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What's Romance Like Between Two Aspies?

dating an aspie with high functioning autism is very similar, most of the aspie women are just clueless sometimes to what their partners needs are. its very difficult when they are being faced with problems. since the problems lie in their thinking. but what do i know.
 
One thing that the FH and I are learning is that open, honest communication and flexibility are important keys to making our relationship work. You wouldn't think that it would be possible for a couple of Aspies, but we are somehow doing it. :)
 
HeatherWB said:
When my fiancé and I met, it was instant connection--nothing like either one of us had ever felt before. Our common experiences as Aspies, our compatible hobbies and interests, our shared spirituality, and physical attraction combined to create what has thus far been an amazing experience.

While we met in July of this year on a cruise ship, we both knew early on that this was no ordinary relationship and it would become long-term. Yes, we move fast, but when it's right, it's right! I'm 43 and he's 50 and we figure that we're both old enough to know what we want and we've found it in each other. :)

A little background--I'm divorced after being with a NT husband who just really didn't get me, among other things. FH has never been married, but has dated off and on.

Being nearly 1000 miles from each other hasn't stopped us from developing a strong bond. Thank goodness for unlimited minutes on our mobile phones and periodic visits!

FH will be moving in with me at the end of December and we'll be married in early January. We'll be taking our honeymoon cruise in July. We're so excited about what lies ahead for us!
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Congrats! I hope you will both be very happy!
 
Flirting online??? No idea how to do it but Im not interested. Flirting through text however is fine for me. I think dating an Aspie means you understand their problems etc or what they have been through but to me, there are those out there who have one oppinion thats not entirely correct ...

I once dated an autistic guy (best friends with him now) who thought "Yes, Im the dominant one. I control this relationship etc" and he learnt its shared, you both are in charge not one or the other. But I wont go into it.

However why Im not interested is I have been in a relationship with an Aspie since December 2014. We share common interests etc and thats a good thing when it comes into a relationship with anyone.
 
I've had a couple of relationships but never with another aspie, i think i would be interested in it though as common ground and understanding of aspie issues i think would make getting over problems and issues far easier. i don't know i kind of wish i could meet an aspie and try it out.
 
My boyfriend and I both have Asperger Syndrome and we have our challenges, but for us it is very rewarding. We share interests and a common language. I have never dated a NT mostly because I know they will not understand the way I would like them to. My boyfriend understands where I am coming from and I understand where he is coming from and it is good for both of us to have each other. I think there are the same challenges that NTs face with relationships, but I feel like it is better for Aspies to date and marry other Aspies. It just makes more sense to me. I wouldn't date an NT. I like NTs, but I don't want to deal with communication barriers and so forth. My boyfriend that I have currently and I don't really have a lot of communication barriers, but there are times when we have our moments.
 
Love the way you lie....

That was EXACTLY me and my ex.

Do I think we were both aspies, yes for sure.

Emotional overloads and euphoria, never a middle ground.

Fire and ice, absolutely, definitely. We split.

I fled.

He would rage at me for not being able to express myself.

I have learnt so much since our split, I'd have him back like yesterday if I could as I know he's done work on himself also.

Do I believe in soul mates, twin flames etc.... absolutely. He was my other half. But when two people cannot communicate, cannot listen or explain to each other.... Then, yes... Love the way you lie is REAL.
 
I'm in a relationship with another Aspie and yes in many ways it's fantastic - we both said it's like being with ourselves - we can be silent and alone and yet still together which is a wonderful feeling. We have similar interests, a similar distain for popular culture and are curious about the world in a way that most other people seem not to be.

On the down side, we have similar weaknesses so can't compensate well for each others lack of organisational skills, we also tend to become extremely insular if we don't make an effort and sometimes our "romantic" conversations can sound a bit clinical ( I find this funny rather than distressing).

My biggest issue as another poster also mentioned, is that my partner finds it really really difficult to make plans and so everything tends to be last minute - this affects me a lot, makes me feel somewhat taken for granted and I suspect may be the reason our relationship doesn't work out in the long term. It's a shame because otherwise we work really well together.

He also never ever says he loves me - sometimes this bothers me - sometimes not. Not sure if this is an AS thing but he's not very demonstrative emotionally and I have moments when I wonder if he'd notice if I disappeared for ever ( his daughter also has said this).
 
