When does quirky turn cringy?

[Voltaic]

Is there a way to even tell? I am do uncertain wht everyone thinks, so I don't know when I go to far. Either I have a basic problem with reading body language and hints, or they are using the complicated forums of all that language I can't understand.

What even separates them? Why do we find some things quirky, and others just plain grungy. The more obvious extremes of each side are obvious. I know what is super cringy, but I can't even differentiate between what I might feel as a acceptable way to respond, but turns out sounding wrong coming out. Is it just some socially accepted view on what is grungy and what is not. I don't understand

 

[Ragnahawk]

Most cases just listen a lot and try to stay with person talking. If others start laughing I laugh. Sometimes i joke playfully. It is just something you should experiment with. Find the right social patterns because they do follow patterns.

 

[Ragnahawk]

They follow very typical patterns.

 

[Voltaic]

That's the problem. I want to deviate from the patterns, so when I am acting sociable, I still have a bit of my personality / diffrentness. I can emulate normall boring speach just fine, but I have to almost lie through my teeth on every word because the whole persona is just an act. I want something more me, but I tend to be cringy. I know if I said something off from their general reactions, but just how badly I messed up is a mystery. It could be along the lines of I said something akward then there is a moment of silence, then everyone moves on a moment later. Or it could be a complete social faceplant. No onw tells you, Then comes having to have the ability to read more subtle stuff.

Edit:spelling

 

[Mia]

As an Aspie, the only time I 've been completely honest, truthful with N/T's, instead of skating around an issue, is when someone asks me, for my honest opinion.

When someone requests that, you have to decide if they're ready to hear the truth. Or, decide if they only want validation or confirmation of something they said. Most of the time, people don't want to hear the truth, but sometimes Aspies do.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

As an Aspie, the only time I 've been completely honest, truthful with N/T's, instead of skating around an issue, is when someone asks me, for my honest opinion.

When someone requests that, you have to decide if they're ready to hear the truth. Or, decide if they only want validation or confirmation of something they said. Most of the time, people don't want to hear the truth, but sometimes Aspies do.

My wife did one of these the other day.

Do i look younger with my new haircut? I want you to be honest.

I paused.

You face is your face, i said.

 

[Ames]

I identify with this.
I think many people fail to understand that the skill of reflecting back to someone what they want is just that - a skill. It doesn't mean I'm comfortable or that I really agree with anything that is being said, it just means I am expending energy to try to survive the interaction as best I can and not create huge, horrible misunderstandings. In the meantime, I am often confused, unsure, and have a thousand questions that I can't really ask. It is physically and mentally exhausting.
Do you have any friends you would feel comfortable asking to set up a signal of some kind that s/he could give you when you are crossing a line?

 

[Voltaic]

That's a no so win situation.

My wife did one of these the other day.

Do i look younger with my new haircut? I want you to be honest.

I paused.

You face is your face, i said.

This would be me.

 

[Voltaic]

I identify with this.
I think many people fail to understand that the skill of reflecting back to someone what they want is just that - a skill. It doesn't mean I'm comfortable or that I really agree with anything that is being said, it just means I am expending energy to try to survive the interaction as best I can and not create huge, horrible misunderstandings. In the meantime, I am often confused, unsure, and have a thousand questions that I can't really ask. It is physically and mentally exhausting.
Do you have any friends you would feel comfortable asking to set up a signal of some kind that s/he could give you when you are crossing a line?

Ha! I wish I had a selection of friends that I could choose from...

 

[kay]

That's a no so win situation.


This would be me.
View attachment 40219

Calvin looks so happy.

 

[OkRad]

Age. When you are 5 it is all cute. When you are 20, it's endearing, all those little things. When you are 30, it starts to get annoying. By 50, you're the weird cat lady, crazy. By 60, it's early dementia. By 70, it's just poor sap..............

 

[Judge]

Is there a way to even tell?

What even separates them? Why do we find some things quirky, and others just plain grungy.

I'd say generally, the consensus of a social majority dictates such things more often than not. A great deal of societal evolution is dependent upon what the masses think and do over time. For better or worse. A duration which can take very long, or be very short depending on public sentiment and a convergence of circumstances.

An eclectic dynamic that is often a key "prime mover" in the eyes of our highest courts as well as pop culture. That laws, fashion and even social mores may change only when there is a perception that values and beliefs have shifted among a considerable number of citizens.

And a social dynamic that I am sad to say, likely leaves most autistic people "out in the cold". Where our consensus is simply ignored- or rejected by numbers alone.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Age. When you are 5 it is all cute. When you are 20, it's endearing, all those little things. When you are 30, it starts to get annoying. By 50, you're the weird cat lady, crazy. By 60, it's early dementia. By 70, it's just poor sap..............

The next few years should be fun.

I'm 46, a man. I don't have any cats.

 

[Judge]

Age. When you are 5 it is all cute. When you are 20, it's endearing, all those little things. When you are 30, it starts to get annoying. By 50, you're the weird cat lady, crazy. By 60, it's early dementia. By 70, it's just poor sap..............

Only if you fundamentally care about what others think.

Luckily in my own case the aging process itself has greatly aided me in not giving a rat's ass about what others think in general.

Took me some time to determine that I don't have to "be on the grid" in whole or in part if I really choose otherwise.

 

[Streetwise]

Is there a way to even tell? I am do uncertain wht everyone thinks, so I don't know when I go to far. Either I have a basic problem with reading body language and hints, or they are using the complicated forums of all that language I can't understand.

What even separates them? Why do we find some things quirky, and others just plain grungy. The more obvious extremes of each side are obvious. I know what is super cringy, but I can't even differentiate between what I might feel as a acceptable way to respond, but turns out sounding wrong coming out. Is it just some socially accepted view on what is grungy and what is not. I don't understand

Be true to yourself because if you don't it will be even harder ,generally people just want you to agree with them ,they don't like confrontation .
In some ways it's just as hard with people on the autism spectrum if they believe something they will dig their feet in even harder ,One thing is to learn respect for other peoples beliefs ,while being confident in your own .
The best way I find is just to let them talk for a short while and say I have to go if you don't like what they're talking about, be very calm about saying I have to go .

 

[Voltaic]

"I'm 46, a man. I don't have any cats" yet.

Only if you fundamentally care about what others think.

Luckily in my own case the aging process itself has greatly aided me in not giving a rat's ass about what others think in general.

Took me some time to determine that I don't have to "be on the grid" in whole or in part if I really choose otherwise.

 

[kay]

I'm hoping to grow up to be either that cranky, eccentric , opinionated old guy who fills his yard with odd art or perhaps the basement. Of course being female it may not be a socially acceptable. But I just can't get the cats and do the cat lady thing. It's just not me.
-Sorry, I have no idea really the difference between quirky and cringy though I suspect it may be in the eye of the beholder.

 

[Nitro]

I'm hoping to grow up to be that cranky, eccentric , opinionated old guy who fills his yard with odd art or perhaps the basement.

I beat ya to that...

Now get out of my yard!!!

 

[OlLiE]

context and patterns for the herd
showing yourself to the lucky few you trust and that accept you for who you are

 

[the_tortoise]

Part of the problem with figuring this stuff out is that are no answers that apply to every situation and every person/group of people.