubt my abilities to do my job or any job that I would enjoy. I think if I died most people would just feel sad for my family, or more exactly for my four year old son. He really is the only reason I haven't just committed suicide. I even feel like a failure as a mother and like my personal issues and anger have damaged him. Sometimes I think he would be better off without me but he would never understand that, so I just keep on going even though sometimes I feel so alone it physically hurts.

 

[OkRad]

I pretty much don't have any social life and don't even get along with my own family that well. I still can't figure out what it is that people like us do that repels people so much. I'm not rude or conceited. I know total assholes who have way more friends than I do. Whether I ever really understand it or not it is still reality and knowing for sure just makes it more permanent. It feels like I have the disease of social rejection and it's terminal. I feel like just giving up all the time. I doubt my abilities to do my job or any job that I would enjoy. I think if I died most people would just feel sad for my family, or more exactly for my four year old son. He really is the only reason I haven't just committed suicide. I even feel like a failure as a mother and like my personal issues and anger have damaged him. Sometimes I think he would be better off without me but he would never understand that, so I just keep on going even though sometimes I feel so alone it physically hurts.

My God. You just nailed how I feel. Every damn word. I would give you a hug but if you are like me, you can't even stand to be hugged.

 

[Ylva]

I pretty much don't have any social life and don't even get along with my own family that well. I still can't figure out what it is that people like us do that repels people so much. I'm not rude or conceited. I know total assholes who have way more friends than I do. Whether I ever really understand it or not it is still reality and knowing for sure just makes it more permanent. It feels like I have the disease of social rejection and it's terminal.

Theory: I haven't read "5 love languages" yet, but I have read books that say the same thing, and I think it might be that with our natural body language we just doesn't make them feel loved/cared about.

 

[Caitie33]

I can't figure out how my body language or whatever is so off putting even to people who hardly know me, makes them not want to try to know me. I started as an assistant teacher in a pre-k class in september. Once a month they have a big meeting for all the pre-k teachers and assistants at all the schools. The teacher that I work with every day did not sit with me so I sat at a table with some other women I don't know. It was awkward, it was supposed to be more of a social meeting with breakfast and mingling. I didn't "mingle". One of the special ed teachers (figures) must have noticed I was just sitting there, really depressed with other stuff about my family on my mind, and pulled me into the conversation. The teacher I worked with for the first few months until I went really part time was there. I thought she was my friend but she clearly isn't. She's a fake who talks **** about everyone. She talked **** about all of them to me and was friendly to me in private but I realized she's not my friend after she totally ignored me at a meeting when we were working together. I realized in thinking she was my friend I probably gave her plenty to gossip with everyone about. Now I'm sure she has because she seems to do it to everyone. What sucks is this fake, backstabbing jerk has way more friends than I do and i don't talk **** on people. (except her right now i guess). I only really feel totally comfortable hugging my son. Sometimes when other people hug me, even my husband or parents it is nice but still feels wierd.

 

[Grandmother B]

I can't figure out how my body language or whatever is so off putting even to people who hardly know me, makes them not want to try to know me. I started as an assistant teacher in a pre-k class in september. Once a month they have a big meeting for all the pre-k teachers and assistants at all the schools. The teacher that I work with every day did not sit with me so I sat at a table with some other women I don't know. It was awkward, it was supposed to be more of a social meeting with breakfast and mingling. I didn't "mingle". One of the special ed teachers (figures) must have noticed I was just sitting there, really depressed with other stuff about my family on my mind, and pulled me into the conversation. The teacher I worked with for the first few months until I went really part time was there. I thought she was my friend but she clearly isn't. She's a fake who talks **** about everyone. She talked **** about all of them to me and was friendly to me in private but I realized she's not my friend after she totally ignored me at a meeting when we were working together. I realized in thinking she was my friend I probably gave her plenty to gossip with everyone about. Now I'm sure she has because she seems to do it to everyone. What sucks is this fake, backstabbing jerk has way more friends than I do and i don't talk **** on people. (except her right now i guess). I only really feel totally comfortable hugging my son. Sometimes when other people hug me, even my husband or parents it is nice but still feels wierd.

