Id like to know whats wrong with me so I can get better if there's even hope for that. I guess I was around 5th or 6th grade when I started getting intense mood swings and sometimes having outburts and throwing things and getting upset really easily, and I did have a time a few years back now that I think of it when during one bad down mood swing I cut myself when I was feeling extremely depressed. I've never attempted suicide though. I just feel so deeply and when I feel something I just can't see straight and whether it's rage or sadness. Family members and co-workers are starting to tell me or ask if I am feeling ok one of my co workers said I was acting strange and she was worried if I was ok. I'm just feeling scared and upset and cornered too sometimes like nobody understands me.
Robbie, at times I think psychiatrists can not differentiate between one condition and the next, if the conditions are very similar, or they have drug pushing agendas or specialties in one field that makes them want to diagnose that, or if they cannot look deeper than what textbooks teach, or if they make diagnostic assumptions that are not true about gender and race.
In other cases, many doctors are afraid to go against past medical opinion, or they may want to satisfy insurance with a certain diagnosis, or fail to ask appropriate questions. And then there are the doctors that do not have the time and patience, to evaluate correctly, or the ones who just want to try ruling out a condition, one by one.
Again, from analyzing all your postings, I think ADHD and/or Borderline Personality Disorder makes the most sense. For example, Jet posted symptoms about Borderline Personality and you related very well to that, saying it fit perfectly, and I thought prior that was a possibility too, combined with the ADHD.
If you look at the ADHD info below, that looks very like what you are describing, too in all your posts, and as in some of your posts you mentioned memory, concentration issues. So, I think your psychiatrists could have been leading you in the wrong direction, for them not to consider one or both of the just mentioned two conditions. Look, at the below example, which sums up those mood issues well:
"Can ADHD cause mood swings?
By zestyet at answers.com
One of the main features of adult adhd seems to be mood swings.
These are very rapid and can occur up to 2-3 times a day or a particular mood will last up to several days, not more. This is in contrast to bipolar disorder where the moods (depressed or elated) last weeks or months at a time.
The mood in adhd is both reactive, in response to the environment around you and spontaneous, just coming out of nowhere. People with the adhd seem to be hyperreactive to their environment, so things that would only alter mood slightly for those without adhd, can make massive differences to someone with adhd. E.G. An adhd person may get quite elated in the presence of a member of the opposite sex they are attracted to or have sudden crashes in their mood after negative comments are made about them.
Also in adhd, moods (such as elation or depression) can come completely out of the blue with no reason at all. A sudden wave of elation or a crashing depression can just occur within the mind from nowhere.
As opposed to borderline personality disorder, when low, someone with adhd can feel suicidal but the mood does not stay low long enough for them to do it (of course there are exceptions). Borderline personality disordered people have rapid mood swings as well, but these are usually different levels of depression and they don't often feel normal.
Resting mood state may not be normal in adhd, so it can be on the elated side or the depressed side and swing from this resting position in either direction.
The important thing that distinguishes the mood swings in adhd from bipolar is not only the length of time in the swing (shorter for adhd) but also that in adhd it is not severe. There may be rapid speech in adhd, with rhyming, talking off the point and singing, but when elated there are no grandiose delusions (the person does not think they are special). in fact they may be showing off, but it will tongue-in-cheek and when questioned at a deeper level, they will admit they are joking and low self-esteem is nearly always present in adhd regardless of the mood.
The other complicating factor in all this, if this wasn't bad enough as it is, is that independent of the adhd, someone with adhd, may also be suffereing with bipolar (about 10% of bipolars) or maybe suffering with borderline personality disorder or even all 3. Depressive episodes may also be superimposed on an adhd background, which will need treatment in their own right with antidepressants."
