When you were a kid/teenager, did people think . . .

[Arashi222]

I have a hard time maintaining friendships with other men but Im really close with a lot of girls. Im not sure why. Maybe its a common aspie trait?

Maybe you're right. Maybe it is a trait for us. Just speaking from being a girl with AS I have such a hard time with other girls. Boys I still have trouble with but not as much. I also find I can ask them more often if I am infringin on some social cue I should be adhering to.

I've heard others speak of relating to girls as being more difficult. I'm inclined to agree on the grounds of "I have no freakin clue on how to approach them." What do they talk about? Perfume and Jersey shore? I don't mean to stereotype, but seriously, very rarely do you find a somewhat normal girl who's interests lie in the real of intellectualism.

Well being a girl myself. I don't know. They are a mystery to me or at least girls my own age. I can tell you what my close girl friends like to talk about and its not what most girls talk about. I don't know. I like to talk about things that most people in general boys and girls get tired of hearing me talk about. I can exhaust people with my likes about my dolls and on the flip side regale you with the information on Sci-fi, and talk your ear off about books. So it might just depend on what you determine is intellectual conversation.

 

[Spinning Compass]

My father once told me, "Most people are shallow, and I didn't raise you to be shallow." I said to him "Dad, maybe it would be kinder if you had." We've been doing these find your strength exercises at work and I score high for Intellectual (no surprise there). The book that goes along with the on-line tests talks about finding people who share your interests and are equal to you intellectually. Well, duh, how do you go about finding such people? Out in the "real world" they are few and far between. Maybe at college, but if you neither have time nor money to go, I guess you are out of luck. Around here the two big things are church and bars. It's really really rare for me to have a really deep conversation with someone who is my equal. I'm not trying to brag, but I find myself having to dumb it down just to survive.

Anyway to get back on topic, I got mixed messages growing up. Sure they wanted me to succeed but at the same time I felt like I was being written off, especially by my dad. Not worth the effort. I struggle with self-esteem issues to this day. They wanted me to succeed on their path and on their terms but didn't want to go out of their way to help me. I think if one person ever asked me, what do you want in life and how can I help you achieve it, I think I'd have a heart attack and die. 'Cause I know now that is not going to happen.

 

[Bubblepig]

The opposite; people thought I would go to a highly respected university, easily get a degree and get a high-paid job. Everybody thought I wanted to be a doctor (my Dad bought me a book on how to get into medicine at uni) and I just went along with what they said. Truth was, I had no idea what I wanted to do - and still don't. Academically I am probably capable of of getting a degree (I did get accepted into uni when I first left school) but everybody just seemed to gloss over the fact that in real life, social success is just as important as intelligence.

 

[WildCat]

Everyone told me I was destined to succeed early in life. I'd made the honor roll several times in elementary, was a top scholar and had a pretty carefree life.......up until I hit my teenage years.

While their opinions were the same, things changed dramatically for me. It's like I underwent a major transformation - my grades began to fall, my social skills stopped developing and I pretty much isolated myself from everyone and everything else when and if I could. It might not sound like it would have had a major impact on my development, but it did, and it showed. By the time I hit my late teens, I was a likely candidate for mental health services - I have only my family to thank for tolerating my out of control behavior and setting me back on track, slowly but eventually. Come to think of it, if my family weren't as tolerant of me as they were in the first place from day one, I wouldn't be here on these forums.

I'm 25 now, I work a full time job as a grocery slave, I still live at home, I'm responsible for my own finances and semi-responsible for everything else. Not quite what I or anyone else had in mind, but given the hand that was dealt to me I'd say it's a good move. Intellectually speaking, I might be able to handle a bachelor's degree but I don't have the time, money or the motivation right now. I've had a spotty history with higher academics, and I'd need a lot of remedial courses and time to get back up to snuff. Even then, I don't expect to be the shining success that everyone assumed me to be from early on. There are too many issues - mostly psychological - that still haven't been and may never be resolved.

 

[Harpuia]

Depends. Teachers thought I had a bright future. My peers thought I'd never amount to anything in life... provided I even survived to 21. I won the "Least Likely to Succeed" award at my school.

 

[. . .]

I won the "Least Likely to Succeed" award at my school.

I hope you're not being literal, are you? :S

If a school would give out awards like that, it'd have to be a really ****** school. :lol:

 

[Harpuia]

There was this underground-ish group at my school that handed out awards similar to the Razzies, so no it wasn't "official". So you had "Least likely to succeed", "Worst Looking", "Worst Eyes", "Dumbest (insert ethnicity here)", and my least favorite "Most Likely to Start a Columbine" (which I got a couple votes for as well). People took them pretty seriously though.

