What one particular social cue or courtesy you most struggle with?

[Soleil]

2. Handshakes/kisses on cheeks.

I'm curious, who kisses you on the cheeks? I've never had anyone kiss me on the cheek that I can remember (except once, I guess, a long time ago). I did have a coworker who liked to greet me with a hug, and I have another who has patted me on the back, and those always make me uncomfortable.

I'd Bizarrely prefer talking in person that the phone. I don’t know why it’s difficult for me but if I can I’ll avoid it as best I can, and prefer email as an alternative.

I don't like phone calls, talking on the walkie-talkie at work, or voice messages. For some reason, I really don't like talking to someone if I can't see their face.

 

[Owliet]

I'm curious, who kisses you on the cheeks? I've never had anyone kiss me on the cheek that I can remember (except once, I guess, a long time ago). I did have a coworker who liked to greet me with a hug, and I have another who has patted me on the back, and those always make me uncomfortable.


I don't like phone calls, talking on the walkie-talkie at work, or voice messages. For some reason, I really don't like talking to someone if I can't see their face.

Different cultural attitudes and behaviors. A lot of Europe (Outside the UK) does either the handshake or the cheek kiss depending on how well they know a person or if it’s something that they feel they can do. Although why they think it’s acceptable to kiss a virtual stranger just because they know the parent of the stranger, I have no idea... but it’s happened to me once and it was extremely awkward of a situation to be in. that was pre covid...Same really when hugs are forced onto me. Invasion of space and I don’t really like being touched without being prepared for it... As for handshakes, There’s more of an expectaction to give one...it’s a social politeness. That’s not bad...but all of it I really hope goes away after covid.

 

[Sydafire]

For some reason my brain is just really slow at processing questions. Someone will ask me a question and I’ll say What? Then, when they are half way through asking it again, I answer the question because my brain finally processed what they said.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

I can relate to a lot of these posts. Difficulty commencing or breaking eye contact, overthinking and feeling frustrated by social cues, small talk and niceties, my default face supposedly looking sad/angry, not displaying "proper" feelings during times of grieving etc.

I struggle to feign interest in conversations these days. I want them to end as soon as they've began, and I begin to feel more and more frustrasted the longer they continue. It feels pretty defective of me if I'm being honest. On the rare occasion a topic comes up that I am interested in, I will talk people's ear off. Usually I get to a point of realisation that they're bored of me talking, or that I'm distracting them etc.

I got to work today and the women in accounts were gathered around someone's phone going "awww!" at baby photos. My initial thought was just to slam my head against the desk as hard as I possibly could. That can't be normal - to have such vivid mental images of hurting myself whenever I hear things I don't like and can't relate to.

Sobriety and depression has created a lot of anger. But it's all bottled up inside with no real outlet. Feels rather poisonous to tell the truth.

Ed

Right there with you. Did you ever see horrible bosses, it was a film.

 

[HidinginPlainSight]

Knowing when it is time to talk and when it's time to walk away. In a crowded room this can be exceptionally difficult to sense.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

I cannot do small talk. Unless I'm answering questions or talking about something I know about, I just have no idea what to say. It's just a total blank.

A big problem is when people try to joke with me. Aside from some polite laughing, I really can't respond, leaving an awkward silence.

Exactly and then what?

 

[Soleil]

Exactly and then what?

I usually end up waiting for the other person to leave, or I'll leave, and hope that I'm not being rude by doing so.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

I need better masking skills, maybe i think the akward silence invites a change of subject. I cant tell jokes well or stories either, i guess i need more practice

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I usually end up waiting for the other person to leave, or I'll leave, and hope that I'm not being rude by doing so.

I thought I was the only one who did that. I even left a party after only being there for 20 minutes. I made up a excuse that I had to get home.

 

[Progster]

Responding to social cues. The feeling in a conversation that I'm expected to say a certain thing or do something specific, they are waiting, but I don't know what to say, so there is this long, awkward silence. So I end up saying whatever is in my head, which may be related, but not what they expected, so I come across (I think) as being strange to them.

 

[Mercy One]

Then, later I was pulled aside by my mum in which she told me that what I did wasn't wrong per se, but the family friend in question wasn't actually asking me how I was. It was just a formality: to which I said quite frankly 'why do people ask questions they don't want honestly answering.'

My theory which I explained at (to much) length in this forum is that normal people are already more psychopathic than they think, at least if compared to autistic people. They hence use a lot of dishonest communication / lies to keep the peace. This is necessary because they tend to go onto each other nerves hardly often. So without such dishonest communication anger escalation could happen quickly.

 

[Soleil]

What about not knowing when to end a joke? Like, I do something and it's funny. So I do it again, and they laugh. And I do it again and suddenly they're getting mad at me because I'm being annoying. It's like when you pet a cat, and they're purring, and suddenly they decide "no more pets" and they start swiping at you.

 

[Aspergers_Aspie]

 

[gaffaglow]

I hate small talk so much. I don't really care about who's on what reality TV show or whatever drivel people love to small talk about. I get extremely bored and anxious when it's time for small talk.