Unsolicited comments (of any sort)

[xudo]

Yes, but usually it's someone telling me I should smile or cheer up. I'm like, this is just what my face looks like at rest. People sometimes try to make small talk with me when I'm waiting for a bus or in a queue, despite the fact that I'm never without my iPod. I'm obviously listening to music, so please don't talk to me. I'm terrible at small talk, unlike my Mum who can literally talk to anyone. When I was younger I would always ask her how she knew someone until I realised that she just genuinely didn't have a problem with striking up a chat with any random stranger.

I do get a lot of people stare at me when I'm out, partly I would imagine if they notice one of my tics but mainly I think they're staring at my piercings. I usually let it go, unless I'm having lunch or something and someone is continuously staring, in which case I usually say "can I help you?". They always look away very sheepishly.

 

[tree]

 

[xudo]

YES! I saw this a few days ago on facebook and it made my day! "NO YOU'RE FAT"

 

[umbrellabeach]

I showed my brothers that video a few months ago and they thought it was funny. XD I wish I could tick men off by replying to them.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Sigh.
So I just got back from work, during which I was harassed TWICE. Once was early on when I helped a customer by getting frozen veggies off a high shelf for her, and a random man who had nothing to do with it felt the need to say, "That was very nice of you," then when I ignored him, "That was very nice of you," trying desperately for attention.
No, it wasn't "nice of me," I was DOING MY JOB. Unfortunately, I know from experience that if I'd told him that, he would have just laughed and said, "I know, I'm just messing with you."
O RLY? But does he try to "mess with" men the same way? Does he 'compliment' them on their niceness when they do the work they're expected to do, then laugh when they correct him? I bet not.

Later I was doing my job again, collecting shopbacks from under the registers as the manager had asked me to. I tried to go around a guy on a motorized cart and he started laughing and saying, "You trying to race me? You trying to race me?"
And then, after months of owning it, I activated my personal alarm, then shut it off after a few seconds, during which he'd shut up and gotten away from me.

I've been meaning to mention this in this thread: A few weeks ago I bought a dark purple liquid lipstick (Possessed Plum by Maybelline). I like the way it looks with the rest of my makeup but I still have plenty of red lipstick left, so I was going to use that up first. But I think I'll go ahead and start wearing the purple now. I don't know if it will help, but it's darker and less traditional than red - plus I've read that a lot of guys find red lipstick sexy - so maybe it will. And if it does, I'll routinely buy dark purple from Wet n' Wild instead once it's used up (because it's cheaper and I think I prefer it to be a stick).
I also bought black nail polish and I've worn it to work a few times, but not today because I had yesterday and Wednesday off and I also have tomorrow off so I didn't want to bother. Also it turns out I don't work again till Tuesday, so... yeah. Not bothering till Monday night.

Today was the first day in 2017 I officially consider what happened to be harassment. I've gotten other comments like compliments on my makeup (though I'm starting to take it as a warning when they start coming from men; as I said, there seems to be a cycle of changing my look and eventual harassment) and stupid stuff like "They keeping you busy?" (obviously not busy enough, or you wouldn't feel invited to talk to me, bozo), but nothing too bad until today. Today was another 'explosion day,' I guess. WHY IS IT A CYCLE??? Is it the full moon or something? And I swear it's getting to the point where I'll start actively avoiding ALL men - not because they're all harassers, but because I don't KNOW if they are, and it's better not to take the risk.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Welp.

Today I was bagging and a customer started teasing me ("you're working way too hard"), so I deflected him by saying I wasn't and then telling him to go to hell before walking away. He got SO MAD and went to customer service and filed a complaint. Apparently his wife (whom I did not see or interact with) joined him and made an even bigger stink. So the managers pulled me in the office and lectured me, and next time I go in to work (Thursday) I'll get a disciplinary notice (is that basically a paper saying what a bad girl I am? Aww *sticks bottom lip out*).

