Video chat

[Jumpinbare]

I'm @mysterionz older than @Levitator + 1 year!

 

[mysterionz]

lol. "older". I get everything. Lots of people still call me "youngster", and they don't seem to realize I'm like within a few years of them.

the marketing team that creates the pictures for the sale/weekly ad flyers for the supermarket I work at seem to have a youngster sense of marketing as well.

Do you ever feel uncomfortable around closeup shots of food that look detached from reality/closeup shots of ppl eating food?

 

[Levitat0r]

I'm @mysterionz older than @Levitator + 1 year!

I'll fetch you your walker, then, grandpa.

 

[Levitat0r]

the marketing team that creates the pictures for the sale/weekly ad flyers for the supermarket I work at seem to have a youngster sense of marketing as well.

Do you ever feel uncomfortable around closeup shots of food that look detached from reality/closeup shots of ppl eating food?

I'm not sure what the first one is. I think wax showcase food is really gross as a concept, and that might be related. On the contrary, I had a friend who liked to take pictures of his family while they were eating, it annoyed them, but still, I relate.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I'll fetch you your walker, then, grandpa.

I still have my wife's walker. But thanks.

 

[Levitat0r]

"We'll never feel bad anymore..."

 

[Levitat0r]

I buzz like a fridge, I'm like a detuned radio...

 

[Levitat0r]

"The Way I Am", by Staind and Aaron Lewis

If this rendition gets any better I may stop hating it.

 

[Levitat0r]

Imagine there is a wasteland full of biting ravenous creatures that move in herds but they are at peace with each other because they smell the same to each other, and there, love is precious and rare, but it's also dangerous, because while everyone dies on the outside, the true horror is that sometimes the monsters kill them on the inside first. Then, someone went and created a graphic novel and a TV show based on reality.

 

[1ForAll]

What makes everyone unique in this forum is often understated. I mean, even though many may have some similar general core components, with signs, symptoms or traits varying in how they appear, or with regards to intensity or frequency, we all obviously have differing personalities, and often different interests. So, even if those who have Autism share some commonality, in how they sometimes think, feel and act, and in how they are treated by others, many personality differences and other differences entail. I will give an example.

We have four employees on the Spectrum at our local big chain department/food store. Two in the electronic department come across as tech nerds,, but one seems more approachable and friendly, whereas the other I avoid a bit as I never know what his mood will be. Then there is the other customer service guy with Autism towards the checkouts who is very personable and polite, and always very wanting to initiate social talk or assistance. Then there is a fourth guy that handles the carts and is focused on working hard in that and other ways, more so than talking.

So, having Autism may make us here feel connected in some way, and perhaps less afraid to be ourselves, with sometimes more support or good advice given to each other too, but it will not guarantee much more than that, as we all will be judged in society and by us here by our personalities, interests and other abilities too, and by our attitude and belief systems, to know if there is longer or deeper compatibility. For those who are not into audio, video or in-person meetings, that is OK, but for others they may be looking for more or may know words typed online only say so much, or they may be willing to go outside of their comfort zone to communicate in other ways.

 

[Levitat0r]

What makes everyone unique in this forum is often understated. I mean, even though many may have some similar general core components, with signs, symptoms or traits varying in how they appear, or with regards to intensity or frequency, we all obviously have differing personalities, and often different interests. So, even if those who have Autism share some commonality, in how they sometimes think, feel and act, and in how they are treated by others, many personality differences and other differences entail. I will give an example.

We have four employees on the Spectrum at our local big chain department/food store. Two in the electronic department come across as tech nerds,, but one seems more approachable and friendly, whereas the other I avoid a bit as I never know what his mood will be. Then there is the other customer service guy with Autism towards the cheOhckouts who is very personable and polite, and always very wanting to initiate social talk or assistance. Then there is a fourth guy that handles the carts and is focused on working hard in that and other ways, more so than talking.

