WHAT IS YOUR ONE BIG TURNOFF WHEN LOOKING FOR A PARTNER?

[Judge]

Pretty simple. Smoking tobacco is a deal-breaker for me. Sensory issues and all.

The rest I'm willing to deal with as I go along. I don't believe in "shopping lists" when it comes to significant others. But then I haven't been in the market for many years so for me it's kind of a moot point.

Under the circumstances, I'd feel a bit silly demanding forms of social perfection.

 

[Spiller]

Pretty simple. Smoking tobacco is a deal-breaker for me. Sensory issues and all.

The rest I'm willing to deal with as I go along. I don't believe in "shopping lists" when it comes to significant others. But then I haven't been in the market for many years so for me it's kind of a moot point.

Under the circumstances, I'd feel a bit silly demanding forms of social perfection.

I have an NT friend who is unable to believe that I can't judge a person by appearance as he does. He's had lots of experience with women and attributes his selections to a series of judgements based on appearance - height, weight, hair colour, clothing..
I've come across those studies where a cross-section of the public will, say, trust a group leader more if they're tall, or respond more favourably to certain facial dimensions like eye spacing and size but, while it appears humans have evolved/learned a form of judgement/recognition software these are all arbitrary - as I pointed out, the woman of his dreams could be the short, blonde, plain girl in the track-suit he's automatically rejected as 'Not His Type' and he's throwing away a wonderful opportunity, but he won't/can't have it, as if he's hard-wired to see his way as the only possible way.
He keeps lecturing me on the principals of looking for 'My Type' and eliminating anyone who's not as a waste of my time.. I keep saying "How do you know, though?".. I hate assumptions. I need to meet someone, get to know them as a friend, then see where that may go - I see no other rational way to do it; his way seems to me to be a completely arbitrary system with no realistic basis.

 

[Lealea]

The biggest turn off for me would be a guy who spends more time in the mirror than me sort to speak, you know the guy who wear fake tan, shaves his chest, spends day and night in the gym takes his top off at every possible change, has more ego than brains. I like a rough rugged man haha

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I'm pretty independent, so I like a traditional gentleman that isn't afraid to let me take care of myself. Or us. I scared off one guy who was humiliated that he forgot his wallet and I wasn't bothered that I paid for the meal.

I think I can sum up my number one turnoff simply with: rude.
- Swearing can season a conversation, just don't use it so much you're serving a platter of salt with a few peas on the side.
- Be honest if you don't like my shirt, but don't insult me to get the point across.
- It's good to have an opinion, just don't expect everybody to have that same opinion or bully them into having it.
- Nobody likes a bat in the hanger, but please turn your head or go to the bathroom to pick it.
- And a plethora of other bad behaviours that could be solved with a little common courtesy and common sense.

You make me laugh everytime! You are such a hoot! I have always told people to tell me if I have a bat in the cave. I really appreciate those that do tell me too!

I agree with the swearing too. This one guy asked me out when I was 20. I was his realtor and I had just sold him a house. He had been brought up in a good family (his Pa was a doctor). The thing is that every sentence that came out had the "F" bomb. I wanted to wash his mouth out with soap! Needless to say, I refused to date him even though he probably was a decent guy and I do know he was a hard worker.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

the first big turn-off would be smoking

I second this! You can't even get that smell out of your clothes. It's disgusting. Sometimes I get these "as is" clothes from QVC that are usually half price because someone returns them because they didn't fit right or something. It's a really great way to get expensive clothes cheaper, but some people have worn them then returned them because you can smell the smoke and QVC tries to cover it up with some perfume stuff and it doesn't work! Whenever I do the "as is" in clothes, I always do the sniff test.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

"When your good, your good. When your bad, your really good". I don't remember who said that, but I think that most men can relate to that.

Ok, Mr. Clg114. But I'm trying to get instructions on how to be a "bad/really good girl". You got any suggestions? (I'm all eyes.)

 

[Grumpy Cat]

The biggest turn off for me would be a guy who spends more time in the mirror than me sort to speak, you know the guy who wear fake tan, shaves his chest, spends day and night in the gym takes his top off at every possible change, has more ego than brains. I like a rough rugged man haha

I understand what you're saying with the fake tan thing. Although, I'm pasty white and some tanning stuff might help me. I do have an Aspie friend that works out at the gym because it makes him feel better with anxiety and such. The thing I don't like is the ones that flaunt it. Staying in shape is hard work, but life is not all about just that. I don't like beach bums.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I agree with the swearing too. This one guy asked me out when I was 20. I was his realtor and I had just sold him a house. He had been brought up in a good family (his Pa was a doctor). The thing is that every sentence that came out had the "F" bomb. I wanted to wash his mouth out with soap! Needless to say, I refused to date him even though he probably was a decent guy and I do know he was a hard worker.