I wonder if I'll get fired (the wife really wants me to be; I heard her say so to a manager) but honestly, that would be good riddance on my part. Giant is a corrupt company that doesn't care about workers' rights and kisses customers' butts. Some of the managers act like they're in junior high. I have about 7k in my bank account (I'm not sensitive about saying that) so it's not like I'm about to go broke, especially since I live with my parents. Probably will forever. But I'd rather live with my parents forever than be constantly disrespected by idiots like that guy. I have absolutely no regret about what I said. No matter what happens, I will never regret it.

Two more details:

I asked the male cashier I was bagging for if the customer had teased him or made any dumb comments, and he said no.

Also, I remember that when the guy first entered the checkout line, he gave me a look similar to how so many other harassers have also looked at me. I would have walked away, but he only did it for a moment and behaved normally until the end of the transaction, when he got on my case.

So I guess that means even if they only make me uncomfortable for a short moment, it means they ARE a harasser and I should get away as soon as possible. I don't regret standing up for myself, but I could have prevented the whole ordeal by walking away.

THE RESPONSIBILITY OF PREVENTION SHOULD NOT BE ENTIRELY UPON MY SHOULDERS, HOWEVER. How about men make the decision not to harass women??? Men are not wild animals, slaves to their instincts.

 

[Judge]

Sorry to hear. I can only guess that your "disciplinary notice" may be nothing but a warning based on progressive discipline policy that your state abides by. Meaning it's likely a warning this time, with more severe consequences associated with another infraction.

I do sincerely hope you can find work elsewhere, in an environment with a different vibe, and obviously fewer men. I've been busy with my hobbies lately and have noticed that no matter what arts and crafts store I frequent, they all seem to have mostly women customers and women employees. Where transactions between salespersons and customers are relatively brief in comparison, and thus much less time for needless small-talk.

Just a thought, anyways. I just have a feeling that once you leave that place things will improve for you.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Maybe I should work at a craft store... maybe fewer men would shop there since crafting is generally considered feminine.
I'm trying not to hate men but some of them are just horrible. Then again, I've met horrible women too. People in general are horrible and I hate working among them. But I get harassed more by men because... surprise, it's sexual!

The managers lectured me about how this idiot and his idiot wife are going to complain to corporate and tell their friends not to shop here and sales will go down... because the CEO's money is worth more than a lowly bagger's human dignity, right? If I were teased and harassed to the point of suicide would they be happy as long as I didn't cost them any money? I bet so. Because money's all that matters. Bow down and worship the money.

My store is so awful to its employees that honestly I think it deserves to suffer financially. If I get fired, I'll badmouth Giant every chance I get. I wrote my Glassdoor review months ago, though it's not posted yet.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I learned two new things about last night today. First, I'm not going to get fired. *laughs in the face of the idiot's wife who wants me to get fired*
Second, she's mad because she and her harassing husband are black and I'm white. Apparently I was only rude to him because he's black??? In reality, that had nothing to do with it. I would have told him off even if he'd been white. It was his behavior I didn't like; his skin had nothing to do with it.

 

[Questella]

You're not alone! I have stood in line in a supermarket and had strange men harass me. I have sat on a bench at a bus stop reading a book, and had strange men keep trying to start a conversation. I have had men stalk me when I left my home to run errands. Aspie women must give off vulnerability vibes, or something.

I think trying to read a book around anybody is code for you want someone to bother you... I used to read a lot and you really just can't around anyone, they see you and a book and immediately start asking 1000 questions about it... thankfully when you're staring at a phone though they just give you a weird look lol

Lol! I used to just wear a fake wedding ring to deal with this! Guys would start in on the number? Date? ****? And I'd just flash that with a sorry and that worked... occasionally it'd be followed with "are you happy?" And I'm just thinking I'm showing it off, aren't I? 12$ fake jewelry from Icing = lifesaver

 

[umbrellabeach]

I think trying to read a book around anybody is code for you want someone to bother you... I used to read a lot and you really just can't around anyone, they see you and a book and immediately start asking 1000 questions about it... thankfully when you're staring at a phone though they just give you a weird look lol

I don't know if I've mentioned this in this thread before, but this has happened to me several times too. Once I got so fed up with it that I started bringing Black Butler manga to church and reading it after the service while everyone else was socializing and I was waiting for my parents so we could go home. That way if anyone asked me about what I was reading, I'd tell them it's about a boy who sells his soul to a demon in exchange for butler service and revenge on the people who killed his parents, and have fun seeing their reactions, because no one expects a "sweet little girl" like me to read such dark content.

