Veiw on people in general

[Aspergirl4hire]

At this point in my life, I do find nearly everyone to be the same. Everywhere I go, I experience this (taken from a list of reasons I hate church that I wrote for my mom):

-People feel the need to comment on, joke about and laugh at me for no reason - or for the sole reason that I'm quiet; apparently that's hilarious - and I can't get a word in to correct them or stand up for myself because they're yelling and laughing so loud I can't hear myself think, and then as soon as they're done with that they move on and I never see them again
-They think it's okay to touch me without my permission (or knowledge); I wear my hair in braids (it's so thick I don't know how else to style it) and people have even pulled them to tease me before
-People expect me to conform and then either laugh at me or give me weird looks when I don't
-There's so much hidden corruption in churches that I don't know if even one person in the congregation is a decent one; they're drug dealers and pedophiles for all I know. Yes, God tells us to associate with other Christians but there's no way to tell if anyone is REALLY a Christian, especially if you can't read people (and what's the point of being with them if all they do is make fun of me anyway?)
-People only talk to me because I'm my parents' kid, or a newcomer, or college-aged, or one of eight kids - and I think they're disappointed when they find out I'm not working or in school or whatever, because those are the only topics they're interested in regarding young people

I've refused to go to church for the past two weeks because of how awful the people in them are to me. I've been to tons of different churches in my life, but to me they're not different anymore. They're all the same. The people are all the same rude sheep.

I'm struggling with this one myself. Church works as long as I fit the mold, and for years it was easy and filled a need for a structured envionrment. As things have gotten more casual, it's gotten harder and harder. The whole notion of lay leadership broke open a lot of structures I depended on to fit in. At the same time, as my church got bigger, it got bureaucratic and conformity became a function of facile, superficial agreement. I couldn't stand it. Now I have a faith, but not a comfortable way to engage.

I deeply regret our shared experience on this one. I would suggest that it's not necessary to conclude that they're all pedophiles and drug dealers. Just flawed people who are afraid of differences.

I am sitting down with my new church's pastor to talk about what I need to make groups work for me and to get what I need from church. (She seems likely to be on the spectrum, herself.) As a way to connect to community with other flawed people bothered by the flaws they know about, there isn't a substitute for me. If that doesn't work, I will need to invent a new set of social rules, and use my intuition to feel out who may be receptive to me. It's been disheartening to date to realize that social workers, special needs kids teachers, psychologists, and the well-educated are my natural "buddies." I may have a new friendship breaking up now because the other person keeps assuming that she knows what I'll find encouraging and keeps saying "everyone's like that" when I try to introduce "the real me."

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="Aspergirl4hire, Just flawed people who are afraid of differences.

I am sitting down with my new church's pastor to talk about what I need to make groups work for me and to get what I need from church.[/QUOTE]

Hi As a auspie I have struggled with this, on the one hand I would prefer the low key, small fireside or house church thing. However over familiarity in small groups can lead to henpecking, so I am evenly split on this, or hiding in the background in a big church. Perhaps one just needs to take one fate in their own hands, and start and run their own groups and mission work. One thing I know as a P.K., stay as far away from any church board as you can, they seem to be the Devils personal playground. (Not Kidding on this)

 

[AsheSkyler]

Ashe, in your case, maybe speaking 1-1 with these older "gentle"men in a public place and being upfront could be appropriate if there is more than one occasion where so and so does not get the hint. People used to do stuff like that to me when I was a child, and I got annoyed because I would not know who I could do that too, and would feel uncomfortable "returning the favor" whether it was a pat on the back or a pat on the head. And as a teacher, unless I have the parent's permission, or unless maybe I just saved someone's life, I don't even think of touching a person because that could get out of hand. At one professional development for teachers, they said that it is okay to lightly pat someone of the same sex on their shoulder, but if you're not sure to not even go that far. It is sad what our world has become today. It's lost a lot of it's empathy, and those that truly need that personal attention, many of us tend to get hurt more instead.

Dude... I am not talking about standard social graces of shoulder pats, hand shakes, or some minor misunderstanding. I am talking about universally unacceptable behaviour of pulling hair, scratching, slapping, punching, and kicking that I have dealt with from children to adults whose parents quite obviously did not raise them to be civil. When I bluntly tell them they are out-of-line, they laugh at me and do it even more, until I get the point across they need to act their age, then they start spreading rumors and ill-will in my direction with plenty of glares and sneers.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I deeply regret our shared experience on this one. I would suggest that it's not necessary to conclude that they're all pedophiles and drug dealers. Just flawed people who are afraid of differences.

It's just my way of being cautious and protecting myself. For nearly seven years people pretended to be my friends, then suddenly turned on us near the end and we found out about all these crimes they'd committed. Maybe it's not necessary to assume that, but it's better than trusting and then getting hurt or taken advantage of. People can fake it for a long, long time and to me it's impossible to know who's really trustworthy.

Old church men used to annoy the snot out of me. They were always pulling my hair! Well, the gentlemen didn't, but the other dudes wouldn't leave me alone. Sometimes I'd try to make it obvious I was cheerful and friendly to the gentleman and could care less for the yankers. They never took the hint, but they did eventually leave me alone when they got tired of me being cold to them.