So annoying, those guys who throw that word around without necessity. I mean, I can understand swearing when something goes wrong or when you're angry, but it's really weird when nothings going wrong and no one's angry, and yet someone still inserts it into every other sentence.

 

[clg114]

Ok, Mr. Clg114. But I'm trying to get instructions on how to be a "bad/really good girl". You got any suggestions? (I'm all eyes.)

No way am I going to instruct you on that! I do not think my wife would like me telling pretty, young girls on how to be a "bad/really good girl".

 

[clg114]

So annoying, those guys who throw that word around without necessity. I mean, I can understand swearing when something goes wrong or when you're angry, but it's really weird when nothings going wrong and no one's angry, and yet someone still inserts it into every other sentence.

I agree with you and GC about swearing. I have said a few swear words in my time, but never around women or children. It bothers me the way young people talk these days. You hear the f-word in the most casual conversations and not from just guys ether, girls to. I know that I'm old and old fashion, but this kind of language is just not right.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

No way am I going to instruct you on that! I do not think my wife would like me telling pretty, young girls on how to be a "bad/really good girl".

You can't blame a girl for trying.

 

[King_Oni]

Having kids... and to a lesser extent, having pets. I don't care how awesome you are, but if you have kids, you're out. And I don't even care how old those kids are.

I suppose I rather want someone who is a bit more free of responsibilities. If you have to live your days looking out for someone, or something else... nope. It just isn't going to happen. Increasingly I'm also having this stance towards employment and other obligations one can have though. Which probably makes it more my problem... since it seems to narrow down potentional partners quite a bit.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

and to a lesser extent, having pets

Grumpy Cat isn't liking you right now.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Increasingly I'm also having this stance towards employment and other obligations one can have though. Which probably makes it more my problem... since it seems to narrow down potentional partners quite a bit.

Could you elaborate please, King Oni? Thank you.

 

[Christopher Nicholson]

Working is good for you, then you get money, then you meet women! Then you go out on dates! Then bam!

 

[Christopher Nicholson]

You have yourself a relationship!

 

[AsheSkyler]

You make me laugh everytime! You are such a hoot! I have always told people to tell me if I have a bat in the cave. I really appreciate those that do tell me too!

I agree with the swearing too. This one guy asked me out when I was 20. I was his realtor and I had just sold him a house. He had been brought up in a good family (his Pa was a doctor). The thing is that every sentence that came out had the "F" bomb. I wanted to wash his mouth out with soap! Needless to say, I refused to date him even though he probably was a decent guy and I do know he was a hard worker.

Probably my least favorite swear. It is interesting that it can be a noun, verb, adjective, and any part of speech in the English language, and it can be amusing to see just how versatility it can be used, but it definitely falls into my dinner of salt category. One reason I really, really hate watching "reimagined" movies. Like some Hanzel and Gretal movie recently. It would have been awesome, except it was F-this and F-that. By this point, I'm considering taking F-people to speech therapy because they obviously have a stutter that needs fixed. Either that, or they spent entirely too much time watching the Smurfs as kids!

 

[King_Oni]

Could you elaborate please, King Oni? Thank you.

In the past I've noticed a bit of an overlap with any partner I was with who had a job and other obligations that required planning around. I'm not particularly interested in the planning part. I guess I'd prefer to be able to hang out whenever the both of us want, not whenever either one has time in a hectic lifestyle.

I'm noticing the same with a friend; he usually is bummed out when it's 5 in the morning and he has to go home because... "I need to go to work tomorrow".

And with that I've found that I'm mostly fun to be with (be it romantically or just as friends) without moderation. I don't translate well in "hang out for a few hours" and the idea that I should fit into someones planning.

It's also why I'm so confused when I browse OkCupid and similar sites and run into profiles that say "I have a busy life"... yeah, great, how exactly do I fit in there? Are you cutting out 4 hours of sleep a day? Are you going to work less hours? And really, if the answer is yes to this or any questions, to me it sounds like you actually need someone to tell you "here, this is what you should do with your time". And the moment people need that... I'm out, lol.

 

[Christopher Nicholson]

I work and I would prefer to date someone who works so when we are on a date we can talk about work! Working makes me feel good, I love my job! When you love your job it's no longer work, it's fun!

 

[SignOfLazarus]

There are people who think that working on a relationship signifies a bad relationship and [conversely] good relationships "just happen" and require no work- I am not at all interested because it can be disastrous in my personal experience.

Most other things can be dealt with if you feel you are basically compatible and agree a good relationship can take some work, though.