What are you trying to overcome?

[Rodafina]

Of course I don't know you situation, but I have seen a lot of your photography and It is astonishing - totally mesmerising. It is better than most professional photographers.

Have you considered or tried to make that a career?

At least for me, doing something I am not interested or passionate about will burn me out in an instant. I assume you are interested in photography, because if not, I don't think you could be that good at it.

Thank you for looking at my photos, @Ken, and for your positive evaluation. That really means a lot to me.

It’s a good idea to look into. I am open to anything and everything at this point, including piecing a few things together. Maybe photography could be one of those things.

 

[Rachie]

Mine is to try to take my overwhelming down some. It would nice.

Another one relates to this. I have been doing this for years and can use it like a stim. I live alone and have had a change of life quite recently. It was not a concern before at all. Just fun and my GP said it is fine. I though want to take this self talk to myself at home down some as for one it creates too much noise it seems for me sensory wise too much. I cannot bear the extra noise. Good job some potential voluntary work that will keep me busy is in the pipeline. I have completed major projects I have been working on that obviously helped with this in the past.

I have had to be dependent on the state in my life as well to this point as my health issues as well, but doing voluntary and self projects has really helped me as well.

About noise cancelling headphones. I use defenders and they are pretty cheap and work for me.

I have these.

I bought the below for at home use but I do use outside as well, and some bluetooth noise cancelling look the same size and this is a high rated db,

Home

I bought these for outside and will use them but they are a bit bigger so use them less.

Outside

 

[Neri]

For me - Depression.

My depression is due to a lack of personal value. I have never experienced any indication of personal value - ever in my life. Plenty of professional value, but nothing personal. All my life, I have felt rejected. I have always felt like a Quasimodo.

Except for one point in my life, I felt personal value when I got married. I was on the top of the world. What a profound contrast. I got married in 1996 when I was 44 years old. However, within about a year, I found that my wife's attraction to me was because she did not know me. At that point, my "value" dropped to what it had been for all the years prior to 1996, which was always negative. Not just zero, but negative. Thus, I realized that my personal value was never good, it was all a misunderstanding. Trying to discuss this with my wife inflicts extreme anger. I think this is because when speaking on this subject, I am unable to mask, thus everything I say is misinterpreted. I am amazed that she hasn't kicked me out yet. I'm still here, but suicidally depressed.

Recently, I have hired a therapist that advertises that she specializes in autism. I wanted someone who can interpret for me. We have had 4 sessions so far, but still no resolution. I guess I can't judge as yet because I guess it's not over yet. I have expressed to her my issue and asked her to ask my wife what, if anything she likes about me. This was asked on the first session - what I wanted to be the subject matter. Still no answer. Instead the sessions are focused on "couples therapy". I guess that's fine, but does not answer my question or alleviate my depression. When directly asked, "what is my value" everyone was silent.

Please wish me luck!!

It's really dicey looking to other's for a sense of value, even though I understand the human need for acceptance and validation. Much more empowering to learn to value yourself. The fact that someone married you, you'd think would be a boon for external validation! No one's ever married me. I've been treated very poorly and exploited a lot by other's, what hurts most is when family do it. I would've taken myself out if I relied on external validation. When you learn to be kind to yourself, you are more open to acknowledging and receiving it from other's.

I've hardly ever been ( paid ) employed in my life, even though I've done plenty of work. It sounds like you need to work on your inner narrative more than be trying to "get" the approval you crave from other's. You've been validated plenty in ways you take for granted.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I still struggle at times with negative thoughts demanding attention and intruding into my life even as I try to beat them back with the recognition that I have transcended dysfunction in my past.

Most recently I accompanied my spouse to an appointment at the U of M medical campus. (where I did research in the old Med Sci. II building) There was an ongoing winter storm so I did a lot of driving and was also there to support her. Just being on campus reminded me of my extreme loneliness even as I could observe the social ease of others. I was nearly triggered as I still cannot understand what was fundamentally wrong with me. But I made the commitment to support my spouse so concentrated on being there for her. I do not like it that my experiences still bothers me and I fight the emotions that could lead me into misogynistic thinking, which would violate my values.

 

[Ken]

It's really dicey looking to other's for a sense of value, even though I understand the human need for acceptance and validation. Much more empowering to learn to value yourself. The fact that someone married you, you'd think would be a boon for external validation! No one's ever married me. I've been treated very poorly and exploited a lot by other's, what hurts most is when family do it. I would've taken myself out if I relied on external validation. When you learn to be kind to yourself, you are more open to acknowledging and receiving it from other's.

I've hardly ever been ( paid ) employed in my life, even though I've done plenty of work. It sounds like you need to work on your inner narrative more than be trying to "get" the approval you crave from other's. You've been validated plenty in ways you take for granted.