So, having Autism may make us here feel connected in some way, and perhaps less afraid to be ourselves, with sometimes more support or good advice given to each other too, but it will not guarantee much more than that, as we all will be judged in society and by us here by our personalities, interests and other abilities too, and by our attitude and belief systems, to know if there is longer or deeper compatibility. For those who are not into audio, video or in-person meetings, that is OK, but for others they may be looking for more or may know words typed online only say so much, or they may be willing to go outside of their comfort zone to communicate in other ways.

Oh, I know the social dispositions vary wildly. When I was a kid, I was more like the classical autistic kid, but at my age, I've had so many experiences, and trials, and challenges that I've worked to stretch myself out of those limits, so even though I'm willing to reach out more and work at being expressive, it takes effort. It takes exertion, energy, and focus to overcome innate tendencies, and so you still can never do it "right" to satisfy normalcy requirements because the effort involved is not normal, and besides, like I said, bend a piece of metal and then try to bend it back to its original shape. There are always seams, and cracks, and creases that will show you're someone reaching way out of their comfort zone. If people were kind, they would love you for exerting yourself to reach across a gap, but the far more common reality is that all they see is ineptitude, and not the void you're reaching across.

 

[Levitat0r]

Oh, I know the social dispositions vary wildly. When I was a kid, I was more like the classical autistic kid, but at my age, I've had so many experiences, and trials, and challenges that I've worked to stretch myself out of those limits, so even though I'm willing to reach out more and work at being expressive, it takes effort. It takes exertion, energy, and focus to overcome innate tendencies, and so you still can never do it "right" to satisfy normalcy requirements because the effort involved is not normal, and besides, like I said, bend a piece of metal and then try to bend it back to its original shape. There are always seams, and cracks, and creases that will show you're someone reaching way out of their comfort zone. If people were kind, they would love you for exerting yourself to reach across a gap, but the far more common reality is that all they see is ineptitude, and not the void you're reaching across.

Another thing is that I'm not going to judge anyone for how they look. The only times here I've ever commented on anyone's quirks, it's stuff I have in common, so that people know it's not about judgment or superiority, it's; wow, have you noticed we're both this way?

 

[1ForAll]

Oh, I know the social dispositions vary wildly. When I was a kid, I was more like the classical autistic kid, but at my age, I've had so many experiences, and trials, and challenges that I've worked to stretch myself out of those limits, so even though I'm willing to reach out more and work at being expressive, it takes effort. It takes exertion, energy, and focus to overcome innate tendencies, and so you still can never do it "right" to satisfy normalcy requirements because the effort involved is not normal, and besides, like I said, bend a piece of metal and then try to bend it back to its original shape. There are always seams, and cracks, and creases that will show you're someone reaching way out of their comfort zone. If people were kind, they would love you for exerting yourself to reach across a gap, but the far more common reality is that all they see is ineptitude, and not the void you're reaching across.

People often these days are focused too much on results not efforts, or wanting instant gratification, yet sometimes people won't make the efforts if they think they will not get perfect or quicker results. It takes much time, motivation and effort to do some project and I enjoy watching others grow with their music and other creations. Regarding music, the songs they pick too can be telling, and with the lyrics, and from how they play, sing, express and move in terms of their feelings, personality and style.

Hey, your guitar playing is great by my standards by the way. How long did it take you to do such? For the singing, the last video loved the best for preferred style, performance and song choice, but the other two had like an alternative grunge rock sound style that I was not sure if it was your intent but it showed your energy and some carefree and fun personality. Through writing you show that much too.

 

[Levitat0r]

People often these days are focused too much on results not efforts, or wanting instant gratification, yet sometimes people won't make the efforts if they think they will not get perfect or quicker results. It takes much time, motivation and effort to do some project and I enjoy watching others grow with their music and other creations. Regarding music, the songs they pick too can be telling, and with the lyrics, and from how they play, sing, express and move in terms of their feelings, personality and style.

