What do you consider being "needy"?

[Maelstrom]

Nope, I'm quite the baby. Always knew I was an oddball, but never had a name for it until recently.

Indeed, it's not easy. I was a very hard case. Most girls like massages and having their shoulders rubbed. It makes my skin crawl. I think maybe one good rule of thumb is not pretend. Downplay, possibly, but don't pretend. Also applies to the level of flirting. Show interest, but not obsession. (Until you get to that juicy stage of the relationship when they enjoy the obsession and infatuation.) Too bad we can't just do most of our talking with our prospective mates on forums. A lot of you Aspies on the prowl seem pretty likeable to me and have good foundations to build on.

After one of my little recent adventures, one good piece of advice I can give you now is to pay close attention to your potential in-laws. I know we naturally have trouble reading people, or are too dang determined/obsessive to be safe, but if you see signs of meddling, controlling, manipulation, or other red flags, address them with your partner then. Be nice about it, but don't be afraid about how potentially embarrassed or upset they get about you pointing it out. They may be worth the headache of however bad their parents are, but be as informed as you possibly can about what you're getting in to. There's an old saying about how you don't marry the person, you marry the family. It's got a bit of truth to that. If those problems are too severe, you could end up divorced or they end up estranged depending on how hard your mate tries to keep peace between you. It probably wouldn't hurt if I start a thread on that soon, that's a very important step in the long-term relationship process...

Hi AshSkyler I agree with you totally, keep things light on the flirting, try to sort family stuff early, with all the cards on the table, I tried to do that with my ex but she wouldn't put her deal brakers and family stuff on the table, even when I asked, I should have walked away earlier she wasn't playing fair, a very bad sign.
On the being my self thing, that is more difficult I feel like I need to compensate for my natural lack of auspie charm and affection. And I feel there is some obligation to do ones best to make the other person happy. Perhaps if I do some of these things long enough they will become part of me, it has seemed to work that way with some other things?

 

[AsheSkyler]

Hi AshSkyler I agree with you totally, keep things light on the flirting, try to sort family stuff early, with all the cards on the table, I tried to do that with my ex but she wouldn't put her deal brakers and family stuff on the table, even when I asked, I should have walked away earlier she wasn't playing fair, a very bad sign.
On the being my self thing, that is more difficult I feel like I need to compensate for my natural lack of auspie charm and affection. And I feel there is some obligation to do ones best to make the other person happy. Perhaps if I do some of these things long enough they will become part of me, it has seemed to work that way with some other things?

I'm sure you have some kind of charm. Only knew two autistic people in person, but each had their own charm and attractiveness. I don't think there's ever any harm in trying to make your sweetie happy, so long as you're fair to each other. That's half the fun of being with somebody, doing little things to make them smile! Or big things, I hear picking up personal care products can be quite a test of a relationship sometimes.

 

[Maelstrom]

I'm sure you have some kind of charm. Only knew two autistic people in person, but each had their own charm and attractiveness. I don't think there's ever any harm in trying to make your sweetie happy, so long as you're fair to each other. That's half the fun of being with somebody, doing little things to make them smile! Or big things, I hear picking up personal care products can be quite a test of a relationship sometimes.

Hi You are a handful aren't you Ash. Yes finding little things to make those you love happy is the glue in life, I wish more people saw that, the world certainly would be more pleasent. If I had a honey she might have to sugar me up a little, if she wants certain lady items brought back. But a guy will do heroic things if he knows his girl really loves him, but she needs to make sure he knows, the mind reading thing is for fairy tail books. But we do love to make our girls happy if we can.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Hi You are a handful aren't you Ash. Yes finding little things to make those you love happy is the glue in life, I wish more people saw that, the world certainly would be more pleasent. If I had a honey she might have to sugar me up a little, if she wants certain lady items brought back. But a guy will do heroic things if he knows his girl really loves him, but she needs to make sure he knows, the mind reading thing is for fairy tail books. But we do love to make our girls happy if we can.

You have noooo idea! And the scary part is, I rein nearly all of it in so people only have to deal with a very small amount of potential hassle from me.
One of my big things my husband can do for me is when he takes care of a poopy diaper or giving the kid a bath. You know a man loves you when he braves a diaper. Aye, that mind-reading thing is only in stories, and maybe old couples that have been together so long they have their partners habits and responses memorized to the point they are veritable experts on the person.

 

[Maelstrom]

You have noooo idea! And the scary part is, I rein nearly all of it in so people only have to deal with a very small amount of potential hassle from me.
One of my big things my husband can do for me is when he takes care of a poopy diaper or giving the kid a bath. You know a man loves you when he braves a diaper.