This is absolutely classic. This is the problem with the therapy sessions. It has been the problem all my life. Any "important" or personal thing I try to communicate gets misinterpreted skewing the conversation way off subject.

No, I do not have a problem with my inner self-worth. I am fine there. I am not seeking "external" approval from others. As mentioned in my post, my wife's interest in me was all a misunderstanding. She did not marry the person she thought I was, or the person she wanted me to be. If she knew the real me before, there would have never been a wedding. And, no, I did not misrepresent myself. I explained all my issues and everything that everyone hates about me. As usual, that was all ignored and dismissed. Further effort in explaining only gets worse.

Regarding this post, I realize that attempting to "better" communicate what I'm trying to say will only skew the conversation even further off subject, as that is what always happens, so I will just stop here. No value in attempting to explain further. It will just get worse.

Still, I appreciate your reply. I know you meant to help. So, thank you for that.

 

[Aspychata]

Sorry @Ken , this is just a safe place for us to post, not for others to have a magical answer or advice, l view your post as an obstacle and it feels very valid. l value @Neri 's input, but this post is for us to say what we feel tied down by. And each experience is unique, and others may not get this.

 

[Ken]

Sorry @Ken , this is just a safe place for us to post, not for oothers to have a magical answer or advice, l view your post as an obstacle and it feels very valid.

Thank you.
This is a very helpful thread. Any issues with my post is miscommunication on my part, which I have been plagued with all my life.

I just really hoped a therapist who specialized in autism might be able to interpret for me. So far that hasn't worked. I saw this thread and decided to post - since my communication issue is indeed an obstacle.

My hope is that it's not over until it's over and it's not yet over.

 

[AprilR]

Unemployment.

 

[Neri]

I am feeling like a bit of a mean idiot of late, who is particularly intolerant. This is linked with my complex post trauma stress disorder, my autism and ADHD and the fact that I recently moved states because of a toxic and dangerous relationship into a women's refuge/half way house.

I moved from the country in New South Wales to the city, Melbourne that I left as a very shattered, overwhelmed burnt out, undersupported teenager of 15-16. So I would like to overcome the extreme stress and the burn out that has accompanied all this change and is leading to me feeling like a meaner, more reactive, more intolerant and sadder woman.

 

[Roisin]

Repressed memories and sensations have surfaced from my subconscious, it will be good to process them, even if it means yet more pain, I know with time, it will pass.

 

[Aspychata]

@Neri , you are overcoming quite alot, cut yourself some slack. Glad you can post some of this huge obstacle. No judgements, just us posting our obstacles.

 

[Ken]

I am feeling like a bit of a mean idiot of late, who is particularly intolerant. This is linked with my complex post trauma stress disorder, my autism and ADHD and the fact that I recently moved states because of a toxic and dangerous relationship into a women's refuge/half way house.

I moved from the country in New South Wales to the city, Melbourne that I left as a very shattered, overwhelmed burnt out, undersupported teenager of 15-16. So I would like to overcome the extreme stress and the burn out that has accompanied all this change and is leading to me feeling like a meaner, more reactive, more intolerant and sadder woman.

Understanding the obstacles to overcome is at least a ninety percent gain over the obstacle. That is because not knowing what the obstacle is means there is almost no chance of overcoming.

With that, I say good for you. You are on your path to success. Yes, it might be a long and difficult path, but a path none the less. I am confident that with perseverance and patience you will succeed. You have already gone through some very tough stuff. So, I guess perseverance is nothing new to you.

 

[gabesroom]

For me it's not being able to keep a consistent working schedule for my personal projects and even when i do, having my work be ignored usually gets me unmotivated which means i stop working again.

I've had to grapple with my own sense of ambition for a while now. Having been "friends" with a bunch of self-centered egomaniacs in the past it's shaped the way i view my own work in a very negative light. I keep wanting to overscope just to be able to impress people who otherwise don't care about my work. But there's also an element to that ambition that has been in me for longer, and it's something i don't quite know how to deal with.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I am feeling like a bit of a mean idiot of late, who is particularly intolerant. This is linked with my complex post trauma stress disorder, my autism and ADHD and the fact that I recently moved states because of a toxic and dangerous relationship into a women's refuge/half way house.

I moved from the country in New South Wales to the city, Melbourne that I left as a very shattered, overwhelmed burnt out, undersupported teenager of 15-16. So I would like to overcome the extreme stress and the burn out that has accompanied all this change and is leading to me feeling like a meaner, more reactive, more intolerant and sadder woman.

I have a good sense of justice and current events have me feeling intolerant towards a significant percentage of the population. I see no common ground, so even attempting to understand does not work for me.