When you were a kid/teenager, did people think . . .

[Amity Alpha]

I was one of those hyperlexic, high-IQ kids that everyone thought would be incredibly successful in life, which pretty much guaranteed that nobody understood my social and organizational issues, figuring I was clever enough to know better. In my teenage years I slid slowly down into the abyss of depression, chronic anxiety, overstimulation and executive paralysis that led to dropping out of school altogether. My story since then has been that of picking up from a fairly spectacular failure and finding a way to keep going.

It got easier. I avoid contact with most people I knew as a child at all cost, as they're almost guaranteed to make some sort of remark about how bright I was and how much potential I had. I don't intend on being a conduit for other people's Schadenfreude.

 

[Acetic]

Like most other people that have posted; my cousins, family members and teachers have said i had a bright future ahead of me. As a really small child i was the smartest out of the entire class and would often get the best grades. As time passed this started to reverse. By the time i was in middle-school other people were getting better grades than me, by the time i was finishing high school i had failed several courses and had an extremely low gpa. It was so low i didn't even apply for a university or take the SAT because it was pointless. Even then, most of my cousins and relatives believed i would breeze through a community college, get a degree and get a high paying job in 4 years.

Its been five years so far and my life is very pathetic by the normal public standard. I have dropped out of community college due to my low grades, can't find a job because of my crippling social anxiety and lack work experience, up to last year i didn't even have a drivers license... I honestly don't know where my life is taking me.

 

[fjord]

I have a normal friend who came to me in floods of tears about her marriage difficulties. I was like oh my god!. I knew intellectually what she was experiencing but was just swamped by her distress and at the same time, frozen in how to demonstrate my sympathy. My brain raced through memory files of actions others had done in situations like this. It was like 'there, there, pat on sholder', but everythin I said sounded a bit wooden. I do find though that, just sitting (mirroring) and being present quietly while they express works far better than trying to act nurotypical, it feels more natuarl for me and even though it may not be what they are used to, it does not seem to offend them.

We aspies are more into exchange of infomation and honest accounts of each others opinions than non aspies. We feel a duty to others to amend a bit of infomation that we think is missing and never feel offended when a bit of ours is amended by someone else. But we are sadly aware from past painful experiences that 99 percent of people are not like that and we are usually the target of others anger for our honesty. I just love it when everyone can say what they think.

I had a friend call me after her sister took her own life...and, wow, I couldn't think of anything to say. I, too, ran through the memory files of the appropriate things to say. Mostly I just listened, which I don't think is necessarily bad; I think most people really do need to pour it all out to someone who is willing to listen and, in their distress, they're not going to hear the specific words you say anyway. However, a few days later, she told me of the wonderful thoughtful thing a different friend had done for her: she'd given her $ to spend on a hair appointment. Yeah, that's not something I would ever have thought of.

Another time, I was at a meeting and saw a friend sobbing in the bathroom. My thought was how embarrassed I would be to be crying in public like that, so I ignored her so she wouldn't feel any more embarrassed. But shortly thereafter she was surrounded by women comforting her, and I realized I was pretty much the barbarian.

Re: the second part of your quote - I always feel a sense of relief when someone speaks to me awkwardly. Sigh, now I can just say what I think without pretences! I also speak more fluently with people who are highly (nerdily) intelligent, as I don't have to weigh my vocabulary words carefully to substitute simple language for those "dictionary" words that always try to come out!

 

[Geordie]

Warning: you may not agree with my comments, but I just feel like saying them straight off my mind.

---

Its been five years so far and my life is very pathetic by the normal public standard. I have dropped out of community college due to my low grades, can't find a job because of my crippling social anxiety and lack work experience, up to last year i didn't even have a drivers license... I honestly don't know where my life is taking me.

Having low grades, no driving license, has social anxiety and little work experience myself, I admit, I have to worry about my future. What's more, my current degree seems to be a waste of time and money, for I am training in skills that I may not be fully competent in. Somehow, I think I will struggle to find a job that fits me well, and most likely, it will come true.

Most of us Aspies, without much social support, will also have low grades and little work experience. The key is the work experience. I may appear to rub it in, but work experience is something which is really important to people, be they NTs or Aspies. If, even we get a high IQ above 70 or so, we can only manage to clean other people's cars or something, we got to accept that we've to do manual work and get a really low pay, in whatever we do, because of our current circumstances, because of our previous breakdowns. We had tried our best, but because of our conditions, we can't do much. We also have to do what seems shameful in many societies, that is, claim unemployment benefits, live at home, and do nothing. This is not what we want, but if this what we are, so be it.

Most societies doesn't accept unemployment, but I not only do, I even think of unemployment (and not being in education or training) a blessing. See below.