I heard a couple years after I graduated some teachers got word of it and tried to stop it. Dunno how it turned out.

 

[. . .]

. . . so no it wasn't "official".

Ah, thank god. But lots of strange, unethical things go on at schools, so . . .

Believe it or not, when I was a kid a teacher who was upset with me for doing something feeble that I never did told the kids in my class to take turns spitting on me. They encircled me and proceeded with doing so while she kept urging the kids who weren't spitting on me to do it. :S When they were done, my face and clothes were covered in mucousy saliva and I was told to hurry to the bathroom to clean it up.

I wish I would have told my mom or the principle about what that teacher forced the kids to do to me, but I was nervous to repeat it to adults. There's probably a good chance she would have lost her job.

 

[FishyEnthusiest]

My parents always expected a lot from me even though I was the "weird" kid in the family. They pushed me to the point I would break and they still try to push me even though I know I am doing the best I can do.

 

[Christian T]

as a teen in school I kinda went in the yearbook as "person most likely to end up a serial killer"

I think asperger's and psychopathy are actually very similar, in ways such as a profound lack of empathy or a purely intellectual understanding of the world

 

[Studies Shadows]

I am sorry I have to disagree with that statement, Christian. Aspies are incredibly sensitive and empathic and often find emotions too overwhelming. They tend to shut down from too much overload. We have difficulties expressing emotion and identifying our and others emotion. When we cannot lable an emotion, sometimes we think we dont have one, when all our behaviours is displaying it. We feel it all inside but dont know how it communicate it. This may come accross to others as having a lack of or abscence of emotion or empathy and thats as far as the similarites go. Psychpaths on the other hand dont have problems with communication. For them, not showing any emotion of empathy is simply because they dont have any.

 

[Christian T]

I am sorry I have to disagree with that statement, Christian. Aspies are incredibly sensitive and empathic and often find emotions too overwhelming. They tend to shut down from too much overload. We have difficulties expressing emotion and identifying our and others emotion. When we cannot lable an emotion, sometimes we think we dont have one, when all our behaviours is displaying it. We feel it all inside but dont know how it communicate it. This may come accross to others as having a lack of or abscence of emotion or empathy and thats as far as the similarites go. Psychpaths on the other hand dont have problems with communication. For them, not showing any emotion of empathy is simply because they dont have any.

Ah, yes, sorry. You're right. I think I should have said maybe "profound lack of outward empathy", but I think the intellectual view of the world still stands, as that is aneasier way of dealing with things for aspies. I do agree with you, and for me the emotional difficulty also lies in dealing with emotions I see in others, whereas people think it's a failure to recognise the emotions. For example, I can see that someone is angry with me, but don't know how to respond to that.

I hope I didn't offend anyone there, I just don't always express myself well or align my thoughts properly.

 

[Studies Shadows]

Thank you Christian. And you are absolutly right too, about the intellectual view of the world. Maybe we have a stronger intellectual "intelligence' to compensate for the deficits in emotional "intelligence". I know when I am all in confusion and anxiety, at least I can fall upon my logic to see a path through the storm. Gosh!, I know what you mean about dealing with others. I have a normal friend who came to me in floods of tears about her marriage difficulties. I was like oh my god!. I knew intellectually what she was experiencing but was just swamped by her distress and at the same time, frozen in how to demonstrate my sympathy. My brain raced through memory files of actions others had done in situations like this. It was like 'there, there, pat on sholder', but everythin I said sounded a bit wooden. I do find though that, just sitting (mirroring) and being present quietly while they express works far better than trying to act nurotypical, it feels more natuarl for me and even though it may not be what they are used to, it does not seem to offend them.
Anyway , you dont have to apologise in anyway, Christian, do not be concerned, you do not offend at all. We aspies are more into exchange of infomation and honest accounts of each others opinions than non aspies. We feel a duty to others to amend a bit of infomation that we think is missing and never feel offended when a bit of ours is amended by someone else. But we are sadly aware from past painful experiences that 99 percent of people are not like that and we are usually the target of others anger for our honesty. I just love it when everyone can say what they think.

 

[Christian T]

I do find though that, just sitting (mirroring) and being present quietly while they express works far better than trying to act nurotypical, it feels more natuarl for me and even though it may not be what they are used to, it does not seem to offend them.
Anyway , you dont have to apologise in anyway, Christian, do not be concerned, you do not offend at all. We aspies are more into exchange of infomation and honest accounts of each others opinions than non aspies. We feel a duty to others to amend a bit of infomation that we think is missing and never feel offended when a bit of ours is amended by someone else. But we are sadly aware from past painful experiences that 99 percent of people are not like that and we are usually the target of others anger for our honesty. I just love it when everyone can say what they think.