Have you explained to them that you are on the autism spectrum? Sometimes people don't know how to take someone and they feel awkward and so they just ignore that person. It may not be that they are hostile to you, just apprehensive. Perhaps just explaining to them might help. I'm sure they're intelligent; after all, they are teachers; and they have surely heard abut Asperger's and/or autism. Best of luck to you, dear lady!

 

[Caitie33]

I feel like telling almost strangers I have aspergers or that I'm on the spectrum would be seen as socially inappropriate, as it is socially inappropriate to share something so personal with strangers. Though it would explain my behavior I don't think such a disclosure would make most people more accepting. The people who would take that disclosure well and be more understanding are probably not the ones who avoid me in the first place, like maybe the spec. ed teachers. I agree with talking about it to people who are close maybe but I don't find it any more reasonable for someone with aspergers to want to announce that to people in general than I would think someone with schizophrenia would. Theres a stigma and telling people usually just provides them further proof I'm different and to steer clear.

 

[Caitie33]

I also don't want to be seen as incompetent. I don't want my employers, present or future to assume I could only do certain jobs with little social interaction and not be able to teach. They may teach kids with aspergers but i don't know if they would think those same kids could grow up to be teachers.

 

[Caitie33]

Thanks for any feedback. Its nice to feel understood and heard by anyone. I feel like I've found my community. It helps me not feel so alone to hear other people who really empathize with me. Supposedly aspies have trouble with empathy but I feel we empathize with each other quite well. Speaking for myself it has been affirming to come on here and relate to other people and feel like they really relate to my experiences. With NT's all I get is pity if anything and thats worse than rejection sometimes.

 

[Grandmother B]

Have you explained to them that you are on the autism spectrum? Sometimes people don't know how to take someone and they feel awkward and so they just ignore that person. It may not be that they are hostile to you, just apprehensive. Perhaps just explaining to them might help. I'm sure they're intelligent; after all, they are teachers; and they have surely heard abut Asperger's and/or autism. Best of luck to you, dear lady!

I feel like telling almost strangers I have aspergers or that I'm on the spectrum would be seen as socially inappropriate, as it is socially inappropriate to share something so personal with strangers. Though it would explain my behavior I don't think such a disclosure would make most people more accepting. The people who would take that disclosure well and be more understanding are probably not the ones who avoid me in the first place, like maybe the spec. ed teachers. I agree with talking about it to people who are close maybe but I don't find it any more reasonable for someone with aspergers to want to announce that to people in general than I would think someone with schizophrenia would. Theres a stigma and telling people usually just provides them further proof I'm different and to steer clear.

I see what you mean. I suppose I was thinking maybe if they gave you some kind of opening where you could discuss it. I thought since they are fellow teachers that they wouldn't be complete strangers. I believe that all teachers should be educated about autism and Asperger's and law enforcement officers as well. If people knew more, maybe they would not be so insensitive. I pray you can get to a place where you can make some friends and be comfortable.

 

[Caitie33]

I'm not sure I would even be comfortable telling people from work who I do get along with. Has anyone else had experiences telling bosses or coworkers?

 

[OkRad]

This post keeps troubling me because I am having such a hard time dealing with knowing I have autism.

Today I was thinking how the Brain is the only organ that can analyze itself. I am astounded at how some of us respnd the same.

The Brain must really hate to be embarrassed or weak. I tell it it's not its fault. No dice. My brain is shutting down in paroxysms of shame, humiliation, panic and horror that it never even KNEW it was so messed up.

The shame it feels is beyond measure.

It scares me because I thought I was OK. I mean I "knew" before but after the accident, it all changed.