Hey, your guitar playing is great by my standards by the way. How long did it take you to do such? For the singing, the last video loved the best for preferred style, performance and song choice, but the other two had like an alternative grunge rock sound style that I was not sure if it was your intent but it showed your energy and some carefree and fun personality. Through writing you show that much too.

The commentary counts a lot more if you get it before you explain that you kill yourself to reach out to people, because then you assume people just feel sorry for you. I truly hate my life with an indescribable burning passion.

I did like how Be Good came out best, and it was actually this time that something new clicked about it. I felt like I suddenly "got" those intermissions in the song and they came together as a whole rather than as parts, and I don't even know why it took me so long, but then it's all that way. It's always "duh, why didn't I always do it that way", and you figure that people who are skilled probably busted their butts as much as I did at computer software; if only that bag of worms had gone anywhere either. You don't dedicate your entire life to being mediocre at computer software, and then hope that the music you dabbled in is something to write home about.

Be Good is really special to me, and I really think there was a loveletter in TWD from God himself. There were a real Carol and Maggie in my life, whom I love more than air, and I always wonder why they hurt me and disappeared, just like the song warns you.

 

[1ForAll]

The commentary counts a lot more if you get it before you explain that you kill yourself to reach out to people, because then you assume people just feel sorry for you. I truly hate my life with an indescribable burning passion.

I did like how Be Good came out best, and it was actually this time that something new clicked about it. I felt like I suddenly "got" those intermissions in the song and they came together as a whole rather than as parts, and I don't even know why it took me so long, but then it's all that way. It's always "duh, why didn't I always do it that way", and you figure that people who are skilled probably busted their butts as much as I did at computer software; if only that bag of worms had gone anywhere either. You don't dedicate your entire life to being mediocre at computer software, and then hope that the music you dabbled in is something to write home about.

Be Good is really special to me, and I really think there was a loveletter in TWD from God himself. There were a real Carol and Maggie in my life, whom I love more than air, and I always wonder why they hurt me and disappeared, just like the song warns you.

Yes, to me it was catchier and a smoother performance, and more calming to me, which I will often favor over any louder or more intense feeling styles. I like flowing and relaxing and sentimental music the best. I think a dog in your background liked it too. I am glad the song inspired you, but I wish things would have continued for you there on happier terms.

Our teen son did many cover songs on YouTube but got eventually tired of singing others' music so he went through Fiverr to use his lyrics written and melody/instrumental ideas to create a few dozen songs for him. He is happy how most all of those turned out. He still is more into keyboard playing though than guitar.

 

[Levitat0r]

Yes, to me it was catchier and a smoother performance, and more calming to me, which I will often favor over any louder or more intense feeling styles. I like flowing and relaxing and sentimental music the best. I think a dog in your background liked it too. I am glad the song inspired you, but I wish things would have continued for you there on happier terms.

Our teen son did many cover songs on YouTube but got eventually tired of singing others' music so he went through Fiverr to use his lyrics written and melody/instrumental ideas to create a few dozen songs for him. He is happy how most all of those turned out. He still is more into keyboard playing though than guitar.

Well, I think Island in the Sun is similar for sentimentality, but something odd happened playing Be Good this time, and I'm glad you noticed it. It's become very natural and holistic to play, compared to my other halting and jerky performances. I really would like to be writing music, but I seldom ever have any new ideas. They usually come when I hear some indistinct song in the background, so I change it into something new, but then the inspiration and recollection is lost before I manage to do anything to give it permanence. I think, if you're not Mozart, then you are going to be dependent on things like jam sessions and back-and-forth with other people for inspiration, and well, I've made it clear; where would I ever experience that?

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I also liked the third performance the best. I do have trouble hearing the words. So I can’t comment on the words like 1forAll did. Perhaps I could google the songs.

There is certainly an energy in your music which is compelling.