Oh, yes, my thoughts exactly. I find that's the best way of comforting people too, and I'll happily agree to total honesty and zero ego. Ever notice how neurotypicals so often belittle what they don't understand or push their mistakes away from them in terror with phrases like "same difference" or "who cares"? I love how realistic and practical everyone is on this site - it's a rare delight.

 

[Geordie]

People think I am just that arrogant guy who will get into Law School or something, given my outspoken personality and previous successes, so that through my successes, I can advocate for people less fortunate than I do.

But then, my family doesn't want me to do Law because they only want me to do Medicine, or at the very least, healthcare industries through preparatory high schools. Given my psychiatric conditions, it'd be a miracle that I can get into Law School, let alone Medicine. I know myself better than them.

Yes, law is a great profession, and it brings big money. But you can't simply push yourself too hard and do something you don't like, and end up in a nasty shape - which was what I went through.

Nevertheless, I see business as a 'general compromise', it gives me a lot of transferable skills to other careers. But I know I am not a career guy. I have to accept that people like me will be hit hard by both inflation and psychiatric stress, as I already had developed depression and bipolar conditions in the past. If I don't want to suffer another relapse, I have to do something to my life.

Perhaps moving to a less stressful country like Vietnam or Philippines may do the trick to me. Perhaps teaching there would bring a visual and sensory break from the buzz in where I live. They may need more teachers (especially those who can cater to special needs like autism) there, they may want someone to teach them in chalk and blackboard, instead of advanced baking equipment and MacBooks (like I saw in one special school recently). I can still surf in Internet cafes there, though, haha. And I can have my own dream job!

But I think I'll try out my current industry for a few more years.

 

[Nolan1971]

I was very blessed to go to a aspie friendly high school where I felt more free to be myself than any other time in life.
So I managed to be the first of all my peers to buy a car,get my first job and my first serious relationship.
In that setting I excelled so everyone thought I would go on to great things.
Once I faced the ignorance and discrimination of the real world it turned into a real nightmare!:stomp:

 

[Karl1990]

No, but I got **** on quite frequently. I had my group of friends so I can't complain too much. I used to be fat, and was awkward. Physical bullying did not happen too much because I was bigger than most people. It was mostly teasing about weight or just outright shunning. Sometimes I fought back, sometimes I didn't. Looking back on it, I guess it was all kind of silly, but at the time it was hell.

 

[Megan]

I've struggled with self-esteem too, to the point where sometimes I think it colors my relationships with other girls. Boys I don't seem to have as much of an issue with but...maybe normal girls tend to socialize in a way that I just can't figure out. I wonder if we start to believe the lies people tell us when we're told them often enough?

I have more difficulty socializing with girls as well. The way they socialize with each other just doesn't come naturally to me. Well, I can say the same of neurotypical boys, but it's worse with girls.

My parents expected me to be successful in life because I'm studious and I've always gotten good grades in school. Their definition of success is a college education, a career, and a stable income. I'm not sure if that will happen. College starts on Friday. We'll see how things go. I may not be able to handle four years of socialization and group work.

 

[Arashi222]

I have more difficulty socializing with girls as well. The way they socialize with each other just doesn't come naturally to me. Well, I can say the same of neurotypical boys, but it's worse with girls.

My parents expected me to be successful in life because I'm studious and I've always gotten good grades in school. Their definition of success is a college education, a career, and a stable income. I'm not sure if that will happen. College starts on Friday. We'll see how things go. I may not be able to handle four years of socialization and group work.

Yes I see your point. I found that if I loved the topic enough I managed to get through college by not really socializing I just did group projects when necessary taking control. I don't know if I will ever be what my mom expects in terms of getting a job other than at a grocery store and in my field. I don't know if I will ever be able to be alone. I think that we do sometimes start to believe what other people think of us instead of relying on our own instincts. Take it slow. Maximize the time for breaks.

 

[Loomis]

I have more difficulty socializing with girls as well. The way they socialize with each other just doesn't come naturally to me. Well, I can say the same of neurotypical boys, but it's worse with girls.

My parents expected me to be successful in life because I'm studious and I've always gotten good grades in school. Their definition of success is a college education, a career, and a stable income. I'm not sure if that will happen. College starts on Friday. We'll see how things go. I may not be able to handle four years of socialization and group work.

There is no rule that says you must finish in four years although it is nice. Sometimes taking a year off or taking lighter loads is the right thing to do. I took lighter loads some semesters and made it up in summer school.