Yup. The next person to pull my hair will get a slap, or even the finger.

Umbrellabeach, people can look at us like they are shopping for goods in a grocery store. The best we can do is find ways to cope and stand up for ourselves. Other people's feelings do matter, but us not being trampled on matters too. Part of the reason your mom may say that you don't want to hurt others' feelings is because it's too complicated to figure out and explain when you should react one way or another otherwise. That's something we all have to figure out on our own unfortunately. Life is not fair, and people love to prey on weakness, that is for sure.

Yeah, that's the problem. My mom was always extremely shocked and appalled if I was rude to anyone else but they were rude to me right in front of her and she scolded me for standing up for myself and not letting them keep doing it. I was raised to believe that standing up equaled rude.
One time at a restaurant, my mom was offered a senior discount even though she's not a senior, and she told the cashier bluntly that she was offended by that. I was extremely surprised because she'd never let me say I was offended by anything. I asked her about it and she said it's not rude to say you're offended by something... but I was confused because she'd raised me to believe just that, to always pretend I liked what other people said for the sake of politeness.

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="AsheSkyler, pulling hair, [/QUOTE]

On the hair pulling thing, (please don't burn me at the stake), a gentle tug on the braids is usually a way of saying, you are as cute as a button. And as a aspie I'm guessing that cuteness followed you much longer than normal. Sometimes hitting at the younger ages can be the same, (whack !), I think your cute but am too chicken to say so. Had a little red head that hit me all the time, finally got mad and clocked her, had no clue she liked me, felt terrible for years about it for not being nicer to her. Of course some old men are just losing the marbles. As a aspie or what ever you can get so used to being attacked for being different, that any aggressive attention is automatically classed as hostile. This however is not good because many (NT) use teasing as a opener for friendship, so proper response is a nice tease back. So you say, (whatever back at you Ha ha!), and if they follow with something warmer and are, (smiling and laughing), you just got a friend, is confusing tho as bullies sometimes do exact same thing only the (twinkle) is missing from the eyes.

 

[Suzanne]

I am an aspie (unoffical) and especially feel this and hate it, when waiting in any type of queue and see how non script people seem and it really freaks me out and I just cannot wait to get out.

Sometimes though, it is more prevalent than at other times, when I lose sight of what the human race is all about and those times, I feel that I am living in a vacuum and scrabbling to get out!

It is hard to like humans, to be honest and then I remind myself that I am human too!!!!!

 

[Suzanne]

but from the moment they liked it I considered it to be overrated and too mainstream, so I started to hate Nirvana.

This is sooo me! Anything or anyone, that people went mad over, I would avoid like the plague. I refused point blank to get a mobile phone because I really did not fancy becoming like the crowd and valued being different! It was many year's later that my husband persuaded me to get one and so I asked for a simple thing and was fascinated with the idea of being able to take pictures with a phone! When it first rang in public lol I did not connect it was my phone and when I did, I nearly died of embarrassment. Since then, I am on my third one and that is like 5 years between them and only changed due to the first one, not being able to do anything with photos and then second one, falling into water and this one, which is my baby lol and have got used to chatting to my hubby whilst out.

As silly as it seems, I really felt proud that whilst everyone had white headphones, that denoted ipads or some thing, I had black ones and using an "old fashioned" mp3 player.

If anyone is smiling, I rather not and if everyone is sour, I rather smile!!!

 

[paloftoon]

Dude... I am not talking about standard social graces of shoulder pats, hand shakes, or some minor misunderstanding. I am talking about universally unacceptable behaviour of pulling hair, scratching, slapping, punching, and kicking that I have dealt with from children to adults whose parents quite obviously did not raise them to be civil. When I bluntly tell them they are out-of-line, they laugh at me and do it even more, until I get the point across they need to act their age, then they start spreading rumors and ill-will in my direction with plenty of glares and sneers.

Oh that's not good. I might not be aware of the context of the situations, but here's something to consider.

I think if someone is doing that to you on more than one occasion, especially as you being an adult, maybe it's worth considering filing a police report. Try to get one of those forms where so and so has to stay away x number of feet away from you. Just make sure you give one warning at least before such heavy action, and if that person continues, maybe you have to use that person to set the example in order to be left alone.

Is there a counselor in the area who can advise you to resources possibly and how to deal with these bullies? I know not all counselors are informative enough, because they only want you to keep coming to them. Best wishes Ashe.

 

[AsheSkyler]

On the hair pulling thing, (please don't burn me at the stake), a gentle tug on the braids is usually a way of saying, you are as cute as a button. And as a aspie I'm guessing that cuteness followed you much longer than normal. Sometimes hitting at the younger ages can be the same, (whack !), I think your cute but am too chicken to say so. Had a little red head that hit me all the time, finally got mad and clocked her, had no clue she liked me, felt terrible for years about it for not being nicer to her. Of course some old men are just losing the marbles. As a aspie or what ever you can get so used to being attacked for being different, that any aggressive attention is automatically classed as hostile. This however is not good because many (NT) use teasing as a opener for friendship, so proper response is a nice tease back. So you say, (whatever back at you Ha ha!), and if they follow with something warmer and are, (smiling and laughing), you just got a friend, is confusing tho as bullies sometimes do exact same thing only the (twinkle) is missing from the eyes.

