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What to do about this man?

Sometimes men don't understand that as females, we are more concerned about our safety.

I am constantly bullied by men because l can pay bills and l have a roof over my head. We have a huge population of men who bully older woman in my state. My boundaries are there now 24/7.
 
Aspychata said:
Sometimes men don't understand that as females, we are more concerned about our safety.

I am constantly bullied by men because l can pay bills and l have a roof over my head. We have a huge population of men who bully older woman in my state. My boundaries are there now 24/7.
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I wish it wasn't the way it is. :/
Women shouldn't have to go around feeling concerned for their own safety all the time.
But, I know I'm an idealist and an optimist. so, I guess it's not probable the world is going to work the way I'd like it to any time soon.
 
Aspychata said:
Sometimes men don't understand that as females, we are more concerned about our safety.

I am constantly bullied by men because l can pay bills and l have a roof over my head. We have a huge population of men who bully older woman in my state. My boundaries are there now 24/7.
Click to expand...

Each case should be seen as different. I mean it would depend on the situation why a person talked to the other gender. The intentions could be clearer based on what the other said, how they said it, and when and where they said it, and based on the context of statements surrounding it. In the op's situation, clearly the guy likely did not care about her feelings, in pursuing things too fast there. Whether this was due to ignorance or some agenda, who knows. The relevant factor is clearly he was doing something inappropriate there, based on the facts presented, and the op was right to gets the organizer involved.

But, the majority of guys who approach or get into communication with women likely have no agenda, just as the majority of women who approach or converse with guys do not either. They realize most are likely to have partners or are not necessarily looking, and the last thing most would do is to bully the other or to make advances, as they'd fear either rejection, legal intervention, or some harassment claim. These days with the pandemic most are keeping to themselves and avoiding persons.

Each person is different in what they prefer, and why they might approach another. Whereas some want to be left alone, others would be fine with the extra attention or conversation. Whereas some approach just to get extra social skills, others may just be trying to be friendly. But, when in the rarer cases when conversations or advances crosses the line, and inappropriate things are said or did, that's when it's everyone's right to make complaint.

@Aspychata in your case, I am sorry you feel you have been mistreated by guys. I am not sure where you are meeting them, but all guys I see in the places I go to are not going after even young ladies, much less older ladies. I have to do the public errands stuff almost every day, and I analyze all persons from a distance and they are all minding their business. Granted I live in a safe area, and only go to shopping places, post offices, repair shop places, and places like that, but all the guys seem not like bullies to me.
 
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watersprite said:
Getting back to the OP: let us know how you’re doing, when you have found a new group or dealt with this situation.
:)
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I hope it is basically resolved:
Primrose said:
I just talked to the organiser of the group. She is concerned. There were issues with the man in the past, especially pushing religious material on people. He was already warned about this. I think he is going to be removed from the group. She is going to call me back and let me know. Also, she assured me I had done nothing wrong. I feel relieved.
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I guess we don't know if the organizer called back to confirm the guy's removal from the group or not though. I would be curious to know that as well. Hopefully it's a done deal though.
 
@1ForAll

I was shocked to learn romance fraud is the second biggest fraud if you goggle US Justice Dept. Yes, they use all kinds of bully tactics to get older woman to part with their savings. So perhaps you are unaware of the latest statistics. Woman have lost millions of dollars.
 
watersprite said:
Getting back to the OP: let us know how you’re doing, when you have found a new group or dealt with this situation.
:)
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Varzar said:
I hope it is basically resolved:


I guess we don't know if the organizer called back to confirm the guy's removal from the group or not though. I would be curious to know that as well. Hopefully it's a done deal though.
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Yes, the organiser called me back and confirmed he will not attend further meetings. She encouraged me to return to the next meeting.

Thanks for all your helpful responses. I think it's sorted now.
 
Aspychata said:
@1ForAll

I was shocked to learn romance fraud is the second biggest fraud if you goggle US Justice Dept. Yes, they use all kinds of bully tactics to get older woman to part with their savings. So perhaps you are unaware of the latest statistics. Woman have lost millions of dollars.
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I'd argue dating type scams cases likely are just as common with women as perpetrators, though I would not personally know as I never went to dating sites. Sex, loneliness and neediness sells, and the promise of fulfilling such sells. There are lots of persons, especially older, that may be more desperate or who let their emotions cloud their judgments there. Regardless of statistics, as statistics can be unreported or misleading, guys will be far less apt to admit being taken by some scammer than women, just as they'll report abuse far less for obvious reasons. Scams and abuse comes in all forms, some are more hidden or discrete than others. I see no gender as more saints or sinners there.
 
