I need help. So, I moved to a new town about 4 years ago. I only knew one person. He picked me up from the airport and then introduced me to one of his friends. The friend he introduced me to showered me immediately with care. FYI, we are homosexual males. Anyways, so my new friend I met the very first day made it a point to show me around the city and get me used to a brand new atmosphere. He was dating someone at the time, but always insisted on me being around. In a short period of time I became a professional third wheel. I was around so much that I would often witness some emotional and verbal abuse from my friend to his boyfriend. At first I wondered why his boyfriend would put up with it. However, my friend did a profoundly good job of making it seem like the boyfriend was inadequate and ungrateful and lazy, etc. I soon found my friend doing some pretty awful things to get “revenge” on his boyfriend that were awful and some his boyfriend still doesn’t even know about. I watched this person I called a friend do some horrendous things to people, but somehow felt close to him because he always confided it in me.
Fast forward 3 years later, and they have broken up(in a very cruel way). My friend decided to buy a house and asked me if I wanted to rent a room from him. While I friendship wasn’t always perfect(I was definitely on the receiving end of some silent treatments a few times) I figured it would be a good arrangement. I couldn’t have been more mistaken. While we inevitably got closer, his mask fully came off. Everything that went wrong in the house was my fault. I was expected to clean everything which was never discussed. Rent suddenly went up with no notice. He would humiliate me or mock me in front of guests. He would often give me the silent treatment anytime I questioned any of the things he did that bothered me around the house. He’s very social and somewhat of a playboy so there’s frequently guests or “dates” over regularly. It’s apparently my job to be a server, a cook, and a cleaner for his guests. We have a large common area that we generally are both in, but he has dates over so often that I’m generally pressured into being in my room most of the time. He constantly critiqes me, tells me what my problems are “because he cares” and everytime I achieve something he reminds me that it’s either insignificant or I got lucky and didn’t earn it. There have also been a few times where he actually hit me, one time in front of friends at a dinner party. I made a joke that he didn’t like and he punched me. The dinner party was immediately over as people were so disturbed that they left. He apologized the next day, but on top of the verbal abuse, I realized I am being abused. He humiliates me in public and on social media as well. He recently attacked me on FB for posting an opinion that he didn’t agree with. He attacked my opinion and me personally. I asked him not to do that and he unfollowed me in order to “not hurt me” which actually hurt more.
My friends don’t even allow me to speak about the situation anymore because they say they can’t stand hearing me be hurt by this person. My friends don’t even come over to the house anymore because they don’t like him and he’s not shy about being verbally abusive towards me in front of them. I’ve actually had to prevent my best friend from coming over to fight him after he heard he had been hitting me. I get inboxes and text messaged from people who see how he treats me on social media and sadly, my response is to defend him. I don’t know why, but I don’t like people thinking he’s a monster or bad person. Some of my friends have offered me a place to stay with them until I find my own place, but I feel like if I moved out, the friendship would be over and he would definitely attack me. It’s just so hard to picture the kind, generous person I met has now turned into someone that acts like he hates me. Actually, there are moments where he still treats me well, birthdays and holidays in particular. But when things are going well, its like he finds weird reasons to pick fights. Just yesterday he called me to blame something on me that wasn’t my fault and then he hung up on me. And I spent hours trying to replay the situation to see if maybe it was my fault.
I’ll be completely honest, during his period of being single we have been intimate. He initiated every part of sexual contact in the beginning and it was good. He is very charming, handsome, and physically fit. However, after a few months of casual sexual encounters all initiated by him, it stopped when I attempted to initiate. He went from frequently seducing me to suddenly saying that we are friends and shouldn’t cross that line anymore. This happened when I wanted it. We’ve been intimate here and there the past few months and again, he initiated it although he previously said he didn’t want to cross that line anymore. This always makes me feel awful.
Please, what kind of world am I trapped in?