Now I am thinking what about the next thing? I worked 3 decades to get where I was and it 1/2 second I am back to 12!!!

My brain is now feeling something it never felt and I am afraid of where it is leading me.

 

[Adder1234]

I'm not trying to brag or act like a special snowflake, but my communication skills and how they developed are kind of unique. For the first 5 years of my life, my family travelled all over, camping and fishing, so my only interactions were with my parents, sister and a few cousins that I only saw a few weeks every year. All of these people are very nice, so i was very confident in my ability to talk to people and that they would be nice to me in return. However, my family then had to settle down so that I could go to school.
At first, everything seemed great and I made tonnes of friends, or at least I thought that I had. Unfortunately, what really happened was the meaner kids had taken advantage of my innocence. For about a year, I followed them around and did everything that they asked me, until I started to realise that they weren't as nice as I had thought. After that, I confronted them and asked them why they made fun of other kids, and they kicked me out of the group and started making fun of me too. Back then i had a really short temper, so all it took was a cross word or meaningless insult and I would completely lose control. So I got into a fight got suspended, because the leader of the bullies, a kid called Ashly, got his mom to come and basically bail him out of trouble. So things were like that for a few years, Ashly would make fun of me, then I would try and fight him and then take all of the blame for the incident. i also know for a fact that Ashly's mom bribed the principal several times to get him out of trouble.
After that, I became very depressed and reclusive, and I developed a habit of walking around with a permanently angry expression, because it meant that most people would leave me alone. I still have serious trust issues and am always suspicious when someone tries to befriend me.
However, when I was 12, we moved to a new town. For a while I was still very depressed and had absolutely no social skills or desire to develop them. However, I soon realised that people in the new town where very different to those in my old school. Although i didn't make any effort to interact with them, they always went out of their way to be nice to me and include me. After that, I made a lot of friends and although I couldn't get over my distrust of others, I was able to mimic the way that they interacted. These days I always keep up the facade of politeness, but I've never been able to trust anyone properly, and I go out of my way to avoid social engagement, even though i can blend in with NTs perfectly.

 

[Grandmother B]

This post keeps troubling me because I am having such a hard time dealing with knowing I have autism.

Today I was thinking how the Brain is the only organ that can analyze itself. I am astounded at how some of us respnd the same.

The Brain must really hate to be embarrassed or weak. I tell it it's not its fault. No dice. My brain is shutting down in paroxysms of shame, humiliation, panic and horror that it never even KNEW it was so messed up.

The shame it feels is beyond measure.

It scares me because I thought I was OK. I mean I "knew" before but after the accident, it all changed.

Now I am thinking what about the next thing? I worked 3 decades to get where I was and it 1/2 second I am back to 12!!!

My brain is now feeling something it never felt and I am afraid of where it is leading me.

Please go to www.aspergerexperts.com! You are not defined by your autism. You are different, not less! Your brain is not weak and this site can help you to get out of that negative thinking mode. Prayers!

 

[Angela71]

I feel like telling almost strangers I have aspergers or that I'm on the spectrum would be seen as socially inappropriate, as it is socially inappropriate to share something so personal with strangers.

Hi Catie33

You say you work in a school? Have you informed the head teacher about your aspergers? He/she is your manager and is there to support all members of staff. This would not be like approaching a stranger, this would be discussing your concerns with your manager.

As long as the HT sees that having aspergers does not affect your ability to do your job, then he/she should be sympathetic to your needs, and maybe even speak to other members of staff on your behalf.

Try not to worry too much about bitchy gossiping staff members. They turn up in every profession :/ they annoy everyone, not just aspies.

The special ed teacher you mentioned sounds like a decent person.

 

[Grandmother B]

I'm not sure I would even be comfortable telling people from work who I do get along with. Has anyone else had experiences telling bosses or coworkers?

I am in the USA. In my area, we have a mental health facility with a lot of different branches in different towns. They find supportive employers where people can work and be helped and respected; these employers hire people with all kinds of handicaps. Maybe there is one in your area where you could go and have them talk to the head of your school. I wish you the best.

