shaunaxaconda
Active Member
Definitely being burned alive/kidnapped and tortured last but not least and irrational but possible deep sea diving and dying at the hands or should I say tentacles of a giant octopus.
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Looks like my number one fear is coming true. Sort of.
Cheerful thread haha.
But really, it makes sense to comment on this, because I feel that my worst fear is entirely related to my diagnosis, though I am not exactly sure how, I feel that they are inexricably intertwined and personally, I am very surprised it is not on anyone else's list.
Personally, other than the death or suffering of loved ones, which is of course close to the top of the list.....I think the ONLY thing really worth fearing and my single greatest fear...is that of living an unfulfilled life.
We all die, this is inevitable, so being scared of death makes no sense to me.
But as they say, every man dies, but not every man really lives.
I feel that I have not truly lived yet, in fact, I haven't even come close, and that it would be a tragedy for me to pass before I get to REALLY experience the rich experiences of life like falling in love, and most of all, feeling a TRUE understanding of myself and achieving peace of mind.
It's kind of messed up, but I think of life like a video game:
I think you can win life, or lose life...and that in the end, it's pretty simple if you look at someone's life to figure out if they won or lost:
If someone faced all their biggest fears, helped other people when they could, was generous when they could be, enjoyed themselves in life, and generally achieved a number of instances in their life where they felt TRULY at peace...even if these moments only last mere minutes.....that THIS PERSON WON LIFE.
However:
If someone does not face their fears, or enough of their fears, does not experience true feeling of peace of mind due to not being open enough to their surroundings and never coming to truly understand themselves, and has been greedy and generally not helped others when they could......that this person will die unfullfilled and miserable and they clearly "lost the game of life".
I can't imagine anything more terrifying than that.
But on the other hand...I personally believe that if I do enough things in my life that have to do with confronting my fears, have enough moments of inner peace, experience enough love and exciting experiences, and try my best to be there for those close to me, that it's quite possible that I will be able to point out ONE PARTICULAR DAY ON WHICH I WILL "WIN" AT THE GAME OF LIFE.
I think I know people who have already "won" although they may not personally feel that way.
i want to "win" at life, and have a moment of clarity where I can say to myself "you know what, no matter WHAT else happens from now on...I faced my fears, I loved, I gave, I tried...and I am at peace...so nothing else matters"....and then I can raise my arms triumphantly and say "I WON!!!"
Dramatic....but yeah...that's how I feel....
That's a very interesting way to think about life. My thing, though, is that everything doesn't always happen the way a person wants it to. Take the love thing for instance. I still have not found true love and if I never do, am I supposed to just settle on someone and believe its true love or never have love and go to my grave believing I didn't live a fulfilling life? I don't think life is that black and white. A person has control over some things, but I don't believe everything. At one moment you may think you have found peace and everything in life is happening just like you want it to, then something happens unexpected and takes your life in a totally different direction and you have to come up with a backup plan. I believe we are all here for a reason and its our job to find that reason. We all have special gifts and its up to us how we choose to use those gifts - to keep them for ourselves or to help others. Honestly, most of the time I don't know why any of us are here. I never really feel at peace. I think of life as a job with a few extra "perks" of fun when possible.
Apparently there's some sort of allusion to it in the songs I Am the Walrus and Glass Onion. I'm not really up to date on Beatles history, though.Can I just say the stupidest thing I've ever been afraid of-
A couple months ago my boyfriend told me as we were falling asleep about a conspiracy/rumor/urban legend involving the death and replacement of Beatle Paul McCartney in the '60s. I'd never heard that but always found the Beatles creepy. I remember panicking that he wasn't a real person, that he was empty and part of him was missing. Since then I've been a little bit afraid of the Beatles.
Apparently there's some sort of allusion to it in the songs I Am the Walrus and Glass Onion. I'm not really up to date on Beatles history, though.
Can I just say the stupidest thing I've ever been afraid of-
A couple months ago my boyfriend told me as we were falling asleep about a conspiracy/rumor/urban legend involving the death and replacement of Beatle Paul McCartney in the '60s. I'd never heard that but always found the Beatles creepy. I remember panicking that he wasn't a real person, that he was empty and part of him was missing. Since then I've been a little bit afraid of the Beatles.
Super scared of being in the dark. More of when I'm either alone, outside, or in closed places. Or even just walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I get this weird paranoia that someone is out to get me.
-CR