 

[Levitat0r]

Well, I think Island in the Sun is similar for sentimentality, but something odd happened playing Be Good this time, and I'm glad you noticed it. It's become very natural and holistic to play, compared to my other halting and jerky performances. I really would like to be writing music, but I seldom ever have any new ideas. They usually come when I hear some indistinct song in the background, so I change it into something new, but then the inspiration and recollection is lost before I manage to do anything to give it permanence. I think, if you're not Mozart, then you are going to be dependent on things like jam sessions and back-and-forth with other people for inspiration, and well, I've made it clear; where would I ever experience that?

If you want to hear irony (and who doesn't), a musicians' hangout is precisely where I was ditched without transportation or a phone by people whom I thought I was making friends with. It's always precisely the same thing. I may look more outgoing or functional to you, but I'm not. I fooled myself for 44 years, and it's only the realization that my bad luck isn't luck, it's almost perfectly rock-solid consistent failure. The evidence is in the outcome; I don't function socially, at all. It's an extremely bizarre experience that you think you're doing the same as everyone else, but each person you meet thinks they are the only one turning their back on you and deleting you from their mental contact list. When you total up your social existence and wind up with zero, you realize that every single thing you do falls through a crack you can't perceive, and it's "bad luck" that isn't really luck. I'm hoping I'm making friends here, but I also just got here.

 

[Levitat0r]

If you want to hear irony (and who doesn't), a musicians' hangout is precisely where I was ditched without transportation or a phone by people whom I thought I was making friends with. It's always precisely the same thing. I may look more outgoing or functional to you, but I'm not. I fooled myself for 44 years, and it's only the realization that my bad luck isn't luck, it's almost perfectly rock-solid consistent failure. The evidence is in the outcome; I don't function socially, at all. It's an extremely bizarre experience that you think you're doing the same as everyone else, but each person you meet thinks they are the only one turning their back on you and deleting you from their mental contact list. When you total up your social existence and wind up with zero, you realize that every single thing you do falls through a crack you can't perceive, and it's "bad luck" that isn't really luck. I'm hoping I'm making friends here, but I also just got here.

The really deceptive thing, is that you see yourself doing the same stuff. "Why don't you go greet people, be friendly, be sociable, tell them some jokes, offer to help out or contribute?' Yes! That's what I'm like. You describe what I do, that's what the description sounds like. But then let's "drill down", as they like to say. Did you make proper eye contact, did you remember to smile at the proper times, did your eyebrows animate precisely at the right time? What? Is that what you do, or are just now noticing it's what you do because I don't do it? It's impossible for me to orchestrate all that given that it doesn't just happen by itself. You can't understand I'm being friendly to you without those minute details? What's wrong with people?

EDIT: Note use of third-person "you".

 

[Neri]

The really deceptive thing, is that you see yourself doing the same stuff. "Why don't you go greet people, be friendly, be sociable, tell them some jokes, offer to help out or contribute?' Yes! That's what I'm like. You describe what I do, that's what the description sounds like. But then let's "drill down", as they like to say. Did you make proper eye contact, did you remember to smile at the proper times, did your eyebrows animate precisely at the right time? What? Is that what you do, or are just now noticing it's what you do because I don't do it? It's impossible for me to orchestrate all that given that it doesn't just happen by itself. You can't understand I'm being friendly to you without those minute details? What's wrong with people?

EDIT: Note use of third-person "you".

What your describing is probably something most of us can relate to, I'd surmise. I have tried my very best, not knowing I was "neurospicy" and an autist, for most of my life, but, the "Uncanny Valley" thing, I think, still persists, no matter how hard we try. We are just Oddites.
Certainly I know that there are people who might think they like me, but, from experience, I can't keep them impressed, given time, because I just don't have the amount of social energy needed to keep up friendships, and I'm not willing (or, most likely, capable) of conforming, to the standards, required of the social (unspoken) rules of the quote unquote neurotypical world.
Worse than being alone, I have found, is being surrounded by people who act like they despise you and are only using you. THAT is lonelier than alone IME.

I used to get time jamming and admittedly, there is something magical about a good jam session. I just can't maintain social opportunities for myself, for the reasons above. So solo it's gonna have to be. I'm guessing.