Well Ash I expect your husband is a very lucky man, and you make his life interesting. I think its nice he helps you, its something I tried to do for my ex- but some women seem to look down on their men for that, Its not something I really understand. How does a man look strong and manly while, being helpful, thoughtful, and considerate at the same time in the eyes of his woman? Respect is not always given even when deserved.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Well Ash I expect your husband is a very lucky man, and you make his life interesting. I think its nice he helps you, its something I tried to do for my ex- but some women seem to look down on their men for that, Its not something I really understand. How does a man look strong and manly while, being helpful, thoughtful, and considerate at the same time in the eyes of his woman? Respect is not always given even when deserved.

Gender roles make almost no sense to me sometimes. If a guy helps with chores, he's whipped, and if he doesn't help with chores, then he's a heartless overlord and taskmaster. Maybe when men help with chores they just need to throw on a white tshirt, blue jeans, and wear a tool harness so their women will be too busy drooling over how they look to notice they're doing chores? I don't get how it's considered so emasculating for men to do "woman's work" or help out the wife, I should think it shows you're a responsible person. A lot of husbands I know don't think it's, um, "efeminating" (no proper word for stripping women of their womanliness) when she does yard work, repairs, or maintenance. If anything, they might complain because they are more picky about how they want it done and the wife didn't do it that way.

I am incredibly lucky. We both are, I guess. One of the biggest hurdles both of us faced is that we were ready to settle down and play for keeps. Me being 20 when I met him, it was next to impossible to find a mature guy. Him being 27 at the time, he was pushing the "old maid" status for guys. Maybe that's the important part? Finding somebody who doesn't date just for the fun of dating, but the ones that are ready to enter that next life stage?

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="AsheSkyler, If a guy helps with chores, he's whipped, and if he doesn't help with chores, then he's a heartless overlord and taskmaster. Maybe when men help with chores they just need to throw on a white tshirt, blue jeans, and wear a tool harness so their women will be too busy drooling over how they look to notice they're doing chores? [/QUOTE]

Hmm...You make a good point Ashskyler personally I would have no problem being objectified by my wife if I had one. I shall have to look into buying some white Tshirts, do muscle shirts count too. Would flexing my muscles while changing the babies diaper and maybe hinting at possible future wifely ravishings preserve my manhood? Of course if the wife wants something done all she has to do is get out a halter top a short skirt and some nice heels and Paris will be sacked and burned by noon.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Hmm...You make a good point Ashskyler personally I would have no problem being objectified by my wife if I had one. I shall have to look into buying some white Tshirts, do muscle shirts count too. Would flexing my muscles while changing the babies diaper and maybe hinting at possible future wifely ravishings preserve my manhood? Of course if the wife wants something done all she has to do is get out a halter top a short skirt and some nice heels and Paris will be sacked and burned by noon.

If you're changing a diaper, your wife will probably be too busy swooning and bragging to the other women how thoughtful you for giving her a break. There's just something about baby poop that gags a man to no end that most of them won't go near it. I think those who do brave the baby bum do flex a bit to show off how tough they are.

I have no problem dressing up for my husband. Sensory issues permitting of course. Strutting is a good bit of fun in a relationship.

 

[Maelstrom]

If you're changing a diaper, your wife will probably be too busy swooning and bragging to the other women how thoughtful you for giving her a break. There's just something about baby poop that gags a man to no end that most of them won't go near it. I think those who do brave the baby bum do flex a bit to show off how tough they are.

I have no problem dressing up for my husband. Sensory issues permitting of course. Strutting is a good bit of fun in a relationship.

Well Ash I will have to see if I can round up a wife and test your theory. It seems to me that this whole male female thing is a bit of a back and forth dance. Perhaps keeping the dance going is as important as the steps one makes.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Well Ash I will have to see if I can round up a wife and test your theory. It seems to me that this whole male female thing is a bit of a back and forth dance. Perhaps keeping the dance going is as important as the steps one makes.

I hear actual dancing can be romantic too! I never had the coordination for it, but some ladies don't mind sneaking off, turning up the music in the car, and then doing a waltz under the moonlight.

 

[Maelstrom]

I hear actual dancing can be romantic too! I never had the coordination for it, but some ladies don't mind sneaking off, turning up the music in the car, and then doing a waltz under the moonlight.

Hi Ash my church frowns on mixed dancing, married with unmaried, but I wouldn't mind learning the waltz with my girl if I find her. The tango is another story Ahem! That is a three handkerchiff and a wedding ring dance.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Hi Ash my church frowns on mixed dancing, married with unmaried, but I wouldn't mind learning the waltz with my girl if I find her. The tango is another story Ahem! That is a three handkerchiff and a wedding ring dance.

Wow, really? Makes sense I guess, I often had churchmates that frowned on sitting together at church.