I've been dating another aspie for a year and we haven't had too many problems. We both have a lot in common which makes things easier. We're also good at communicating with each other and stating what we do and don't like with things in relationships which has helped a lot as well. Neither of us has been in any relationship before this, so I think we're doing pretty well.
 
I was in a long-term relationship with an NT up until earlier this year and in hindsight we weren't compatible at all. That's not to say that NT/aspie relationships can't work, but in my case and the place I'm at on the spectrum, it just didn't work that well. Recently, I've entered a long-distance relationship with a fellow aspie, and found that we're on the exact same wavelength, we relate to each other in a way neither of us thought was possible, he's my best friend, and he understands me completely. We have our issues, because we both have the same weaknesses and downfalls, we occasionally clash but understand each others difficulties and the way we think and feel. I think that not all aspie relationships will work, as someone may be on an entirely different part of the spectrum to you, however they may understand and respect your differences more than an NT, but in my opinion no matter what your neurotype or place on the spectrum, it's down to the individuals on whether it will work. That being said, I'd definitely seek out a fellow aspie for any possible future relationships rather than an NT.

TL;DR- Not all aspie/aspie relationships will work, just as not all NT/aspie relationships may work, but from personal experience, my aspie/aspie relationship is the best thing that ever happened to me, and if you find someone who you can relate to on the same wavelength, you're very lucky. :)
 
I was matched in a relationship about 1.5 months ago, and between much tumultuousness, most of which I unintentionally caused, ended up me being in a situation where I revealed my diagnosis to my potential significant other. I end up finding out he is on the spectrum as well. I see some similarities between the relationships described on here and mine. I think with mine though, he does not like to initiate. It seems he holds back because of his past and trust being hurt. Otherwise, he seems very capable of reciprocating initiation more often. He is extremely shy, and realizing this, I know that I need to politely initiate plans.

The initiating plans thing does not need to be efficient like tit for tat either. I might have to initiate like 5 times before he feels comfortable enough with me to initiate something once. Or maybe, he might have a request, want to feel it out and see what his options are like, and then change his mind about what or where to go along the way.

Starting to date with him, I have learned that I need to be much more positive and patient. My past experiences have given me a lot of grit, but then I naturally put up a wall of trust that I did not realize I did, and I had no good reason to do so for the relationship. I put up this wall because of my many past social experiences, constant negativity in my household, and racism and prejudice issues living in the small town that I was in. He made me realize that I need to start to remove this layer so that I can be more compatible with him or anyone else, friendship or romance.

Realizing the quirks, how to work with them, being okay with it all, and still being happy and attracted to him, and problems luckily being resolved so far, the connection is developing well.
 
i once dated a man with ASD high functioning and very intelligent, I still say to this day after dating NTs after that it was the most harmonious relationship I had, and will have probably, the pressure was not there, we were comfortable just doing our own thing, we had a common interest in language and shows, so we would just chill. In the long run, I found it difficult to cope with as he has rituals and routines and would not go out much or work, so long term I found it problematic, as I was more realistic, so we split, however till this day I still felt the best with him, than I have with any NT I have dated.
 
I'm currently dating another aspie. It works out well between us. The only thing is that he LOVES me in such a passionate and strong way and it's too much, he's so settled with the idea that we'll stay together forever and be soulmates for eternity and I just want a chill nice relationship. I like him but he overwhelms me. It's almost at the point where he irratates and exhausts me.
 
JellyBean said:
I'm currently dating another aspie. It works out well between us. The only thing is that he LOVES me in such a passionate and strong way and it's too much, he's so settled with the idea that we'll stay together forever and be soulmates for eternity and I just want a chill nice relationship. I like him but he overwhelms me. It's almost at the point where he irratates and exhausts me.
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Your guy sounds like me, Lol. When I love someone, it is for keeps and forever and I can be very passionate. We overwhelm each other, but over time one gets used to it! When I compare my current guy with my ex, it is like night and day. He is solicitous of me, and it is so nice. Sure, we get on each others nerves; me with my hyperlexia, and he with his hyper focus on things just when I want to chat, but we make out OK!
 
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