 

[fuðflogi]

Before I was diagnosed, I had reasonable confidence in my ability to interact socially, although I was constantly frustrated at how others seem to 'get it' and I seemed to be missing something and didn't know why. But I knew how to behave in the various scenarios of my work and personal life. Alcohol was very helpful (up to a point!) with socializing. A crutch, I hate to admit.

People with whom I share my diagnosis are usually surprised, 'you seem perfectly normal to me' reactions. But not always. Some people have been honest saying 'that explains why you say strange and unexpected things sometimes,' which I appreciate.

I've lost most of my self-confidence in social situations as a result of this. I'm no longer comfortable around people, even people I know fairly well, except my closest friends. I wonder if I've misread people all this time. I no longer feel assured that my 'pre-programming' of social scenarios is sound and effective. Sort of like back to Square 1! Can anyone relate to this, and if so, what'd you do about it?

Yes I can relate! I wasn't diagnosed till I was 40,and since then every memory of every situation in my past has like a ,se

I hear you! I always thought that I was pretty good at social interaction, but now I see that I only thought so because I was so very unaware of what most people were thinking. I realize now that people who I thought of as friends were never really interested in being friends with me (and they probably signaled as much it in their NT way that I don't see).

My trouble now isn't so much in socializing in general as much as even wanting to. I used to assume that I understood what was going on, now I feel like I don't get it at all, and I don't feel much like trying anymore. I feel as if there is around a 99% chance that whatever person I'm talking to doesn't really want to know me and actually despises me for being different from them. So, I feel, why bother? My previous approach was to assume good will and friendship until I saw evidence otherwise. Now I am doing the opposite. Perhaps it's not the best thing, but this way I don't have to work so hard and I suffer far less disappointment.

I hear you! I always thought that I was pretty good at social interaction, but now I see that I only thought so because I was so very unaware of what most people were thinking. I realize now that people who I thought of as friends were never really interested in being friends with me (and they probably signaled as much it in their NT way that I don't see).

My trouble now isn't so much in socializing in general as much as even wanting to. I used to assume that I understood what was going on, now I feel like I don't get it at all, and I don't feel much like trying anymore. I feel as if there is around a 99% chance that whatever person I'm talking to doesn't really want to know me and actually despises me for being different from them. So, I feel, why bother? My previous approach was to assume good will and friendship until I saw evidence otherwise. Now I am doing the opposite. Perhaps it's not the best thing, but this way I don't have to work so hard and I suffer far less disappointment.

I get that. Since diagnosed at age 40 I have been going back over events in my life and it's like there's a second stream of information that what I thought was going on was superimposed over. Thought I was just unlucky with social relations but never thought that I was being used or manipulated or what have you. So now I just assume that everyone I meet and closer relationships are not actually who or wha they profess to be and I'm always trying to figure what theirs game is, what it is they want from me to the point where I'm almost always alone, me, my dog and my partner of 15 years when he isn't working. I'm extremely giving so most people leave with something from me, or I offer to help in some way and I Don't know if it's because I jump in or if their reasons for coming to see me are because they know ill be willing to help, give money to or whatever the case.
I never try to meet new people any more, why open up to it,either way it's troublesome,when I later process the entire encounter I can see how I was lead toward an outcome but it's only later. I don't experience a situation fully when Its happening, and so even if I suspect, I still give of myself willingly, just in case I'm wrong. Humans just can't be trusted to be what they seem, or say what they are truly thinking. Silly humans, I still love them though.

 

[Caitie33]

Of course my boss would think it affects my abilities. I know there are organizations to help people find work, but it is the kind of work people assume would be fit for someone handicapped. I don't want to work in some workshop or assembly line with little interaction and low pay. I'm very high functioning and intelligent and its bad enough I'm an assistant teacher and only make 11 an hour