Unfortunately, that's when it seemed to stop. When I started reading Black Butler in public, and especially at that church, everyone ignored me. So I never got to see a reaction. :/ If only I could bring it to and read it at work.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Another one today, ugh. Kind of similar to the old "milkmaid" comment from last year. I put back a gallon of milk in a near-empty dairy case and this big old fat guy was there. He didn't say anything or seem to acknowledge me so I didn't think he'd cause any trouble, but then he teasingly accused me of having "drank up all the milk." What a f*cking idiot. What is it with men and teasing women about milk?
I told him he was a liar and flipped him off as I walked away. Hopefully he didn't file a complaint. (He was laughing, as idiot men do to me, so I figured I could flip him off if he wasn't taking me seriously, and so he wouldn't do anything.) If he did I'll put in my two weeks, because I am not tolerating this anymore. If he didn't, he's the third customer I've flipped off and gotten away with it.
I wish I'd said, "I didn't drink nearly as much milk as you got from your mom last night."

So this was from someone who showed absolutely NO signs of being a harasser other than being a man. Okay, got it. I'll just avoid ALL men from now on. I know they're not all bad but I can't take the risk anymore. I mean, some don't even give a warning!
And maybe I'll stop putting milk back too.

AND ONE MORE THING... I was originally scheduled to work 3-6 today, but yesterday the schedule guy changed 6 to 8. This incident occurred fewer than 15 minutes before my shift ended; therefore, if my schedule had not changed, I wouldn't have been bothered.
Also I have a sore throat today, so that would also have made it better to work fewer hours. THANKS A LOT, TAY! (yup that's his name, this forum is members only, right?)
I was also originally supposed to be off tomorrow, but now I work 4-8. So will this become a pattern, and I be harassed all day tomorrow? Time will tell. See, if I'd only worked three hours today and had tomorrow AND Tuesday off (thankfully I still have Tuesday off and I shall cling to it), this week would have been better in so many ways. No harassment today and no risk of it tomorrow. But NOOOOO, Tay just had to go and add more work time for me. Way to go, buddy.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Today I was doing shopback and walked down an aisle that was completely empty except for one woman, so I felt safe in it... Nope! A random old man entered and IMMEDIATELY (I kid you not) shouted at me, "You just like walking all around the store, don't you?"
I set off my personal alarm, but it didn't faze him at all. He just laughed. So I called him an idiot and told him to go to hell.
He didn't file a complaint, which was good, but also bad because it meant he didn't take me seriously enough to be offended, and he deserves to be offended.
I wish I'd f*cking kicked that moronic scumbag in the nuts! AND the shin! And then took his cart and shoved it out into the parking lot!

CAN I GO EVEN ONE F*CKING SHIFT WITHOUT BEING HARASSED BY SOME F*CKFACED SH!TBAG WHO THINKS I'M JUST HIS F*CKING TOY TO PLAY WITH??? WHY CAN'T PEOPLE LEAVE ME THE F*CK ALONE????????????????
I MAKE ALL THIS F*CKING EFFORT WITH THE HAIR, MAKEUP AND A NEW FEMINIST PIN I BOUGHT AND IT'S STILL NOT F*CKING ENOUGH?????????????????????????
I CAN EVEN AVOID AISLES WITH MEN IN THEM AND THAT'S NOT ENOUGH BECAUSE THEY WILL STILL COME IN TO MAKE COMMENTS??????????????
DO I HAVE TO SET OFF MY ALARM RIGHT AS I START SHOPBACK AND JUST WALK AROUND WITH IT GOING OFF?????????????? DO I?????????????????????????????????
I AM THIS CLOSE TO QUITTING.
THIS.
CLOSE.
>--<

 

[Judge]

I AM THIS CLOSE TO QUITTING.
THIS.
CLOSE.