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Primrose said:
I didn't go there to make friends. The man asked me a few personal questions after the meetings and I answered. I regret this but it's done.

I attended meetings before Covid and found them very helpful. There were no issues. I now live in a different location. I'm quite new to this group.
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Understood. My comment was really a general one.
 
It's sort of happened to me and he wasn't religious in any way at all ,religion isn't always bad
 
@1ForAll

I can only speak from a female perspective. I have been raped in my lifetime. I have been in a very abusive longterm marriage. I almost got punched telling a man it was over. In another relationship l was punched when l ended it. There are your statistics. Men aren't dangerous, tell that to the millions of woman who die from domestic abuse or are raped every day in America. Yes, my daughter had to fight off a guy who tried to rape her in HS.
 
Aspychata said:
@1ForAll

I can only speak from a female perspective. I have been raped in my lifetime. I have been in a very abusive longterm marriage. I almost got punched telling a man it was over. In another relationship l was punched when l ended it. There are your statistics. Men aren't dangerous, tell that to the millions of woman who die from domestic abuse or are raped every day in America. Yes, my daughter had to fight off a guy who tried to rape her in HS.
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All abuse is bad. Your posts make it sound like guys are the only scammers, abusers. You are trying to generalize about a gender based on a sample of the wrongs against you, with misplaced anger against an entire gender. Your posts come across as paranoid. I do not care if one is a mother, father, brother, sister, all do abuses in some form, lie in some form, and hide their wrongs. I am sorry for the abuses you faced, but you need to stop your harassment of men, as this is not an anti-male forum. Talk of your specific wrongs, fine, but let's not come across as some sexist, ok?
 
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Loren said:
I can see from both points of view, and despite the deep compassion I feel for Aspychata, I, too, become disturbed while coming across posts where the entire male gender is being blamed, over and over. Even once is too much, and indeed, it needs to stop, in my humble opinion. I may not be male, but, I don't want to see it anymore. It is not ok. It would be no different than saying women are bad. Women are evil. And, yes, I have seen the comment: men are evil, just recently. I am not male, but, I am so disturbed when I see these types of comments. It is so wrong, disrespectful and hurtful towards men. It hurts me/my heart, and I am a woman. There are good, bad and everything in between, with regard to all genders.
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I really appreciate that, coming from another gender. I really did bite my tongue as long as I could, as I have strong empathy skills for all persons, especially if victims, but making such exaggerated and hurtful statements towards entire genders hurts members here of that gender too that mostly do not do such. There are some posters here that could see all comments as facts, and especially if repetition occurred over and over about one gender as being responsible for all those wrongs. When I see broad generalizations and do not see balance, or much detail supporting the argument, I question the intent and/or accuracy more of the message, which I prefer not to do as I love helping victims.
 
I never said all men. Perfectly good men can make really poor decisions.


Rape victims are 97.8967 % female.
 
rse92 said:
Pretty sure you were asked to move on. Why don't you do so?
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Probably cause she feels misunderstood or not heard. That is usually what makes people try to clarify their position. I doubt telling her to move on is going to help that feeling.
Also, can you imagine even attempting to move on from some of the experiences she described? I can't. :confused:
 
Aspychata said:
I never said all men. Perfectly good men can make really poor decisions.


Rape victims are 97.8967 % female.
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I know what you said. I have a great memory. And your point is what? "Even good men are bad?" The better question would be what percentage of the population are rapists? Your points in your posts seems to be more, 'All the men you encounter are scammers, bullies, abusers, lazy, rapists, and so forth, even the good ones, whereas us women do no wrong?" And "Wherever you go, they are chasing after you or older ladies, drooling to take advantage of you in some way."

So, of all the men/boys you encountered in your life, as acquaintances. strangers, classmates, colleagues, in sight of, etc., the majority were this way with you too, or you perceived them this way? I do not believe it, if this is your position. I see you as one-sided and refusal to address other points that counter your claims, and in a court of law if you did that, they'd say you were a biased or hostile witness as nobody would believe such claims that all men do this, which you make it sounds like.

If guys are either too nice, helping, or friendly in this society or make complaint of women abusing them, they must be seen as gay or weak, unmanly, anti-women, or not strong? Be careful in pushing these persons away, society, as it will come back to bite you. Who is telling these boys and men to not cry, show emotion, and to be tough? Parents and partners, right? We cannot blame genetics on everything. From what I see, most members here are fair and factual, but I admit I do not see eye to eye with those that repeat the same untrue messages that causes division and fear.

I am moving on from this thread. I have nothing more to say.
 
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