I was one of those hyperlexic, high-IQ kids that everyone thought would be incredibly successful in life, which pretty much guaranteed that nobody understood my social and organizational issues.

Being a NEET gives tremendous opportunities to improve on ourselves, especially social and organisational issues. For some of us, if we choose to withdraw ourselves from employment, we can work on so many things that are less stressful, but more meaningful to the world. We can even contribute and value-add more to society while being unemployed.

If we paint, write poems or stories, do freelance computer work, take photos of buses and cars, etc, at least we produce things other people may not pay us, but appreciate from the work we do. We do create value for the world. They don't feed us, but they make the world around us better.

What about our families? They want us, the helpless ones, to support them, don't they?

Well, uhm, we'd already broke down while we did our best, don't we? Then what more we can do...

If all we can manage is unemployment, because we really cannot perform tasks of doing a job, so be it.

My parents expected me to be successful in life because I'm studious and I've always gotten good grades in school. Their definition of success is a college education, a career, and a stable income. I'm not sure if that will happen. College starts on Friday. We'll see how things go. I may not be able to handle four years of socialization and group work.

Do try to get accommodations to avoid group work. If not, work around the rigid structure of group work.

I admit: My group is happy they all can slack because I did all the work for them, including presentations. But to self-preserve myself, I usually group myself with those people who don't do group work. Yes, our group is weak, but I know I can't do group work! And you know what, I did get reported for NOT doing any work. So, well, while I do my group-based work, I make it a point to document photos of the work I do...

If our life is all about flipping burgers, then education will work worst for us, because we'll still flip burgers and incur lost of debt. We may even break down, and be in a state worse than flipping burgers. Oh, flipping burgers is not, by itself, a demeaning job. Who made it demeaning? The wage is gives, the dirty and hot environment, they contribute to the unpleasant and undesirable work environment, but we can do them, then just do it, other jobs give worse interpersonal psychological stress that we may not take it!

 

[s4ndm4n2006]

I was never expected to be much of anything and was always the one that lived in the shadow of the god of my family who is my brother. My father always turned his attention from me and even my sisters (2) who got more than me, to him. I still am not expected to be much of anything, and in some ways, I've lived up to that and in other ways I've defied that. I work in a very secure job, and have worked as an IT professional for over 15 years, working my way up from help desk, to web developer without any formal training. To this day my father even said soemthing to the effect of my having an even better job than he ever had, but even then it was sprinkled with his disdain for me and how I should be doing better than him (I have had financial problems all my life). I'm pretty much the black sheep and the odd one of the family. I'm an artist but my father told me for years growing up "that's not a career. do soemthing else". My family acknowledged my giftedness in art, but not in the way that it's a good thing but just "nice that I could draw." nothing like that it was a significant thing, even though it is who I am even to this day.

Sorry for the rambling long post.

 

[Christian T]

Sorry for the rambling long post.

Hah, you're clearly very knew here. Don't worry - we love a good ramble here. But your courtesy is admirable.

Where are you at with your drawing at the moment? Is it still just a hobby, or are you starting to make it a career? Do you want to? Anyway, "that's not a career. do soemthing else" is s statement that many talented artists have blown the substance out of.

Oh, and I really do feel for you about those comparisons with your brother. I despise anything like that. Everyone's different. You're not going to be like you're brother because you're not your brother, and he's not going to be like you because you're you. You're you, and he's him.

It should be pretty straightforward, but NTs can be a bit slow sometimes.

 

[s4ndm4n2006]

Hah, you're clearly very knew here. Don't worry - we love a good ramble here. But your courtesy is admirable.

Where are you at with your drawing at the moment? Is it still just a hobby, or are you starting to make it a career? Do you want to? Anyway, "that's not a career. do soemthing else" is s statement that many talented artists have blown the substance out of.

Oh, and I really do feel for you about those comparisons with your brother. I despise anything like that. Everyone's different. You're not going to be like you're brother because you're not your brother, and he's not going to be like you because you're you. You're you, and he's him.

It should be pretty straightforward, but NTs can be a bit slow sometimes.

Thank you for your response. With my drawing I continue to do it when I can but have been out of it for a few weeks. Been kinda down about stuff and haven't felt like it lately. When I do it its quite an obsession for awhile then I cool down and stop for a bit. I haven't made a career out of it since I have a long term career as a web developer (blah). I can't leave that to pursue art since it's a very lucrative career and i have a family to care for (kids). I continue to be open for freelancing but that's about all I can handle you can see some of my art here: s4ndm4n2006 on deviantART.

Yeah I'm tired of hearing "why can't you be more like so and so?" No one should have to hear that.