I must admit, this all continues to baffle me even as one of those "old men".

Sometimes it's just a matter of being in the wrong place and little else. Hopefully this may be the case here, given how preposterous it all looks. So it seems to me that quitting this job is most likely the best step you can pragmatically make towards improving your life and more than likely leaving such experiences behind you.

Though I suspect much of the equation may lie in securing a different type of employment. Especially where incidental contact with overly-chatty/predatory NT customers doesn't happen as regularly- or at all. Use this as a learning experience to guide you in finding specific work that isn't toxic to you on a daily basis.

You owe it to yourself. No one understands the stress of giving up secure employment than I do. I was once in a predicament where my job became intolerable, although it involved a good-paying career that lasted nearly two decades. But when it comes to this level of stress over a part-time job, you really do need to move on. Take care.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I must admit, this all continues to baffle me even as one of those "old men".

Sometimes it's just a matter of being in the wrong place and little else. Hopefully this may be the case here, given how preposterous it all looks. So it seems to me that quitting this job is most likely the best step you can pragmatically make towards improving your life and more than likely leaving such experiences behind you.

Though I suspect much of the equation may lie in securing a different type of employment. Especially where incidental contact with overly-chatty/predatory NT customers doesn't happen as regularly- or at all. Use this as a learning experience to guide you in finding specific work that isn't toxic to you on a daily basis.

You owe it to yourself. No one understands the stress of giving up secure employment than I do. I was once in a predicament where my job became intolerable, although it involved a good-paying career that lasted nearly two decades. But when it comes to this level of stress over a part-time job, you really do need to move on. Take care.

I need a job where I don't work with the public. I think one of those imfamously 'boring' office jobs would be suitable for me, because I'd be doing quiet work with just coworkers. I'm generally respected by coworkers. There are a few I avoid, but even they're not as bad as these customers.

I'll probably quit, and I'll definitely ask how to go about it when I go back in tomorrow.

 

[Judge]

I need a job where I don't work with the public.

Always my personal preference. I did my time in retail hell myself long ago. Though there's also another thing to consider. Avoiding bored men in places they traditionally don't want to be in.

In the case of a grocery store, I suspect damn near every male would just assume be anywhere but buying groceries. So many of these fools who insist on bothering you probably think they're entitled to useless small talk and flirting as a "bonus", given most males fundamentally don't want to be there in the first place. Compounded if they perceive you to be some kind of "social challenge" to massage their own ego.

Admittedly though in terms of office exposures you're far more apt to run into more even divides of men and women. Though coworkers can be a mixed bag. Sometimes much better than customers, and occasionally much worse as well.

I guess I'm just suggesting you consider factoring in gender as well. Where you may be more comfortable working with other women and few if any men. I mean, you can't entirely evade highly social NTs, but at least you may be able to limit the worst of your experiences, which appear to reflect those with men far more than women.

Perhaps an odd suggestion coming from one of those "old men" who give you such a bad time. But I appreciate your willingness to share your experience, given that it has helped me better understand while I am decidedly heterosexual, more importantly in this instance I am somewhere on the spectrum of autism. Where I simply cannot relate to approaching a total stranger in such a crass or casual manner no matter how much I may find them attractive in some way.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I've been bullied by women too - mostly when they were authority figures in church - only they didn't disguise it as "just teasing," so it would depend more on my coworkers' characters than their genders. I generally get along with my coworkers, male and female alike, with just a few exceptions. I've called out a couple of them on calling me pet names like "sweetie" and "baby," but it's never escalated to the point that the customer harassment has.

