Who knows the real you?

[FilterFreq]

It's interesting because we're all sorts of different things to different people. Whether that's roles we play, opinions people hold of us, or anything else imaginable. Even the things we 'fake' are just other sides of ourselves -- maybe less-developed and less-refined, but there's never really a time when you're not you.

Sometimes the only real question is, "Who are we to ourselves?". I like to have as little a narrative as possible in my head so that I can be open to discovering new things about myself and reasonably distanced so that I can handle criticism and the judgements of others a little better. Some call this absent-minded; I call it freedom

 

[Au Naturel]

The only person that I was comfortable enough to be just me without masking was my mom.
That's why I feel alone without her now that she is deceased.
And there are parts of my inner being and thoughts that I wouldn't share even with her.

Everyone else I always reveal only what I think they will like.
Or what I feel they need to know.

I also live my life on a need-to-know basis.

 

[Neri]

By coincidence, I happened to see this, this morning:

"Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth." - Alan Watts (Life magazine (21 April 1961)

I guess we can feel our "selves" here and there with our tongue, but he's right: we cannot bite our own teeth

Synchronistically, or coincidentally, whichever term takes your fancy, I listened to the talk, or one of the talks, that Alan Watts says this quote in, only a few days ago.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I also live my life on a need-to-know basis.

Interesting. That may apply to me also. I hadn’t thought of it that way.

 

[Roisin]

To me, the question is whether a "true self" even exists. It is absurd to look at the self outside of the environment. The environment you live in is part of you. It is constantly changing; therefore, you are, too. You learn new things and every new thing you learn changes you. You reach new conclusions and make different decisions, which changes who you are. You experience trauma, and that clearly changes who you are. Success does as well. Growth in youth and the inevitable decline of aging change who you are.

You are the mask you wear as much as what you are masking. You are everything you have ever experienced or done, and as soon as you experience or do something new, you're different.

A human does not have a fixed identity - unless you are specifically referring to your genetic heritage, and even that can sometimes be pliable. You are who you are at this moment and are subject to being changed by influences both within and beyond your control.

We grow from our environment, continually growing in and responding to it; every interaction or experience changes us. I read your post, pondered it and looked at Tao of Philosophy Archives
Because of my curiosity, I'm not the person I was yesterday or even an hour ago!

 

[Roisin]

I would put it as being comfortable to open up and relax and do whatever you wish in front of others.
I guess some autistics have it more difficult or easier than others. idk

I guess it depends on what holds you back. If it's not safe for you to be you, I can relate to that. There are only a few people I can truly relax around. It took four decades to have this. I was in my mid-30s before I met the first one.

 

[Roisin]

What I should have said, because it would be more accurate, is that I have learned to be grateful of and to treasure all the people I’ve known who were able to see some parts of me.

There is a comfort in being seen at least occasionally for who you are; perhaps it's not possible to have this regularly. I have it now, but all things change, and I know loss is always in the wings.

 

[Roisin]

The only person that I was comfortable enough to be just me without masking was my mom.
That's why I feel alone without her now that she is deceased.
And there are parts of my inner being and thoughts that I wouldn't share even with her.

Everyone else I always reveal only what I think they will like.
Or what I feel they need to know.

Unconditional love and acceptance from a parent are a gift indeed. I didn't really have that; I felt it from my grandparents, though. Their loss took a long time to adjust to.

Most of the 'social' aspect of my life has been spent attempting to influence what others think of me and have some sense of control over how they respond to me. Still, people tended to do and think what they wanted, regardless of anything I attempted, responding as a product of their environment.

 

[Roisin]

It's interesting because we're all sorts of different things to different people. Whether that's roles we play, opinions people hold of us, or anything else imaginable. Even the things we 'fake' are just other sides of ourselves -- maybe less-developed and less-refined, but there's never really a time when you're not you.

Sometimes the only real question is, "Who are we to ourselves?". I like to have as little a narrative as possible in my head so that I can be open to discovering new things about myself and reasonably distanced so that I can handle criticism and the judgements of others a little better. Some call this absent-minded; I call it freedom

I like this FilterFreq; who are we to ourselves?
Questions that spring to mind: Was I present when I had this experience? Is my mind actively connecting with my body? Am I ignoring a signal from it? What does that tell me about myself? How can mind and body even be separate?

 

[Shevek]

"Whenever two people meet, there are six identities present: Each person as they see themselves, each person as they see the other, and each person as they really are."
- Robbie Burns
Burns may have been using his own opinions for the third part. Learning to live without illusions is the work of saints.

 

[Roisin]

@Shevek I understand based on references it was William James who said that, havn't found the original source of that quote, possibly in chapter 10
https://rauterberg.employee.id.tue....James-1890 Principles_of_Psychology_vol_I.pdf
Either way James has some interesting thoughts on the self, thanks.

 

[blue_bird]

Only my immediate family.

 

[Aspychata]

I would like to meet the person who knows me. Then can we sit and chat about ways for improvement. But right l am on my own. Perhaps l don't wish to know myself. I like discovering myself thru the obstacles placed in my way.

Maybe we can take a page from Socrates
https://www.enotes.com/topics/socra...ocrates-explain-the-question-who-am-i-1330470

 

[Alexej]

I also live my life on a need-to-know basis.

Yes I like that way of putting it.
I tend not to share all kinds of stuff about what is happening in my life with folks, even my wife.
Not that I am withholding the info from her, but I don't think she'll be interested.

I regard garrulousness as a bad thing.

 

[Au Naturel]

Yes I like that way of putting it.
I tend not to share all kinds of stuff about what is happening in my life with folks, even my wife.
Not that I am withholding the info from her, but I don't think she'll be interested.

I regard garrulousness as a bad thing.

There are very few things I'd want to keep from my wife, but as time went by, I learned that some things are better left unsaid. I've learned the things she doesn't react well to.