Oh, true that! When you've had kids beat on you, anything resembling malevolence is eventually met with aggression. The twinkle is still there in bullies' eyes, it's just a different kind of twinkle.

Although you would think some would take "I AM MARRIED" or "YOU ARE CREEPY" as a hint. I fully endorse clocking. But the safe way to do it is use your hair as a whip. I had some good targeting. If they want hair, they get it. Right in the eyes. One long braid over the shoulder, one quick turn of the head, and nobody gets within hair length of you for a while.

I think if someone is doing that to you on more than one occasion, especially as you being an adult, maybe it's worth considering filing a police report. Try to get one of those forms where so and so has to stay away x number of feet away from you. Just make sure you give one warning at least before such heavy action, and if that person continues, maybe you have to use that person to set the example in order to be left alone.

If the police were worth a flip in my area I probably would use them more. If they don't do anything for death threats, they won't do anything about some twerp leaving red marks on me. Sometimes even defending myself puts ME at legal risk and not the original assailant! But I did find out recently if I play it juuuust right, I can be the one to press charges and get off mostly scot-free. Granted, if I ever let slip I've had trouble with being harassed or abused in the past then the case gets dropped like a hot potato since I am deemed full round as "oversensitive". These guys really should stop teaching me how to work the system...

 

[Balkan1996]

This is sooo me! Anything or anyone, that people went mad over, I would avoid like the plague. I refused point blank to get a mobile phone because I really did not fancy becoming like the crowd and valued being different! It was many year's later that my husband persuaded me to get one and so I asked for a simple thing and was fascinated with the idea of being able to take pictures with a phone! When it first rang in public lol I did not connect it was my phone and when I did, I nearly died of embarrassment. Since then, I am on my third one and that is like 5 years between them and only changed due to the first one, not being able to do anything with photos and then second one, falling into water and this one, which is my baby lol and have got used to chatting to my hubby whilst out.

As silly as it seems, I really felt proud that whilst everyone had white headphones, that denoted ipads or some thing, I had black ones and using an "old fashioned" mp3 player.

If anyone is smiling, I rather not and if everyone is sour, I rather smile!!!

Haha... I stopped using Facebook only when it became too popular!

 

[Suzanne]

Haha... I stopped using Facebook only when it became too popular

Which is why I am on there now, because of its lack of popularity lol I do not do instagram or twitter etc because of their popularity and so, I guess sigh, when they lose that, I probably will add them ( but no doubt not)

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="AsheSkyler, If they want hair, they get it. Right in the eyes. One long braid over the shoulder, one quick turn of the head, and nobody gets within hair length of you for a while. [/QUOTE]

Well I suspected you had that smoking hot little aspie pixy thing going for you, can be iresistable to some. Personally I think being too adorable beats inheriting the walking refrigerator gene, and you don't have to worry about being traded in for a younger model. People should respect you tho, if it bothers you so much perhaps a (don't touch me) pin, if you really want to you could add a (I'm x... age and I'll kick your a...) pin. Just an idea. Was considering a (I'm a Auspie) pin for my self...don't know whats worse being branded different or being seen as just plain weird, sort of a lose or lose more proposition. I think you probably hit too hard, so I decided to shelve the cute sister jokes. :-( Boo!

 

[AsheSkyler]

Well I suspected you had that smoking hot little aspie pixy thing going for you, can be iresistable to some. Personally I think being too adorable beats inheriting the walking refrigerator gene, and you don't have to worry about being traded in for a younger model. People should respect you tho, if it bothers you so much perhaps a (don't touch me) pin, if you really want to you could add a (I'm x... age and I'll kick your a...) pin. Just an idea. Was considering a (I'm a Auspie) pin for my self...don't know whats worse being branded different or being seen as just plain weird, sort of a lose or lose more proposition. I think you probably hit too hard, so I decided to shelve the cute sister jokes. :-( Boo!

I did have a "don't mess with me" shirt I wore for years. But it was too tight, so I didn't wear it too long. I have been told by a lot of guys I'm one of the stronger chicks they know, so I possibly am a hard hitter for girl.

 

[ImAnAspie]

Oh I feel alienated. Always have. Never felt like I belonged here. The joys of being different

 

[Anada's Phoenix]

Raised in catholicism and then twenty years of born again beliefs, I used to believe all the gospel truths.... I trusted blindly because that was what I was forced to do, and when I questioned I only got worse abuse. So now I understand they WORK only in a perfect world, and the gospel truths are promoted HERE by the users and abusers in control, as propaganda to sway, maim and control the masses. Think schools, government, religions. Always it's them saying do what I say and not what I do.

Believing anything, everything at face value because they said it, cost me dearly.
Now I am fully aware and safe from harm.
I think and choose for my own self.