I've never thought about men not wanting to be at the grocery store. Actually, I thought maybe half the reason they came was to get some social interaction in their dull lives. I noticed that I'm less likely to be harassed on busy days like Sundays and around holidays, because slowness/idleness is apparently an invitation to talk to me.
But what the crap. If they don't want to be at the store, that's not my fault and they shouldn't take it out on me.

I wonder if I'd be harassed so much working at a library. Maybe library patrons would be less messed up in the head. I don't know though. I'd have to ask people who actually do work at a library.
I applied and was interviewed for a job at the library I used to volunteer at right before Giant decided to finally hire me, actually. Later I got a letter saying I hadn't been accepted, but at the time I thought it didn't matter since I'd already been hired at Giant. But maybe that job would have been better for me.

Anyway, I officially handed in my two weeks' notice today. Hopefully my life will get better from this point on. I'm tired of spending my time angry and brooding over stupid harassers I regret not kicking in the shin.

 

[Questella]

I've been bullied by women too - mostly when they were authority figures in church - only they didn't disguise it as "just teasing," so it would depend more on my coworkers' characters than their genders. I generally get along with my coworkers, male and female alike, with just a few exceptions. I've called out a couple of them on calling me pet names like "sweetie" and "baby," but it's never escalated to the point that the customer harassment has.

I've never thought about men not wanting to be at the grocery store. Actually, I thought maybe half the reason they came was to get some social interaction in their dull lives. I noticed that I'm less likely to be harassed on busy days like Sundays and around holidays, because slowness/idleness is apparently an invitation to talk to me.
But what the crap. If they don't want to be at the store, that's not my fault and they shouldn't take it out on me.

I wonder if I'd be harassed so much working at a library. Maybe library patrons would be less messed up in the head. I don't know though. I'd have to ask people who actually do work at a library.
I applied and was interviewed for a job at the library I used to volunteer at right before Giant decided to finally hire me, actually. Later I got a letter saying I hadn't been accepted, but at the time I thought it didn't matter since I'd already been hired at Giant. But maybe that job would have been better for me.

Anyway, I officially handed in my two weeks' notice today. Hopefully my life will get better from this point on. I'm tired of spending my time angry and brooding over stupid harassers I regret not kicking in the shin.

Maybe try the library again, I can imagine it being a much harder place to get hired at. Probably low turnover and lots off applicats to pick from for the few positions they do have. Maybe if you can find a way to get friendly with the manager there they'll put in a good word for you. <3

I can imagine the people browsing at the library want to be there, otherwise they could just put items on hold. Maybe?

 

[Judge]

Well, think good thoughts about your future. It's always possible that wherever you end up working, there may be a very different chemistry with both coworkers and customers if the job involves them.

I still can't help but wonder if that grocery store was just one big bizarre vortex for nasty people.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Well, think good thoughts about your future. It's always possible that wherever you end up working, there may be a very different chemistry with both coworkers and customers if the job involves them.

I still can't help but wonder if that grocery store was just one big bizarre vortex for nasty people.

I think it is. Not only because of the customers, but the company culture is horrible too. Favoritism, immaturity and pettiness among managers, seniority, etc. It's a very toxic environment. I'll publish my full Glassdoor review after my last shift.

Honestly I'm not sure I even want to work at a library. It sounds nice in theory, but the reality would probably be similar to my reality at Giant. It's still working with the public, and quite possibly with pervy men. At this point I will ONLY accept a behind-the-scenes job.

My main New Year's resolution was to stand up for myself more. Quitting my job and refusing to take another similar to it is probably the best way I can do that. Some people (especially that stocker from last October) may think getting out of the environment is "letting the harassers win," but 1) I'm pretty sure they want me to keep working there so they can keep abusing me, and 2) I'm doing what's best for my life and my mental health. Staying in a toxic workplace like that, with toxic people, is not winning. I'm doing what's best for my happiness.